ASU: Ask Us Anything sesh with Debbie Reber, TiLT Parenting

I’m going to start streaming it now, and this will live in the “Together” group as well, so people can come back and watch it if they missed it.

First of all, welcome to this Facebook Live. Seth and I talk pretty regularly, and we’ve been noticing a lot of energy around summer—the looming summer—and even beyond that. There’s a lot of conversation about what that’s going to look like, so we said: let’s jump on a Facebook Live to answer questions and see what’s going on with people, and if there’s any way we can support you.

I’m going to introduce myself and Seth for people who are new to either of us. I know we had a lot of people just join the group. While I’m doing that, for viewers, if you have a question, feel free to put it in the chat on Facebook. I’m going to try to monitor that as well.

My name is Debbie Reber. I’m the founder of Tilt Parenting. I run the Tilt Parenting podcast and am the author of a book called Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. “Differently wired” is the terminology I use for kids who are in any way neurologically atypical.

This is the “Tilt Together” community. If you’re new here, this is really just a space for parents who share Tilt’s philosophy of optimism and positivity, and who don’t see our kids as broken or needing to be fixed. Instead, we focus on how we can really see who they are and support them in being the best they can be, while also supporting ourselves as parents.

Seth, would you like me to introduce you, or would you like to introduce yourself?

I’ll do it, and you can fill in the blanks. My name is Seth. I’m an executive function coach, and I have a site called Self Role (or .com), where I put out content every week for parents and teachers who have students who struggle with executive function—getting things done.

A lot of our differently wired students struggle with homework, grades, using planners, getting organized, time management, stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. I specialize in helping kids who struggle with these types of things.

Debbie and I have done a lot of aligned work, whether we’re working together or not. We’re on the same page about the bottom line: what our kids need and how we help families get them what they need.

Hi everybody. Yes, Seth is my go-to for all things executive functioning. We’ve also become kind of partners in crime because we both feel so passionate about serving this community, and we’re never short of ideas—we can create a lot more work for ourselves pretty quickly.

Anyway, thanks for doing this. Let’s just jump in because it’s Friday. I know we all have big plans—restaurants, clubs—but I actually see there’s already a question here that we should dive into. It’s a really good one and very relevant.

Before we begin, feel free to put your questions in the chat. Feel free to tell us who you are, how old your child is, where you’re located, and any relevant information so the community understands you are not alone—there are so many people going through the same things.

So thank you for that, Seth.

The question is: How do I keep my son social? He struggles socially over the summer, especially if everyone is still social distancing.

This is something I know is a concern for many of us. I actually just made a plan to see a friend here whose teenage son is the same age as my son, and it will be the first time my 15-year-old has seen a friend in real life in three months. I’m really excited for what that will look like.

But I think we have to recognize that social life and social learning look very different right now. If there are camps moving online, there are actually more opportunities happening in different formats. There’s even a camp we’re considering that we wouldn’t have chosen if it were in-person, but now that it’s online, it has small group work, which means he’ll communicate with the same group of kids every day for a couple of weeks.

So I think we can get creative, and we can also redefine what being social means. Many of us are worried about this time because it looks so different, especially for kids with lagging skills. But Zoom, one-to-one meetings, meeting at a park, going on a hike together while keeping distance and wearing masks—those are all options.

We’re doing that tomorrow: going on a socially distanced walk in a cemetery here in Brooklyn, which is a big green space. We need greenery.

So those are some of the things I’m doing, and I think this can also be an opportunity for kids who struggle socially to explore relationships in a safer, smaller-scale way.

What do you think, Seth?

I’m taking notes so I can keep track of my thoughts.

First, when I think about social connection right now, safety is above all. But it’s important to get the facts for your family about what safety means and discuss that openly before situations happen.

I’m big on visuals—maybe make a list of the top three to ten values or safety rules as a family and put them on the fridge. Things like masks, distancing, and so on.

Another thing is nervous system awareness and boundaries. I notice my own nervous system is craving social connection, but I also need to stay regulated. The same applies to kids.

