🧠 Parents, Back 2 School MASTERCLASS, Help Complicated Kids with Dayna Abraham

All right, welcome everyone to the Back-to-School Masterclass. I am so excited to be here.

I had this idea because, first of all, I am struggling with back-to-school this season. And I knew that if I was struggling, I couldn’t be the only one.

Sure enough, I went to our community and started asking, “How’s back-to-school going for you guys?” You can let me know in the comments—on a scale of 1 to 10, how is it going for you?

What I saw was a lot of ones, twos, and threes. And the thing is, I don’t want anyone to be at a one, two, or three.

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So our goal today, with Seth, is to get your number—your back-to-school confidence, your emotions, your overall experience—above a five.

I’d love it if we could get it up to a seven with some of the strategies and tools Seth is going to share today.

I knew exactly who to turn to when I was struggling—and when I saw so many of you struggling too.

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Let me ask you this:

If you could boil your back-to-school struggles down to just one challenge, what would that be?

I know that’s a big ask, but go ahead and drop it in the comments.

I’m seeing:

* School refusal and exhaustion
* Feeling overwhelmed from trying to do too much
* Not doing classwork or homework
* Lack of personal responsibility
* Time management issues
* Not waking up on time
* Fidgeting during work
* Resistance to submitting assignments
* Insecurities
* Morning struggles

They’re coming in fast and furious.

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So I’ve brought my good friend Seth Perler on.

Seth, for those who don’t know you, can you share a little about who you are and why you’re so passionate about helping struggling students?

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Yeah, hi everybody.

If you’re not familiar with me, I run sethperler.com and something called executivefunctionsummit.com. I also have a YouTube channel where I talk a lot about executive function.

But who I am, at the core, is someone who struggled with all of this as a student.

Most people who go through what I went through don’t become educators—but I did.

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Starting in first grade, my report cards said things like:

“Daydreamer.”
“Doesn’t pay attention.”
“Struggles with homework and motivation.”

I got through school by skating by and faking it. But by junior year, everything fell apart. I was failing almost everything.

I barely made it out of high school. I went to college on probation because of my test scores—and then I failed out. Then I failed out of another college.

At the time, I felt like a lazy failure. That was my internal dialogue.

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Eventually, I started turning things around.

I began self-coaching, seeking help wherever I could, and learning how to ask for and receive support. It was incredibly hard.

But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with education.

I became a teacher, and one day I decided: I’m going to serve kids for the rest of my life.

That was back in 1993 or 1994, and I’ve never looked back.

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I taught for 12 years and earned a master’s degree in special education and gifted education.

I love working with complex kids—especially twice-exceptional (2e) students. Kids who are brilliant but struggle.

After those 12 years, I left the classroom and started doing what I do now.

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When I discovered that executive function was at the root of so many struggles—whether it was ADHD, autism, trauma, or no diagnosis at all—it changed everything.

Instead of asking, “Is this kid motivated?” I started asking, “What skills are missing?”

That shift changed everything.

Since 2010, I’ve been focused on helping kids, parents, and educators understand and build these skills.

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One of the biggest questions I get from parents is:

“What are the biggest frustration points?”

Honestly, a lot of parents feel completely stuck.

They’ve tried many things, and nothing has worked well enough.

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Another big frustration is school.

Not all schools or teachers—but many parents feel like their child isn’t understood.

Some kids even have teachers who seem to have it out for them.

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There’s also frustration with:

* School portals and confusing systems
* Miscommunication between school, parent, and child
* Kids not being honest or forthcoming
* Kids asking for independence but not following through

Parents are constantly trying to find the balance between:

* Helping too much
* Not helping enough

And that’s incredibly hard.

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Now, let’s talk about executive function.

Executive function is essentially the brain’s ability to execute tasks.

It’s located in the front part of the brain—the prefrontal cortex.

Anytime you do something—homework, playing a game, cleaning your room—you’re using executive function.

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It includes skills like:

* Planning
* Organization
* Emotional regulation
* Focus
* Self-control

For example, when a child is playing a video game, they’re fully engaged—they plan, focus, and ignore distractions.

But when it comes to homework, those same skills often don’t activate.

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So instead of asking, “Why aren’t they trying?” we should ask:

“What skills are missing?”

And more importantly:

“How do we build those skills when the child is overwhelmed or resistant?”

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This brings us to the idea of friction.

Friction is what gets in the way of your child taking action.

We want them to do their homework—but something is blocking them.

So we need to ask:

What are the friction points?

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The first friction point is relationship.

Parents often want quick fixes—but real change starts with connection.

If your child doesn’t feel safe or secure, they won’t respond well to pressure.

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The second friction point is the body.

Resistance isn’t just a choice—it’s a physical experience.

When a task feels overwhelming, the body reacts with stress, avoidance, or shutdown.

We need to recognize that and respond with empathy, not pressure.

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The third friction point is your approach.

This means:

* Being patient
* Being empathetic
* Being consistent

This is not a one-time fix. It’s ongoing, small, incremental progress.

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The fourth friction point is engagement.

If something is boring, meaningless, or overwhelming, the brain resists it.

We all do this—not just kids.

So we need to consider how engaging the work actually is—and advocate when necessary.

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Finally, let’s talk about something practical: chunking.

Chunking means breaking big, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable pieces.

There are two types:

* Chunking by time
* Chunking by task

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When something feels abstract—like “clean your room” or “do your homework”—it creates overwhelm.

Chunking makes it concrete.

Instead of:
“I have to write a paper.”

Try:
“I’ll work on this for 10 minutes.”

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The goal is to reduce overwhelm and help the child get started.

Once they start, momentum often builds naturally.

Even small progress is a win—and it’s important to recognize and reflect that back to your child.

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That’s the key:

Small steps.
Consistent support.
Reduced friction.