🧠 Parents, Summer Executive Function Teachable Moments

00:02

Hey, what’s up? It’s me, Seth Perler from SethPerler.com. I wear a lot of hats in the executive function, neurodiversity, and ADHD worlds.

Today we’re going to talk about school refusal. In our parent community at Executive Function Lab, a parent asked about this issue. I’m going to share a simple little script that you can use in situations like this, and you can also adapt it to many other situations. You’ll understand how it works as soon as I explain it.

But first, let me explain what the parent asked.
_______________________________
00:34

In the Executive Function Lab parent community, this was the question:

“My son, who’s 17, is struggling to get up and go to school. My child doesn’t know what’s making it hard. He likes the school, and the teacher says he’s fine at school. We’re asking the school for learning support and for executive function skill-building. Do you have any advice?”

I shared several ideas in response—some psychological theory and some of my favorite conversation strategies for times like this. For example, strategies for helping kids gain more agency, how to use reflective listening, the importance of wait time, my pre-conversation strategy, and more.

I went into quite a bit of depth in the Lab. So if you’re interested, you can join and check it out—we go deep there.

But today I’m going to share one of those ideas and give you a simple script you can use.
_______________________________
01:31
Essentially, what you can do is call the school district office. Whoever answers the phone and routes calls for the district will likely direct you to the appropriate department.

When you call, you want to ask one specific question, and it’s framed in a very particular way. I do this intentionally because you need answers, and you need to reach someone who will actually help you.

Now, the school may help this parent—or it may not.

Over the years, I’ve heard from many parents who reached out to the school for support. Sometimes there is documentation saying the school should support the child, but the support still doesn’t happen. There can be a lot of resistance and many hoops to jump through.

It’s really difficult to watch families struggle when their child needs support but can’t get it.

So my goal is simply this: I want you to get the support you need.
_______________________________
02:33
In this situation, you can call the district office and ask the following question:

“Who is the most caring person you can think of who can help with school refusal, social-emotional learning, ADHD, executive function, or advocacy?”

Use whatever words best describe your situation.

What’s important is how the question is framed. You’re asking the person on the phone:

“Who is the most caring person you can think of who can help us with this situation?”
_______________________________
03:13
Why is this question so important?

In large school districts, there are many different departments responsible for different things. When you go through those departments, you often encounter a lot of red tape and bureaucracy.

Thankfully, many teachers are amazing. They are lifesavers and deeply committed to helping kids.

But sometimes the systems themselves are dysfunctional, and navigating them can be very difficult.

Framing your request this way helps cut through some of that bureaucracy.
_______________________________
03:47

When you ask who the most caring person is, the person answering the phone will likely think of someone who truly cares about students and families.

They may route you to that person, even if that person isn’t technically in the “correct” department.

And that’s okay.

The goal is to get someone on the phone who:

•cares about you
•cares about your child
•cares about education
•believes in the education system
•understands neurodiverse kids

That’s the kind of person who can actually help you.
_______________________________
04:17
Once you reach that person, you might start the conversation like this:

“Hey, my name is ___. I asked the district for the most caring person they could think of, and they sent me to you. So thank you for being so caring. I have a question for you.”

Starting the conversation this way helps them understand that you’re looking for someone who will listen and take your situation seriously.

You want to feel heard, seen, and understood. You want to know they care about your child and your situation.
_______________________________
04:47

From there, you can explain your situation in more detail.

Hopefully, you’ll get real answers and gain a clear understanding of your rights. You may also learn what supports are actually available and what the school could be doing to support your child.

The goal is to gain clarity and avoid wasting time trying to figure out where to go next.
_______________________________
05:17

Again, my name is Seth Perler from SethPerler.com.

You can sign up there for updates and free resources—I have lots of free content available.

If you like what I’m doing, please share my work at SethPerler.com or at Executive Function Lab.

I want to wish you peace in your heart, joy in your life, and most importantly connection with the people you care about—especially the kids in your life.

Have a fantastic day.

Feel free to leave a comment below. Do you have any ideas or thoughts about school refusal? Anything you’d like to add to the conversation?

We’d love to hear from you.

Take care.