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How to begin spring semester the right way

Here’s a 7 minute video where I share how I help prep students for the spring semester. Of course many students won’t want to do this. After all, it’s not exactly fun. But the amount of energy and frustration it will save makes it well worth it. Not to mention, it will help you have a much more successful semester, ultimately giving you more free time to do what you want.

Here are the main keys:

1. Bring everything home; books, folders, papers, everything from the desk or locker, etc.. (if you didn’t bring everything home, get it on your first day back and do this process.) 2. Purge papers. Recycle everything you possibly can (old assignments, busywork, etc.). Archive everything you might need and everything sentimental. 3. Freshen up folders and notebooks. Reevaluate your systems. 4. Update your calendar for the entire rest of the school year. 5. Get everything back into the backpack and you’re ready to go. Realistically, this process takes 30-60 minutes, but it’s well worth it. If you’re ready to hit the ground running, you’re less likely to end up swimming upstream all semester. Good luck, Seth

Winter Break 101 (Video)

antarcticaIt’s break. Everyone’s more than ready to get away from the daily grind… Students, teachers, parents, admin. You deserve this break. In fact, you need it. This time is about your needs. You need time to recharge, relax, revive, rejuvenate. Self-care is critical, and is not selfish. If fact it’s one of the most unselfish things you can do. Here are some ideas:

1. Chill.

Don’t think about school.  Come up for air. Relax. Unwind. Rejuvenate. Recharge. Let go of the agenda mindset.

2. Do what you love.

If you read or write over break, do it for pleasure. Do it for you. Read stuff you want to read. Write stuff you like to write. Take time to do other things that energize or stimulate you. Do your favorite workouts or sports. Dive into your hobbies. Watch some mindless movies. Do your thing for fun and relaxation.

3. Be present.

Take time for the most important thing in life, the people you care about. Really BE with them. Let go of distractions, (like technology) and engage with your family and friends. Be as present as you can be. This quality time is precious so don’t take it for granted.

4. If you MUST to do something for school, chunk it.

Plan a block or two that you will dedicate to these tasks. When you’re doing your task, focus on that one thing, do it in a large block of time and be done. When you’re done, DON’T think about it. Let it go and move on to what’s most meaningful in your life. Have a fantastic break. You deserve it. Happy holidays, Seth

How to plan for projects and exams: Backwards planning 101 video

Planning is one of the most important skills students must master, but for those with executive function challenges, this is notoriously difficult. I spend a great deal of time helping students build their own personalized approach to planning, so it actually works for their idiosyncrasies. “Backwards planning” is a specific strategy I use with students who have long-term projects or upcoming exams/tests. It’s flexible, easy, and powerful. The most important benefit is that it greater empowers long term memory and integration of learning.

The gist:

1. Get your planner ready (it doesn’t matter if it’s a paper planner, wall calendar, or electronic planner). 2. Plugin the dates and times for your exams or the final due date of the project. 3. Begin to plan study or work sessions backwards from the due date to the current date. 4. Be intentional and as realistic as possible about how much time you devote to each session.

Motivation

A quick note on motivation: The hardest thing about backwards planning is sitting down and starting. You just do it. The magic is in making the plan, and you don’t have to follow it exactly. Trust me, this skill will help you for your entire life, regardless of what you end up doing. You got this!

Watch the video

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Video transcript:

