HOW to coach YOUR child (video)

What’s going on? This is Seth from SethPerler.com. I hope you’re having a great day.

I was doing a coaching call with one of my students today, and afterward I thought it might be helpful to take some notes about how I run these coaching sessions.

What I’m going to do here is walk you through what we did, why we did it, and why it worked. This is primarily for parents and teachers, but my goal is to explain it in a way that you can apply with your own child or students.

The Student

This particular coaching call was with an eighth-grade boy who is fairly motivated.

I’ve been working with him since late August, and it’s now November. He’s doing fantastic. He currently has all A’s and one B.

Of course, we’re still working together because there are still three weeks left in the semester, and some of the biggest assignments and challenges are still ahead of him. There’s also one class in particular that continues to be a sticking point.

Overall, though, he’s in a very good place right now. He’s had his ups and downs, but things are going well.

The purpose of our work together has been to help him succeed at a new school despite his executive function challenges.

The Coaching Format

This particular session lasted about 45 minutes and took place over Skype.

Sometimes I meet with him online, and sometimes I see him in person here in California. Since he doesn’t live in my city, we typically meet in person every other week and do calls in between.

One thing I’ve learned is that if you’re trying to help a student change, you can’t just meet occasionally and hope for the best. You need to be responsive. Challenges come up quickly, and you have to be ready to help when they do.

Sometimes we’ll do quick 5-, 10-, or 15-minute calls several times per week. Other times we’ll have longer sessions once or twice per week, and then very in-depth sessions every couple of weeks.

There isn’t a perfect system because you’re working with a human being. Change isn’t a linear process. You have to respond to what’s actually happening.

Step 1: Build Rapport

The first five minutes of the call were spent rebuilding rapport.

Unless there’s an urgent situation—such as a sudden drop in grades—I don’t immediately jump into school issues.

Instead, I start by checking in:

• How are you doing?

• What’s new?

• How are your hobbies going?

We talk about things that are meaningful and important to the student.

If you’re a parent or teacher working with a struggling student, I recommend doing the same thing. Build rapport first.

Step 2: Check the Backpack

Next, we spent about five minutes talking about his backpack.

He said it was in good shape, but I had him physically check it while we were on the call.

Many students with executive function challenges have backpacks that are overflowing with:

• Old papers

• Garbage

• Broken pencils

• Old gym clothes

• Forgotten lunches

• Random items stuffed into every pocket

I wanted to verify that his backpack was actually organized and not just “organized enough.”

Step 3: Check Folders and Binder

We then spent another five minutes reviewing his folders and binder.

Most of it was already in good shape, but I wanted to do a quick audit.

When I look at folders and binders, I encourage students to be minimalist and organized.

I generally recommend:

• Keeping only current materials.

• Recycling unnecessary papers.

• Archiving older documents.

Most folders should contain only five to ten active papers at a time.

The goal is to reduce clutter and make materials easy to manage.

Step 4: Manage Email Inboxes

Next, we spent about twenty minutes reviewing two different email inboxes.

Today’s students need to learn how to manage email.

By high school and college, they’ll be receiving important messages from teachers and professors. They need to know how to:

• Read emails.

• Respond to emails.

• Send emails proactively.

• Archive messages.

• Delete unnecessary messages.

A lot of students are subscribed to countless notifications and promotional emails.

I often help students:

• Unsubscribe from unnecessary lists.

• Turn off alerts.

• Reduce inbox clutter.

The goal is to prevent them from having tens of thousands of unread emails later in life.

Step 5: Send Advocacy Emails

While reviewing his inboxes, we also sent two advocacy emails to teachers.

After looking at his grades, we identified areas where he needed clarification.

For the first email, I drafted a quick version because he was feeling resistant and having trouble getting started. I sent it to him, had him revise it, and then he sent it.

For the second email, he wrote it himself.

Advocacy emails are usually short and direct:

Hi, I was absent and need clarification about a missing assignment. Can I meet with you tomorrow? What do I need to complete?

I encourage students to be specific about:

• What they need.

• When they will meet the teacher.

• What questions they have.

Students often say:

“I’ll just talk to my teacher tomorrow.”

Maybe they will.

But in my experience, many students don’t follow through.

Sending the email immediately gets the process started and creates accountability.

Step 6: Review Grades

We also spent about fifteen minutes reviewing grades using a screen-sharing feature.

When I look at grades, I’m not focused on the percentage.

I’m focused on patterns.

For example:

Pattern 1: Good Homework, Poor Tests

If a student has:

• Lots of 100s on homework

• Lots of 60s on tests

Then the issue is probably test preparation.

Pattern 2: Good Tests, Missing Homework

If a student has:

• Strong test scores

• Lots of zeros on homework

Then the issue is probably homework completion and submission.

The grades themselves are less important than the patterns behind them.

Patterns tell us where intervention is needed.

Step 7: Identify Today’s Top Priority

Next, I asked him three questions:

1. What is your number one school priority today?

2. What is your number one priority for fun today?

3. What is your number one priority for yourself today?

The most important question was the first one.

I want students to develop the habit of identifying and completing their highest-priority task before moving on to other things.

That’s a habit successful students develop.

Step 8: Update the Planner

We also kept his planner open throughout the session.

As we reviewed grades, assignments, and responsibilities, we continuously updated the planner.

I consider the planner one of the most important tools a student can use.

It’s a living document that should constantly be updated as new information comes in.

The Emotional Side

One thing I haven’t mentioned yet is that many coaching calls involve a significant emotional component.

Students often struggle with:

• Resistance

• Avoidance

• Excuses

• Limiting beliefs

• Negative self-talk

Many believe:

• “I’m lazy.”

• “I’m not motivated.”

• “I’m bad at school.”

• “I can’t do this.”

These are emotional issues.

Executive function challenges aren’t just about organization or planning. They’re also about becoming comfortable doing things that feel uncomfortable.

Examples include:

• Starting homework when you don’t feel like it.

• Cleaning your room.

• Writing a paper.

• Using a planner.

• Beginning a task instead of procrastinating.

Success often requires learning how to tolerate discomfort and act anyway.

Many coaching sessions involve helping students challenge these beliefs and develop healthier mindsets.

Fortunately, this student was in a great place emotionally. Since he’s currently earning all A’s and one B, we didn’t need to spend much time on mindset work during this particular call.

The Goal

This isn’t a perfection game.

When helping students change, the goal isn’t perfection.

The goal is progress.

We’re trying to change the student’s trajectory.

We want them moving upward rather than downward—in school, in life, in confidence, and in their beliefs about themselves.

Ultimately, we want them to become happy and successful human beings.

That’s the guiding principle behind every decision I make during a coaching session.

Final Thoughts

I hope this breakdown was helpful.

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I’d also love it if you’d share this with someone you care about.

And if you have suggestions, questions, or feedback, please feel free to reach out.

Have an awesome day, and I’ll see you soon!