🧠 Parents, WHY even get an Executive Function Coach? And HOW to do it right???

Hey, what’s up, parents, teachers, therapists, and anybody else who’s interested in helping kids with executive function challenges—kids who might be struggling in school and struggling to get important things done.

My name is Seth Perler from SethPerler.com or ExecutiveFunctionLab.com. Today, I’m going to talk about why to get an executive function coach. It’s probably not as complicated as you think, and it’s probably more important than you might realize. Then I’ll tell you how to get one and how to think outside the box creatively when doing so.

So, why an executive function coach? I’ll give you three reasons and three tips on how to find one.

The first reason is that executive function is a quality-of-life issue. Literally. When we struggle with executive function—as I did when I was younger, and still do now, although I now have a toolkit and know how to execute when I need to—it affects everything. Today, I have a fantastic life, but for many years, my quality of life was very low.

Up until I was about 21 or 22, things were just really hard. I was a “failure to launch” kid. I failed out of college twice and almost failed out of high school. I felt horrible about myself. When we can’t execute, it becomes a quality-of-life issue. There’s a lot of unnecessary shame that comes with it because these kids are often misunderstood, and shame is used in an attempt to motivate them—which, of course, doesn’t work.

So, the first reason to get an executive function coach is to improve quality of life. We want our kids to have the best quality of life possible.

The second reason is that we don’t learn executive function through osmosis. There’s a big misunderstanding about these kids. Whether they’re in fifth grade or college, kids who struggle with executive function are often misunderstood.

It may seem like other kids—those who get things done, prioritize, focus, manage time, and stay organized—are just trying harder. But they’re not. They’ve been building those skills for years. Kids with executive function challenges haven’t had that same experience.

It can look like these skills develop through osmosis, but they don’t. Those kids have been practicing. When a teacher says, “Get out your planners and write this down,” they can focus and follow through because they’ve practiced it thousands of times by the time they’re in middle school.

Meanwhile, other kids are doing the bare minimum just to stay out of trouble, not stand out, and avoid feeling shame. They’re trying—but they’re not getting the same quality of practice.

There’s something in education called direct instruction. That’s when someone teaches you step by step how to do something—like a math algorithm. But there’s no consistent direct instruction for executive function.

Some kids pick up these skills in bits and pieces, which works for them. But others who truly need direct instruction never get it. An executive function coach can provide that direct instruction.

The third reason is that coaching helps normalize executive function challenges. You wouldn’t believe how many kids I work with who say, “Oh my gosh, I’m not the only one.” They don’t feel alone anymore. They realize that others struggle with the same things, and that there’s nothing wrong with them. These challenges don’t make them bad—they’re just challenges.

Now, let’s talk about three tips for how to get an executive function coach.

The first tip is to think outside the box. Who could be the coach? It could be you—although, if you’re the parent, your child might not want to hear it from you. So it may be wise to find someone else.

It could be a relative your child likes and trusts. It could be an older student—if your child is in middle school, maybe a high schooler they think is cool and who has strong executive function skills. That person might not be called an executive function coach, but they can still help.

It could also be a tutor, a teacher, a paraprofessional, or someone else at the school. They don’t need the title of “executive function coach.” What matters is that they can help your child build these skills.

The second tip is to ask everyone you know. Talk to people you trust and ask if they know someone who is great with kids—someone your child will like and connect with—who can help them manage school and life.

The third tip is to interview three or more people. Even if someone comes highly recommended, your child is unique. What works for someone else’s child may not work for yours.

Involve your child in the process. You might find the “best” coach on paper—the highest-rated person—but if your child doesn’t like them or connect with them, it won’t work.

What matters most is the relationship. Your child will get much further with someone they like, trust, and feel understood by—someone who genuinely cares about them.

So, interview at least three people and let your child have a say. Even if you think someone else is more qualified, it’s more important that your child connects with the person.

That’s all I’ve got for you.

My name is Seth Perler from SethPerler.com. You can get freebies on my website, and you can check out ExecutiveFunctionLab.com for community, coaching, courses, and more.

Have a fantastic day. I wish you peace of mind, joy in your heart, and strong connections with the people you care about—especially the kids in your life.

Take care.