Hello, this is Seth with SethPerler.com, and I am here to talk to you a little bit today about backwards planning. So right now it’s December 2014 and I have a lot of students who are getting ready for finals this weekend. We’re going to be having winter break coming up soon, and as you well know with middle school, high school and college, this is the time to prep for your final exams for the semester. The students that I work with, one of the things in common between all the students that I work with, is that they have trouble planning. This is an executive function issue and you can look at some of my other videos to learn more about executive function. But basically, it’s the brain’s ability to figure out what steps are required in order to order to realistically plan and realistically manage time is very challenging. So one of the things that I do with a lot of these students when it comes time for big projects or when it comes time for exams, is to do what’s called ‘backwards planning’. So here is a calendar I’m about done with and I’m going to kind of show you on this calendar how we might go about doing in backwards planning so this is something that you can apply today. It does take a few minutes, and if you are a student watching this you’re not going to want to do it because it takes extra time upfront, but you probably also know that it will save you time and energy, and effort, and everything in the end. So if you can motivate yourself to do this, this will really save you time and energy. But the problem is that you have to put in the upfront effort, I call this front-loading in order to make it happen. So anyhow, let me go ahead and tell you how it works. Basically you want to first start out with what all of your exams are. Let’s say that on Friday you have a science exam, and let’s say you have a math exam too. Now whether using a planner on your wall or whether you using Google Calendar or iCal or something like that, or whether you using an actual paper planner, you want to start off with getting the exam written in right away. So let’s say this one is at 2 pm, this one is at 3 pm, whenever it is, get those marked in your planner. Now, you want to get your other exams for the week listed. Let’s say on the 18th you have a LA exam and let’s say that on the 17th you have a social studies exam so you get all your exams written out. Now we’re going to look at how to actually study. What you want to do is you want to get stuff into long-term memory, not short-term memory. Anytime you cram, you’re just getting stuff into short-term memory. Believe it or not, you can study less total time if you break it up into small segments and get more out of it with long-term memory then you would if you just cram the night before. So let’s say that you crammed for 2 hours a night before, then that’s two hours worth of studying. But let’s say that you broke that up into three 30 minutes segments. A half-hour, a half-hour, a half-hour, for three days. You’ll actually get more out of something like that because you’re going to be able to build it as long term memory better. So what we want to do, is let’s say that today’s the 11th, for example. Thursday night you’re probably not going to want to do much studying, but this where we are today, I’m going to start hearing I’m going to go backwards. So for the math and science exam clearly on Thursday night before the exam, I need to study. So, study math for 60 minutes, and study science for 60 minutes. The more specific you can be, you can actually say, study math (for example, in your electronic calendars this is really easy to do,) from 4 to 5 pm study math and study science from 7 to 8 pm. And of course, you can study more, you can study 2 hours a night before, 3 hours a night before, whatever you need, but you’re going to start making a plan. Whether or not you hold to the plan exactly, you’re going to start making one. Obviously the night before, those are the only two we have to study for it because those are the only two we have the next day. Now the LA exam the night before, obviously you’re going to study, let’s say we’re doing 60 minutes, and let’s say that you want to refresh your science and math. So then you’d write to study math, let’s say for the 20 minutes, and study science for 20 minutes. So the total study time is an hour and 40 minutes to sell time to eat, workout, do whatever you do after school, but you’re giving a little bit to the two that are coming up on Friday, and you’re giving a lot to the one that’s coming up the following day. Now if the social studies exam is on the 17th, definitely that’s where our focus is going to be on the 16th. So study social studies for 60 minutes, perhaps we study LA for 30 minutes, and then perhaps we study math and science for just 15 minutes each. That’s a total study time of 2 hours for all of your studying. But your primary studying is going to be your 60 Minutes social studies because that’s what you have the next day. Then you want to look at the day before, let’s say that your hardest exam is going to be science, perhaps on this day before, on this Monday night, perhaps you’re going to study 60 minutes for science, perhaps we’re going to study 30 minutes for math, perhaps you’re not to study for LA at all that day because you’re going to do a lot on Sunday or something. And let’s say that you’re going to study 30 minutes for social studies. Now on your Sunday, that’s a big day. That’s the day when you should probably get on all of them. So let’s say that you do 45 minutes each. So here is a total of 2 hours of study, here is a total of 2 hours of study, here is a total of an hour and 40 minutes of study, here’s a total of 2 hours of study. On this day, you’re going to have about three hours of studying. Now, you could obviously make it four or five, I don’t know what your situation is but be realistic about it, as realistic as you can be. And again, I’m going to say that over and over and over, if you watch my videos, if you read my blog, you’ll know that it doesn’t matter if you follow the plan exactly, it matters that you make the plan. It’s about intention. When you are intentional, when you are conscious, when you have an awareness, when you’re trying to plan out what you’re going to do that really empowers you, a lot. So, let’s see for Saturday do 45 minutes each. Let’s say you did your Saturday for 45 each also. Again, let’s say that math is the scariest one for you. Maybe on this Friday night, actually, you know, what, on the Friday night after the week before exams, I probably say don’t even think about school. You just finished your week, you’re done. You’re open you’re free. Have a good night, relax do something good for yourself on that Friday night. Don’t even think about it. And maybe on this day, on the 11th, maybe you work on study guides. And maybe you spend 15 to 30 minutes per class again for a maximum of about 2 hours of study. Now, let’s look at how this is going to pan out in the long-term when we add up how much studying you’ve done for any particular class. Let’s just take math for example. We have 60 minutes here, 20 minutes here that makes an hour and 20 minutes. 15 minutes here, that makes about an hour and 35 minutes. And a half-hour here, that makes about 2 hours. 45 minutes each that makes about 3 hours of math. 45 minutes that makes 3 and a half to 4 hours of math and then maybe with the study guides, maybe you’ve done a total of 4 to 5 hours of math. Over the course of all these days, you’ve collectively spent about 4 hours on math. Now that 4 hours is going to get you into longer-term memory, into real learning rather than at memorization the night before. And here’s how this looks. Let’s say that you have something that you want to remember. This is short-term memory, (I know this is a mess,) long-term memory (enjoy the mess, this is a beautiful thing). If you want to get something from short-term to long-term memory, imagine that you could just spend a huge amount of time cramming. So this method is more of doing a little bit and it’s almost like leapfrogging your memory. You’re building, building, building. It’s much more effective. So just wanted to go over that. Again, this is called backwards planning. This is generally for middle school, high school, and college students. And it can be for elementary students, particularly if you’re doing for a project. So backwards planning is generally intended for anything long-term, whether it’s studying for an exam or doing long-term projects, whether they be in writing or any other class. So, I think that’s about all I got for you. I hope you’re doing awesome, and I will see you soon. Take care. Please CLICK below to share.

Down to the wire: How to pull it together at the end of a semester

Watch out! It’s the end of the semester, a few weeks before break, and it’s not uncommon for things to fall apart seemingly at the last minute. Unfortunately, many students fail classes they could have passed if they took certain actions. The end of the semester arrives before you know it, and sometimes it’s too little too late. Next thing you know you’re signing up for summer school or retaking classes… Not fun and very discouraging. Usually this happens with students who feel overwhelmed much of the semester anyhow. These are students who always seem to be swimming upstream. It’s a very difficult pattern to overcome, but it’s certainly doable. Here are some insights that should help.

What’s going on?

There are many factors that contribute to the downward spiral. Here are a few: 1. Teachers are scrambling to catch up on grading. They’re often overworked, underpaid, under-resourced, burnt out and ready for a break too. Missing assignments are factored in at the last minute, often pulling grades down. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. 2. Many students struggle with executive function and are overwhelmed by the details.  Digging yourself out of a hole is extremely unmotivating. 3. You often feel so overwhelmed that you don’t even know where to start. Avoiding, procrastinating, making excuses is your default. 4.  Your grades often don’t reflect your effort or ability. You actually have learned a lot and are trying more than most people understand. You may have started many assignments and lost them, you may have redone assignments, you may hate busywork but got started on a lot of it, you may have intended to be more organized but it just didn’t happen. 5. You’re frustrated and legitimately don’t know what needs to be done for various classes. You are not a concrete thinker, you are more abstract, and even though this is a strength in your life, it is a detriment when it comes to managing this work.

What can you do about it?

