Podcast: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Welcome to the Parenting with Impact podcast with your hosts, Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster, co-creators of ImpactParents.com—an online community, award-winning blog, and service organization helping parents all over the world raise complex kids into capable, independent adults.

Elaine and Diane are certified coaches with personal experience raising children with challenges such as ADHD, anxiety, and more. They also have extensive experience guiding parents to raise their complex kids with confidence and calm.

On the podcast, Elaine and Diane interview experts, bringing you cutting-edge information about your child’s challenges, teaching real-life strategies to create lasting change, and demonstrating how coaching can guide you to parent your complex kids—one conversation at a time.

For the essentials of Elaine and Diane’s coaching approach to parenting, download a free tip sheet at impactparents.com/podcast.

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Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Parenting with Impact.

We are really excited today to welcome one of the world’s leading executive function experts, Seth Perler. He’s well known as an executive function coach, educator, and content creator who is passionate about helping “outside-the-box” kids succeed.

Seth produces incredible resources and supports neurodiverse learners and their families in navigating the challenges of living with a complex brain in a complex world. He works with parents, teachers, and kids, and truly makes a difference.

Seth, welcome.

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Hi Elaine, hi Diane—glad to be here.

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Why don’t you start by telling us a little bit about what you do with families of complex kids, and how you got into this work?

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Sure. I’ll start with how I got into this work—I was that kid.

As a child, I struggled. I still have my progress reports from when I was young, and they’re filled with comments like: “does not pay attention,” “lazy,” “unmotivated,” “not reaching his potential.”

This continued for years. Eventually, I got to a point where I couldn’t keep up anymore. My grades dropped—I started getting Ds and Fs. I went to college on probation, then failed out. I tried another college but dropped out before failing again.

I was struggling in many areas of life. I couldn’t execute—I couldn’t get important things done. I was fired from multiple jobs. My life felt out of control.

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At some point, I started turning things around. I got a job working with kids—by chance. Back then, you had to look for jobs in newspapers, circle them with a pen, and apply.

I found a job in Indianapolis, started working there, and fell in love with helping kids. That completely changed the trajectory of my life.

I became a teacher and taught for 12 years. I earned a master’s degree in gifted and talented education. But what I really cared about were the kids who struggled—the ones I could relate to.

Eventually, I left teaching because I felt limited in how much I could truly help. Around 2010, I began focusing fully on understanding how to support these kids—bright kids who often feel like failures—and help them build meaningful lives.

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You mentioned that you “turned your life around.” What do you think made that possible?

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I was 22.

And honestly, no one could help me until I was ready. It comes down to buy-in and ownership. It wasn’t about my parents or teachers—it had to come from me.

That’s what parents want to know: how do we help kids develop that buy-in?

What often happens is that parents try strategies that don’t work—lectures, punishments, rewards, shame, nagging, pleading, fear. These approaches don’t create ownership.

Instead, they often push kids away.

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So what actually helps?

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There’s no magic formula. But one of the most important things parents can do is work on themselves.

Get your own support—therapy, coaching, personal development. Focus on your own well-being: your sleep, your stress, your joy, your purpose.

Ask yourself: Am I modeling the life I want for my child?

It’s not the answer people want—but it’s a powerful one.

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Another key piece is the relationship.

It’s not just about spending time together—it’s about helping your child feel seen, heard, and understood.

After a conversation, does your child feel listened to? Or do they walk away thinking, “You’re not hearing me”?

This requires learning new communication patterns, becoming more aware of nonverbal cues, and understanding what’s happening beneath the surface—especially stress.

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Many kids today are overwhelmed. If we see behavior as “misbehavior” instead of stress, we respond in ways that don’t help.

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So what should parents understand about their kids?

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First, the relationship is the most important thing.

Second, executive function is not just about grades—it’s about quality of life. These are the skills needed to function independently and achieve goals.

Third, we need to rethink what “success” means. Most parents say they want their kids to be happy and successful—but what does that actually mean?

Is success about performance, or about agency and well-being?

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Let’s talk about teaching executive function.

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I like to break it into three phases:

1. Foundations
2. Implementation
3. Maintenance

First, kids need a foundation—a “toolbox” of skills. Then they need to learn how to use those tools (implementation), and eventually maintain them independently.

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The foundation includes three key elements:

1. Systems (like planners, calendars, or tools)
2. Mindsets (moving from resistance to “I can do this”)
3. Habits and routines (consistent use of systems)

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Many kids operate from a resistance mindset:
“I don’t feel like it,” “This is stupid,” “I’ll do it later.”

We want to help them develop a mindset that says:
“I may not like it, but I can handle it.”

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Habits and routines are what make systems work. Without them, tools like planners are useless.

And importantly—these skills take time to develop. The brain’s executive function center continues developing into the mid-20s.

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What about motivation?

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I don’t focus on motivation directly.

Instead of trying to “make” kids motivated, I focus on helping them understand why things matter and teaching them how to take action—step by step.

Many kids haven’t been taught these skills. They need repeated, compassionate guidance.

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For example, instead of saying, “Just use your planner,” we break it down:

“Let’s write one thing.”
“Let’s do this together.”

This is called chunking—breaking tasks into small, manageable steps.

Over time, kids build confidence and skills.

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The key is patience.

Parents often feel urgency, but progress comes from slowing down and working consistently.

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### Final takeaway

Do your own inner work.
Focus on the relationship.
Teach systems, mindsets, and habits.
Be patient.

And remember: baby steps.

Real change happens gradually—through small, consistent efforts over time.

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My favorite idea is “baby steps” or “micro-successes.” This is a long game. You won’t see transformation overnight—but over time, those small steps create real, lasting change.

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Thank you for joining us today, and we’ll see you in the next episode.