🧠 School Refusal – how to help? (Executive Function, ADHD, Neurodivergence, 2e / Twice Exceptional)

Hey, what’s up? It’s me, Seth Perler from SethPerler.com. I wear a lot of hats in the executive function, neurodiversity, and ADHD worlds, and today we’re going to talk about school refusal.

In our parent community at executivefunctionlab.com, a parent recently asked about this topic. I’m going to share a simple, practical script you can use in situations like this—and you can adapt it to many other situations as well. You’ll see what I mean in a moment.

First, let me explain the parent’s question.

The parent said:
“My son, who is 17, is struggling to get up and go to school. He doesn’t know what’s making it hard. He actually likes the school, and the teacher says he’s fine when he’s there. We’re asking the school for learning support and executive function skill-building. Do you have any advice?”

In the lab, I shared several ideas—some psychology, some theory, and some of my favorite conversation strategies for moments like this.

For example:

* Helping kids build more agency
* Using reflective listening
* Giving wait time
* Using a pre-conversation strategy

We went into a lot of depth there, so if you’re interested, you can join the lab and check it out.

But today, I want to share one specific idea—a simple script you can use.

I’ll describe it here, and you can pause and write it down if you’d like.

What you can do is call your school district. When someone answers and routes calls, you ask one specific question—and it’s framed in a very intentional way.

Here’s the question:

“Who is the most caring person you can think of who can help with school refusal, social-emotional learning, ADHD, executive function, advocacy—or anything related to this situation?”

The way this question is framed is very important.

You’re not asking for a department. You’re not asking for a title. You’re asking for a person—specifically, a caring person.

The reason this works is because school systems often have a lot of bureaucracy. There are many departments, a lot of red tape, and it can be very difficult to figure out where to go.

Many parents have experienced reaching out for support, even when documentation exists, and still not getting the help their child needs. It can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging.

But when you ask, “Who is the most caring person you can think of?” the person answering the phone will think of someone specific—and route you to them.

It doesn’t even matter if they’re in the “correct” department. What matters is that you reach someone who:

* Cares about you
* Cares about your child
* Cares about education
* Understands neurodiverse kids

Once you get that person on the phone, here’s how you can start the conversation:

“Hey, what’s up? My name is [your name]. I asked for the most caring person they could think of, and they sent me to you—so thank you for being so caring. I have a question for you.”

This opening matters.

It helps the person understand that you’re looking to be heard, supported, and taken seriously. It sets the tone for a more human, empathetic conversation.

From there, you can explain your situation and start getting real answers:

* What are your rights?
* What supports are actually available?
* What can the school realistically do to help your child?

This helps you get clarity and avoid wasting time trying to navigate the system.

My name is Seth Perler from SethPerler.com.

You can sign up there for updates, freebies, and lots of free content. If you find this helpful, please share my work—at SethPerler.com or executivefunctionlab.com.

I want to wish you peace in your heart, joy in your life, and—most importantly—connection with the people you care about, especially the kids in your life.

Have a fantastic day.

And feel free to leave a comment below—do you have any ideas or thoughts about school refusal? Anything you’d like to add to the conversation?

Take care.