What do parents really want? (executive function & 2e Twice-exceptional)

Do parents really know what they want?

One of the problems I have, as an executive function coach, is that we often get lost in the weeds. We get off course, and we focus on the wrong things.

What parents usually say they want for their kids is actually very simple.

Over 20 years of working with families, the number one thing I’ve heard parents say is:
“I just want my kid to be happy.”
Or:
“I just want my kid to be successful.”
Or:
“I just want my kid to be happy, healthy, and successful.”

Some version of that exact sentiment is what I’ve heard more than anything else.

But what does that actually mean?

The problem is that we often forget what “happy” really means. It’s a little different for everybody, but generally, when parents say they want their child to be happy, they mean they want them to thrive in four major areas:

* mentally,
* emotionally,
* physically,
* and socially.

You could also include spiritually.

What about financial independence? That fits in there too.
What about career success? That fits as well.

All of these things connect to happiness.

So essentially, when we say, “I just want my kid to be happy,” what we really mean is:

* we want them to be financially stable,
* we want them to have healthy relationships,
* we want them to be mentally strong and intellectually engaged,
* and we want them to have meaningful careers that give them purpose.

We know what we mean when we say we want them to be happy.

The problem comes from the unconscious but very common message that society has conditioned us to believe.

That message goes something like this:

In order to be happy:

* you go to school,
* work hard,
* get good grades,
* graduate,
* go to college (or continue your education somehow),
* get a good job,
* make good money,
* retire happily,
* and then die.

That becomes the “recipe” for happiness.

And practically speaking, what that means for parents is that we become extremely focused on grades and homework.

“Did you do your homework?”
“What grade did you get?”
“Did you turn it in?”

This creates a lot of tension because we rarely stop to ask deeper questions like:

* Is the homework actually valuable?
* Is it meaningful?
* Is it engaging?
* Will it genuinely improve my child’s life?

For example, one thing that absolutely blows my mind is this:

Kids can learn the Pythagorean theorem in math class, yet we often don’t teach:

* financial literacy,
* how to balance a checkbook,
* how to tip at a restaurant,
* how to calculate percentages,
* how taxes work,
* or how much basic living expenses cost.

Many students don’t know these things.

And if we truly want them to be happy and successful, they need these basic life skills.

Some kids don’t know how to:

* cook simple food,
* make macaroni and cheese,
* make their bed,
* or do laundry.

So what are we really teaching them?

What we’ve created is a system that is highly measurable, and we’ve convinced ourselves that because something is measurable, it must matter.

But just because something is measurable doesn’t mean it’s meaningful.

A grade or a score doesn’t automatically mean something valuable is being learned.

So I just wanted to share a little perspective on this:
What do parents really want?
And how can we focus on what actually helps children become happy, healthy, and successful?

Education matters, of course.
But is school alone truly providing everything they need?

If not, then how do we fill in those gaps?

Because those gaps are not going to fill themselves.

How can we creatively help children learn the things that will genuinely help them build fulfilling lives?

I hope this was helpful to you.

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