🧠 SCREEN TIME and MENTAL HEALTH strategies to support kids: Executive Function, ADHD, Neurodivergence

Hey parents, teachers, and therapists out there.

I’m here today with Debbie Steiner Coons. What’s up, Debbie?

Hey Seth, how are you doing?

Doing good.

We’re going to talk about screen time and mental health. Debbie has been running the Bright & Quirky Summit for years, and now she’s hosting a Screen Time and Mental Health Summit, which is coming up.

This is such a big topic. Today, Debbie and I—who have known each other for a long time—want to give you very practical, implementable, actionable strategies you can use to help your kids with this complicated issue.

I’ve got a couple of my own strategies, and Debbie has a few as well. So let’s jump in.

—

Debbie, let me show everyone the summit. You mentioned that you surveyed your audience when deciding how to choose your speakers this year. Can you tell us about that?

Yeah. We surveyed our audience and got over 700 responses. We asked, “What’s your number one issue with screens and mental health?” The top answer was difficulty getting off screens.

So that’s day one: how to help your kids get off screens.

And I want to say upfront—the goal is not to eliminate screens 100%. Technology is here to stay, and it brings a lot of positive things into our lives. Having a healthy digital life is about making choices that add to your well-being rather than subtract from it.

So my first tip is to build self-awareness.

When you or your kids are using screens, ask:
“Is this adding to my well-being?”
“Am I connecting with friends?”
“Am I learning something?”

Or:
“Did I just go down a YouTube rabbit hole for three hours and now feel terrible?”

Self-awareness is the first step.

—

Right on. So how do you actually build that kind of self-awareness?

If parents want a quick exercise, grab a piece of paper and draw a simple graph.

On the Y-axis, write “adds to my well-being” at the top and “subtracts from my well-being” at the bottom.
On the X-axis, write “I use it infrequently” on one side and “I use it frequently” on the other.

Now think of something your child does online—like social media. Maybe a 13-year-old uses it frequently, and it somewhat adds to her well-being—but not completely. Plot it on the graph.

Then do the same with YouTube, video games (alone vs. with others), video chatting with grandparents, and so on.

Also ask: how do you feel after 30 minutes? After an hour? After three or four hours?

Make this a family activity. Get pizza, make ice cream sundaes, and sit down together to map it out. Talk about it.

When you raise awareness like this, kids start noticing how they feel.

—

I also interviewed a lot of kids and teens for the summit. One teen said something really powerful: she noticed that when she was in a dark mood, she would consume darker content—and the algorithms would keep feeding her more of it.

She said, “I didn’t know how to put it into words, and I didn’t know who to talk to about it.”

That’s exactly what we want to address.

—

I love that. And I like how you pointed out that it’s not just about the platform, but the type of content.

For example, watching guitar tutorials on YouTube is very different from getting stuck in a random rabbit hole. Or watching something educational versus consuming stressful news.

Helping kids understand the difference in how content affects them is huge.

And I also think this is something parents should model. Try the exercise yourself first. Be honest about your own habits.

If you want your child to be open, model that openness.

—

Absolutely. One theme that came up in the summit was “parental hypocrisy”—the idea of “do as I say, not as I do.”

A big realization for me was looking honestly at my own screen use. Our culture celebrates productivity, but kids don’t always understand the difference between working online and just being on screens.

Especially with remote work, many of us are on screens constantly. So I’ve been working on cleaning up my own habits.

—

Yeah, same here. I spend a lot of time on screens because of my work, but I also notice how it impacts me.

After several hours of calls, I feel it. I need to get outside, move, and reset.

My concern is that kids are growing up with this as their normal. They don’t have a reference point for anything different.

—

Exactly. One expert in the summit said that childhood as we know it is changing.

Kids may feel overstimulated or overwhelmed but not understand why. They might just get frustrated and act out.

That’s why it’s so important to have conversations and help them build awareness.

Another big theme is shifting from being the “bad cop” to being a coach or mentor.

Instead of saying, “Get off the screen,” you can say:
“I notice your voice is getting louder—are you still enjoying this?”
“Do you want to take a break?”
“How can I help?”

These kinds of conversations build awareness and problem-solving skills.

—

I love that. And planning is a huge part of executive function.

Kids need time for socializing, movement, mental health, boredom, creativity—all of it.

Let me share one quick strategy: leave your phone at home.

Sometimes I leave my phone at home or in the car. I also turn off almost all notifications.

I’ve noticed how much better my brain feels without constant interruptions. I don’t want to be a slave to my phone.

—

That’s a great one.

Another strategy is deciding in advance how long you’ll use screens—especially if you’re using them to regulate emotions.

Say: “I’m going to use screens for 30 minutes, then do something else.”

Set a timer. Plan ahead.

Otherwise, it’s easy to fall into endless loops.

—

I like that.

Another idea comes from Cal Newport—the concepts of a “digital Sabbath” and “digital sundown.”

A digital Sabbath is when you take a break from screens for a set period—maybe a day, half a day, or even just dinner time each day.

A digital sundown is shutting down screens at night. For example, I don’t keep devices in my bedroom. I also do a full shutdown of my computer and phone every night.

It helps reset my brain and improves sleep.

—

That’s powerful.

One last idea: think about “true fun.”

When was the last time you had real fun as a family?

True fun usually involves being active, connecting with others, and getting into a state of flow.

When kids turn off screens, they often don’t know what to do. That’s why it’s important to plan offline activities ahead of time.

We even created a screen-free activity list for families.

The key idea is this: don’t just focus on reducing screen time—focus on what you’re adding instead.

—

I love that.

That’s what the digital Sabbath is really about—not just removing screens, but creating space for connection, conversation, and presence.

Childhood goes by fast. We don’t want to miss it.

—

If you want to check out the summit, I’ll put the link below. It starts May 15, 2023.

It’s free, and there’s also an all-access pass if you want more.

Debbie, any final thoughts?

—

I’d just say this: we have so much technology in our lives, and this is an opportunity to learn from top experts in mental health and child development.

As a parent with my last child about to graduate, I can tell you—it goes fast.

Be intentional about how you use your family time.

—

Thanks so much, Debbie. And thanks for everything you do.

I’m Seth Perler. You can check out my work at sethperler.com for executive function tips.

Take care, everybody.