🧠HOW to help kids who are STRESSED when the parent is ALSO stressed?

All right, what’s up, Facebook Live world?

This is Sarah Moore. Sarah, we’re going to talk about stress, stressful times, and executive function—for parents and teachers. But first, who are you? Tell us a bit about yourself for the parents who don’t know you.

Sure. Hi, thank you for joining. I am Sarah Moore. I am the author of *Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science, and Better Behavior*. I am a certified master trainer of conscious parenting, a board member of the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, and the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting.

Most importantly, I am a real-life parent raising a real child. So it’s not just theory—it’s definitely practice here every single day as well.

Thanks. And for everybody watching, we are live. We’re wrapping up in the next day or so, and you can still register for the Executive Function Online Summit. If you like what we’re doing, there’s a link above—click it and register if you haven’t already.

Also, please share. That’s how people find out about us. I’m just going to shamelessly ask—if you like what we’re doing, please share it. We want more people to find us.

So Sarah, today we’re talking about how parents can support their children’s executive function skills during times of increased stress—and their own as well.

Where I want to start is this: how does stress—for the parent or the child—impact executive function?

It’s a pretty big deal. I’m going to use Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain here. When we are in fight-or-flight mode—which is what happens when we’re stressed—our executive function skills, which live in the prefrontal cortex at the front of the brain, essentially go offline.

We end up responding from our limbic system. We become reactive. We don’t think ahead about the consequences of our actions. As far as our nervous system is concerned, we are in panic mode.

So the tricky part becomes: how can I create enough safety in my body—or my child’s body—to bring the prefrontal cortex back online, so we can actually use executive function skills in daily life?

That leads to the next question: how do we support this? Do we support ourselves and our children together? Separately? Both?

Great question. There’s a beautiful concept called co-regulation, where we can regulate together. We can calm our nervous systems by essentially being mirrors of one another.

We have something in our brains called mirror neurons. That means we can make stress contagious—or we can make calm contagious. Obviously, we want the calming version.

But here’s the key: we have to start with ourselves. We need to regulate our own nervous system first.

The tricky part is that many common strategies don’t work when we’re in fight-or-flight mode. For example, positive self-talk—telling ourselves, “It’s going to be okay”—can backfire. Our nervous system doesn’t believe it. It feels like toxic positivity.

So instead of trying to talk ourselves into calm, we need to use the body to access the nervous system.

For example, one simple tool is to give yourself a big squeeze—literally hug your body. This is called proprioceptive input. It helps remind your body that you are safe.

Let’s do it together. It actually works.

When you squeeze your body, you recreate a sense of safety similar to being in the womb—a deeply secure environment.

Another simple tool is wiggling your toes or tapping your feet. When we’re stressed, our breathing becomes shallow. We’re in panic mode. By engaging the body, we remind ourselves that we are more than just our thoughts—we have a whole body we can use to ground ourselves.

So the goal is to reconnect—both literally and metaphorically—with the body and remind ourselves of the safety we have in the present moment.

Some people pair this with prayer, meditation, or grounding exercises. That can also be helpful.

People often ask about breathing exercises. I’d say maybe—but many of us need to feel safer first before breathing exercises are effective. When we’re in fight-or-flight, it can be hard to access deep breathing.

So start with body-based tools first.

Then, once you are more regulated, you can co-regulate with your child. You might use a simple mantra like, “We are safe,” or “All of your feelings are safe here.”

The key is to stay grounded so you can be the “port in the storm” for your child as they return to a regulated state.

The good news is that this doesn’t have to take a long time. Regulation can happen fairly quickly when we use body-based strategies.

Now, I have a question about technology and social media.

I don’t watch a lot of short-form content, but recently I was scrolling, and it went from one video to the next. Some were interesting, but then suddenly there was something completely misaligned with my values—something harsh or inappropriate.

As an adult, I noticed how jarring that was. Kids are exposed to this all the time. So my question is: does this affect kids’ nervous systems? And can co-regulation even happen when they’re consuming this kind of content?

I’m so glad you brought that up, because it’s a reality of modern life.

I strongly believe that the more dysregulated we—or our children—feel, the more we need to decrease tech input proportionally.

Technology stimulates dopamine and other chemicals in ways that aren’t naturally regulated. These are quick hits, not long-lasting sources of well-being.

What we really want is authentic connection—the kind that comes from spending time together, enjoying each other, and building real relationships.

So yes, if stress goes up, tech should go down.

And what you described—exposure to intense, judgmental, or emotionally charged content—absolutely impacts kids’ nervous systems, especially if they lack the life experience to process it.

For parents who don’t know exactly what their kids are seeing, intuition becomes very important. You may not know the content, but you might notice patterns—like your child becoming more agitated after using their device.

That’s a clue that something isn’t serving them.

As a conscious parenting trainer, I wouldn’t recommend taking tech away as punishment. That can harm the relationship.

Instead, sit down with your child and get curious. Practice active listening.

You might say, “I noticed you seemed a little stressed after being on your phone earlier. What was going on?”

Avoid judgment, fixing, or jumping to solutions. Just listen.

If your child comes to the realization on their own that tech is affecting them, they’re much more likely to buy into making changes.

That’s far more effective than imposing rules from the outside.

All right, well, thank you, Sarah. I really appreciate you being here.

Absolutely—thank you.

And for everyone watching, we’re in the final day or so of the summit. You still have free access for three days, so check it out.

There’s a link above—if you haven’t registered, jump in now. Please share it with others.

And if you haven’t checked out the All Access Pass, it’s an incredible resource for parents to use throughout the year.

Thanks again, Sarah—and thanks to all of you for being here.

Take care, everyone.