Why this Temperature Check strategy improves listening, and WHY it matters

What’s up, parents, teachers, and therapists? It’s me, Seth Perler, executive function coach. I help struggling students navigate this thing called education so they can have a great life.

In this video, I’m going to talk to you about how to listen—but more specifically, I’m going to give you one powerful tool that I use with middle school, high school, college students, and even younger kids. It’s an amazing tool you can start using today.

In fact, I’m going to challenge you to use it today—so you can listen better and help your child feel more heard.

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Now, why did I say “listen so your child feels heard”? Because real listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about making someone feel heard.

Imagine you’re talking to someone and you say, “Hey, you’re not hearing me,” and they respond, “I am hearing you. I’m listening.” You wouldn’t say that unless you felt unheard. Maybe they heard your words, but they didn’t understand your core message. Something got lost in translation.

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So how do we fix that?

Here’s one technique I use all the time. I call it the “temperature check.”

You can use this with any age—kids, students, friends, spouses, coworkers. It works across the board.

The goal of a temperature check is to get real, meaningful information—so you can actually help, instead of getting surface-level answers like:

“How was school?” — “Fine.”
“How are you?” — “Fine.”
“How do you feel?” — “Good” or “Bad.”

We want to go deeper than that.

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Here’s how it works.

Typically, I use a scale from 1 to 10.

* 10 means awesome
* 1 means horrible

You can reverse it if you want—it depends on the situation—but usually I stick with 1 to 10.

Sometimes I use 1 to 5, especially in a group setting. For example, in a classroom, I might say, “What’s your temperature on this math work? Hold up your fingers.” That way, I can quickly see who’s struggling and who’s doing okay.

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Now, what kinds of topics can you use this for?

Anything.

You can ask:

* “What’s your temperature with your science class?”
* “What’s your temperature with that teacher?”
* “What’s your temperature with those friends you mentioned last week?”
* “What’s your temperature with your sleep last night?”
* “What’s your temperature with your health or fitness?”
* “What’s your temperature with your eating habits?”
* “What’s your temperature with procrastination?”
* “What’s your temperature with school overall?”

You can apply this to any area of life.

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Now let’s say they give you a number.

Seven is the classic non-committal answer. So sometimes I even say, “You can’t pick seven,” just to push them to be more intentional.

Whatever number they choose—your next question is:

“Why?”

“Okay, you said six. Why a six?”

Then you give them time to think and respond. This is where patience matters. Let them talk. Let them feel heard.

After that, you can say:

“Tell me more.”

This simple phrase opens the door for deeper communication. Then pause again. Let them expand.

At this point, you’re starting to get real insight—something you can actually use to help.

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Next comes the most powerful part.

You ask:

“What would make it one point higher?”

If they say six, ask:
“What would make it a seven?”

If they say one, ask:
“What would make it a two?”
Or even: “What would make it a 1.1?”

We’re not jumping to a 10—we’re making it manageable. The brain needs concrete, achievable steps.

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Here’s what happens:

Instead of you telling them what to do, they start generating their own solutions.

They develop:

* agency
* ownership
* buy-in

These are their ideas—not yours.

And that’s powerful.

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Now, sometimes their answers won’t be actionable.

For example, if they say school is a “2,” and you ask what would make it a “3,” they might say, “If there was no homework.”

That doesn’t help us directly—but it still gives us insight.

So instead of shutting it down, you say:

“Cool—tell me more about that.”

Let them expand. Understand their perspective.

Then gently guide them:

“What else could make it a three?”

Eventually, you can ask, “Do you want to hear what I think?” and begin offering guidance.

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The key is this:

Instead of jumping in with advice, you’re helping them think, reflect, and problem-solve.

You’re listening in a way that makes them feel heard—and that changes everything.

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So to recap, the temperature check looks like this:

1. “What’s your temperature?” (1–10)
2. “Why?”
3. “Tell me more.”
4. “What would make it one point higher?”

And then you support and guide from there.

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Quick tip for you.

Again, my name is Seth Perler. You can go to his site for more resources.

If this helped, give it a thumbs up, like, subscribe, and share it with someone. Sharing is one of the best ways to support this work.

I’d also love to hear from you:

What’s one way you help someone feel heard? What strategies work for you?

Leave a comment and share your ideas.

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My main wish for you today is this:

I hope you have meaningful connection with your child and the people who matter most to you. I hope you experience peace of mind and some joy in your day.

Take care—I’ll see you soon.