is your 2e kid a GREY AREA kid?

Hey, what’s up everybody?

This is Seth Perler, an executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado.

In this video, I’m going to talk about something I’ve seen happen over and over again with parents, schools, and kids who are struggling.

Here’s how it usually goes:

Parents are trying to get accommodations for their child. They know their child is struggling, but the child is what I call a “child in the gray zone.”

Let me read you an email so you understand what I mean.

A mom named Beth wrote:

“Hey Seth, I heard about you on the Tilt Parenting podcast. My son is in sixth grade and is having so much trouble with organization. He has ADHD, high anxiety, and is highly sensitive as well. But the school will not grant him a 504 because he is ‘too smart.’ His grades are slipping from A’s to B’s and B’s to C’s because of many missing and late assignments. Looking forward to perusing your stuff. Thanks in advance.”

This is a classic example of a child in the gray area.

The school is saying he’s “too smart,” meaning they don’t believe he qualifies for support or accommodations.

Schools often have many hoops to jump through before a child can receive formal help. This can be very frustrating for families.

In this case, we have a parent saying, “I know my kid needs help—please help us,” and the school responding, “We can’t, because of rules, red tape, or eligibility criteria.”

So what do you do?

There are many variations of this situation. Sometimes disabilities mask gifts. Sometimes gifts mask disabilities. This is often seen in twice-exceptional (2e) students and asynchronous development.

Either way, children in the gray zone often have difficulties that are not clearly visible on paper, but are very real in daily life.

In this case, it’s clear the child needs help with executive function.

What often happens next is concerning.

This child is in sixth grade, and over time—especially in middle and high school—teachers and society may begin sending messages like:

“You’re not motivated.”

“You just need to try harder.”

“You need to be more disciplined.”

“You need to work harder.”

But these messages fail to recognize the real issue: legitimate executive function challenges.

These kids are not lazy. They are often working very hard, but without the right systems and supports.

They are not naturally picking up organizational and planning systems the way some other students do.

As a result, they may feel defeated, misunderstood, and exhausted. They may start thinking, “Why even try?”

This is something I see very often.

Now, since it’s the beginning of the school year, here is my advice if you have a child in this gray zone and do not yet have formal services:

First, be a strong advocate for your child. Keep advocating. Speak with teachers, school counselors, and administrators. Don’t stop.

Second, be proactive in communication with teachers.

At the beginning of the school year, email your child’s teachers. Let them know what’s going on and how they can help.

Most teachers genuinely want to support students. They became teachers to help kids. However, they may not fully understand executive function or what is happening beneath the surface—the “iceberg below the waterline.”

When emailing teachers, keep it short, clear, and structured.

Do not write long paragraphs. Teachers are extremely busy and receive many emails.

Assume positive intent. Work as a team.

You might say something like:

“Hi, thank you so much for all you do. We’re excited for you to be our child’s teacher this year. I wanted to share a few things about my child that may help you support them better.”

Then briefly explain that your child struggles with executive function, meaning they may have difficulty with organization, working memory, task initiation, or follow-through.

If possible, include a link to a short article or video explaining executive function.

Then provide three simple, actionable ways the teacher can help, such as:

• Providing clear instructions or notes in advance

• Posting assignments and updates consistently and on time

• Being very clear and detailed when sharing online homework or materials

Frame everything as teamwork: “Here are ways we can work together to support my child.”

You can also ask for a simple confirmation reply, such as:

“Just let me know you received this.”

Keep expectations realistic—teachers are very busy, especially in middle and high school where they may have 50 to 100+ students.

Be patient and understanding of their workload and time constraints.

Finally, you can resend a short reminder email every couple of weeks. When doing so, simply say:

“I’m resending this in case it got buried. I know how busy things are, and I really appreciate your support.”

The goal is not to overwhelm teachers, but to stay gently consistent and collaborative.

At the end of the day, the goal is to make sure your child gets the support they need, even if they are in a gray area without formal documentation.

Thanks for watching. My name is Seth Perler, an executive function coach based in Boulder, Colorado. I help struggling students navigate school and learning.

Take care.