Too YOUNG for Exec Function Help? Educational Solutions, SethPerler.com

Hey, parents and teachers.

I got this email from a parent, and I wanted to go over it with you. I’m actually going to break this into two videos.

In this first video, I’m going to talk about young kids—generally elementary school students—and whether they need executive function help and support. In the second video, I’m going to address parents and teachers who struggle with executive function issues themselves.

I get both of these questions a lot. I’m not sure how much I’ve addressed them on my blog, so let’s dive in.

The email I received says:

“I heard you on the Tilt Parenting Podcast and loved everything you had to say. My son is twice-exceptional, but he’s only in third grade, so I think he’s still too young to benefit from your coaching. I was wondering if your blog has ever addressed what to do if a parent also suffers from executive functioning issues.

Going through my son’s journey with him made me realize that I have ADHD, inattentive type, and a lot of executive function issues. I’m really struggling with being able to help my son get organized because I’m not organized. I end up feeling terrible about myself because I feel like I’m failing my son.

Thanks for all you do.”

— Jill

I hear this kind of concern a lot.

So let’s address the first part of the question: young kids and executive function.

As far as I’m concerned, you want to address executive function issues as early as possible.

If you start noticing that your child is not naturally organized, that they are particularly disorganized, or that they’re struggling with things like keeping track of homework, following routines, getting out the door in the morning, managing transitions, or handling school-related tasks, then it’s time to pay attention.

If you’re not familiar with executive function, check out my blog. But in general, executive function refers to the skills that help us organize, plan, prioritize, manage time, and follow through on tasks.

Many parents see early warning signs and assume their child will simply grow out of it. Maybe they will—but you want to err on the side of caution.

The problem is that most families don’t find me until they’re already in crisis.

Usually, students don’t get support until middle school or high school. Occasionally, I’ll work with an elementary school student. Right now, I think I’m working with a fourth grader and a fifth grader. But most of the time, students come to me after things have already started falling apart.

In middle school, kids are often struggling just to keep everything together. By high school, things can really begin to unravel.

I primarily work with middle school, high school, and college students, and by the time they come to me, they’re often overwhelmed.

That’s why I encourage parents to address executive function issues as early as possible.

For younger children, the brain is developing rapidly. It’s very much a “use it or lose it” situation.

You want kids to exercise their executive function muscles. Of course, you still want them to be kids. You don’t want to over-structure everything. But you do want to gradually build executive function skills into their daily lives.

That way, when they reach middle school, the transition isn’t overwhelming.

You don’t want them suddenly failing classes because they never learned organizational skills, planning skills, or self-management strategies.

Another important thing is understanding where your child is headed.

If your child is in elementary school, remember that once they reach middle school, everything becomes more complex.

Suddenly they’ll have multiple teachers instead of one.

They’ll have to transition between classes.

They’ll need to manage multiple folders, notebooks, binders, assignments, and deadlines.

They’ll have to navigate online portals, which can be surprisingly complicated.

Families often tell me that one of their biggest struggles is simply figuring out what teachers expect and understanding all the information in the school portal.

The complexity increases dramatically from elementary school to middle school, from middle school to high school, and from high school to college.

You need to understand what’s coming so you can help prepare your child.

Your child doesn’t need to be fully ready today, but you should know the direction you’re heading.

Next, I want to talk about what I call the “Dip Pattern.”

I have other materials on my blog that go into greater detail, but this is a pattern that students with executive function challenges often experience over and over again.

Here’s how it works:

They start the semester strong.

They’re excited.

Everything seems to be going well.

Then, a few weeks into the semester, things start falling apart.

Grades begin to slip.

Assignments pile up.

Organization breaks down.

From that point forward, they’re often swimming upstream for the rest of the semester.

Then comes the end-of-semester crunch.

They’re trying to complete final projects, prepare for final exams, write papers, keep up with current assignments, and finish makeup work all at the same time.

Everything piles up.

The result is either extreme stress and anxiety or avoidance and withdrawal.

Those are usually the two outcomes.

You don’t want your child to get trapped in that cycle.

If they do experience it, you want it to be manageable rather than overwhelming.

Parents and teachers need to understand that this pattern is not usually caused by laziness or a lack of effort.

It’s often an executive function issue.

Finally, it’s important to understand that the solutions don’t really change as students get older. The same foundational skills apply in elementary school, middle school, high school, and college.

The complexity changes, but the underlying systems remain the same.

I talk about a concept called “Frankenstudy.”

The idea is to help students build personalized systems that match their own personalities, learning styles, strengths, and challenges.

Every child needs systems.

You need to help them develop those systems early.

They need routines.

They need organizational strategies.

They need healthy boundaries around technology.

Technology is one of the biggest challenges I see among middle school, high school, and college students. Many students spend far too much time on devices and don’t know how to pull themselves away and focus on schoolwork.

As a result, they struggle academically and sometimes limit future opportunities for themselves.

Students also need to learn emotional regulation as early as possible.

They need to learn how to manage stress, frustration, anxiety, and their own nervous systems.

And they need to learn self-advocacy.

Many teachers want students to be responsible for themselves and to ask for help when needed. The problem is that many students with executive function challenges don’t actually know how to advocate for themselves.

Teachers may assume a student is being unmotivated or irresponsible when, in reality, the student lacks the skills needed to ask for support.

That’s why self-advocacy should be taught early.

Help children learn how to communicate their needs, ask questions, seek clarification, and request support.

So yes, I absolutely believe that young children should receive executive function support as early as possible.

The good news is that many of the strategies used with older students can be adapted for younger children.

Check out my blog for more detailed information and practical strategies.

In the next video, I’ll address the second part of Jill’s question: what happens when parents themselves struggle with executive function challenges.

I’ll see you there.