1. Understand

Understand Learner’s Needs Holistically

If you’re concerned about your child’s future, this should shed some optimistic light on the situation.

A former student once said to me, “happy kids learn more better.” I can’t think of a better way to say it. But there are many things that influence “happiness.” After 20+ years of working with students, and extensive experience addressing extraordinarily diverse needs, I’ve learned that there are four key needs that must be addressed holistically in order for a student to be truly happy and successful. When these needs are properly met, students become what I call, “intentional learners,” learners who have the tools to navigate their own education and lives. This is exactly what we want for our kids.

Here I’ll break down this essential framework, so you can help meet the complex needs of the students in your life. Thus, they can be happier and “learn more better.”

Here are the 4 key needs:

Social needs (tools to build healthy relationships)
Emotional needs (tools to work with emotions effectively)
Physical needs (self-care: nutrition, sleep, exercise)
Cognitive needs (tools for learning, thinking, academics, metacognition, etc.)

These four areas literally cover any and every need a student has. I purposely designed this model to make it easier to figure out what directions to go in. In other words, to help determine what actually matters for your child, what’s it going to take to move the needle.

These areas are completely interrelated, they all affect one another. For example, a lack of rest can affect concentration, mood, energy level, etc.. Consequently, when each area is properly addressed, overall happiness and well-being increases, and that is what we’re really looking for. Below I’ll explain each area in detail to help build this framework.

More about the 4 needs

A. Social needs

This is all about intentional relationships rather than mindlessly engaging in old unhealthy patterns. Of course we all do it to an extent, but how do we best help our kids build the healthiest connections possible.

We are social beings with an innate need for connection, belonging, love and acceptance. In order to have a strong sense of social well-being, our children must learn how to navigate relationships intentionally.

Relationship types: As I define it, there are 5 basic types. They are relationships with:

Family
Friends
Acquaintances and the public
Self – self-care, introspection, reflection
Spirit – intuition, our conscience, spiritual connection, listening to the heart, inner voice

Benefits of healthy relationships: We’re looking to help kids have tools to build healthy social relationships. Let’s take a look at some specific benefits we’re aiming towards:

A strong sense of belonging, being a part of, being accepted, connectedness
Healthy communication skills
Feeling supported and supportive
Feeling valued and important
Understanding the importance of service/giving back
Feeling a part of the local community
Greater happiness, better physical health, longer life

Relationship tools: So what are the basic tools kids need for intentionally building healthy relationships? Here’s how I break it down:

Initiating relationships. Knowing how to talk to people, reading social cues, initiating conversation, active listening, respecting boundaries. Building a healthy foundation of respect.
Maintaining healthy relationships. This is where we “build.” It takes work, it can be messy and challenging, but this is where we grow. Dealing with conflict, listening, boundaries, building trust, knowing how and when to be vulnerable, owning responsibility for our mistakes.
Ending unhealthy relationships when necessary. Knowing how to do this with integrity and clarity.

Relationship with self: Learning to understand your needs, your boundaries, how to best take care of yourself, taking time for introspection and reflection, building a balanced life. Relationship with spirit: Spirituality and religion are not the same. This refers to core spiritual concepts like love, compassion, integrity, service. Having a strong relationship with your spirit is all about developing an ability to hear the still, quiet voice. It’s about listening to our intuition, differentiating between our head and heart, acting in good conscience.

B. Emotional needs

School IS an emotional experience. This section is all about intentionally working with emotion. This is critical because our culture has endless opportunities for us to tune out and misuse our emotions. Emotional health involves:

Being consciously aware of the emotions we are experiencing so we can name them.
Body awareness: Learning to feel how and where emotions are taking place in our bodies (many of us tend to lose this as we grow older. In other words, we may not be “in touch” with how our emotions manifest themselves in our bodies. We might be able to say “I’m happy” or “I’m anxious” but we may not recognize the associated cues our bodies are giving us.)
Building a vocabulary to articulate emotions and body awareness.
Tools to work with emotion, to keep them “right sized,” to not get overwhelmed by them yet still honor them.
Learning to become ok with feeling. Letting go of the shame our culture silently associates with emoting so we can be authentic rather than wearing masks.
Tuning-in to the emotions of people we relate with.
Perhaps most importantly, befriending fear. Understanding fear biologically, developing tools to work with it to move through avoidance and resistance, differentiating between healthy and unhealthy fears. Having a healthy relationship with fear empowers us to experience more of the next item…
Gratitude, joy, being present for the good!

Many of us were taught by unconscious teachers through culture, family, schooling. We have often learned unhealthy patterns that don’t serve us or bring out our best, so there’s no blame, just wisdom and enlightenment and a place to go forward from. When kids feel unsafe, anxieties manifest, and learning is weakened. Kids need to feel grounded, safe and stable. They need a level of consistency and predictability. There is tremendous value in a good therapist.

Static: Our bodies are extraordinarily complex organisms, with interdependent systems that are constantly communicating in order to survive and thrive. Unfortunately, modern life creates immense static which interferes with our bodies ability to thrive. Everything from radiation in electronics, to toxins in our air, water and food to blue light waves interrupting our circadian rhythms at night. These interruptions take their toll over the years and corrode our bodies ability to cope and they drain us emotionally. Our western medicine, driven by massive companies, tends more towards the philosophy of “a pill for every ill” rather than taking a holistic look at the situation to determine causes. It is more important than ever that we have a strong awareness of the forms of static and that we create lifestyles which nurture our bodies. It’s best to take proactive and preventative measures.

