Junior says, “I’m no longer satisfied with “not being smart enough””

I’ve received an incredible email from a student that contains a lot of courage and vulnerability.

I got this email from Ayla, a junior in high school. She wrote:

> “I’ve struggled in school since before I can even remember. Now, going into my senior year, I still have so many unanswered questions. How was it that I was able to teach myself to be proficient in three different instruments, but I have trouble utilizing basic math skills?

> I was tested for a learning disability in seventh grade. The test results clearly showed that my difficulties consist of issues with executive functioning, basic math skills, and processing ability. However, my comprehension skills were in the 90th percentile (I’m not sure of the exact number).

> I approached the person who tested me with the idea that I might fall under the 2e category, and she told me that my comprehension skills would have placed me into that category, but I missed it by a few points. Is it worth getting retested?

> I’m no longer satisfied with being told I’m not smart enough. I can give you additional reasons why I believe I’m 2e—I mapped it all out in a notebook.”

Thank you, Ayla.

That took a lot of guts. Not many students write to me, and the fact that you did says a lot about who you are. You’re thoughtful, reflective, and brave enough to ask difficult questions about yourself and your future.

The fact that you’re asking these questions at your age tells me something important: you’re a deep thinker. You’re someone who genuinely wants to understand yourself and make sense of your experiences. That’s a rare quality.

You asked how you could teach yourself three instruments but still struggle with basic math skills.

There are many possible explanations.

One possibility is that something happened earlier in your math education that created stress, anxiety, or even trauma around math. Sometimes a negative experience with a teacher, a classmate, or repeated frustration can create gaps in learning that continue for years.

Another possibility is dyscalculia, a legitimate math-related learning disability that many people have without realizing it.

You also mentioned processing difficulties. Processing speed and attention are closely connected. If a teacher is moving faster than you’re able to process information, especially when you’re already stressed, it can create significant learning gaps over time.

I also work with students who understand math concepts very well but struggle with calculation. Sometimes the issue isn’t understanding—it’s working memory. They know what to do, but they have trouble holding multiple pieces of information in their minds at the same time.

A common example happens in middle school. Students become accustomed to doing math in their heads, and then teachers start requiring them to show their work. The problems become too complex to manage mentally, but students resist writing things down. Eventually they begin to believe they’re “bad at math,” when in reality they simply need a different strategy.

There are many reasons you might be struggling with math. I don’t know enough about your situation to know which ones apply, but these are possibilities worth considering.

You also mentioned that your testing showed difficulties with executive functioning, basic math skills, and processing ability, while your comprehension skills were extremely high.

Whether you’re officially classified as 2e or not, the label itself is less important than understanding the discrepancy between your strengths and challenges.

When someone is exceptionally strong in one area and significantly weaker in another, it creates confusion for everyone around them.

Parents and teachers often say things like:

> “We know you can do it.”

> “We know you’re smart.”

> “You’re capable of more.”

They’re usually well-meaning. They’re not trying to hurt you.

But when they can’t understand the discrepancy, they often begin making incorrect assumptions. They may conclude that you’re lazy, not trying hard enough, not doing your best, or simply don’t care.

Those messages can be deeply shaming because they fail to consider what’s actually happening in your brain.

Over time, those messages can become part of your own internal story.

When you asked whether it’s worth getting retested, my first question is: Why?

What would retesting give you?

Would it provide access to services, accommodations, support, or greater understanding? Maybe. Maybe not.

If there is a clear benefit, then it may be worth considering.

But regardless of labels, one of the most important things you can do during your senior year is learn how to advocate for yourself.

Connect with your teachers.

Help them understand how you learn.

Tell them when something isn’t working.

You might say:

> “I’m trying. I want to succeed. I want to learn. But this approach isn’t working for me. Can we find a better way?”

Self-advocacy is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.

I also want to talk about something else you said:

> “I’m no longer satisfied with being told I’m not smart enough.”

That statement matters.

