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Awesome email that opens up a big can of worms in this video:
I have a 2nd-grade son who may be 2e based on uneven scores in a WISC-V. I’m having issues with his charter school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged, or lazy. It is a “no unnecessary homework” school yet they’re keeping him after school once/week for up to 70 mins while he struggles in frustration doing 15 mins worth of homework (mostly hand-writing drills and a single word sort activity that he has refused to do for months on end now b/c he says it’s dumb and not teaching him anything). I say it is a power-struggle over authority and non-significant work, and they say he has to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some “grit,” and that I’m interfering. I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve tried to advocate for my kiddo and now I’m basically banned from the class. Thanks!
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Hey, what’s up, parents? And teachers? This is me. Step. Kroger.com. And I’m glad you’re here. Happy 2018 at the beginning of a new school year and I have an email here. I’m going to go over talking about this is a parent who says she is at her with that now, this is an older email but this is a great way to start off the year because what you want to be able to do parents as you want to be able to advocate for your child and not feel like you’re crazier. There’s something wrong with your your Miss receiving something you want to be grounded. And when you thinks I’m going to go over this email on this will help you to determine perhaps what to say this email send. I’m going to stop here at Aquia long this email and break down some of the thoughts on here for some going to read it through. I have a second grade son who may be to me based on uneven scores in a wisc V. I’m having issues with his charter school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged or lazy. It’s a quote and no unnecessary homework school. Yeah, they’re keeping him after school once a week for up to 70 minutes. Play struggled and frustration doing 15 minutes where the homework mostly handwriting drills in single word sort activity, which has refused to do for months on end now because he says it’s dumb and not teaching them anything. I say it’s a power struggle over Authority in nonsignificant work and they say yes to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some quote grit and that I’m interfering. I’m at my Wit’s End I tried to advocate for my kiddo. And now I’m basically banned from the class. So awesome email. Let me go through some of the so I am an executive functioning to eat coach education coach. I specifically work with students who don’t fit in the Box I wear it. So if you imagine the bell curve, I work with students who are outliers by Nature all the students that work with are outliers. People. Don’t hire me. If a child is in the middle part of the bell curve. Now, you have your two week at her. She said, I have a second grade Sunday, maybe 3 based on uneven scores and a wisc v So the uneven score is so you have this discrepancy ever really high highs and really low lows and whether or not the label of 2e is appropriate the discrepancies none the last create a lot of misunderstandings in at in the minds of adults who do not understand these get so I’m having issues with this charter school. So I want to mention that just because a student is in a charter school doesn’t mean that that Charter School knows what’s going on. So Charter Schools just like any school are filled with human beings the adults who work there are human and they often do not have the the expertise to do what needs to be done. They may not have the time to do need to be down the resources to support. So just because it’s a charter school doesn’t mean that they’re magically perfect and gray de at dealing with kids, even though people who send their kids are charter schools are hoping That their child will be going to a place that is more aligned with weather child needs now. Also just because it’s a charter school doesn’t mean it’s a bad school. I love charter schools. And sometimes they get a bad name because there have been Charter Schools who have been caught in corruption and things like that. So have plenty of an on charter schools. And so it doesn’t matter people get to stuck on those issues. So I just want to mention that real quick doesn’t matter. What kind of school it is. They are staffed by human beings and human beings are flawed and hopefully you have a staff of people who are mentally healthy individuals who really have the kids best interest in mine and who really know how to sift through the red tape to do with kids need above all that doesn’t always happen regardless of the type of school. Anyhow back to the topic. Many issues with the start of school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged or lazy. If you’ve been following me for any. Of time, you know that I am not a fan of the word that lazy in general lot of times at all to don’t understand kids are going to ended do not understand executive function are going to say the student is lazy. They’re not trying hard enough. They must not care about school enough. They’re just not disciplined enough. They’re just unmotivated and we have these labels. They’re not going to say. Oh maybe we are not engaging the students enough. Maybe we are not understanding your child well enough maybe we are not resourcing are teachers well enough to be able to be of service to your student in the way. They need maybe we are not giving our teachers enough time to have a life and enough support to do their job and they’re not going to say that they’re going to blame it on the kid two kids just lazy. It’s not us must be the kid. He’s just lazy. I think that’s not cool. This is a no unnecessary homework school. Well, you know a lot of time schools say one thing or their website says one thing or they look great on paper, but I cannot tell you how many students at work with that win student finally gets in school that they think is going to be the the magic school that this schools often or even treatment centers or things like that. They often have challenges behind the scenes that come out later. So it’s supposed to be a no on this their home or school yet. They’re keeping them after school once a week from 7 to 70 minutes. So the issue is is this keeping my preschool necessary or not. Their perspective is it is the parent’s perspective it in. The child’s perspective is that it’s not for up to 70 minutes while he struggled and frustration doing 15 minutes worth of homework. Mostly handwriting drills and single word sort activity that has he has refused to do for months now because he says it’s dumb and not teach him anything. I don’t know that the activities are dumb or not teaching him anything more that they’re valueless. However, the emotional experiences child is having having to stay after school. And with that with whoever he’s working with is is the child is having an emotional experience turn on the prefrontal cortex. They’re in there make the leather and fight flight or freeze that the child is not having fun. They’re not engaged and not finding value in this and you listening right now you as an adult how would you like it to be sitting in the room where somebody is dictating to you what you need to be doing and they’re not being kind about it or you feel some sort of condescension or pressure from them. How would