🧠 What if I, as the PARENT, also have ADHD??? [Executive Function]

Hey, it’s me, Seth Perler. I wear a lot of hats in the executive function, neurodiversity, ADHD, and ASD worlds.

I got a question from a parent: What if I, as the parent, also struggle with aspects of executive functioning?

I’m going to give you a real answer, but first I want to share some similar questions I’ve received—because I get this question in many different forms:

• “How can I help ADHD kids if I have ADHD myself?”
• “Do you recommend the same strategies for adults?”
• “Can a 54-year-old with executive function challenges use your tools?”
• “Can your work be applied to adults with executive function struggles?”
These are all essentially the same question.

So here are several key points I want to share:

1. You already have strategies.
The good news is that as an adult with ADHD, you’ve developed many compensatory strategies—often the hard way.

You’ve figured out how to:
• Pay bills
• Get chores done
• Complete tasks you don’t feel like doing
• Use your executive function despite resistance
Even if you don’t label them as “strategies,” you’ve created workarounds, systems, accountability tools, and habits that help you function.

If you reflect on what you’ve struggled with—and how you’ve worked through it—you’ll see that you’ve built your own personalized system.

And now, you can model and teach that to your child.

I sometimes call this “Franken-strategies”—custom systems built from experience. The goal is to help kids build their own.

1. Model your strategies.
Modeling is incredibly powerful.

There’s a concept called “thinking aloud,” where you narrate what you’re doing:

“Okay, I’m putting this here so I don’t forget it.”

“This is my pile for things I need to handle later.”

You’re not even directly teaching—you’re just showing your process.

Kids absorb this.

1. Co-work and problem-solve together.
Depending on your child’s age and willingness, work together.

Ask them:
• “Can you help me figure this out?”
• “How would you organize this?”
This builds collaboration, strengthens the relationship, and helps them develop their own strategies.

1. Relax and make it playful.
Have fun with it.

Laugh at yourself. Don’t take everything so seriously.

Many of us have strong inner critics—but part of our growth is learning to quiet that voice.

When you do this, your child feels it—even if you don’t say anything directly.

1. Own your struggles.
Be open.

Instead of hiding it, say:
“Yeah, I struggle with this too.”
“This is hard for me.”

This builds trust and reduces shame.

It also opens the door to sharing what works for you.

1. Declutter—seriously.
Decluttering (physical and digital) has a powerful ripple effect.

I’m a big fan of minimalism. When clutter is reduced, it becomes easier to focus on what matters.

If you work on your own systems, it naturally supports your child as well.

7. Get clear on what matters most.
Life is short.

We don’t know how much time we have—10 years, 50 years, or tomorrow.

If we have roughly 16 waking hours a day, where do we want to spend that time?

What truly matters?

Take time to reflect:
• What are your values?
• What gives your life meaning?
• Where do you want to invest your energy?
You can journal, talk to others, or even create a vision board.

When you’re clear on your values, you can reverse-engineer your actions—and that naturally shapes how you support your child.

Even if you struggle with executive function, you can still guide your child—because you’re focused on what matters most.

I hope this helps.

My name is Seth Perler. If you found this useful, please share it—it really helps. You can also like the video or leave a comment.

If you struggle with executive function, what strategies have worked for you? Share your ideas—others can learn from you.

You can find me at SethPerler.com, ExecutiveFunctionSummit.com (the summit is coming up), or ExecutiveFunctionLab.com if you want to join a supportive parent community.

Take care.