“Well if I do it for you I’ll have to do it for everyone”

Please CLICK above to share. Sometimes adults say things to kids that are NOT true, and that causes students to feel worse. We need to remember WHY we are doing what we are doing. We are trying to serve kids, to help them on their path. And each child is different, do they all have different needs. Humans are not “standardized” and the more we work to meet the unique needs of individual kids, the more we empower them to shine.

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Video transcript:

Hello parents and teachers. What’s up with Seth is Seth Perler., and executive function coach at Boulder, Colorado. And I help struggling students never get this thing called education. And today I’m going to go on a little bit of a rant. I’m going to tell you a little bit of a quick story about something that happened to me last week. And don’t worry. I will relate this back to kids and helping students for you and make this relevant. So let me give you the background of the story here. And basically what happened is I went in last week to grab a cup of coffee and the one of the guys that work there said, you know, if you bring in if you bring in your cop we give you a refill for a buck or something like that. I’m like, oh, okay cool. So the next day I brought in the exact same cup I went and I I was going to fill the cup up and I was telling the the person they’re hey, I got this cop. I’m going to get my refill. Can I pay you now? I only I only had like a buck 50 in my pocket or something is supposed to be dollar. So I knew I’d be able to cover the coffee plus the tax and she said well, who did you get that today? I said no. I got it yesterday. She said why you had to have gotten it today. I’d like oh, well, I was told yesterday that I could do this. He didn’t say that I had to bring him back the same day. I went home. I washed it and here’s my cup from yesterday still the same thing. Basically. She said no, it has to be the same day. I’m like, okay. Well, I have like about 50. Can you let it slide today? And she said no, it has to be the same day. Whatever. so anyhow She one of the things that she said that I hear a lot with kids is this and it really irritated me. She said if I did it for you, I’d have to do it for everyone. Now parents and teachers. We human beings live with stories. We live with narratives. We have a story in our had about a thing. And in this case her story was if I did it for you I’d have to do it for everyone and so often that something that teachers or adults will say to kids if I did it for you. I’d have to do it for everyone know that is not the truth. That is not a true story and if you think it through so in this particular situation, I’m a customer I walk out of there without my coffee frustrated confused about the situation and not wanting to go back. So the effect that it’s producing she is not saying to herself. How can I serve this customer? And when adults do this there often. I think themselves, how can I serve the student? And I think that that’s the question we want to be asking so when the student says can I do this the answer to a child a middle school or high school or if we say something like if I did it for you, I’d have to do it for everybody want you to imagine what it feels like to be that kid and hear that statement. That’s one of the things I think that makes kids cynical when they hear stuff like that there like no you don’t and differentiation is a concept in the education world where we really look at the new needs of students. We really perceive ourselves the Adults the Educators. We really precedes ourselves as being of service to the student not the student being of service to us. Okay. We are serving them. We’re trying to give them as much as we can education help their life. So instead of saying something like know if I did it for you. I’d have to do it for everyone which is again, usually not a true story. It is a story. It is a story that we can perpetuate but it is not true does not say this is a unique human being in front of me with different needs than everybody else in the class. I want to support every student and their own uniqueness their own unique needs help them with their own talents and develop their own gift develop their interests and their passions and their strength instead of standardizing everybody and keeping them in the middle of the bell curve. You know and so much of what we do sometimes feels like we’re trying to keep them in the bell curve. Keep you in the Box do what you’re told do what you’re asked follow the directions do everything Total Wine and get all your ducks in a row. You know, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? We’re trying to help these kids develop their best selves so they can have a fantastic life and said that they contribute can contribute to the world. So statements like these just think sometimes adults are just not thinking thinking things through and that’s cool and all except when it affects a kid and it is and it makes them resent school or resent learning or resent the teacher or make them less willing and more resistant. So anyhow, that’s my little rant today. It’s really adults us questioning what we’re saying and the story behind what we’re saying and why we’re saying it. What’s the point? What are we really trying to do here? So with that I hope you are doing well. I hope as school ends. You’re you’re moving into a fantastic summer and that your kid is having a successful school year and that you all are doing well. Take care now.