Pay attention to their body language—shoulders, tension, stress signals. This is a good time to learn how their bodies communicate stress so they can make better decisions.

Boundaries matter too. We’re all in each other’s spaces right now, but when kids start meeting friends again, it’s a good opportunity for them to understand their boundaries and notice what feels okay.

Resilience is another key point. This is a hard time, but humans are resilient. Kids don’t need a huge number of friends—they can ease back into connection gradually.

It’s also a good time to teach social thinking: what friendship means, how to read body language, how to have conversations, how to listen, and how to hold space for others.

Ask kids what they want their social life to look like. Be curious. Introverts and extroverts will have very different answers.

And finally, it’s okay for things to be messy. Conflict is normal. The question is how we respond—whether we use it for growth or shame. Also notice whether you are rescuing or supporting.

Debbie adds that many schools are moving social opportunities online, but kids may resist. One helpful phrase is: “Would you be willing to try this?” instead of “You should try this.” It gives kids more control and openness.

Seth agrees and adds that resistance often comes from nervous system overwhelm. So we want to make things easier to say yes to by chunking them down.

For example: “Would you try it for 5, 10, or 15 minutes?” This creates a low-pressure entry point.

Debbie adds that it’s helpful to reassure kids they can stop after a short time if they don’t like it.

Seth continues that predictability and structure help, especially for kids with executive function challenges. Visual schedules, timers, and clear routines are very helpful.

Schedules should include movement, sleep, nutrition, connection time, creativity, unstructured time, and academic work—but also flexibility.

Plans don’t have to be perfectly followed. The goal is structure, not rigidity.

Debbie shares a homeschooling example using a flexible foam board schedule where kids could choose and rearrange their day, with options like a “mental health break” card.

They also discuss summer transitions and the importance of rest and decompression after school ends. Kids may need time with no structure before new routines begin.

Seth emphasizes that kids often know what they need, especially rest and recovery, and that this is a stressful time requiring emotional processing.

They then answer a question about structuring summer for a 12-year-old with executive function struggles. Debbie suggests co-creating the schedule, using themes like “baking week” or “nature week,” and prioritizing emotional well-being over productivity.

Seth adds that “less is more.” Not everything valuable is measurable. Rest days may look unproductive but are actually essential for emotional regulation.

They recommend visual schedules, timers, and giving children ownership of their time, while still maintaining parental boundaries.

Schedules should include movement, sleep, nutrition, connection, creativity, and academics—but remain flexible.

Seth also emphasizes that planning matters less than adapting. The goal is intention, not perfection.

Debbie shares a visual homeschooling system using Velcro cards that allowed flexibility and choice.

Finally, they discuss exercise resistance. Debbie explains that they try to build awareness by helping children notice how they feel after movement, like walking.

Seth explains that exercise should be linked to ownership and preference. If kids resist, start with what they already enjoy and build from there.

Climbing, I don’t like baseball or football or whatever. So the things that they like to do don’t have to be going to the gym. There weren’t gyms a hundred years ago and throughout most of human history, and people were very healthy because they were moving. So there are lots of ways for them to do what they like to do.

Now I know some of you watching are thinking, “Well, my kid doesn’t like to do anything. They just want to be on Minecraft all day long.” Yes, that’s something you have to contend with.

Another thing is, if they don’t want to listen to you, don’t have them listen to you. Watch YouTube videos with them. Have them listen to podcasts about fitness and exercise from people who are fun, interesting, weird, and entertaining.

Bring in people they will actually listen to—family members, friends of the family, or others who are into that stuff. Remove yourself from the conversation. Step out of the room, off the phone, off the call. Talk to that person before your kid gets on, and don’t sabotage it. Ask them to speak in a fun way about fitness and exercise.

But you have to get buy-in and ownership. If you can’t get it directly, use other methods. Be creative.

And then, I guess the last thing that comes to mind is this: when I’m working with students on something like planners that they hate, I’m not trying to get into logic and reasoning all the time. Parents often try to convince their kids by saying, “You’re going to feel so much better,” and lecturing them. But they already know that—they’ve heard it a million times, and it’s not landing.

