My daughter is DROWNING in school

Hey, what’s up? This is Seth from SethPerler.com. I hope you’re having a great day.

Sorry about the T-shirt and looking so casual. If my mom is watching this—and she probably is because she watches my videos and blogs—she’s probably saying, “Honey, you look like a mess. Why are you dressed like that?” Just kidding. Hi, Mom!

I received an email that I think is really interesting. It says:

“My 11-year-old daughter is drowning in sixth grade. She’s a very smart kid, but there are too many moving parts. I’m trying to figure out how to get the school on board with helping her. It’s becoming a full-time job for me.”

First of all, this is the time in the semester—mid-October—when many children start going through what I call “the dip.”

If your child is in sixth grade, this is especially important because sixth grade is often when everything changes. In fifth grade, there is usually a lot of support, guidance, and hand-holding. In sixth grade, students are expected to manage much more on their own.

Some teachers provide strong support during this transition, while others expect students to adapt immediately.

In this video, I’m going to break this down from two perspectives:

1. The teacher’s role

2. The parent’s role

I’ll share some tips and insights for both.

Understanding “The Dip”

The first thing to understand is that the dip is probably not going away.

Your daughter will likely experience similar dips in seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade, and beyond.

The goal isn’t necessarily to eliminate the dip entirely.

The goal is to make it smaller.

We want to help children develop systems so that they don’t have to struggle as much every year.

Some students eventually build strong enough habits that they barely experience the dip at all. However, many students who struggle with executive functioning continue to face these challenges unless they learn effective systems and strategies.

One major concern is that as overwhelm increases, resistance increases too.

When school feels overwhelming, children begin associating school with:

• Stress

• Failure

• Emotional discomfort

• Anxiety

• Frustration

The more those feelings build up, the more resistant they become to schoolwork, homework, and learning in general.

That resistance can become one of the biggest obstacles to success.

Moving from Abstract to Concrete

If your child feels like she’s drowning in details, one of the biggest goals is helping her move from abstract thinking to concrete thinking.

Here’s what I mean.

Abstract Thinking

“I have homework tonight.”

That’s all the child knows.

They don’t know:

• How much homework there is

• How long it will take

• Where to start

• When it will end

That uncertainty feels overwhelming.

Concrete Thinking

“I have homework in four classes.”

“I need to complete these four assignments.”

“It should take approximately 45 minutes.”

“I’ll start at 4:00 PM and finish by 4:45 PM.”

“Then I’ll put everything back in my backpack.”

Now the task has structure.

It has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Concrete plans feel safer because the child knows what to expect.

The challenge is that many sixth graders are expected to communicate school requirements to their parents, even though they may not yet have the organizational skills to do so effectively.

Understanding Different Types of Teachers

Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of teachers:

Right-Brained Teachers

These teachers tend to be:

• Creative

• Flexible

• Relaxed

• Innovative

• Less rigid

Left-Brained Teachers

These teachers tend to be:

• Highly organized

• Structured

• Systematic

• Detail-oriented

Most teachers I’ve encountered fall into the left-brained category.

However, within that group there are two important subgroups.

Left-Brained Teachers Who Understand Executive Function

These teachers can be fantastic.

They bring structure while also understanding how differently some students process information.

They recognize that a child who struggles with organization isn’t lazy.

They’re willing to provide support and accommodations.

Left-Brained Teachers Who Don’t Understand Executive Function

These teachers often say things like:

• “I’m teaching responsibility.”

• “The rules are the rules.”

• “Late work gets half credit.”

• “They just need to try harder.”

Unfortunately, these teachers may misinterpret executive-function challenges as laziness, lack of effort, or lack of motivation.

That’s where many problems begin.

Two Common Mistakes Teachers Make

Mistake #1: Misunderstanding Executive Function

Some teachers assume that struggling students simply aren’t trying.

They believe the problem is:

• Laziness

• Poor attitude

• Lack of motivation

• Lack of responsibility

In reality, the student may be working extremely hard but struggling with executive-function skills such as:

• Planning

• Organization

• Time management

• Prioritization

• Task initiation

Mistake #2: Underestimating Time and Energy

Many teachers don’t realize how much effort certain students expend just to keep up.

A highly organized student might finish an assignment in 20 minutes.

A student with executive-function challenges might spend two or three hours on the same assignment.

By the time they get home from school, they are often:

• Mentally exhausted

• Emotionally drained

• Physically tired

Teachers rarely see this side of the student’s life.

As a result, they may underestimate how much downtime and recovery these students truly need.

Two Things Teachers Can Do Better

Solution #1: Learn About Executive Function

Teachers need a deeper understanding of executive function.

Many educators have heard the term, but understanding the concept and truly understanding how it affects students are two very different things.

Executive-function challenges affect many students, including those with:

• ADHD

• Autism

• Dyslexia

• Sensory processing difficulties

• Learning differences

The more teachers understand executive function, the better they can support struggling students.

Solution #2: Focus on Meeting Students’ Needs

Many excellent teachers already do this.

They provide accommodations even when a student doesn’t have an official support plan.

Examples include:

• Reducing busy work

• Assigning less homework

• Offering shorter assignments

• Providing multiple ways to demonstrate learning

• Using project-based learning

• Creating more engaging assignments

The goal isn’t to lower standards.

The goal is to remove unnecessary barriers so students can show what they actually know.