🧠 “What’s the role of the parents???” Executive Function, ADHD, Neurodivergence, 2e

Yeah, okay—so the question is about the role of the parent.

In my opinion—and of course, I want you to have your own perspective and follow what feels right to you—based on my experience and how I think about education, kids, and life, here’s how I see it.

Let’s zoom out and start big picture.

To me, the purpose of life is to have a great life—a high quality of life. Relationships are the most important thing. And when I look at life, I see it as a blip. We’re here for 60, 70, 80, maybe 100 years—but in the grand scheme, it’s a very short time.

Time is precious.

And it’s very easy to get pulled into the pressures of society, family, culture, and expectations—to live a certain way. But as adults, many of us realize that some of those pressures led us to spend time on things that didn’t truly matter.

We’ve all had moments where we think, “I don’t want my child to go through that.”

And even though education has improved in many ways, there are still systems—and even teachers in “progressive” schools—that don’t fully understand or support certain kids. There can still be shame, misunderstanding, and pressure to conform.

So, what is the role of the parent?

First, it’s to figure out your values.

If you understand that your child has a full life ahead—maybe 100 years—and you want them to have both a great life and a strong relationship with you, then ask yourself:

What really matters to me?

How do I balance school expectations, cultural pressures, and my own conditioning from childhood?

What am I willing to let go of?

For example, you might decide:
“My child might fail this class—and that’s okay. I’ll tell them I love them anyway.”

Or:

“Let’s focus on what matters most and let go of the rest.”

These may sound extreme, but the point is to decide where your boundaries are.

Societal pressure isn’t going away. So you need to know where you stand.

To me, the most important things are:
• The relationship
• Mental health
• Overall well-being
I often say: How do we help kids have a good future while also having a good childhood?

Because one of the biggest problems is this idea that “a good future” means perfect grades, high GPA, and getting into a certain college.

But does that actually lead to a fulfilling life at 30, 40, or 50?

Or does it train kids to stay in a constant grind—without time for relationships, self-care, or mental health?

So question the system. Define your values. Make decisions based on that.

Another important role of the parent is enrichment.

If you look into enrichment models (often discussed in gifted education), the idea is to expand learning beyond what school offers.

Let’s say your child has seven classes, and they only enjoy two of them.

What do you do?

School matters—but not everything that’s measured truly matters, and not everything that matters is measured.

So, focus on enrichment.

If your child loves Legos, guitar, art, soccer, or something else—lean into that. Get them involved. Use books, classes, experiences, or even just exploration at home.

And if they lose interest after two weeks?

That’s okay.

Let them try something else. Exploration is part of the process. Some things will stick, or parts of them will.

School tends to focus on a narrow set of subjects—math, science, language arts—but life is much broader than that.

So don’t rely entirely on school.

Hope the school does a good job. Advocate when needed. But ultimately, take responsibility for creating enriching experiences that help your child discover interests, passions, and purpose.

Another role is supporting executive function development.

In order for your child to pursue their interests and build a life they enjoy, they need executive function skills.

This includes:
• Planning
• Organization
• Time management
• Self-advocacy
They don’t need to be perfect—but they need to be able to say:

“I have a goal, and I know how to move toward it.”

Whether that goal is getting a job, learning a skill, going to college, or starting a project—these skills make it possible.

Executive function is what helps turn goals into reality.

And it’s not something you should rely on the school to teach.

As a parent, your role is to help your child build these skills.

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Another key piece is your relationship dynamic.

Ask yourself:
What is my role as a parent?

Am I above my child? Below them? Or side by side?

I strongly believe in a collaborative model—where you are your child’s coach, partner, and ally.

Not controlling. Not top-down. Not “do as I say.”

Instead, you’re helping them build their life.

You’re supporting who they are—not who you want them to be.

And at the core of all of this is love.

Love your child for exactly who they are.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There will be frustration, conflict, and mistakes. But the key is always coming back to connection.

Even after a conflict, you return and say:
“I’m sorry. We’ll work through this. I love you.”

This creates secure attachment.

If you’re not familiar with attachment theory, it’s worth exploring—but the idea is that your child knows you are their anchor, no matter what.

Finally, your role is to do your own inner work.

As adults, we all carry baggage—habits, patterns, beliefs, and emotional reactions.

The more you work on yourself—through reflection, therapy, learning, or support—the more it benefits your child.

Not just because you tell them what to do—but because you model it.

They feel it.

This also helps you set healthy boundaries, avoid over-parenting, and not fall into patterns like enabling, lecturing, or over-controlling.

For example, when I went to college, I didn’t know how to cook, do laundry, or take care of basic things—because those were done for me.

And yes, I probably would have resisted learning those skills as a kid—but I would have been grateful later.

So part of your role is allowing your child to build independence—even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.

There are many aspects to the role of a parent, but these are some of the most important:
• Clarify your values
• Focus on relationship and mental health
• Create enrichment opportunities
• Build executive function skills
• Parent collaboratively
• Do your own inner work
That’s the foundation.