1. If you have access to an online grade program, bookmark it and check it daily. 2. Write a proactive advocacy letter to every teacher. Begin something like this: “Hey, I am working hard to pass your class and want to find out if there is anything I am missing or anything I can do to make sure I finish the semester as strong as I can. Can we meet for a few minute tomorrow to discuss?” 3. Study for finals EARLY. Do not wait until the last minute. Believe it or not, even 10 minute study sprints, when done for several days, are incredibly effective (and much better than cramming). 4. Overhaul the backpack and locker. Go through every single paper you have, preferably with an organized friend or family member. Make piles for recycling, keep, finish and turn in. Flag important papers with huge post-its and keep them in plain sight until they are complete and turned in. 5. Ask a parent or a highly organized friend to turn things in for you. If you know you will probably forget, just ask them to help you out in that way. There’s no shame in that at all! 6. Decide that you’re going to make school your primary focus for the next couple weeks. Write this down somewhere and post it where you will see it daily (a mirror, door, light switch, etc.) 7. Use apps like “Self Control” or “Stay Focused” to block distractions like Minecraft, Facebook, etc. Turn off your cell phone and eliminate other distractions. 8. Plan your night every night and prioritize the work that needs to get done. I know, you don’t like to plan. Do it anyway. You need it. 9. Unitask rather than multitask. Work on one assignment at a time and work until completion. 10. Take frequent short breaks to move, not to get distracted by your favorite escape though. 11. Use a standing desk-they are incredibly helpful with focus. 12. Turn it in anyhow. This is key. Even if an assignment is not done, get.it.in.the.teacher’s.hands. A 50% is always better than a 0%, so do your best and get everything in. Yes, even if your best doesn’t feel like your best, just do it anyhow. Sometimes you just have to move on. 13. Make study parties. Chill, have fun, test each other. It works. 14. Ask friends and family to support you by bugging you to focus on your priorities. Do not get annoyed with them, but thank them for caring, even if you feel annoyed. Chances are you really do need the reminders and they are just trying to help.  15. Show up at office hours, be open and honest with your teacher. 16. Finally, learn from all of this. Have patience and compassion for yourself, and when the semester is over, reflect. Take a good look at what you can do to improve rather than repeating the same patterns. Ask people for help even if you don’t want to, because THAT is what mature and successful people do all the time. Asking for help is one of THE hardest things, but it’s actually harder when you refuse to get help. You got this! Now get moving. Go do something good for yourself. Best wishes, Seth

Gratitude

It’s November, Gratitude Month. A time to go inward and reflect on the things that matter most and those things we’re thankful for. A focus on gratitude helps us to be in a state of abundance rather than scarcity.

Benefits

As it turns out, a practice of regular gratitude is good for you. People who have a regular practice have healthier relationships, happier memories, greater self-esteem, more energy, increase their income, are sick less often, are less depressed, sleep better, exercise more, and even live longer. Essentially, the more grateful we are, the happier we are.

Teaching gratitude

If you’re a parent or teacher, modeling an attitude of gratitude is tremendously powerful and contagious. We constantly teach by example. Unfortunately, modeling an attitude of scarcity and negativity is also contagious. We get to choose how we want to show up and what we want to teach, and hopefully we choose wisely.

Try this

Here’s an easy exercise you can use to increase the gratitude you experience. Get a new notebook or journal and label it, “Gratitude Journal.” Personalize it as you wish and only ever use it to write gratitude lists or positive thoughts. Then, for the next 30 days, start and end each day writing 3 or more things you are grateful for. If that’s too much, try it for just 3 days. I have been writing gratitude lists intermittently for years and it’s been a game-changer for me. Sometimes I write a short bullet list, sometimes I write with a bit of depth. Either way works. Here’s mine from yesterday:
November 22, 2014, Morning I’m grateful: 1. That I get to do work that I love and that matters to me. 2. For my awesome family. 3. That I’m in a place in my life where I feel grounded, connected, at peace and happy.
And with deep gratitude to you: I am truly so grateful to you, dear audience. I feel so lucky to live in a time when I can share my work with the world and try to make a bit of a dent in the universe. Thanks for being a part of that-I appreciate you. Happy Gratitude Month, Seth

Want another challenge?

Go ahead and share your voice below. In the comments, share a list of 3 things you’re grateful for right now. Try it, and notice how it affects the rest of your day!

Parents, you're not alone (Part 2)

I often cite the fact that the single most common sentiment I’ve heard from parents over the past 20 years goes something like this, “I just want my child to be happy and successful.” This idea drives all of my work. You see, to me, the value of an education is measured by how happy and successful our children feel. Too much of our “modern” approach to education actually gets in the way of this. So I recently posed the following question to a Facebook group I like, “What is your GREATEST hope for your child?” Below, I list the responses, and it’s great to see that we are not alone – we all seem to want something similar for our kids. The reason this is such an important reaffirmation for me is because it helps me know I’m on the right track. What would it be like if schools, rather than using standardized tests, grades and data to measure human potential, simply asked kids and families if they felt happy and successful? Then asked, “what exactly do you need to feel successful and happy?” What if educational programming was designed in response to these answers? What if that was our main focus?
In the quotes below, you will find many iterations of the same ideas. I counted some of them and I found that there were 45 iterations of “happy”, 30 mentions of “love”, 22 of “success”, 7 of “health”, 7 of “independence”, 6 of “respect”. Clearly, we know what we want for our kids.

