HOW to ask about school: “School’s fine, now stop bugging me”
Please CLICK above to share.
Here’s a sort of “micro-MASTERCLASS” for ya.
In this video, I teach parents in-depth about the problems with asking our kids what they have for homework and specifically HOW to ask the right questions in order to get MEANINGFUL answers so you can help.
Here’s the PDF: SethPerlerPlanningquestionseachnight
Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Hey, what’s up, parents? And teachers is the stuff. Farrow. Common today in this blog. I’m going to explain to you some of the questions that I use with my students as I’m trying to help them do their work Sony on my name Seth Perler. You’re probably familiar with my blog. But if you’re not I want you to know that this weekend there’s to post executive function online summer brand new Summit that I created with a bunch of experts from all over the place. If you haven’t if you didn’t know anything about this and you’ve been following my blog while it’s we have today left. It’s amazing check it out go to executive functions summit.com. The link is below and register and get what you can out of it. It’s almost over so dive in but I’m going to talk today parents about a list of questions that I so here’s what here’s the problem parents will say to their child. Hey, what’s up, you know Middle High School College is Waverly middle and high school. Hey, you have any homework in your child will say no. Or hey, how’s everything going in school fine and parents often have these conversations with their kids about homework where the student either is not aware of what’s going on or in the moment. They don’t they can’t recall it and bring it into their mind to give you a meaningful answer at or their resistance you and I’ll give you an answer about the basically saying hey back off mom and dad. I don’t want to talk to you about it. Leave me alone. I’ve got this I want to be treated like an adult even though I’m missing a million homework assignments. So on and so forth. So I’m going to talk about this here because the what happens is that I have students come into my office and after years and years and years of working with students who struggle with executive function have a lot of missing Zane complete slate Works zeros test corrections their failing classes or their grades are dropping after working with so many of the students. I found that There is a set of questions that I always ask now I may not ask all of them all the time. I’m always calibrating. I’m always looking at the kids nervous system into it to see if they have the tolerance for me to ask them certain questions. Obviously if they’re really overwhelmed. I’m not going to ask him all the questions but I need to be able to as a coach working with them as someone who cares about the man wants to help them succeed. I need to be able to get meaningful dialogue with them to get answers meaningful answers to help us know where we need to prioritize our energy and what the student needs to be working on. So these questions are the end-all-be-all and I don’t say that about many things but this is something that really encompasses every question pretty much that I’ve asked and I’ve organized these questions. I’m going to explain it to you in a minute. I’ve organized these questions in a very meaningful way so that you can use Use these questions as parents or teachers a lot of teachers follow my my blog you can use these questions. You can put them on the refrigerator. You can put them in the kids bedroom. You can put them wherever you want, but you can use them as a guide to know you’re asking the right questions. Okay. So basically what we’re trying to do the the one question I don’t ask on here. Meanwhile that I think is important for you to know is I’m not asking for a temperature check or a high low or something where I’m checking just how the kid is doing emotionally. So often times as I’m doing this, I just want to say that that we really need to be attuned to listen carefully parents. We need to be attuned to what’s going on in the emotional life of the child. So there might be something else going on or they might be really tired or exhausted or their their body feels tired or they’ve been eating a lot of sugars are foods that are making them foggy or they’re not sleep. Sing in the rain and fog is so we need to be at tune to other things that are going on as well. So a lot of times they’ll do a temperature check. Hey, how’s it going on a scale 1 to 10 in that might give me insight to get started on those conversations. Just want to say that disclaimer before I start getting into these questions cuz these are very linear concrete questions that in terms of their temperature is more is more abstract and it’s more something you want to dive into in terms of a to Newman and connection in relationship. Now in terms of these questions, I’ve broken into a few different categories. So basically you’re going to say your kiddo. Hey, do you have any homework know are you sure? Yeah. Are you positive? Yeah, leave me alone. Get off my back whatever. However your conversation goes. Do you have any homework? Yeah. I have one thing, you know and you might not know in your head. I bet there’s three things or whatever. But so that’s so we buy what we want as we want meaningful answer. So this is how we get it. So here then The first question I always ask is what is your number one priority? So I have a planning guide. I’m not going to show you tonight. But basically I said my servant. Hey, what’s up, man? How’s it going? How you how you been? Yeah, what’s going on? How’s your day? How’s your week? What’s up with the teachers of it? Really? Okay, cool. What’s your number one priority tonight? And I use a lot of weight time Avenel often times on the answer me. I just stare at them blankly for a moment and give some more spaciousness for them to think about it. This is a very very very very powerful question. Do not underestimate the power of this one question. It is one most on this paper. It’s probably it’s one of the two most important questions asked by the student. Will then say yeah. Well, I have to finish this math thing or I have to read the paper or I have to do an outline or I have to update my planner or I have to reorganize my backpack or I just need to sit for a few minutes. Now that we’re not going to write on their daily plan, but what is the number one most important? Here’s how I pray that what is the number one most important thing you need to do today that if you did at least that one