🧠 Podcast: The Truth About Executive Function: Supporting Neurodiverse Kids to Thrive

You’re listening to the Mindful Mama Podcast, episode #572. Today, we’re talking about the truth about executive function and how to support neurodiverse kids to thrive with Seth Perler.

Welcome to the Mindful Mama Podcast. Here, it’s about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent. At Mindful Mama, we know that you cannot give what you do not have. When you have calm and peace within, you can give it to your children.

I’m your host, Hunter Clarke-Fields. I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can build strong, connected relationships with their children. I’ve been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years. I’m the creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training, and the author of the international bestsellers Raising Good Humans, Raising Good Humans Every Day, and the Raising Good Humans Guided Journal.

If you have a neurodiverse child, today’s episode is for you. Welcome back—or welcome for the first time. Either way, this is a great episode.

Today, I’m talking to Seth Perler, a former teacher turned executive function, ADHD, and neurodiversity activist, speaker, coach, and advocate. He is dedicated to helping struggling students learn to navigate school and life. He’s back on the podcast to talk about neurodiversity and executive function. You’ll hear practical strategies for supporting children’s growth, managing homework and routines, and creating environments where kids can thrive despite their challenges.

So join me at the table as I talk to Seth Perler.

Hunter:
Hey Seth, thank you for coming back to the Mindful Mama Podcast.

Seth Perler:
So good to see you again, Hunter.

Hunter:
I’m glad you’re here. I love the work that you do with ADHD kids and neurodiverse kids. I know you’ve worked with many families around executive function.
What are some of the biggest myths that you see parents believing about their neurodiverse kids?

Seth Perler:
There are many directions we could go with this, but let’s start here.
When we’re talking about neurodivergent kids with executive function challenges, one of the biggest myths is the “can’t vs. won’t” myth.
Parents often believe their child won’t do something—that they’re being willful, defiant, not trying hard enough, or just need to work harder or pay attention. These beliefs assume it’s a “won’t.”
But if the reality is that the child can’t—that they don’t yet have the executive function skills to do what’s being asked—then we respond very differently.
If it’s a “can’t,” we become more empathetic, compassionate, understanding, present, and connected. If it’s a “won’t,” we tend to fall into shame, blame, punishment, rewards, lecturing, and nagging—strategies that don’t actually build skills.

Hunter:
That’s interesting, because even if it were a “won’t,” empathy and teaching would still be more effective, right?

Seth Perler:
Yes, absolutely.
But these myths are deeply internalized. People with strong executive function experience motivation very differently. Completing tasks brings them relief and a sense of accomplishment.
For many people with executive function challenges, it’s more about avoiding the task as long as possible. Even after completing it, they don’t experience the same reward.
This difference reinforces the myth that some people just care more or work harder. But executive function is about how the brain helps us get things done—and when it’s impaired, kids struggle to build the life skills that give them freedom and opportunity.

Hunter:
I can even see that in my own family. No one has a diagnosis, but there are clear differences. My husband and my oldest daughter have strong executive function. My other daughter and I are just wired differently. And the world really rewards those executive skills.

Seth Perler:
That leads to another myth: assuming that because someone is good at organizing and getting things done, they’re doing the right things.
People with strong executive function can become overly compliant and later realize they’ve been living according to expectations that don’t align with their values.
I’ve seen people thrive in structured environments, then fall apart when that structure is removed.
We talk a lot about neurodivergence—which is great—but neurotypical people are also amazing. Everyone has gifts. Everyone matters.

Hunter:
That reminds me of how we used to describe people as “quirky” rather than medicalizing differences.

Seth Perler:
Yes—and many of those people were probably neurodivergent. But the point remains: everyone brings something unique.

Hunter:
Can you explain how executive function challenges show up differently for neurodiverse kids versus neurotypical kids?

Seth Perler:
Most neurotypical kids have “good enough” executive function. It may not be perfect, but it doesn’t consistently interfere with life.
With real executive function challenges—whether due to ADHD, trauma, brain injury, or other factors—the struggles are more intense and persistent compared to peers.
Often, parents just know. That gut feeling matters. Then comes the reality check—talking to teachers, professionals, and trusted people. Sometimes we over-worry, but sometimes those concerns are valid.
We also live in a time when kids are overscheduled and overwhelmed, which can amplify executive function challenges.

Hunter:
Could simplifying kids’ lives—like reducing screen time and schedules—help?

Seth Perler:
One hundred percent. Less is more.
Life is about meaningful experiences: connection, purpose, service. The more “stuff” we have—physical or digital—the more we have to manage.
I’m a minimalist in many ways. Subtraction creates space. But I also believe in rich exposure—helping kids discover what lights them up. That passion can be a lifeline.
Kids still need to do hard things, but simplifying life creates room to build the skills needed to do them.

Hunter:
How do parents find the balance between helping too much and not helping enough?

Seth Perler:
I call it “playing in the gray.”
On one extreme, there’s rescuing and enabling. On the other, neglect—“figure it out yourself.” Growth happens in the middle, where kids are pushed just beyond their comfort zone but not so far that they shut down.
Parents often struggle to find that balance because kids know how to push their buttons. That’s where our own regulation and inner work come in.
One of the most powerful tools? Asking your child—and truly listening. Curiosity opens doors.

Hunter:
That really resonates. It’s mindfulness—learning to pause and be curious instead of reactive.

Seth Perler:
Exactly. Mindfulness helps us act with intention. Sitting with discomfort, without judgment, changes everything. It’s simple—but not easy.

Hunter:
What stood out to you from this year’s Executive Function Summit?

Seth Perler:
The word of the year was curiosity—toward our kids and ourselves.
There was also a sense of heaviness. The world feels heavy right now, and kids feel it too. Our role is to be that steady, safe place for them.

Hunter:
Thank you so much, Seth. Where can people find you?

Seth Perler:
The soon-to-be-destroyed internet.

Hunter:
Thank you for being here. And for listeners—check out episode #386 to hear more of Seth’s story.
Parenting neurodiverse kids can be exhausting. You’re not alone. Tomorrow is a new day. You can always begin again.