Here’s the list:

Note: I removed the names and edited for spelling from the original fb post. That they have complete happiness in life and their choices. I want my son to always have happiness, self love, respect for himself and others around him. To grow up to be a loving, accepting, and creative adult who follows his dreams and loves life. Happiness success and love. Happiness success and love. Wish for him to be successful, happy, and confident! To find love, to be happy to have children and be a great parent. Great Health, Success, independence and be a self-loving efficient citizen to himself and his surroundings!!! To live, love, and learn to her full potential. To stay this sweet, kind, and loving forever. To be the best she can be. To be an independent, self loving adult that lives life to the fullest, fulfill all his dreams and to be a loving partner. Find his niche. Independence, Happiness. To be happy and successful. To be happy, to be a good men, to be successful in life. Good health and much happiness. Faith, love, and joy! That he will learn how not to look at himself as a flaw or a failure. That he will see his value and be happy within. I hope for my son to be confident, to be happy, to be successful. to be successful to find happiness and to thrive at everything. A secure foundation when life gets tough and seems hopeless. Success and happiness to function in society as an adult and raise his own family! I hope they succeed in all they aspire to do. Live happy and healthy and NEVER have to go through anything rough I ever did. I wish them the best as I provide. To someday have: his own family, to be happy and succeed at whatever path he chooses for a career, that he always tries his best and knows we are always there for him. My greatest hope for all my children is that they aspire to be what they dream of. To be better in the world than what I have. To be happy in all that they do in life. To grow up to be a respectful happy adult with lots of love and fun in his life. I want my son to have happiness, inner peace, self-worth & fulfillment in his life. Beyond that I just hope he has self-acceptance, is kind to & has empathy for others, & that he realizes he plays a major part in his own future. I also hope he makes good choices & learns from any bad choices he makes along the way. To be happy. To be healthy. To be a productive part of society. That she will be doing what makes her feel complete in a setting that feels like her own design. That he will be happy, healthy and succeed in whatever his dreams and aspirations may be when he leaves school. To be independent. To be happy. To be successful. To be independent. To be himself, happy, independent, fun to be around, and successful! I dream that one day my son will understand why I do the things I do to make sure he has a good life for him… including discipline. I wish that he one day understands and appreciates what I have done for him to raise him right. And that like him I too am just human and am just as imperfect as he. Right now to graduate from elementary school since now that I am aware of all of her academic needs. There is no doubt in my mind that my son is destined to do amazing things in life. My only hope for him is Happiness… Happy, healthy and one day be med free. That’s my wish for both my kids. My greatest hopes are for him to be happy and successful. I want him to be able to be what he wants. First I want him to know he’s loved unconditionally. Second, I want him happy, healthy and able to make good decisions on his own. Lastly, I want him to be able to adjust to daily changes that life throws at him without meltdowns. To be happy. To be a functioning member of society. To be independent. For my son, to be happy, to be an amazing person, and to live in Gods plan!! To be well rounded respectful and productive adults. To have both roots and wings. Never doubt who he is. Love deeply, laugh often, and live life to its fullest. I hope my daughter will have a life where she is loved, and respected by others and have true friends. True friends that will accept her for the loving person she is, faults and all. I hope she finds happiness and fulfillment whether it’s at home or a career. To keep the Magic alive inside of them. To be happy! To read at grade level by high school and complete high school and make a great career for himself. To find ever lasting love. To be happy and have successful relationships (including friends, boyfriends, spouse), and have a successful career. Happiness. That’s all I need :0) For both of my boys to be loving caring and passionate and forgiving husbands to their wives and outstanding fathers to their children rich or poor just be great men husbands fathers… but all that starts with me and their dad… Live….laugh….love To always have dreams and goals. To always have enough and to truly love themselves and others. To know, really know with their whole being, that they are loved unconditionally and that they are an incredible gift… To me and to the world. To be her, who she is and be the happiest she can be!! That she lives a successful life and she makes all her dreams come true. To be happy in whatever he chooses in life. Plain and simple. That she is has a happy life and finds a career that she loves. I hope she grows up to be a responsible young woman who loves and is loved. I hope she makes a difference in this world as often as she can and I hope she finds happiness and fulfillment. Love, life and happiness. In the words of Dr Spock: “Live long and prosper” Succeed, Love, Happy. To be happy, to never settle, and never be afraid to say no. To find his dream job, his dream partner and dream house. To live the best life they can and to be happy!!!! To be accepted for who he is and find happiness in whatever he desires. To not have any low self-esteem from being labeled and pre-judged. To be smart and successful. To be happy from within for all of her years to come. To be a successful in life. Love and treat others the way she wants to be treated. Always the make right decision in life, and last but not least, keep God first. To believe in himself! To be successful, To love himself, and to treat others with respect no matter what. That she survives her upcoming teenage years without all the scary statistics they say ADHD kids typically present and grows up to be a respectable adult. To be happy, to love. I know he will be a great father and husband. I hope he is blessed by his children as I am. And I hope that he will find his place in this world, which will lead to all the happiness he deserves!!!

In conclusion

We are not alone. It seems to me that we’re pretty clear on what we want for our kids, and school should be supporting the development of these types of things. Rather than having curriculum be driven by massive impersonal ‘standards’ (designed by massive corporate companies who profit from our kids), it should be driven by a question like this: How can we use education to empower our kids to have happiness, success, love, independence, health and to follow their dreams? What are your thoughts? What do you want for your kids? How can schools best support this? Feel free to comment or write me directly.

Parents, you're not alone. (Part 1)

It’s not at all uncommon for parents to share with me that they feel alone, like they are the only ones going through this, and like they are not good parents. Well, you are not alone. You are about to see many of the same themes repeated over and over. A bit of background: Last weekend I gave a workshop to a big group of parents. It was called Upgrade your Grades, How to turn a rough start into a successful semester. It focused on the topics of executive function and emotional regulation. I chose these topics because I feel they are the most important topics for parents and teachers to truly understand. When we understand them, we understand the legitimacy of the struggles our kids are going through and can thus move towards much better solutions. Prior to the event, I asked many of them what their biggest concerns were. As you might imagine, many shared similar sentiments. I posted the comments on the wall so people could read them before the talk. Attendees seemed to get so much out of these that I thought I’d post them here. So here you go, a collection of snippets that reflect parents biggest concerns. I hope you enjoy this and find that relating is helpful. You are not alone! Note: In order to respect privacy, I have removed names and such.