you feel if they’re making you do something that you’re not finding value in now that person treated you with kindness and love and compassion and joy and happiness and smiles. And helped you and scaffold heard you and help you feel successful it be a totally different story. But if they didn’t how would you feel about that? So they’re wanting him to conform from what I can see and the I don’t know these people. I don’t know what the school I don’t know the story but I have heard the story so many times they the parents as I say, it’s a power struggle of authority and nonsignificant work and they say he has to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some grip all that stuff makes me sick. Why does he have to learn what everyone else have to do? I have heard this argument before that. Everybody has to do same thing. We can’t do it differently for your child. Then we have to do it differently from everybody. You know, there’s a saying that best practice for special best practice for everyone and then there is another saying that came later that’s practicing gifted at his best practice for everyone. What does that mean while the best practice in these cases is referring to And she Asian seeing students as individual individuals personalizing instruction individualizing instruction tailoring instruction, but who wants to Taylor instruction if that’s not easy it takes skill. It takes artard Artistry on a teacher if we have it takes resources. It takes time and takes money in the school district in a school. It takes not having gigantic classes. It takes a lot to meet the needs of kids if you’re going to differentiate for kids and see them as individuals. We want to standardize that we want to them to fit in the Box you want everybody to do the same thing. Do you want to do the same thing as all your friends? You had all listening right? Now know you you have friends who have very different lives from you. If you don’t all have to do things the same you don’t all have to go to the same grocery store eat the same food do the same fitness plan blah blah blah. We all have our individuals. Yeah, we want it sent it. Sorry. I’m ranting a little bit here. But so he has to learn some now, I will say That learning grip learning resilient learning persistent learning to execute when you don’t feel like executing is an incredibly important thing that these kids need to do. They do need to learn bit. But my question is is this teaching the child grit, that’s a binary question. Yes or no the teaching regret this case. It does not seem evident that there is a great being caught it seems like they’re really I’m teaching him to not like school to resist challenging himself with these activities. That is what this child seems to be learning. Okay, so and that I’m interfering well does sound like you’re interfering and I don’t know you and I don’t know the situation, but from what I can tell I would encourage you to interfere. I would encourage you to be advocating, you know your child. You know, they’re there was a time when when parents do get overly concerned. We are human and when emotions get involved and we lose sight of the big picture of watery advocating for in this does not sound like one of those situations this is not sound like you’re interfering. It sounds like your gut is saying something’s off here and parents is something and teachers if something feels off you really need to tune in and listen to that and say is this me or is this a situation but don’t just say, oh must be me and take it all on yourself really think is it you if it’s not you you have to Advocate your your child at whether your teacher or parent. So teachers you to have his child children are not getting what they need omigosh be the squeaky wheel as much as you can so I try to have to pay for my kiddo and now I’m basically banned from the class. Thanks. I am really sorry you’re experiencing this and I know you’re at your Wit’s End and all I can say is Advocate Advocate Advocate and when you can’t when it’s falling on deaf ears and you’re just not getting anywhere just keep trying to connect with people. You’re going to happy. Sometimes you need to take it any it becomes a legal issue. I hate to see it go to that point for the school or for the family because it just doesn’t seem that complicated for somebody to be compassionate with this child to really break it down to take time to help the child feel successful and to work with a parent in such a way that you feel heard and seen and understood and taken seriously just doesn’t it takes so much less energy for a school to take the time to help you feel that way and try to underneath and they’re not going to be able to honor your needs. They’re not resource them out. They don’t have enough. Money or resources or time or whatever but it’s to help you feel heard and seen and understood and appreciated isn’t that hard? So I don’t know if this was helpful or not. But all I can say is it’s the beginning of a new school year. You’re going to have a lot of you families with kids who are on the outside of the bell curve your outliers and your 2E kids your super outliers. You are going to have these situations where your child is not understood where they say while I know your child can do it. I can see that they’re capable of it. So why aren’t they doing it? They must be lazy. They must be motivated and you’ll you’ll have these experiences unfortunately, but just Advocate Advocate Advocate listen to your gut your got probably is not wrong and try to be very in your advocacy letter. Should it be very bulleted in short? I have some blogs about how to Advocate and letters and stuff like that. Anyhow, I do hope this was helpful at the beginning of the school year. You want to start off your year. Strong and communicating with the teachers and staff and saying here my kids needs and don’t expect them to remember it teachers are very busy. They have 30 kids. They have 90 kids middle and high school teachers. They might have over a hundred kids in a day or week. They don’t even know your kid’s name until November if they have that many kids sometimes in the kids are running in and out of class Navi. This is the second grade family, but I just know it’s the beginning of the year and the teachers aren’t just going to remember everything you tell them so you want to resend the email that talk about your kids need multiple times at the beginning of the school year and say, hey just wondering mind you. I know you’re busy just take a look at this and delete it when you can but here are three things you should know about my kid. Just want to keep this in your mind for the first few weeks of school. You know, I appreciate what you do and just frame it really positively but keep telling them because they just can’t read. It doesn’t always click. Just because they eat, you know, they may have several IEPs in the class. They are reading through all this paperwork all these type of force that teachers are doing so much to get to know these kids and it’s just a whole lot of details for them to remember and it takes time for them to get to know your child on a personal basis and also to know the backstory. So anyhow, I do hope you have a great school year and that your challenges are minimum and that your joy, and the growth that you see is enormous, and if you haven’t played it for my blog, check me out at Seth perler.com sign up by the Student Success tool. Can I send families and there’s tons of great resources for helping these kids. Have a great year.