There are two kinds of validation: external validation and internal validation.

External validation comes from other people. It’s when someone tells you that you’re smart enough, good enough, talented enough, or worthy enough.

Internal validation comes from you.

It’s when you say:

> “I know who I am.”

> “I know what I’m capable of.”

> “I know my strengths.”

> “I know my value.”

Of course, we don’t want to become arrogant or dismissive of feedback. That’s not the goal.

The goal is to develop confidence that isn’t entirely dependent on what other people think.

Because there will be many times in life when your strengths aren’t recognized immediately.

There will be times when systems fail to see you clearly.

During those moments, your internal validation becomes incredibly important.

Strengthen that muscle.

Learn to listen to your own voice.

Trust yourself.

Now I want to talk about a few bigger ideas that I think will help you.

First: What do you want?

Not what your parents want.

Not what teachers want.

Not what colleges want.

What do you want?

What does happiness mean to you?

What does success mean to you?

What kind of life do you want to create?

Those answers may change over time, and that’s okay.

Start exploring them.

Journal about them.

Reflect on them.

Second: This phase of your life is about exploration.

Forget perfection.

Forget appearances.

Forget building the perfect résumé.

You’re at a stage where you’re supposed to explore.

Explore interests.

Explore careers.

Explore ideas.

Explore creativity.

Explore people.

Explore who you are.

Life is like a giant museum, and right now you get to wander through it and discover what fascinates you.

That’s one reason I’m a fan of gap years when they’re used intentionally. Many students benefit from having additional time to explore and gain clarity before rushing into the next phase of life.

Third: Focus on learning, not grades.

Ask yourself:

> What can I learn this year?

What can you learn about yourself?

About psychology?

About creativity?

About relationships?

About the subjects that interest you?

When learning becomes the goal, many of the other things tend to improve naturally.

Fourth: Figure out what matters to you.

What do you care about?

Animals?

Music?

Art?

Science?

The environment?

Helping people?

What problems do you want to solve?

What changes do you want to make in the world?

You don’t have to grow up and simply get a job.

You can become a creator.

A problem-solver.

A change-maker.

An innovator.

You can build a life around the things that genuinely matter to you.

Fifth: Why education?

The purpose of education isn’t simply to get grades.

Education should help launch you into a meaningful future.

It should give you tools.

It should help you build a life.

So when you’re sitting in class, ask yourself:

> How is this helping me build my future?

Approach learning as something you’re doing for yourself—not for approval, validation, or appearances.

Personally, I also believe that one of the greatest sources of fulfillment comes from service.

Not just making money.

Not just achieving success.

But contributing something meaningful to other people’s lives.

That’s where much of life’s joy comes from.

Sixth: Develop your metacognition.

Develop self-awareness.

Develop introspection.

Develop mindfulness.

Learn how your mind works.

Learn how you think.

Learn how you feel.

Learn what motivates you.

Learn what drains you.

The better you understand yourself, the better decisions you’ll make.

The more mindful you become, the higher the quality of your life tends to be.

And finally, Ayla, I want to tell you something.

You’ve got guts.

People don’t usually send emails like this.

The questions you’re asking aren’t typical.

The level of self-reflection you’re demonstrating isn’t typical.

You care deeply.

You think deeply.

You have humility because you’re willing to ask for help.

You have curiosity because you’re trying to understand yourself.

And those qualities matter.

The world needs people who ask these kinds of questions.

The world needs people who care.

The world needs people who are willing to grow.

I believe you’re capable of doing meaningful things with your life.

One final thought.

After all of this seriousness, all of this self-reflection, all of these big questions…

Play.

Smile.

Laugh.

Have fun.

Don’t carry life like a heavy backpack.

Wear it like a loose jacket.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Take a deep breath.

Enjoy today.

Appreciate the people around you.

Notice what’s good.

Practice gratitude.

Let yourself experience joy.

You only get this moment once.

So go play.

Go smile.

Go laugh.

And have a wonderful day.