KAIZEN & Kids with Debbie Steinberg Kuntz

Hey everybody, what’s up? This is Seth with SethPerler.com, and I’m really glad to have you here today. I’m also glad to have Debbie Steinberg Kuntz here today, who I’ll introduce in just a moment.

Again, my name is Seth Perler. I’m an executive function coach out of Boulder, Colorado. Welcome to my blog.

Today, Debbie and I are going to be talking about Kaizen—is that right, Debbie?

Debbie: Yep, Kaizen.

And we’re going to discuss how it relates to parenting and working with complicated students. So if you’re a parent or teacher trying to help students, this conversation is for you.

As we get started, I want to mention that Debbie has a fantastic online conference called the Bright & Quirky Summit. It’s an online conference that starts on January 28, 2019. I believe this is the second year you’re running it?

Debbie: Yep, this is our second year.

Awesome. We’ll talk more about it at the end and share some details, but you can register for it, it’s free, and it’s amazing. If you’re raising or working with bright and quirky—or twice-exceptional (2e)—kids, definitely check it out.

Before we dive in, I want to share a concept that is central to my coaching and my online course. When I work with students, one of the key ideas I teach is that baby steps are everything.

Growth happens in millimeters.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

I also teach the 1% rule: don’t try to get 10%, 50%, or 100% better all at once. Focus on becoming just 1% better.

When I do a check-in with a student and they tell me they’re at a 4 out of 10 in a certain area, I don’t ask how they’ll get to a 10. I ask, “How do you get to a 5?”

If they have an F, I want to know how they can get to a D-. If they have a B, I want to know how they can get to a B+.

I’m always working in small increments because that’s what creates lasting change. Parents and teachers often ask, “Why don’t they just choose to do better?” But real growth doesn’t work that way.

So Debbie, that’s my setup. We were talking before we started, and I know we’re very much on the same page. Debbie helps families transform their lives, and although her approach differs from mine, this core concept is very similar.

What does that bring up for you?

Debbie: That’s exactly why I love your work, Seth. We work very similarly, and when you’ve worked with families long enough, you start to understand how change actually happens.

Lasting change happens through small steps.

I’ve worked with families for over a decade as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I’ve noticed that most families move through a similar process.

People usually come in with a jumble of confusing symptoms and challenges. The first thing we have to do is start untangling that knot.

The first step is looking through the right lens and understanding that the child is not broken.

Our educational and medical systems often focus on diagnoses, which are really clusters of symptoms. But if we want to help a twice-exceptional child succeed, we need to look at the whole child—including their strengths.

The most successful twice-exceptional adults I’ve worked with learned how to identify what they’re good at and what they enjoy, while also supporting their weaker areas.

Once we have that lens, we need clarity around the challenges.

There’s a quote I love: “A problem well stated is half solved.”

For example, a parent might say, “My child has trouble doing homework.”

But that’s far too vague.

To solve the problem, we need to get specific. We may even need to keep a log and look for patterns. What exactly about homework is difficult?

That’s where Kaizen comes in.

Kaizen is a Japanese concept that means continuous improvement through small, incremental changes. Interestingly, the idea originated in America but was embraced in Japan after World War II as part of its economic transformation.

Many companies use Kaizen by encouraging everyone to look at processes and identify tiny improvements—just 1% better.

Seth, I’m curious: when a student comes to you, how do you decide where to start?

Seth: That’s a great question.

One thing I often talk about is the idea of a bicycle wheel. Executive function challenges aren’t one issue—they’re many interconnected issues, like the spokes of a wheel.

Take homework, for example.

Parents often think homework is just homework. But homework is actually an incredibly complex process.

Does the student write assignments down?

Do they know what the homework is?

Can they plan?

Can they self-start?

Can they follow through?

Can they organize materials?

Can they remember to turn the assignment in?

Each of those is a separate skill.

So where do I start?

Usually with urgency.

Most families don’t hire me proactively. They call me eight weeks into a semester when they suddenly discover their child has four F’s.

So we begin with the urgent issue. But then we start digging underneath it.

I often use the iceberg metaphor.

We see the F’s, the zeros, the missing assignments—the tip of the iceberg.

But what’s beneath the surface?

Debbie: Exactly. Those are the underlying problems.

So what you’re saying is that step one is clarity.

Seth: Yes.

And one of the biggest mistakes we make is misunderstanding the problem.

We assume it’s a matter of willpower.

We think it’s a “won’t” problem when it’s actually a “can’t” problem.