So I’m not trying to convince them that their life will be better with a planner. I might mention it once or twice, but more importantly, I focus on action. I might say, “Would you be willing to walk the dog with me for five minutes?” or “Would you be willing to go for a walk at sunset for five minutes after dinner?” or “Would you be willing to do a five-minute workout video?”

It has to be an easy yes. Then you build from there. Parents often think, “I know they need X, Y, and Z,” but we have to back way up first. Once there’s buy-in, then we can ramp things up. It takes patience and persistence.

If you have a child who is more tuned into you—because we’re all in close quarters right now—you might say, “I really need a walk. Would you go with me? I need to clear my head.” Sometimes framing it as helping you can get buy-in.

Someone also mentioned creating an obstacle course and competing with their kids—that’s great if you have a competitive child. It doesn’t work for everyone, but for some kids it’s very motivating.

Now I want to spend a few minutes talking about screen time. This is something so many parents struggle with, especially right now when kids are at home, school is online, and social life is online.

It’s tricky, especially for kids who hyperfocus or are drawn to technology. What I would suggest is thinking in terms of guidelines rather than strict rules.

For a long time, I used strict limits like “three hours a day,” but it created too much conflict in our family. So instead, we started creating guidelines together. For example: after dinner, we don’t do screens. Or we need to do certain things before screen time. This was developed over time through family discussions.

It became collaborative, and that reduced conflict a lot. It’s always evolving, but it helped us create a healthier relationship with technology.

If strict structure works in your family, especially with younger kids, it’s okay to use it. Some families have very clear rules like “phones after breakfast” or “no devices after 7 p.m.” If it works, use it.

But buy-in and ownership are still key. If there’s constant conflict, the issue is often deeper than just screen time—it’s about the relationship and connection.

And again, modeling matters. Kids watch what we do far more than what we say. So if we expect them to have boundaries with technology, we need to show that ourselves.

You can also build in connection time without screens: game time, movie time, outdoor time, reading time, talking time. These years go by very fast, so prioritize connection.

I love the idea of tech sabbaths—taking a day or evening without devices. Even during meals, I try to turn my phone off so I can be present. Meals without tech can be very powerful for connection.

Finally, I want to emphasize that buy-in and ownership are important even with younger kids. It’s never too early to start involving children in decisions. The earlier you do, the better.

In a secure relationship, a child feels heard, seen, and understood. They feel like you get them. That’s what builds trust and attachment.

We want to let kids think, make mistakes, and learn from experience in safe ways. Often, they come back later and say, “Actually, I think I want to do it differently,” which builds self-trust.

One helpful phrase from The Self-Driven Child is: “I trust you to make your own decisions and learn from your mistakes.”

And yes—modeling is crucial. If we expect kids to behave a certain way, we need to show that behavior ourselves. Kids can also easily bypass restrictions, so collaboration works better than control.

When setting boundaries, slow down. Have real conversations. Don’t rush them. Hold space for your child’s perspective.

I also believe in “tech sundowns” and structured disconnection times. Personally, I turn off my phone at night to avoid temptation and be more present.

Now, on sleep: one parent asked about a 15-year-old who wants to sleep very late in the summer.

Teenagers naturally have shifted circadian rhythms. Their melatonin is released later, so they naturally want to go to bed later and wake up later. This is biologically normal.

Trying to force early sleep often becomes a losing battle. A better approach may be allowing a later schedule during summer, as long as responsibilities are still met, and then gradually shifting back before school starts.

It can also help to involve the teen in planning the transition—like a step-down schedule moving bedtime earlier over time. This builds ownership and long-term skills.

Sleep environment also matters: reduce blue light, improve darkness, remove devices from the bedroom, and create a calming routine.

Ultimately, summer can be a good time for teens to experiment, learn self-regulation, and understand their own needs.

We also need to consider factors like stress, anxiety, caffeine, and mental health when sleep is disrupted.

Finally, remember: education doesn’t only happen in school. Learning can happen through reading, experiences, hobbies, creativity, and real-life exploration.

What matters most is that kids are engaged, growing, and curious—not just checking boxes.