Is Executive Function UNSAFE?

Hey, what’s up, parents?

Seth Perler here, an executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado. Today, I want to talk about a question that may sound a little strange:

Is executive function safe?

We’ve got a summit coming up August 23rd through 25th. It’s a free summit for parents all about executive function. We have a variety of experts speaking, and they’re discussing ways to help kids who struggle with executive function.

One of the core concepts that comes up repeatedly among many of the speakers is the idea of emotional safety.

So here’s the question: Is executive function safe?

If your child is resistant to doing things, here’s the reality. We are often trying to help kids execute tasks that they don’t feel like doing. They’re resistant. They’re procrastinating. They have every excuse in the book. They don’t want to do what needs to be done.

In order for us to help them get those things done, we have to address the emotional side of the issue.

For many children, the challenge isn’t simply getting started or staying organized. Their body and mind are signaling that something feels unsafe. Asking them to execute, push through resistance, or do something they don’t value or don’t feel motivated to do requires a sense of emotional safety.

It is our job as adults to help ground them and help them find that emotional safety so they’re willing to take a risk.

For many of these kids, taking action is an emotional risk. They need to trust us. They need to know that we’ve got their back.

Often, however, what we do is push, push, push.

“Do this.”

“Get it done.”

“Hurry up.”

We focus entirely on the task and not on the emotional experience they’re having.

As adults, we know there may be consequences if the work doesn’t get done, so we focus on results. We might threaten punishment, offer rewards, shame them, yell at them, bargain with them, or nag them endlessly.

But in doing so, we’re often ignoring the underlying issue: they feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally unsafe.

If we don’t address that emotional experience first, our efforts to improve executive function may not be effective.

So, I encourage you to join us August 23rd through 25th at the Executive Function Summit. You’ll hear experts go deeply into this topic and learn practical ways to help your child navigate these challenges.

Again, my name is Seth Perler. I hope you’re having a great day.