Is College Even Right?

Hey, what’s up, parents?

Today I’m going to talk a little bit about college planning, but with a slightly different perspective.

I received an email that says:

“Hey Seth, I subscribed to your blog this past spring. Thank you for your passion and for adding your voice to an audience of parents and educators.

I’m a Denver parent of a 16-year-old 2e (twice-exceptional) boy. I was able to recognize this because my oldest child is gifted, and I had already been through the training process with my older child.

I fought for an IEP in middle school and have been my son’s tenacious champion ever since he was evaluated by a colleague of yours, Marlo Thurmond.

At this stage in my daughter’s high school career, we’re deep into college planning, testing, and preparation. She’s attending a highly selective college, doing very well, and is happy.

My son Kyle is now in his junior year of high school. He spends half of his day at a technical college studying cybersecurity and the other half at his high school, mostly going through the motions in his core classes.

I’m not convinced that even the leaders of his alternative high school program are good counselors for his future.

Can you offer some thoughts on counseling, post-high school planning, gap years, and practical work pathways?”

First of all, thank you, Kim, for your email.

One thing I always tell parents is this:

If your gut is telling you something, you should probably pay attention to it.

You’re often right.

That doesn’t mean you immediately act on every feeling, but it does mean you should investigate further and get to the bottom of what’s bothering you.

The purpose of education, as I see it, is to help launch a great future.

We raise our children so they can eventually launch into adulthood.

If a school, counselor, program, or educational pathway isn’t serving as an effective launching pad, and your instincts are telling you something isn’t right, then listen to that.

Do what you need to do to make sure your child gets what they need.

And based on your email, it sounds like you’re already doing that.

You described yourself as your son’s “tenacious champion,” and I love that phrase.

You’re advocating relentlessly, which is often exactly what these kids need.

Now, regarding counseling, gap years, and post-high school pathways:

The truth is that I don’t meet many college counselors who think very far outside the traditional box.

Most of the counselors I’ve encountered are generally focused on helping students navigate the standard path:

High school → College → Career.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with that path.

College can be wonderful.

But it’s not the right path for everyone.

And it’s certainly not the right path for everyone immediately after high school.

The problem is that we live in a culture built around tracks.

Most people simply follow the track.

We often do it unconsciously.

We’re told:

• Go to school.

• Get good grades.

• Go to college.

• Get a job.

• Make money.

• Buy a house.

• Get married.

• Retire.

And somehow we’re supposed to believe that if we follow all those steps, happiness automatically appears at the end.

But the world has changed dramatically.

Today, there has never been a better time in history for someone to build a meaningful, practical, passion-based career.

Because of the internet and modern technology, people can create opportunities that simply didn’t exist before.

Of course, they still need executive function skills to execute those ideas, which is where much of my work comes in.

But my point is this:

There isn’t just one path anymore.

There are many paths.

What I’d love to see is more counselors asking:

“How do we create the right path for this student?”

Not:

“How do we fit this student into the traditional path?”

The goal isn’t perfection.

Every path has advantages and disadvantages.

The goal is to create a path that aligns with who the student is and where they want to go.

Now, when we talk about where students want to go, most parents and students ultimately want the same thing:

They want happiness and success.

I’ve heard parents say this thousands of times over the years:

“I just want my child to be happy and successful.”

The question is: What does that actually mean?

For me, happiness and success generally involve four overlapping areas:

1. Social well-being

   • Strong relationships

   • Community

   • Family

   • Friends

   • A sense of belonging

2. Intellectual engagement

   • Being mentally stimulated

   • Doing meaningful work

   • Staying curious and interested

3. Physical health

   • Taking care of your body

   • Having energy and vitality

4. Emotional health

   • Resilience

   • Self-awareness

   • Emotional well-being

When those four areas overlap, that’s what I consider happiness and success.

Everything else is details.

So when I’m thinking about a student’s future, that’s the lens I’m using.

As for gap years and practical work experiences, I’m a huge believer in exploration.

And I’m also a huge believer in failure.

Let me explain.

I think young people need exposure to:

• Different cultures

• Different careers

• Different cities

• Different countries

• Different communities

• Different hobbies

• Different ways of living

Yet we often expect students to choose a college major at 18 years old when many adults change careers multiple times throughout their lives.

That doesn’t make much sense to me.

What I see far too often is students entering college without knowing why they’re there.

They’re not there because they made a deeply conscious choice.

They’re there because it’s the next step on the track.

They arrive unsure of their direction, change majors repeatedly, take remedial classes, struggle academically, or simply drift.

That’s why I value exploration.

A gap year can provide that opportunity.

In many countries, taking a gap year is completely normal.

In the United States, it’s much less common.

A gap year might involve:

• Travel

• Volunteer work

• Employment

• Apprenticeships

• Independent projects

• Formal gap-year programs

And here’s where failure comes in.

Maybe you travel somewhere and discover you hate it.

That’s valuable.

Maybe you get a job and get fired.

That’s valuable too.

Maybe you try volunteering and realize it isn’t a good fit.

Again, valuable.

These experiences help students learn:

• What they enjoy

• What they dislike

• What they’re good at

• What they’re not good at

• How they work with others

• What environments bring out their strengths

I’d much rather see young people learn these lessons at 18, 19, or 20 than wake up at 35 feeling trapped in a life they accidentally created.

What I want students to leave high school with is a spirit of exploration.

I want them thinking:

“This is a time for discovery.”

“This is a time to experiment.”

Not with reckless behavior, but with experiences.

Experiment with:

• Different jobs

• Different communities

• Different lifestyles

• Different projects

• Different forms of service

• Different ways of learning

The goal is not to follow a script.

The goal is to gather information about yourself.

Every experience provides direction.

Every success teaches something.

Every failure teaches something.

And together those experiences help students build lives that are aligned with who they really are.

Now, I should be clear:

Post-high-school transition counseling is not my primary area of expertise.

When I work with students, I’m not particularly focused on testing, rankings, or prestige.

If they need help with tests, I’ll help them.

But what I’m really interested in is helping students and families uncover what is deeply meaningful and purposeful to them.

I’m trying to help them discover what matters.

Because ultimately, I believe people are happiest when they find work that allows them to be of service.

Not simply work that pays money.

Not simply work that earns status.

Not simply work that achieves goals.

Those things alone often lead people into what feels like a never-ending rat race.

Instead, I want students asking:

• How can I contribute?

• What matters to me?

• What kind of impact do I want to have?

• How can I serve others through my strengths?

Those are the questions that tend to lead toward a meaningful life.

Finally, if you’re specifically interested in gap years and alternative educational pathways, there is someone I highly recommend:

Blake Boles.

I know Blake personally, and I have tremendous respect for his work.

He’s an unconventional thinker who challenges traditional assumptions about education and life after high school.

He has a lot of free resources available, along with paid programs and content.

He works very hard to create meaningful opportunities for young people, and he’s often my go-to recommendation when families ask about gap years and alternative pathways.

So, Kim, I hope this background and perspective are helpful.

And to everyone else watching:

Remember that there isn’t only one path.

There are many.

The goal is not to find the “correct” path.

The goal is to find a path that aligns with who you are and helps you build a happy, healthy, meaningful life.

I hope you all have a great day.

I’ll see you soon.