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Parents, the end of the school year comes so fast.
Here are some effective tips that I use over and over with my clients to help with the challenges of this phase.
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What is up? Everybody? This is suffice up perler.com and I’ve got a list of some do’s and don’ts for helping your child in the school year. So sorry, my throat is a bit scratchy today. If your child struggles with executive function, if you have a middle school or high school or even a college kid or 4th or 5th grader, this will be pretty relevant to you. If your student struggles with organization time management getting homework in and all that stuff. I have ever got three don’ts and eight dues for how to help them in the Square now it is the end of the school year. Today is Tuesday, May 15th. I’m in California a lot of students in California and around June 8th, but in other states students students all over the country and at different times, but this is the final stretch if your student struggles you’re going to want to hear this because I’m going to give you some of the biggest text. I wanted to do a webinar on this this year, but I literally just don’t have the time to do a webinar but wasn’t going to tell you is some of the things that I would include on this webinar, You can apply this to your situation you so your child doesn’t fail their classes and comes out at the end of the school year in the best possible way. So don’t number one is don’t suffer needlessly. So you and your child don’t suffer needlessly. So basically what I mean by that is this is the end of the semester. The problem is is that your child is probably if you know when your heart that your child is unrealistic about the amount of time and energy it takes to do the things that are necessary to do to end the school year, right? And if you know that your child is telling you leave me alone Mom and Dad stop bugging me. This trust me. Why don’t you trust me I can handle this. I don’t need your help. I don’t need you to keep bugging me. I’ll get it in tomorrow. I’ll talk to the teacher tomorrow. I promise I studied enough. I promise I wrote that paper or no. I don’t have any projects. No, I don’t have any exams. And if you have that feeling in your stomach that wow, I’m not sure. I believe it don’t suffer needlessly if you Feel that. You’re probably right? Okay, it’s not a bad thing. And that leads me to number 2 which is don’t trust your child. Don’t take that the wrong way. The thing is is that your child if they struggle with executive function, they’re going to perceive the world differently than the reality. They’re going to think how I can handle it so I can write these papers so I can procrastinate. Oh I can play video games so I can hang out with my friend so I can do social media. I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. It’s okay if I stay up till 1 in the morning on my computer or whatever and the fact is that your child has x amount of hours to complete their work for the rest of the school year in the final stretch of the school year and even though they’re telling you leave me alone. I’ve got this if you know, you can’t trust that it’s not that they were aligned to you. Their perception is not based in reality. They are being honest with you in their intention. They just don’t have the executive function skills to manage it. Okay, so you want us to For them as much as you can and that brings me into the number three of the dump and that is don’t enable them you want to support them without an able in them enabling them is helping them in such a way that is not helping them in the long term in the big picture of everything your help is not helping. It’s creating larger wrists between you and your child in terms of the relationship at teaching them not to have natural consequences, which means that as they get older they’re not going to be able to they’re going to think that they’re not consequences and they’re going to be in for some rude Awakenings enabling them is doing it for them too much it is taking away the experience for them. So how do you support them without enabling them and I’ll get to that in here are eight dues of what you should do. 1 is what you want to do is when you work with your child, you want to be regulated emotion regulated. You don’t want to be arguing with them yelling at them telling them. This is how you need to do at lucky need to finish this work. Look you need to clean out your backpack. Look you need to sit down and do your homework you want to be regulated. Hey, we need to talk and be calm and centered and grounded focused when you have these conversations. So number one is being emotionally regulated when you’re going to have these talks with your kid when you’re going to try to support them and when you’re regulated you want us to give them boundary and you want to give them natural consequences not punishment. There’s a difference between punishment natural consequences. There are real consequences to their actions. They need to learn this they are going to resent you for it. They’re not going to like it. But if you if you want them to be able to be successful in this world, I need to have a realistic understanding but the consequences of Life are and it’s supposed to be regulated mean that your objective. Happy’s talks not mean not cold but objective regulated supportive caring on a smiling looking them in the eye but regulated and strong and grounded at their job as a as a as an adolescent is to knock you off