thing you feel good about it. So that’s often a way that I go in more depth with that question. What is my number one priority next I ask about classes. Okay, so I’ll say work for any Japanese homework from your classes and let’s say that the student says no, even if listen parents even if the student says no. I don’t have the homework for any other classes. I still follow up with this questions all day. Hey, Jeremy, anything–for any other classes now Cool Math? No, Debi science. Yeah, I got blah blah blah. So they I’m not tricking them but I’m asking the deeper level. Like I’ll ask these questions about the different classes and often times. It’s it’s giving the spaciousness for them to think and process now. Are they going to have any homework for other classes? Are they just going to go from what’s in there had no, obviously in an Ideal World, they open their planner and they will see all of it or they can look in the online portal in the most Ideal World. They look in their planner and they can answer. Yes that I have this this in this because it’s reliable but we’re working with the kids who start with executive function. So we’re building that reliability of them. So you have any math science and social studies history geography depends on the kid. I’m not going to say all these things Wala or English Germany foreign language Japanese other classes, like sometimes kids might have a tech class or this or that and then I Ask do you have any makeup work? Another very important question. Do you have any makeup work because what’s on the radar as often what’s urgent from the day but they might think oh, yeah, I have this from the other day that I have to do first thing. What’s my number in Paradis then driving to work for classes and then do I have any long-term things I should be working on now. That’s what I call Pepper. Do I have any long-term things I should be working on. Do I have any papers or essays to work on so pepper papers exams projects are reading the papers exams projects are reading. These are long-term things that are not on their radar might be due on Friday might be to the next week might be doing a month. But these are long-term think they should be working for in these cuz you struggle with executive function are the kids on the Sunday night before a giant project is due on a Monday. They come to you at 9 at night and say Mom Dad. I have this giant thing due tomorrow and everybody’s freaking out stressed. So do I have any papers or essays? I should be working on exams test or quiz has those are just that since they should be studying for project. I should be working for or large reading Simon’s books novels are textbooks dense material that they are supposed to be reading they were they really need time to focus and saturate themselves in these things. So often times do I have any homework there? Just thinking this And they’re not thinking this then. It’s a lot of times kids with who I work with it be like hey Mom, Dad. I don’t need to go over to SS office tonight. I’m good. I don’t have any work. I’m sure I don’t but they have other things to do. That’s where it comes here. Should I organize my backpack in my papers update my planner check my portal thoroughly and deal with my inbox. The inbox thing is Big because these kids are often. They they’re subscribe to a million things or email addresses everywhere out there. I like for them to be digital minimalistas y k and then the final question of all when I said, this is the one most important questions with my number one priority. The second most important question is after I’ve gone through this with them is what am I forgetting? What am I forgetting? Great question and when you say what are you forgetting and they pause and they think about it. They are not always but they often will be like, oh, yeah this one thing it’s something about asking that question is really powerful. Anyhow parents and his little Master Class of a video Lesson for you. We’ve been going 10 minutes of fiber. This is so important. I’m going to give you a PDF of this document. Okay that I’ve created over years of asking the same question figuring out the pattern. These are the things you need to look at. Now remember parents. I do not ask every question to every child every night that will that will push them away and that is the opposite of what we want to do. We want to be connecting with them in the tuning to them. Okay. We need to connect to them in a tuna with them incense what’s going on with them and help them? Not it if we do all of this is going to feel micromanaging. It’s going to feel suffocating to them and it’s going to push them away from us and it and we are not going to be able to do what we are trying to do which is be helpful to them cuz I’m going to give you this again. I’m going to review just to pull it all together planning questions for each night as they’re making their plan. What’s your number on priority? You have any homework for your classes Germany things you should be working on that are long-term. Do you have any other things you should be doing that are more executive function organizational type things that deal with your systems. And then what are you forgetting? So again, I have been using these questions for a long time. I put it into a really easy to use for Matt at the beginning of last school year and I’ve been using it ever since and it really is a very solid and reliable mechanism you can use where you know, no stone is unturned. Do not use this every day and do not use the whole thing everyday, but this might be a good thing to do once everyone the week or once every two weeks to tell your kid. Hey, we’re going to do this thing exhaustively once every week or exhaustively once every two weeks until me the parent until I know that you’re really on top of And when you have that confidence that your kids got it like that. They’re at they’re asking themselves these questions. They really get the structure urine and amazing play. So anyhow, again, my name is sephiroth sephora.com. I got a Blog sign up if you want subscribe on the YouTube channel thumbs up at leave a comment if you want tell us what you think about this stuff and what ideas you have or insights you have is a parent in terms of dealing with this if your teacher what what am I leaving out? What it what else should we consider hair? Is there anything that I forgotten? Anyhow, I hope you are having a great day, and I hope you having a great school year, and I hope you’re having a great connection with your child. All right. Take care.