How parents with poor Executive Function can help?

Parents, if you struggle with executive function yourself and you have a child who also struggles with executive function — things like organization, time management, prioritizing, and other executive function skills — how can you help them if you struggle with the same things yourself?

I get this question a lot. And there are probably some teachers out there who struggle with executive function too, who may be able to adapt some of what I’m about to discuss to their own teaching practice.

What’s up, everybody? My name is Seth with SethPerler.com. I’m an executive function coach based out of Colorado, and I help struggling students navigate this thing called education so they can have a great life.

I got this email from a parent:

“Hey Seth, I heard you on the Tilt Parenting podcast with Debbie Reber — awesome podcast — and I love everything you have to say. My son is 2e, but he’s only in third grade, so I think he may still be too young to benefit from your coaching.”

By the way, I do work with younger students sometimes. If you have a younger child and you follow my work and wonder whether it’s still relevant — yes, it is. The reason I mostly work with middle and high school students is because, with younger kids, the red flags often aren’t “red enough” yet. Parents may not fully recognize how impactful the challenges are going to become later on.

So you can take the principles behind everything I teach and adapt them to different ages.

The parent continued:

“I was wondering if your blog ever addressed what to do if a parent also suffers from executive functioning issues. Going through my son’s journey with him made me realize that I also have ADHD, inattentive type, and a lot of executive functioning issues. I end up feeling terrible about myself because I feel like I’m failing my son.”

And yes — I absolutely want to address this.

First of all, there’s a concept called modeling. What that means is that children don’t really do what we say — they do what we do.

There’s an old saying:

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

Honestly, that’s a terrible saying, because kids learn by watching us. They learn our functional patterns and our dysfunctional patterns through our actions, not our lectures.

So when you, as a parent, model self-care — when you show that you value yourself enough to read books, get support, work with a therapist, hire a coach, or actively improve your executive function skills — you are teaching your child something incredibly important.

You’re showing them:

“I’m worth taking care of.”
“I’m willing to work through difficult things.”
“I don’t just stay stuck forever.”

That is powerful modeling.

At the same time, if we avoid these challenges, pretend they don’t exist, or never work on ourselves, we are modeling avoidance too.

So one of the best things you can do for your child is to genuinely work on yourself. Your child will see that.

Now let’s get more concrete.

As you start building systems and strategies for your own executive function challenges, talk about the process openly with your child. Even if they’re a resistant teenager, they can still benefit from hearing your thinking process.

For example, maybe one thing you want to work on is decluttering your life.

With my students, I often help them downsize, minimize, and declutter. There are different types of clutter, but I’ll focus on two here: digital clutter and physical clutter.

So imagine you decide that one of your goals is to simplify your environment because clutter is overwhelming your executive function. You could actually ask your child for advice.

You might say:

“Hey kiddo, I’m trying to declutter my life. I want to focus more on the things that really matter to me because life is short. I want to prioritize what’s important and let go of things that don’t really enhance my life anymore. Do you have any advice for me?”

Then ask them practical questions:

“How should I declutter the garage?”
“What should I do with the kitchen drawers?”
“How would you organize the closets?”

And genuinely listen to them.

Just having those conversations and modeling that mindset may inspire your child to start thinking differently too.

Notice that you are not lecturing them or telling them what they should do. You are saying:

“This is something I’m working on for myself.”

That is very powerful.

As you work on your own systems, involve them naturally in the process. Maybe you’re organizing papers at home while your child is learning how to organize school papers. Maybe you’re learning how to better manage your calendar while your child is learning planning skills.

Your child has to manage folders, binders, backpacks, desks, and lockers.

You may have to manage piles of paperwork, drawers, purses, digital files, or your workspace.

The systems are different, but the underlying skills are often very similar.

So the point is:

A) You are modeling healthy growth and self-improvement.
B) You can adapt the same executive function systems and principles to your own adult life.

You don’t need perfection. You just want gradual improvement — the same thing we want for kids.

Reward yourself for baby steps. Set yourself up for success. Keep things concrete and manageable.

And remember: the principles matter more than the tools themselves.

It’s not really about having the perfect planner. It’s about developing planning skills.

It’s not about finding the perfect organizational system. It’s about improving your ability to organize.

Everything I teach comes back to the same core principles: planning, organization, time management, prioritizing, emotional regulation, and building systems that help people function better.

So adapt the ideas to your own life. Keep it simple. You don’t need to reinvent everything from scratch.

I’ve spent years obsessing over this stuff and figuring it out. Take what’s useful, adapt it to your family, and let that be enough.

All right, I’m going to wrap this one up.

My name is Seth with SethPerler.com. I’m an executive function coach in Colorado. If you want to sign up on my website, I send out freebies and a Sunday update every week with tools and strategies to help parents, teachers, and kids.

Have a great day. I’ll see you soon.