your Center and to push your buttons and find where your buttons are. Will your job is the parent is to hide your button pretend like you don’t have it and I’m not saying that in an unhealthy way at all but really get grounded when you’re going to have these conversations to number 2 for the do-do email the teachers if you are not sure and you do not have Clarity regarding what’s going on. You said your kids what do you have going on in this class? And they say oh nothing or I got it handled in your not convinced email the teachers. You don’t have to tell your child. You’re emailing them depends on the relationship you have with your child, but what you need is Clarity and you’re going to email teacher say hey, I need some clarity what’s going on what we have coming up in the next couple weeks. I need to know this so that I can support my kid. Please email me back as soon as Apple doesn’t have to be long. Just give me a quick rundown of what I need to know next doo doo. Look at the portal. You want to look at their Student Portal if they have one for the school and you want to go through it thoroughly. You can’t just ate her kid. Have you been checking your grades online or kisses? Yeah, everything’s fine. No parent look it up. Look at the details. Check it out be thorough and figure out what you need to get clarity. Do you know you’re going to find if you’re wearing the typist. If you have a child that of the students that I work with your going to have a kid to his got a bunch of missing and then complete homework some late work and zeros, and you’re going to see a bunch of red marks on the portals to get that Clarity eye for my teacher next. Do do sit your kid down and have a heart-to-heart. Okay, so you’re going to sit your tail down and take a look at the end of the year. We need to talk and you want to be regulated you want say I want to have a heart-to-heart with you. I love you. I care about you. I want you have a great future and I’m not convinced that things are happening the way they need to. I want to support you so that you’re not summer school. You’re not retaking classes in the false that you feel good about yourself that you’re not up all night with doing things at the last minute and stress me out yourself in the whole family and going to have heart to hurt me. I was no cell phone no computer. No TV or sitting down your face to face and you’re telling them you love them and you can communicate and there’s no distractions and you can talk for 10 or 15 or 20 minutes and and hear them to next do is do prep them for conversations. Like this. Don’t just have them in the middle of the kitchen and Mill living room or right when they get home from school. That’s a wrap them so that they can mentally prepare. Hey, we’re going to have a talk tonight when we talked for about a half-hour we’re going to sit in the kitchen and we’re going to have a mature conversation. I’m going to listen to you and you’re going to listen to me. Okay, we’re going to talk about school in life. I love you and I’ll see you at 6 or whatever it is, but prep them so that they can mentally prepare next to be proactive if you wait till the last minute. Is what I deal with all the time with my students have to be proactive. You have to get that tutor get that coach email that teacher whatever it is for you to be proactive. Don’t wait and keep looking for kids. I got this leave me alone. Stop bugging me. Why you doing this? Don’t listen to it like be proactive do what needs to happen for your job next do to support the next do a backpack overhaul and a planner overhaul in a secret study space over also do help your child over all their entire backpack all the papers right now this week. Okay, I go through everything helping me organize it that you can do a lot for them. You’re not you’re not enabling them if you help them reorganize their stuff or even if you do it for them. I want your child to focus on what they need to focus on right now, which is makeup work studying for exams writing their papers doing the reading assignments at the end of the year and doing the projects of the end of the year. I want them folks on that if you want to help them with their planner in the portal in the backpack and the folders and everything. Do it to do support them at that and finally the last dude that I have for you. Okay? Do find what they’re doing right do praise them do tell them what’s going well tell them a lot. I talked about the 3 2 1 rule with parents give them three sincere genuine compliment that everyone perceives negative. You’re going to get them. You’re going to tell him. Hey your room’s a mess. You got to clean it up. You want to give them three things but I noticed that you said some really nice things your sister. I know so you put your dishes away without being told him I proud of you and I noticed that you’re just an awesome kid my love you because you bring a smile to my face whatever it is. Can 3 sincere compliments everyone. I know that’s a tall order of the reality of it. But had that intention in your mind do praise your child with genuine real prizes. I’m not saying to get them fake compliments. Tell them real things you love and appreciate and you see with them with that guys. This is the final stretch parents what you do matters. You got this. Good luck. You find me set this up for what I comment subscribe my block if you like what I’m doing, please share my stuff. Give me a thumbs up if you want you can comment on this. But if you want to support me and you got something out of this, I’d appreciate that to take care.