Fear: More about fear. In all my years of working with kids, working with fear is one of the most important things we can help our kids with. Fear is what holds us back from embracing life fully. We are only born with 2 fears, fear of loud sounds and fear of falling. All other fears are learned. I go into extensive detail with clients when it comes to understanding and working with fear.

C. Physical needs

This category is all about intentional self-care. Eat, move, rest, maintain. That’s what self-care is all about. This is the most straightforward need area:

Eat- What exactly is optimal nutrition for each person and how might it be optimized for different needs of individuals? How can we eat intentionally rather than mindlessly?
Move- What type of exercise do students need? How much? Why?
Sleep- What does a habit of deeply restful sleep look like and why is it so important?
Maintain- this refers to any maintenance self-care habits; brushing teeth, medications, bathing, clean clothes, etc..
Other- I have included the category of “other” to be a catchall for anything else that may be affecting self-care. This includes things like cutting, picking, head banging, other forms of self harm/neglect. Of course these fit into the emotional needs area, since they are responses to stress which need to be dealt with.

Eat: This is all about nutrition. We literally are what we eat. The food we put into our body is used for fuel, so the purity matters. But it can be overwhelming to sift through all the food propaganda to get clarity. I’m not here to tell you how to eat, I am here to tell you that what we feed our kids has a tremendous affect on their learning and health. There is a LOT of misinformation out there. Here some of my most important opinions regarding food:

Spend money on good food. Yes, it’s expensive, but it’s literally what you’re putting into your body for fuel. We are worth good food.
Processed foods: Stay away from processed foods as much as possible. This basically means anything in a package: chips, candy, pop, etc..
Sugar: There are over 50 different names for sugar-it’s hidden in the ingredients and there is extraordinary evidence that it is literally toxic.
Out of sight out of mind. I don’t bring certain foods into my home because if it’s there I will eat it. For me, this includes cereal, pop, ice cream, candy, etc.. I’m not good at just having a bit of ice cream, so if I want it I just go to my favorite ice cream place in Colorado and get it there once in a while.
Eat organic. Avoid pesticides, GMOs, toxins, fungicides, antibiotics, hormones, chemicals, preservatives. It matters.

Move– People need to move. A lot! We have evolved to be moving. Sedentary lifestyles are hurting us. Movement also helps the brain learn and think. Research tells us that exercise plays a huge role in our ability to process information, in memory, mood, focus, and more. Sleep – The key question I ask clients is, on a scale of 1-10, how restful is your sleep? When people aren’t rested, all aspects of life are affected: mood, concentration, learning, decision making, the immune system. We must do everything we can to ensure that our kids are getting proper rest.

D. Cognitive needs

This section is all about brain stuff; Learning, academics, study skills and hacks, metacognition, learning styles, mental processes need to learn, exploration, appropriate challenges, creativity, problem solving, art, beauty. It’s about developing one’s own gifts, interests, passions and talents. Learning is remarkably complex, and struggling students all have very specific needs cognitively. When I work with coaching clients I spend a great deal of time helping them understand how they process information. This tends to explain a lot about the disconnect between the ways schools approach teaching and how different kids process. If you don’t fit in the box, you will likely struggle in the box! Study skills and hacks: Much of what struggling students are taught about study skills is based on misinformation. These kdis need explicit guidance to develop systems that work for teh way they think. Too often they are told how they are supposed to organize with not enough support.

Metacognition:

This is an incredibly important concept. It refers to understanding our own leaning and thinking. It absolutely baffles me that kids aren’t taught about HOW they learn. I think this should be taught in more and more depth year after year starting in the early grades! Here are some of the many helpful concepts I share with my clients: AVK: It’s important to find out if a student is an auditory, visual or kinesthetic learner. Of course everyone is a mixture of all three, but knowing how a someone process information is extremely insightful in terms of explaining where some of the disconnect is in various classes. This information is also extremely useful when considering HOW a student approaches homework. Modifications can be made to help them learn “smarter not harder.” Right brain/left brain: This concept is so misunderstood, yet when you really grasp what it’s all about it’s an invaluable piece of the puzzle. Pretty much all of the students who are referred to me are extremely right brained. They tend to be creative, outside-the-box thinker and learners, big picture, holistic, intuitive, sensitive, visual, daydreamers. And this is good! But schools don’t always value these traits, nor do they cultivate them as strengths. MI Theory: Howard Gardner developed a fantastic model called Multiple Intelligence theory. He claims that there are 8 different intelligences that we can actually locate areas for in the brain. Understanding one’s strengths can help drive how students process so they can get more out of a learning experience. It can also influence how they choose to show their learning (but only when teachers are competent enough to know how to differentiate at this level of course.) The Holy Grail: Executive Function: In all my years, I’ve come to see that there is one thing that ALL struggling students have in common, and that it that they struggle with executive function (EF). I know, it sounds like science mumbo jumbo, and yes, understanding executive function will take some time. But as far as I’m concerned it is THE most important thing parents and teachers need a better understanding of in order to help kids.