Here we go

“Our biggest challenge is working with our 2E son (TAG & in attentive ADD). Things have been great including grades until whamo! 8th grade and adolescence…. Procrastination, bad attitude, crazier than normal disorganization, no more being able to coast on our background knowledge and now we actually have to do homework but refuse because it’s “boring” overwhelming, “pointless”. We’ve been to every other local talk on organization. We chunk, color code, use the planner etc but this is our roadblock year. Teachers at conferences say he’s a great kid and it’s obvious he knows or can do the material but he’s not showing it. He says, “I don’t care about my grades.”” “Let’s start with this: 9th grade boy, bright and out of the box thinker. Taking 5 advanced courses, finding most easy to slightly challenging. BUT – has horrible time management and often times difficult focusing (spends all weekend doing what he could do in a few hours). Tends to work better under deadline. Very resistant to planning ahead, scheduling. Not as organized as he could be and won’t take suggestions (he’s got it!) – e.g. keeping track of homework assignments, papers and deadlines. Think he would be a good candidate for the AVID program, but he doesn’t think he needs it. Vague about setting concrete goals. On one hand, doesn’t care about grades, but knows they are important and is then disappointed when he wastes time and either doesn’t finish and assignment, does it late or doesn’t do a good job. Never really learned how to take notes or study for texts – still not sure how he is working through this. Loves school, hates homework and starting to get stressed out and anxious about the load he takes on (which I did not encourage).” “My son is awesome.  Super smart, funny, and a great person. He does struggle with mapping out and planning for his work effectively so that he gets it done in school and at home. Spends a great deal of time on homework, but seems that’s where hes not completing ~he also has a hard time staying focused at school…” “Our biggest challenge, today, is getting him to care. And it can be a difficult question for the parents as well, i.e.: Why is it important that I write an essay about this book I enjoyed reading? Why should I take notes in math if I know how to do the problem? If they’re not motivated by grades, there’s often not a good answer!” “My biggest challenge right now is knowing how much to push my high school age son to do things such as turn in work, study for tests, not lose his backpack, etc.  He wants me to “back off”, and I really try to let him handle things, but if I talk to him about missing assignments, bad grades, anything, he loses it and tells me to let him handle it and it is a very negative force in our relationship.  However, he is not “handling” it on his own.  We’ve tried in the past tying things to rewards or consequences and nothing seems to make a difference.” “Our biggest challenge has been 4th grade.  There is a ton more homework (workheets) and they expect them to be more responsible.  It started with Math.  Her favorite subject.  She didn’t do well on the pre-test and could not ask any questions on the test and now she isn’t in the highest Math group.  She doesn’t like the way they expect her to do it.  She doesn’t love math anymore. Could care less about the homework.  She told me she wants to go to a camp that does fun math.  (She did however make it into the Math League which she had to test into for 4th and 5th graders after school). Then the teacher said that she doesn’t do well with transitions between subjects.  It takes her longer to adjust to be where everyone else is.  We have known this about her but just thought is was an asset, this is the first teacher to complain about it. Now at this point in school, she says she isn’t learning anything new. She is bored at school.  They have 4 tests in the spring and the teachers say they will take 8 weeks to prepare for and give.  She says, “they are just teaching for the tests” She must of heard another parent say this. She has lost her love of learning.” “Both of my boys are 2e and have struggled through school. We actually moved to Boulder from VA three years ago to “save” my oldest – he had already reached the why bother stage. Now that he’s entering high school, he’s very quickly coming back to that same stage. He’s bored, he isn’t learning and he can’t justify spending time on work that has no perceived value. He is also organizationally challenged.” “Thanks for the opportunity to give you a challenging situation.  We have a very bright son who puts in no effort, in my opinion.   He is disorganized, messy, and does not seem to be bothered by this.  He leaves a trail where ever he goes and as many times as we remind him over and over we still get the same results.  He is in 6th grade, his locker and desk space is so messy that in one class his teacher has him check in with him before he leaves the class to make sure his area is clean.  Because of this situation his papers & planner are a mess….I think you get the picture.  He really needs help with executive functioning skills, that’s why you peeked our interest.  He is so smart that he manipulates us all and some how rarely gets anything accomplished (without our help) here is the key, unless it is something that he wants to do like play hockey or video games then it is important to him. I hope that is considered a big challenge, I am at a loss.” “Biggest challenge… It’s exactly what we are facing, where we need to step in seems to be at a level that makes him miserable and then creates lots of tension and unhealthy dynamics..” “Glad to share. Our biggest challenge is having an extremely bright child who has very little interest in learning. He is denying everything that defined him for the first 13 years of his life. He longs to be “normal” and goes out of his way to hide both his strengths and his challenges. He is very perceptive and can produce whatever image is cool to his friends. From his perspective: he isn’t learning/he’s already had the material/it’s boring/I’m not going to spend 4-5 hours doing homework every night just to prove that I can do it/I know the content.Organization and keeping track of assignments is next biggest challenge. Assignments are always changing/due dates shift/details are overlooked…” “My son’s biggest challenge is executive function related organizational issues. He is advanced in school, but fell apart after missing a week of school when he was sick. Papers are crumpled in the backpack, etc..etc..” “My daughter has ADD and some learning challenges as well—poor handwriting, lack of interest in school, poor self-esteem…anything could help!” “My son seems to be able to do his homework regularly and with ease. What seems to be the great divide for us is getting him to “do his best work.” Presently he doesn’t study for tests, take notes, proofread his work, etc, but still manages to pull decent grades. “Awesome. Our biggest challenge with our ninth grader is if he forgets to turn in an assignment, he has no way to remind himself to get it turned in on his own. We have tried many different planners and ways for him to be independent with reminders, but we have yet to find a system that works for him. Therefore we spend a lot of time monitoring grades when we feel like he is old enough to self monitor. But he consistently shows that he needs a moderate amount of our intervention to succeed. I would like to decrease that parental support to a minimal level.”

