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Parents and Teachers,
It’s INCREDIBLY difficult to help a student who resists everything.
They resist parental help, doing homework, focusing, organizing their stuff, using planners, being forthcoming, asking for help from teachers, etc..
In this vlog, I discuss a key concept/philosophy that guides how I am able to support these students effectively. I teach you how to work in the right “grey areas.” I hope you can adapt it to your situation.
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Hey, what’s up here and some teachers. This is suffice. For that, today. I’m going to make a pretty short one relative to what I usually do and I just want to talk about this concept about how do you know how far to push a student? And so anyhow, I’m an executive function coach out of Boulder Colorado and I help struggling students figure out and navigate this thing called school and education and wouldn’t I wouldn’t want to talk about is how old how do I help a student? How do I help push that man? And then I’m going to explain this to parents and teachers really particular parents because it’s a challenging balance for parents. But basically what I’m going to talk about it still topically how I approach this and then hopefully you can use this concept in your own family are in your own classroom to to help get so basically the word part one of the ways that I describe my job is being executive function coach has is here. You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make him drink and my job is to make him drink. So who’s this? Number one problem that I deal with with all of my students as resistance my students resist doing their homework self-starting following through asking teacher for help dealing with their inbox me their online grades studying actually reading advocating for themselves being forthcoming with their parents allowing their parents to help them. They are resistant. They resist everything. So that is the number one problem that all my students deal with this resistance. And if they do not figure out how to deal with this resistance if they do not learn some stuff dialogue to help themselves move through resistance than they are limiting quite literally limiting their opportunities and possibilities and choices in life. So they are quite literally and back in your life and in preventing themselves from having the type of future that we want them to be able to have so they have to learn have a different relationship with the with this resistance. So back to what I was saying, but philosophically what I’m doing is I’m trying to bring horse water and make him drink of trying to get these kids to do things that they don’t feel like doing like their homework, like using the planner establishing habits for creating a daily plan establishing habits for organizing stuff in a way that actually works maintaining the systems that they develop and so on and so forth. So I’m trying to help them do something that they need to do for their own long-term well-being and but in the short-term, they don’t want to do it. They don’t feel like it’s not fun not interesting. It’s not it’s not a preferred activity. So they’d rather avoid it and do something else and procrastinate procrastinate procrastinate does digging deeper holes for themselves and closing opportunities. So, how do I get them to drink? How do I do it while one of the main things that I do is baby stuff site. I talk a lot about baby stuff, but I might grow successes parents teachers everything that I do it is very rare. Are there big Tiffany’s very rarely are there big giant Leeds that they take it happens sometimes but that’s not what I’m working for. That’s not what it what my objective is. My objective is Bit by Bit by Bit micro success by macro 6000 millimeter by millimeter move them forward bit by bit by bit.. So that’s what works and what happens is is that you have a positive impact just like you have a negative cascading effect if they start missing a few homework that they start getting behind it. Like it all snowballs Wildcats snowball in the positive direction as well, but it requires a lot more effort and a lot more patience and lot more persistence in a lot more value of the tiny things that that matter a lot more noticing of these tiny things. Anyhow, here is the concept that I wanted to set you up first for this concept that that I use lasso in my mind what I’m always trying to do with my students like this is always in the back of my head whether we’re working with Planters weather. We’re working with homework weather. We’re working with writing. Paper whether we’re working with writing an email and advocating for themselves to and communicating to a teacher whether working with being forthcoming with their parents about something. I am always always always always calibrating engaging where the kid is with her. Comfort zone. And what I want to do some want to push them past their comfort zone because when we don’t push them past their comfort zone often times, we are enabling them or we are disempowering them. We are not we are not empowering them to see what they’re made of we’re not empowering them to grow. They are staying stuck. So what the one thing that I do is I push them past their comfort zone. There’s a threshold so I want to push them past their comfort zone. But I don’t want to push them beyond the threshold if I push them beyond the threshold I push them too far. They’re not going to work with me. Then I can listen to me. They’re not going to want help for me. They’re not going to be open to hearing my ideas. They’re not going to allow me to support them. So if they’re going to withdraw or they’ll get frustrated or whatever. This is this what happens with parents my parents will for sure pass the threshold and they shut down all the excuses are coming out and they are not willing to take action. But if you don’t put them out there cover Zone again born an eight and a bowling world. Where were in a place where there were not pushing them their stock. They’re able to stay comfortable they able to live by their excuses in the end if we push them pots are we losing we’re not able to help him because those shut down somehow I’m not let us listen to this gray area is where I as a coach do my best work. Where are you a teacher do your best work? And where you use a parent do your best work but where the pendulum off and swing from side to side and parenting because the emotions get in there so much more easily in the end of your old patterns in your family dynamics that you grown up with any dysfunction that you’ve grown up with and all that all of our all of our subconscious pattern patterning and that type of stuff we were triggered with parents that are essentially if we are going to support them and I’m not going to go into details of all these ways with backpacks and homework I just want to get this one concept you philosophically what you want to be thinking parents teachers me. We want to be thinking is how do we push them past the comfort zone in a positive way with something that they need to be doing for their own future well-being developing skills and habits and routines for their own well-being how we push to pass that comfort zone but not pass that push them past that threat. So the gray area between the comfort zone and the threshold is where we are able to help them learn skills and habits and routines in mindsets and and and systems that they need in order to launch a great life in order to be able to have a happy and successful future that is full of choices and opportunities and possibilities. So finally to wrap it up one more time. We want to push them beyond the comfort zone. And before the threshold in in that gray zone is where we can be most effective in my opinion and he had just wanted to share that one contact with you. I hope you’re having a great school year. It is March right now and this is full on dip time like the kids. If you haven’t seen my video on the dip the kids are this is the time when students are really struggling to Tuckahoe for themselves, and now they have to swim upstream for the rest of the semester. So check out the one on the dip if your child is experiencing that and everything is falling apart. This is the time when it’s falling apart again, if I try to not nip awesome if you’re not sure if they are you better check their online grades and get clarity from teachers, see how they’re doing. Anyhow, that’s all I have. I hope you are doing amazing and I will see you next week.
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