We say things like:

• “You’re not trying hard enough.”

• “You don’t care.”

• “You need more discipline.”

• “Just apply yourself.”

But those comments don’t address what’s underneath the iceberg.

The student often lacks executive function skills, emotional resources, or support systems—not motivation.

So we need clarity about what’s really happening.

Debbie: Absolutely.

I learned a great analogy from Jessica McCabe from How to ADHD.

For some people, life is like driving an automatic car.

For others, especially those with ADHD, it’s like driving a manual transmission.

Parents often perform executive-function tasks automatically and don’t realize all the individual steps involved.

One of my sons struggled tremendously with homework.

When we looked closely, the real issue wasn’t homework—it was task initiation.

Once we identified that, we started running experiments.

We tried different approaches and eventually discovered that getting his heart rate up first helped him begin.

He might shoot hoops, do jumping jacks, or run around.

Once we identified the specific issue and tested solutions, everything changed.

Seth: And that’s where it becomes even more complex.

Homework isn’t just starting.

There’s follow-through.

There’s putting it in the correct folder.

Remembering to bring it to class.

Remembering to turn it in.

Checking later to make sure it was graded.

Parents often want simple answers, but these challenges are incredibly complex and take time to solve.

Debbie: That’s exactly why I’m excited about your presentation in the summit.

You have such a practical system with your Sunday Night Overhaul.

Parents appreciate practical solutions.

After clarity about challenges, the next step is clarity about strengths and interests.

We don’t just want to reduce weaknesses—we want to build strengths.

Careers and meaningful lives are built around strengths, interests, talents, and passions.

Then comes Kaizen: choosing one small area to improve.

And after that, we run experiments.

One of my sons eventually said, “I’m tired of everybody working on me. I want to do it my way.”

I said, “Great. Let’s make that an experiment.”

For 30 days, we let him take ownership.

And suddenly he started using the tools people had been recommending all along.

Ownership changed everything.

Seth: That’s huge.

Without trust, relationship, compassion, and buy-in, change doesn’t happen.

Debbie: Exactly.

Many students don’t even know what options are available.

Maybe they qualify for accommodations but don’t have a 504 plan.

Maybe they could receive extra time on tests or reduced homework.

Sometimes the answer is changing the child.

Sometimes it’s changing the parent.

And often it’s changing the environment.

Seth: Let me ask one final question.

After working with hundreds of families, what’s the biggest lesson you find yourself repeating over and over?

Debbie: I think it’s understanding what’s actually going on.

When everything is vague and overwhelming, progress is almost impossible.

You have to unpack the problem.

And with teenagers especially, listening matters.

Many teens come in because their parents brought them.

They’re not invested yet.

So we start by listening without judgment.

We ask:

“What do you want?”

“What’s getting in your way?”

“What kind of life do you want to build?”

Once they identify their goals, we can collaborate on removing the roadblocks.

The process becomes something we’re doing together, not something we’re doing to them.

Seth: That’s such an important point.

When students have ownership, everything changes.

Debbie: Exactly.

And once they understand themselves better, they can start becoming what I call a self-scientist.

They run experiments.

They learn from failures.

They adjust.

They keep going.

There really is no failure—only learning.

As Thomas Edison said:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

That’s the mindset we want our kids to develop.

Seth: I completely agree.

Thank you so much for being here today.

Before we wrap up, tell us a little more about the Bright & Quirky Summit.

Debbie: The summit begins January 28th and features 30 leading experts, including Seth.

We cover topics such as:

• School and learning challenges

• Emotional regulation

• Social challenges

• Anxiety

• Parent burnout and self-care

• Understanding twice-exceptional kids

There are over 19 hours of content spread across seven days, and it’s completely free during that time.

There will be lots of practical tools and plenty of “aha” moments.

Seth: I love that the summit brings together experts from so many different specialties.

It’s like looking at all the different parts of the iceberg.

You hear ideas you may never have considered before.

Debbie: Exactly.

Each day focuses on a different theme, so families can explore the topics most relevant to them.

Seth: Awesome.

Thank you so much, Debbie.

Again, my name is Seth Perler from SethPerler.com.

If you’re watching on YouTube, be sure to subscribe. If you’d like updates and access to my free mini-course, visit my website.

Debbie, where can people find you?

Debbie: You can find me at BrightAndQuirky.com. Seth will also have a link on his blog.

I hope to see everyone at the summit.

Seth: Thanks, Debbie.

Debbie: Thanks, Seth.