Take action

This week’s challenge is to write out your child’s biggest challenges in a journal. Then identify and reach out to someone who is going through something similar. You can find someone in person or there are many places online that may feel safer. Consider searching Facebook groups, web forums, Meetup.com groups or even Pinterest.

Join the conversation

What do YOU think? How do you describe your child’s biggest challenges? Add your voice below.

Seth Godin: Why you should listen

“What is school for? If you’re not asking that, you’re wasting time and money.” –-Seth Godin

Seth Godin is someone who I admire… a lot. I’ve been following his blog for four years, have read many of his books (Permission Marketing is my favorite), watched most of his videos and listened to countless interviews.

What’s the big deal? Why should you care? Because Seth has a truly unique way of articulating his ideas so that you can use them to better help your child grow up in this world. He illuminates many of the dark corners that often go unnoticed.  He has a way of writing pithy content which, although he is known as a “marketer,” can be applied to all sorts of domains, including education.

Seth is also a giver. He does good for the world and is humble about it. He gives back in interesting and creative ways.

Education content

Here, I created an index of most of Seth’s content relevant to education. Please refer to this article as often as you’d like in order to make your way through his body of work in this area. I think it’s that important! Oh, and if I left anything out, email me through the contact page and I’ll add it.

Thanks Seth, for your rich contribution to our children.

1. Stop stealing dreams (what is school for?) PDF By Seth Godin – This is the PDF document to Seth’s 98 page ebook/manifesto. It’s a quick and brilliant read. Check it out.

2. STOP STEALING DREAMS: Seth Godin at TEDxYouth@BFS – This is a video of him presenting these ideas. (16 min)

3. Seth Godin on Education Reform. (11 min). MUST SEE for all parents and educators.

4. Seth Godin on ed reform, audio interview, 4:35 sec, by Lee Stranahan

5. The Future of Learning, Networked Society (20 min). Awesome-includes other great interviewees woven in.

6. School: Teaching you how to obey (8 min). This is a mix of clips.

7. How schools teach kids to aim low. (2 min)

8. Seth Godin, Daniel Pink and Roger Martin discuss the future of education (2 min)

9. College is High School w/ More Binge Drinking (3 min)

10. Panel Discussion of Seth Godin’s Stop Stealing Dreams (1 hr)

11. Podcast Episode 1: Seth Godin for teens on being different, college, and loving failure (13 min)

12. Seth Godin: Linchpins at Summer Camp (4 min)

13. Seth on Forbes – Article 14, ALL sorts of details about Stop Stealing Dreams on HubPages 15. Seth indicts education (33 min podcast) 16. Seth’s Krypton project

Standing Desks and how they benefit kids (video)

Please CLICK above to share. I recently did a 15 min interview with Trevor Brown from The Undesk I am a huge fan of standing desks and strongly encourage my students to try them. It should be noted that nothing is right for everyone and that you should find what works for you. Having said that, I use one myself- in fact I’m standing at it right now as I write this post. And I love it. Also, I live in Boulder, where there are countless startups and tech companies. More and more I see people around town using them… In other words, they work for a lot of people and are worth very serious consideration! Also, sedentary sitting all day has been associated with obesity, diabetes, heart disease and other negative effects.

Here are some of the common benefits of standing desks:

Greater focus, attention and concentration More alernesst, engagment and energy Higher productivity Reduced stress Freedom of movement Improved circulation, lower blood pressure Burn more calories Healthier back and joints (when using proper posture!)

Tips:

I stand on a yoga mat folded in fourths, to cushion my feet. I find that this helps me be more comfortable, and the guys at the Undesk use a similar pad. Be aware of your posture. I alternate between sitting and standing whenever I feel like it. Usually every 20-30 minute or so, but find what works for you. Also, you probably don’t want to go from sitting all day to standing all day- you may end up sore. Ease into it. Your elbows should be comfortable and at about a 90 degree angle when you are writing or typing. Relax your shoulders and your body. You should be comfortable! Screens should be at about eye level when possible. Unfortunately I am on a laptop right now, and have to bend my neck down. This is not optimal, but until I get my screen mounted, this is how I have it. The guys at teh Undesk have screens mounted-they are very cool because they are on an arm that is flexible. Move. Shift feet, move your knees, be comfortable, adjust your shoulders, roll your neck a bit. Standing should feel good, listen to your body! (You should NOT feel pain. If you do, you may be standing too long or your posture may be out of proper alignment. So shift your body or just sit if this happens.)

Visit theundesk.com here to learn more

A BIG THANKS to the guys at theUNDESK.com for their time and awesomeness!

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth

Video transcript:

