Does your child get STUCK?

Our topic for today is what to do if your child gets stuck.

If you’ve been following my channel, if you’re subscribed, or if you’re subscribed to my blog, you’ll notice that I’m in a new studio. I have officially moved back from Santa Monica to Boulder, Colorado—my old home. I’m very glad to be here. It’s incredible being back in this great town, so I’m super excited.

Today, I’m giving you the first vlog video from my new studio, and we’re going to talk about a really important concept that can help you help your child get unstuck.

Let me explain what I mean by “stuck.”

When your child gets stuck, they may procrastinate. They can appear unmotivated or undisciplined. It can be very difficult to get them started on something. This can be anything from homework to getting out the door in the morning, doing chores, or handling other responsibilities.

Non-preferred activities are often the things they get stuck on. Another word for “stuckness” is resistance. They don’t feel like starting. They’re immobilized and can’t get moving.

What you really have to understand is that this is an emotional issue.

This resistance isn’t just happening in your child’s mind. They’re not simply being resistant or defiant. They are having an emotional reaction. They feel overwhelmed by the task they have to do. It may not be fun, or it may feel like too much work. I’ll explain that in a moment.

Parents, teachers, and even adults like you and me experience the same thing. We all get stuck. We all become resistant. We go through the exact same process.

What I’m about to explain can help you as well.

I’m going to give you two ways to help someone get unstuck.

For many of these kids, this is an executive function issue. They have to process the tasks they need to complete, and that mental processing becomes overwhelming. That’s what creates the stuckness.

There are two big ideas I want to discuss: abstraction and concreteness.

When something is abstract, it feels big and uncomfortable.

For example, when you tell your child, “You need to do your homework” or “You need to clean your room,” that’s abstract. Unless your child is already highly organized and can mentally visualize all the steps needed to complete the task, it feels overwhelming.

Things that feel abstract are emotionally uncomfortable. We naturally resist them. We don’t want to do things that feel vague, large, or intimidating.

To help your child get unstuck, you need to move from abstract to concrete.

How do you take something that feels overwhelming and turn it into something your child can imagine themselves doing? How do you make it manageable enough for them to start?

The answer is simple: chunking.

Tasks need to be broken into bite-sized pieces.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

These old sayings exist for a reason because there’s a lot of truth in them.

There are two ways to chunk tasks: by time and by task.

When I teach students how to plan, I often find that students with executive function challenges haven’t learned how to plan effectively. Planning itself is part of executive functioning.

As a result, they perceive a task as one giant abstract challenge.

They need to learn how to break tasks into smaller pieces. That’s what planning is. It allows them to focus on the first step instead of the entire journey.

By chunking tasks, you reduce emotional overwhelm.

So what does chunking by time mean?

Let’s use homework or chores as examples.

If a student feels overwhelmed by a homework assignment or a chore, you can introduce a timer.

Parents, these little $10 timers are one of the best investments you’ll ever make. Many parents resist buying them, and I don’t know why.

You can say, “I understand that you’re overwhelmed. I understand that you don’t feel like doing this. Can you clean your room for five minutes?”

Maybe your child can only handle one minute. Maybe three minutes. Maybe ten.

The exact amount doesn’t matter.

What matters is reducing the emotional overwhelm and making the task feel manageable.

Once they start, they often discover that they can keep going. Just getting started creates momentum.

They may not finish the entire task, and task completion is a separate issue. But if your goal is to get them unstuck, momentum is what you’re looking for.

Always reward even the smallest success.

If they cleaned for one minute, celebrate that. Build on it. One minute is still better than doing nothing.

Now let’s talk about chunking by task.

Suppose a student has a math assignment with twenty problems. Looking at all twenty may feel overwhelming.

Instead, ask:

“Can you do one problem?”

“Can you do three?”

“Can you do five?”

“Can you complete half the sheet?”

“Can you finish just the front side?”

The goal is to reduce the size of the task until it feels manageable.

Sometimes you’ll chunk by time. Sometimes you’ll chunk by task. Sometimes you’ll use both.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say I’m working with a student who struggles with writing, and we’re trying to complete a five-paragraph essay.

I might ask:

“Can you write the whole essay?”

“No.”

“Can you write one paragraph?”

“No.”

“Can you write one sentence?”

“No.”

“Can you write one word?”

“No.”

“Can you write one letter?”

“No.”

“Can you make one dot on the page?”

“Yes.”

Obviously, that’s an absurd example, but it illustrates the point.

The goal is to reduce the overwhelm until the student can imagine themselves starting.

Again, this is an emotional issue.

I need to get them emotionally comfortable with the task. I need to break the task into smaller chunks of time or smaller chunks of work until it becomes manageable.

That’s really the key idea for this video.

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If you enjoy my content, please share this video with someone who might benefit from it. You can also share my blog, SethPerler.com, and subscribe there to receive updates and tips for helping children who struggle with executive function.

Finally, leave a comment below and tell me what you think.

What works for helping your child get unstuck?

What does your child get stuck on?

How can I help you even more?

I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, and I’ll see you soon.

Take care.