Students who are labeled as “irresponsible” have executive function challenges. Calling someone irresponsible in order to somehow motivate them, does not work. Instead, it causes shame and more resistance. If we really want to empower these kids, we need to compassionately help them learn strategies. This video explores this issue. If you appreciate my work, please share, comment, and subscribe.
Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
If you parents and teachers have a child that you’re working with who is highly irresponsible and that concerns you this videos for you? What’s up? My name is Seth Seth bro. I’m going to go pick it up on your go to Colorado. I help struggling students navigate this thing called education so that they can have a great life. And if you have a kid who’s responsible then obviously if they do not learn to be responsible that can impact your life. So I want to talk about the most irresponsible person. I know. When I was younger, I used to refer to myself as the most irresponsible person. I knew and I had a lot of Shame around that and I refer to myself as the most irresponsible person a new because I was the most irresponsible person. I knew I got fired from places like subway Walgreens the grocery store a place where we went door-to-door with a bunch of really cool fun. People got fired from that. I got fired from a telemarketing job. The first day I couldn’t get things turned in I couldn’t show up. I couldn’t I would tell people I would do something I couldn’t do it. I felt like the biggest liar in the world. I had a lot of Shame and that in my story was I am the most responsible person. I knew now that time when I was young person I had a very fixed mindset if you haven’t heard of Carol dweck’s work on the word fixed mindset, it means that Thought that the way I was with the way I was and I can’t change it and I’m just this worthless person who’s never going to figure it out and I’m never going to be able to have a good life and I don’t have choices for myself, yet on the outside of it act like I had it all together and get off my back. Leave me alone. I’ve got this, you know, how come nobody trust me type thing. But inside I was like really really felt like I just wasn’t ever going to be able to make anything in my life and I wasn’t cuz that the evidence what was that I didn’t wasn’t able to at that time. So I was a very irresponsible human being and I thought that I was broken. They need to be fixed if there was something wrong with me. So I used to carry that story and one of the things that that story did in a bad way is that enabled me to perpetuate that story. I was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would use which car confirmation bias where I would look for evidence to support the fact that yeah, I really can’t do anything. You have to see there’s another example. Yep. I give up. I’m a failure. I just can’t do it. I was another one of my stories. I’m a failure. I’m a failure. I can’t I’m a failure. so that was who I was I was the most responsible person. I knew. Now if I tell you I’m going to do something. There’s a 95% chance that I’m going to do. What I tell you I’m going to do my word is pretty good. It’s not perfect but pretty good. And if I can’t do it, I’m going to contact you and let you know that I can’t that’s a big change and that took a long time a lot of effort a lot of introspection a lot of stuff working a lot of executive function work to get this so If you have a child who struggles with? being irresponsible what that really means is that I didn’t have tools to be responsible which really means that I didn’t have executive function skills. I didn’t have effective executive function skills when it mattered a lot of times when there’s something that was interesting to me, but I interest I have plenty of executive function, but when it came to large goals and aspect of reaching those goals that was not preferred activities. I did not have the skills overcome my own resistance and to be able to take action to accomplish my goals. I did not have executive function skills skills are built skills are developed skills are not motivation skills is not discipline skills is not making a decision. Oh, I just care enough and I’m just going to try harder and I’ve got the skill. That’s not what a skill is skills are built and developed is like a muscle and I did not have a lot of experience building and developing effective skills. Tools in for execution in my life. So now if you have a child who is experiencing this I would venture to Guess that they like me also beat themselves up even if they act like they got it all together that they feel pretty bad about themselves that they feel pretty hopeless about certain things and that they feel stuck they feel the limiting belief the fixed mindset of feeling stuck like you know why this is just the way I am. I’m never going to be able to do this. So I’m not even going to try this is too hard. I can’t I give up this is stupid and finding every single excuse in the book to resist to push you away to push anybody away threatens that so How do we unstuck ourselves? How did I unstuck myself? How does the young person who is struggling with responsibility or being a responsible? How do they unstuck themselves to make some motion forward first thing is mindset. To believe that I can okay. I can do this not going to be easy, quick. You know, there’s no no magic pill. It’s not fast, but I can do this. I believe I can now my thing about beliefs that’s perception of belief when I’m talking about manifesting or how we set intentions and create things in our life. My thing about belief is this I don’t have to believe what I want to believe a hundred percent of the time but I have to believe it 100% some of the time. So to me