Trevor Browne with the trailer. Com morning everybody. I hope you’re doing well. Look like much was Tammy. Visit those small. We have it down on the low setting right now, but I really wanted to bring this to your attention and make a video about it. Just so happens that the company is located in Boulder. And I only have one of the wall with the bracket in it’s about the Thai and I use it all the time. I was made by you guys awesome because I am working at the stable and drinking my coffee and and I can read that back and forth all the time. So I love that. I really want to get one instead of my setup because my set up means that I have to be in the wall and then I go sit at my dab pens by two different workstation. So these are just really I wanted to find out a little bit about you guys and tell you guys if you want you can order one for you guys. No help a little bit about your company and how you guys got started. His name is Eric years ago about four years ago. He was a motorcycle and dirt bike and he said he was doing a crazy guy like that you crashed really hard and he really really messed up and to the point where he just put in for 8 hours a day and do the job that you supposed to be doing any more starting to look into all the Alternatives out there and there were standing desks at the time, but they were very very big inconvenience. They had like a dead go up and down and they have a big cranked in saying that is just getting away and it’s hard and awkward. So he’s asking if you ate or they don’t even have the option they wouldn’t have Stickley standing started looking into it and then the company was really really boring or we started about six months a year. You’re not the brand new company awesome products. A lot of Versatility won’t get into that. Just a minute. Yeah, that’s a great question. And that’s why we’re here today. So when you look at kids really anybody in the body is made to move the body is going to be in motion is meant to work commence it to build and create and lift and run. Infant more so than anyone else you think of kids who think a little ball of energy always energy no matter what he’s done. Now that he’s still she still wants to run all around. So we forced kids to do what’s very unnatural for them to do we force them to sit down and pay attention for 6 hours a day 5 days a week. I mean now there’s more and more studies coming out that show that’s just not the way to go about things that it’s actually better for students if they’re allowed to move if they’re allowed to fidget fidgeting and actually brings blood nutrients and 4 months of the brain that decrease stress and then decrease depression and oxygen. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh and it is Bruce focus and concentration improves focus and concentration is reducing stress. So you start to feed rates go up is Grave Digger Improvement continues to improve his focus and Crews and their grades improve confidence. And I think that’s the greatest gift. We can give our kids home with confidence knowing that they did really well in the classroom that’s going to translate very positive long-term game. Focus also relates to engagement you’re more engaged in class when you’re more focused than when you can move around a little bit easier to think and learn all day long with a 15-minute the kids, you know, he feels like you can’t move in so he has to pay attention and the result is that the kid is focusing more on trying to pay attention to the teachers trying to give the exact time to sit still and still has all these days that showed it during a little bit fidgety movie about the movie actually allowing the child to focus more on what he supposed to be learning. If you are sitting in your sitting on one of those pitfalls movement in the increased engagement and focus and learning having a fidget, for example, if your right handed in the writing of the fidget in your left hand and your writing that getting in through your writing or your concentration with math or what-have-you standing obviously there are weighted self waited and waited have that pressure packout pressure can be helpful for some kids for learning. They’re all kind of things that have to do with movement or not stationary be we need to move to learn so off the other lamp details on how it’s beneficial for kid before we move on and how these work. I think that’s pretty much around it up when I talk to teachers about this I owe you I asked him. What is the main thing that keeps keep the kids from where? You probably do. What do you what do you think it is? That interferes with learning probably stress and lack of focus. Yes, that’s what I hear again and again and so when a teacher tells me what I look at you trying to say so do you think you are more or less stressful environment for the children and most the time? It’s probably a little bit more stressful. This is just one technique of combating. That is the very special Insight. Most hated being forced to learn a lot of August seven more for some than others. Lithotomy Ventura preschool Kindergarten kid and it can grow with them in case I like that at this is load to the company so you can probably see here is if there’s an up arrow and a down arrow. So you just you press and hold either one can move in that direction. Then you have poor memory preset. So once you find your ideal city, tiger ideal standing pipe, you can just plug it in. You don’t need to worry about trying to remember in the future. Just press number one and it goes right to it because there’s 40 music to multiple people maybe maybe two people you have one person standing and sitting tight and the other person. Let’s go up here. Is that like an ideal sitting height for me? We’re probably a little bit salty actually determine what your shoulders relaxed and then just have your elbow when it’s at 90 degrees your form to complete. Good athlete is 28.8 in. 2929 in This is and if you think about that one thing we were talking about before but school desk search up how to use for hex Keys. Undo each one and Justin only do this for student who are really big and really small in that pot. And the good thing about this is you can change it anytime to really have it in to the proper height for the kids proper posture and Burnside. That’s the other big thing about the still standing desk adjustable height desk Revolution. Is it one size doesn’t fit all For so long you’ve all been sitting at the exact same best day in and day out. I think it’s 5 to 10 years. You’re not going to see that the don’t move. They don’t work with people who don’t adjust to their right? We’re going to look back and think so we didn’t know anything back then dries. Is this crazy people looking what we’re doing to our bodies. Oh my gosh. 5 cm belt standing desk Heather the same thing you’re trying to find the right now you want to stand with your legs about shoulder-width apart light light changing your keep your muscles engaged in when your muscles are engaged and improve circulation improves blood flow and nutrient Cliff. So it shouldn’t lock your knees. He said really but it’s that those nutrients and oxygen going throughout the body that decrease stress in shoulders relaxed again up a little bit more here. That’s good. Right. I like it when you just barely started the text on the bottom of my arm, cuz then when I have my keyboard really easy if I write like that and I can move it move around in my brain works better really cool. I love this for kids mentioned the Bukis. Because that more than we have here waiting to spread out between your shoulders relaxed, but it doesn’t mean for a little bit. In brief through the finer than okay. Thanks. Also probably were saying there’s a lot of new studies come out and do our own practice and experience with this 5 minutes on is the best method method to 25 minutes of standing to five minute break 25 minutes is 35 minute break and rotate like that throughout the day. I love it. I do that with my students in my group. I work with the middle school high school and college students all in one group every week and for the kids about 15 or 20 minutes on and then a couple minute break 15 or 20 minutes. Not bad. So awesome blow up a little bit. So I notice also that sometimes you guys do really high and hanging like that sometimes I had a high schooler recently telling me he’s like that’s it is so hard didn’t stay awake in my class when I’m sitting in that desk. All I want to do is this so hard not to sometimes who is 6 foot 7 foot table work for that dick. At what time you said? I’ll go to this High sometimes when I’m feeling tired, but when I know I shouldn’t be sitting sitting out. And it was Grace that you have. It’s really good to do some sort scratching. That also helps me improve blood flow open up the body a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people are getting that body shape nowadays because they’re on computers all the time right now in Stover again. Yeah. I’m sure you’ve seen the whole picture of evolution evolutionary scale River awkward dejected hunched over non-human non exciting for a bike for kids are spending so much time on computers and Dad room without sunlight and not moving a lot. The call Amy final thought I did want to mention customization. You can be customized in all kinds of ways. You can actually put your own top on tells you a little bit about that. That’s where you do already have your own desktop. You don’t want to pay for another one’s words. We can bring in the lights and you can put them on virtually any desktop and turn it into Spanish. I think that we have over sixty different colors of tops. We have bamboo. So there’s a lot a lot a lot of boxes. Damn, it keeps getting sanding move around. Have fun. Thanks so much Trevor. I really want to emphasize how much I love these things for student. I do not think we should be sitting all day long. I think I’m home in an hour or two hours of the great alternative if your teeth That would be awesome. And if you if you have a place for your student studies or two students, this is just as great alternatives to buy one ticket to wall make one on your desk. You can actually make a little frame on top of your desk. So you can stand and then sit at the way to do it. You can probably look up on Google or YouTube and find a bunch of ways to do it. And then if you want to get one that moves automatically create your whole workstation and allow the workstation to go up and down with you and change throughout the years of your child with how they grow awesome alternative. I really appreciate what you guys are doing. I hope you guys are awesome. Thank you.

