🧠 Podcast: The Truth About Executive Function: Supporting Neurodiverse Kids to Thrive

Hunter

You’re listening to the Mindful Mama Podcast, episode #572. Today we are talking about the truth about executive function and supporting neurodiverse kids to thrive with Seth Perler.

Welcome to the Mindful Mama Podcast. Here it’s about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent. At Mindful Mama, we know that you cannot give what you do not have. And when you have calm and peace within, then you can give it to your children. I’m your host, Hunter Clarke-Fields. I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can have strong, connected relationships with their children. I’ve been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years. I’m the creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training. I’m the author of the international bestseller, “Raising Good Humans”, “Raising Good Humans Every Day”, and the “Raising Good Humans Guided Journal”.

If you have a neurodiverse kid, today’s episode is for you. Welcome, welcome back to the podcast or welcome back, welcome or welcome back. Anyway, this is a great episode. I’m going to be talking to Seth Perler, former teacher turned executive function, ADHD and neurodiversity activist, speaker, coach and advocate. He is dedicated to helping struggling students learn to navigate school and life. And he is coming back to the podcast to talk about neurodiversity and executive function. And you’re going to hear some real practical strategies for supporting children’s growth, managing homework and routines and creating environments where kids can thrive despite their challenges.

So join me at the table as I talk to Seth Perler.

Hey Seth, thank you for coming back to the Mindful Mama podcast.

Seth Perler

So good to see you again, Hunter.

Hunter

I’m glad you’re here. I love the work that you do with ADHD kids and neurodiverse kids. And I know you’ve worked with a lot of families around executive function.

What are some of the biggest myths that you see parents believing in their neurodiverse kids?

Seth Perler

Well, if we’re talking about, there’s so many directions that we could go with this, but let’s start with this. If we’re talking about neurodivergent kids with executive function challenges, one of the biggest myths is the myth about the can’t and the won’t.

So basically the myth that their child won’t do something — that they’re being willful or defiant or just not trying hard enough or just need to work harder or just need to pay attention — these sorts of things are based on a belief that it is a won’t.

If that’s the myth and the reality is that they can’t do the thing — that they don’t have the executive function skill sets to do the thing they’re being asked to do in the moment — then we’re going to intervene very differently.

If it’s a “can’t,” we’re going to be much more empathetic, compassionate, understanding, present, and connected. If it’s a “won’t,” we often revert to shame, blame, punishments, rewards, lecturing, nagging — things that don’t actually build skills.

Hunter

You know, that’s funny because the mindset of can’t or won’t is obviously important, but even if it were won’t, empathy and teaching would still be more effective, right?

Seth Perler

Yes, it would be. But these myths are so deeply internalized. People with strong executive function experience motivation very differently. For them, completing tasks brings relief and accomplishment. For many people with executive function challenges, it’s more about avoiding the task as long as possible, and even when it’s done, there isn’t that same reward.

This difference perpetuates the myth that some people just care more or work harder. But executive function is about how the brain helps us get things done — and when it’s impaired, kids struggle to build life skills that give them freedom and opportunity.

Hunter

Yeah, I can even see that in my own family. No one has a diagnosis, but there are clear differences. My husband has incredible executive function. My oldest daughter too. And then there’s me and my other daughter — we’re just wired differently. And the world really rewards those executive skills.

Seth Perler

That leads to another myth: assuming that because someone is good at organizing and getting things done, the things they’re doing are the right things. People with strong executive function can become overly compliant and later realize they’ve been living by expectations that aren’t aligned with their values.

I’ve seen people thrive in structure, then fall apart when it’s removed. And I was thinking recently — we talk a lot about neurodivergence, which is great — but neurotypical people are also amazing. Everyone has gifts. Everyone matters.

Hunter

That reminds me of how we used to describe people as quirky rather than medicalized. We celebrated differences more casually.

Seth Perler

Probably many of those people were neurodivergent. But yes — everyone brings something unique.

Hunter

Can you break down how executive function challenges show up differently for neurodiverse kids versus neurotypical kids?

Seth Perler

Most neurotypical kids have “good enough” executive function. It might be imperfect, but it doesn’t regularly interfere with life. With legitimate executive function challenges — due to ADHD, trauma, brain injury, etc. — the struggles are more pronounced and persistent compared to peers.

Often parents just know. That gut check matters. Then comes the reality check: talking with teachers, professionals, trusted people. Sometimes we over-worry. Sometimes we’re right to be concerned.

We also live in a time where kids are overscheduled and overwhelmed, which can exaggerate executive function challenges.

Hunter

Could simplifying kids’ lives — screens, schedules — be part of supporting executive function?

Seth Perler

One hundred percent. Less is more. Life is about meaningful experiences: connection, purpose, service. The more stuff we have — physical or digital — the more we have to manage.

I’m a minimalist in many ways. Subtraction creates space. But I also believe in rich exposure — helping kids find what lights them up. That passion can be a lifeline.

Kids still need to do hard things. But simplifying creates room to build the skills needed to do them.

Hunter

How do parents find the balance between helping too much and not helping enough?

Seth Perler

I call it “playing in the gray.” On one extreme is rescuing and enabling. On the other is neglect and “figure it out yourself.” Growth happens in the middle — where kids are pushed just beyond their comfort zone, but not so far they shut down.

Parents have a harder time finding that gray zone because kids know how to push their buttons. That’s where our own regulation and inner work matter.

One of the most powerful tools? Asking your kid — and truly listening. Curiosity opens doors.

Hunter

That really resonates. It’s mindfulness — learning to pause and be curious instead of reactive.

Seth Perler

Exactly. Mindfulness helps us be intentional. Sitting with discomfort, without judgment, changes everything. It’s hard and simple at the same time.

Hunter

What stood out to you from this year’s Executive Function Summit that parents need to know?

Seth Perler

The word of the year was curiosity. Curiosity toward our kids and ourselves. There was also a heaviness — the world feels heavy right now. Kids feel it too. Our job is to be that steady, safe place.

Hunter

Thank you so much, Seth. Where can people find you?

Seth Perler

The soon-to-be-destroyed internet.

Hunter

Thank you for being here. For listeners, check out episode #386 to hear more of Seth’s story.

Parenting neurodiverse kids can be exhausting. You’re not alone. Tomorrow is a new day. You can always begin anew.