believe in mindset is taking some time for young person to learn the skill of thing. Okay in this moment, I 100% believe that I can do this. I can figure this out. I can grow I can accomplish this I can develop through this I can work through this I can build this goes around this and then you know, we’re going to get into imposter syndrome. We’re going to get self-doubt and all that that’s part of the process that’s normal. But part of the time we You Me At adults can go to the other person were working with and be like, hey, I want to help you believe this. Do you believe his believe you can’t you can and what we say matters we impact these gets em, we don’t believe in them that impacts them to hold hate feeling so we got it believe in them. So number one is mine that number two is foundations. Appreciate that in mind that if we’re going to get unstuck with that in mind so that we can get unstuck. Next me at that Foundation skills. You have to have tools Foundation executive function skills of planning and organizing advocacy director of the stuff. I always preach about so we want to get unstuck not we can’t just believe it. Woo. We have to believe it though, and we have to start building skills to implement. Next very simple. We got to practice the skills. We got to maintain we got to sharpen the sword. So, is it really that simple? Yes, if you want to get unstuck or you want to help a kitten get unstuck it is those three things that is what I believe one. We had that the mind that we have to help and how are them to learn and development practice the mindsets they have mine that’s already they’re just negative self-defeating resistance based mindsets. I keep them suck. So we have to help them with Minds that we have to help them with foundations and skills and tools and we have to help him with maintaining knows I’m practicing those and sharpening The Sword and getting better using those mindsets in those skills. Is it really that simple? Yes it is. Is it easy? No, no, no, no, no. No, they will resist that every turn and we get to compassionately and empathetically help them work through resistance learn to understand what’s going on with emotional regulation help them with their sleep there nutrition or exercise other things that affect them but it is not easy, but it is simple Those are the things we need if you need to help them with mindsets, we need to help them the skills. We need to help them to sharpen the sword. Now good thing you five things I did. One thing I did to get unstuck as I had humility. I admitted that I was stuck in that I needed help. Number two thing that I did is I asked for help which is very hard. But once you have a little bit of humility, you know, you need help you can ask me about the next thing after asking for help is I receive the help I can ask you for a cup of water. You can hand it to me. And if I don’t receive it, I don’t have it. I asked you for help. I asked you for water. Where is it? I was right I have to receive it. So I took the help. And next I persisted. I continued I didn’t give up and the next thing I did was I found meaning which often isn’t happening. And what we are asking kids to do. We’re asking them do their homework or read this book or write this paper is often not meaningful a purposeful and that’s a big big big problem. But what I did to get unstuck was one I admitted I needed help to I ask for help 3. I apply the helper. I accepted the help for I persisted and didn’t give up. I had to keep going going going even when I didn’t see any results it took a long time. And then finally I found meaning in what I was trying to do, too, and I’m going to wrap up with this. There’s a mentor that I had his name was red. He was a very very very very old man. He is now passed on a few years back, but he was very very important in my life in this man was a mentor of mine because he took an interest in helping me and he wasn’t just going to tell me what I wanted to hear. He would tell me the truth as he thought even if he was wrong. He was going to tell me the truth no matter how I felt about it. He was going to tell me his truth and that kindness of being blunt and honest with me was so helpful to me. One of the things that he said to me was he said find Value in today? So a lot of our kids aren’t finding value in the work that they have to do and one of the hardest thing for me to do and I think for a lot of our young people to do is to find the value in what they’re doing. There’s plenty of value in the work that they’re doing even if they don’t like the teacher they don’t like the class with a don’t like Content they have to look for it. And I think that was probably have all these things even though the humility was super hard the finding choosing a fine value and say was really hard. So I’m going to wrap that up what I did on sukma top 5 things one humility. I admitted I needed up to I asked for help 3. I took the help for I persist that I didn’t give up. I didn’t just think all I ask for help once and everything should be solved Quick Fix know I persisted I kept going I didn’t give up and V. I found meaning I found value red said to me find Value in today. I had to work to find Value and now I have a life where I find so much value in the work that I do and I love my life and I love when I get to do and I feel like the luckiest person in the world that took work. But any of our students can get there they can do this. There’s no reason any of them can’t do this that we can all do this. We just need the right help in the right support with that. My name is Steph. Where am I? / ler com- on the go to Colorado if you like going to do please share my work with somebody leave a comment below. How do you help students get unstuck? How do you get unstuck yourself Let It Snow. Take care.