How to Find an Executive Function or ADHD Coach

Hey, good morning. This is Seth from SethPerler.com. Hope you’re doing well.

I’m going to make a video for you today on a new topic. I received an email from someone asking:

“I had a quick question. Since it appears you’re no longer in Boulder—are you in Santa Monica now? I need an executive skills coach or executive function coach for my child. She is resistant to any help but is starting to realize she needs it as she’s about to start high school. Any recommendations would be appreciated. Keep up the good work.”

So the question is: how do we handle this?

I’ve written down some notes because I get this question a lot. People from all over ask me if I know an executive function coach in their city—Alaska, Florida, everywhere.

So I want to break this down into key ideas about how to find an ADHD or executive function coach in your area.

1. Understanding “resistant child syndrome”

First, I want to address resistance. All kids I work with are resistant in some way.

There are four main reasons kids are resistant to getting help:

Before that, I want to be clear: I cannot help a child who is 100% resistant. It becomes a waste of time, energy, and money—for everyone involved.

So the goal is not to force them into help, but to get the “door cracked open” just enough.

2. The “meet and greet” process

When parents contact me, I usually do a 30-minute meet and greet (often it becomes 45–60 minutes).

This is where I meet both the parents and the child so the child can get comfortable with me.

If a parent says, “What if my child won’t even come?”

Here’s what I always say:

Tell them it’s just five minutes. If after five minutes they hate it, they can leave.

And I mean that.

The child needs to feel emotionally safe. They need to know there is an exit option. Otherwise, they feel trapped.

Many kids think:

• “Something is wrong with me.”

• “I’m going to be fixed.”

• “I’m broken.”

That’s not true—but that’s how it feels to them.

So emotional safety is key.

3. Why kids are resistant

Reason 1: Fear of commitment

They don’t want to commit to something that feels bad or unfamiliar.

Reason 2: Negative past experiences

Many kids have had bad experiences with tutors, therapists, or school programs where they felt:

• stupid

• different

• not good enough

• like they don’t fit in

They don’t want to stand out or feel labeled.

Reason 3: It feels abstract

They don’t know what “help” actually looks like.

That’s why in a meet and greet, I explain:

• what we will do

• how often

• what it feels like

• what the process looks like step by step

I also focus on strengths and give them ownership:

• “What are your goals?”

• “How do you want to improve?”

Reason 4: Lack of clarity

They don’t understand what is actually going to happen.

So they need something concrete and predictable.

4. How to find a coach

Who to ask:

• Educational consultants

• Facebook groups (ADHD, autism, education groups)

• Friends and family

• Doctors

• Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists

• Neuropsychologists (very well connected through testing and referrals)

How to search online:

Use Google searches like:

• ADHD coach + your city

• ADD coach + your city

• executive function coach + your city

• educational therapist + your city

• tutors (some are highly specialized even without the title)

Also consider online coaches, but only if the child is not highly resistant.

Example:

There are also coaches who don’t use traditional titles but are highly effective. What matters is skill, not label.

5. How to interview a coach

The most important factor is rapport.

If your child feels safe, comfortable, and connected to the coach, everything else becomes possible.

If there is no rapport, it likely won’t work.

So always:

• Have your child meet the coach (not just the parent)

• Prefer in-person meet and greet if possible

6. What a good coach should be like

A good coach should:

• build rapport quickly

• be honest if they are not the right fit

• refer you elsewhere if needed

• care more about help than money

7. My approach (example)

I offer:

• school visits

• RTI / 504 / IEP meetings

• communication with teachers

• advocacy training for parents and students

• one-on-one coaching

• group coaching

• parent coaching

I also stay in contact via email, text, and calls when needed.

Some kids need high support; others gradually need less and less.

8. What NOT to do

• Don’t trust a system just because it sounds impressive

• Trust your gut feeling

• Don’t choose based on office appearance or professionalism alone

• Don’t ignore whether your child actually likes the coach

• Don’t choose someone your child hates

• Don’t over-focus on cost alone

9. Cost

Cost varies widely.

Instead of focusing only on price, ask:

“Will this improve my child’s future?”

If yes, it’s often worth it. If not, don’t proceed.

10. Two most important points

1. Rapport is everything

The coach must build a strong relationship with your child and be able to push them just beyond their comfort zone—not too far, but enough for growth.

2. The “five-minute rule”

If your child is resistant, just agree to five minutes.

If they hate it, you leave. But you must keep that promise.

That’s it.

Hope you have an awesome day.