Habits & how to change them

Everybody, except for early.com—I’m here today to talk to you about habit changing. How in the world do we change our habits?

So I should know. I’m an education coach. I work with students—elementary school, middle school, high school, college—generally middle school and high school students. And what I always say to my students is that the hardest thing to do is really change a habit.

I can teach my students all kinds of ways to manage school, navigate school, advocate for themselves, all of these things—but if we don’t change the habits, it doesn’t matter.

They can hear lectures from their parents—you know, you’ve heard it a million times. But that doesn’t mean the habit changes.

Even if you know it’s a habit you want to change—better study habits, better homework habits, better self-care habits—just because you know you should study differently or eat differently or have a better routine doesn’t mean the habit actually changes.

Changing habits is really hard, and it has to do with changing the brain. We have to change the way neurons in the brain are connected and communicating with each other. We have to build new, strong pathways. Habits do not just appear—we build them over a long period of time.

So I’m going to rest for a minute and help you figure out how in the world you actually change a habit.

Here we go.

The most important concept when it comes to changing a habit is that it has to be chunked into bite-size pieces.

My dad used to say: how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That’s the only way.

A lot of times when people try to change habits, they say things like: “I’m going to get straight A’s,” or “I’m going to work out five days a week,” or “I’m going to meditate every day.”

It feels like a giant thing—and very quickly, it becomes overwhelming and unrealistic. Then people give up.

So we have to chunk it into bite-size pieces. This is called chunking.

There are only two ways to chunk anything: by time or by task.

We either chunk by time or by task.

Chunking by time

We make the habit into a very small, manageable amount of time.

For example, I had a student whose goal was to study every day for a test. She wasn’t in the habit of studying at all, but she thought she had to study for an hour a day for five days.

That’s too much. It’s unrealistic, and it sets her up for failure.

Instead, she could start with 1 minute a day, or 3 minutes, or 5 minutes, or 10 minutes—whatever feels small and doable.

It has to feel bite-sized.

When I started meditating, I only did 5 minutes a day. Once the habit was there, it was easy to increase to 15 minutes.

So that’s chunking by time.

Chunking by task

The other way is chunking by task.

Let’s say you have math homework—25 problems. You could chunk it into 5 problems at a time, or 10 problems at a time.

Or you could chunk it more simply: “I will just start the math homework.”

Or cleaning your room—you can chunk it into tasks like clothing first, then vacuuming, then taking out the trash.

Do one task at a time.

The key is to make it feel manageable, or you’ll set yourself up for failure.

I want you to set yourself up for success.

So ask yourself: does this feel overwhelming or doable?

Concrete vs abstract

You also want to ask: is this abstract or concrete?

You want your tasks to be as concrete as possible. The more abstract something is, the harder it is to start.

For example, “I have a paper due next Friday” is very abstract. It’s hard to know where to begin.

So you chunk it: planning, drafting, revising, editing, turning it in.

Make it concrete.

A digital timer is a great example of concreteness—because you can see the time, you can count it down, you can act on it.

One habit at a time

Another important point: don’t try to change 50 habits at once. That will set you up for failure.

Pick one habit. The one that will have the biggest impact on your life.

Focus on that for about a month.

In my experience, with students who struggle with executive function, it often takes 6 to 8 weeks for a habit to really stick.

So by November, if you start in September, it can become automatic.

Forget the lectures. You already know what you need to do. The key is having a system that actually makes it doable.

So again:

• Chunk by time or task

• Make it concrete

• Keep it small and bite-sized

• Focus on one habit at a time

That’s how you change habits.

I hope you have an awesome day and an awesome weekend. I’ll see you soon. Take care.