"How do I help my kid if he/she doesn't want it?"

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this… Listen, trying to help a child who won’t accept it is definitely a hard pill t swallow, but you’re not alone, and there is hope. This trend often starts when the student is in middle school and can last throughout college. Parents discuss this type of situation with me regularly. They say, “My kid won’t listen to me,” “That’s exactly what I said to her, but she got mad when I said it,” “I try to help but he won’t let me,” Etc..

Aspects

There’s an emotional aspect for the parent. It’s sad to experience, heartbreaking to watch your child struggle and not accept your input, frustrating to try to reason with them. There’s an emotional aspect for the child. They resist help, put up walls, often because they feel shame or they feel like something’s wrong with them, and it can often be intensified when parents try to help. Of course this is the opposite of what you are trying to do, but it happens all the time. There’s the logistical aspect. The more behind students get, the more difficult it becomes to dig out of the hole, the less they want to try, but the more the parents push, lecture, use logical arguments, and the worse everything gets. There’s the big picture aspect. The more they develop habits of avoidance, the more difficult life will be as an adult, leading to fewer choices in life. There’s the misperception that many kids have that they are more competent than they really are. They want to do things on their own. There’s the evolutionary aspect. Kids are supposed to gain independence from parental authority in order to become adults. It is natural for them to become resistant to parents. The brain is getting good at arguing, which has it’s benefits, but they are getting good at arguing why they should be able to do what they want, often neglecting to comprehend the counterarguments. I could go on.

So what to do?

I wish I had an easy answer, but there isn’t one. You must try anything and everything, and never give up. Trust me, the effort you make is noticed even if it isn’t appreciated. The point is that you try to connect, try to be helpful, show interest. I do have some practical tips though: Remember to have fun with your child. Create traditions and fun activities where you don’t talk about school at all. Take a step back and remember that your relationship ultimately is the most important thing. Really listen. Ask, “how can I be helpful?” and listen to what they are trying to communicate. When there is a gap int eh conversation, resist the urge to say something. Rather, keep listening, tell them you really want to know what would help. This space is critical, so bite your tongue and listen longer than you think you need to. In my work with students, this has been one of the most powerful tools. It’s often after a long pause that they had the safe space to collect their thoughts and share the most important things they need to share. When this is shared, THEN you can move towards real solutions. KEY: Often times, what is really stressful is the abstract nature of how adults intervene. In other words, they don’t know when you’re going to ask them about school, how long the uncomfortable conversation is going to last, and often they literally don’t have good answers. So they jsut end up feeling bad. Therefore, its’ good to make the abstract concrete. You can do this by clearly stating something like this, “Hey, we’re going to talk at 7 tonight about school. I need you to be completely honest with me and I won’t get mad at all. I will only try to be supportive. in fact, I will ask you HOW you want me to be supportive, and I will honor that as long as you are honest.” Then do your best to do that, and if it doesn’t work out completely, apologize, be human, move on and try again next time. It’s a process. Create space. Back off a bit, relax. Students feel your anxiety and they put up walls. Take a breather, take a step back, then re-approach your child with a heart to heart that is NOT a surprise. This sort of approach allows you to have the heart to heart, set boundaries. It allows you to stand your ground while remaining flexible when that is in the best interest. Ownership and buy-in. Try to ask your child what they think, ask what they need and want. They often have awesome ideas. I often ask things like this, “Do you want to hear my thoughts?” before jumping in with my solution. Or I ask, “How can I be helpful? What would make this better for you?” When we sincerely create this sort of space, we can get down to the heart of the matter. Get help. When things are too overwhelming and your relationship with your child is suffering, get a family therapist, a coach, take some classes, research your problem. Use teachers to help. But seriously, a great therapist is an investment that will pay off in quality of life, so don’t hesitate to get help! You and your child are worth it. Also, be open to all sorts of ideas. Sometimes meds can be game changers. Somatic therapies like brain-spotting, EMDR, eft tapping and somatic experiencing can be life changing. Other things like brain gym, tutors, and heart math can be great. Research and try! The environment. Modify the environment in order to help with executive tasks. Think of it as improving automation of tasks wherever possible. In other words, have a basket by the door for things that need to be remembered, use visual reminders, have a place for homework (see my video about the Queue), have organizational systems as simple as possible, have labeled places for everything important, have chores listed visually, etc.. Finally, frequent sincere compliments go a long way. Give specific feedback on what they are doing “right.” I like the 3:1 rule, 3 compliments for each “negative” you share. I know getting your kid to accept your help is an incredibly difficult scenario, but again, don’t give up. It’s messy, it’s challenging, but it’s real. Your relationship with your child is the most important thing in the world, so keep that in the back of your mind, and keep pushing forward. Very best, Seth Yeah, we can unintentionally create a lot of pressure. Keep this in mind and you can create a space where you can be more helpful.