Where does your ENERGY go?

Hey, what’s up?

This is Seth from SethPerler.com. I hope you’re having a great day.

Today, I want to talk a little bit about where your energy goes.

Parents, teachers, and students alike—our energy goes to four different places. I’m going to explain what those are in a moment and discuss how this concept works.

There’s someone named Marla Pain Thurman, who speaks extensively about twice-exceptional (2e) issues. She’s fantastic, and I know her from Colorado. She talks about this paradigm, and I’ve adapted it in a way that I use with my students.

The basic idea is that there are four areas where your energy gets spent every day:

1. Mental or cognitive energy (your mind)

2. Physical energy (your body)

3. Emotional energy

4. Social energy

What I love about this model is how simple and practical it is.

Imagine that you have a 24-hour day, and you’re awake for about 16 of those hours. Let’s also imagine that you have 100 points of energy available each day.

Those 100 points get distributed among the four areas: mental, physical, emotional, and social.

Once you’ve used up those 100 points, your body is telling you that it’s time to rest. It’s time to sleep, recover, rejuvenate, and regenerate.

If you continue pushing beyond those 100 points, you start operating from your reserves.

When you’re constantly operating from reserves, that’s when you can experience things like adrenal fatigue, chronic stress, emotional dysregulation, and fight-or-flight responses.

The problem is that many of our kids are being pushed beyond their limits.

Now, those 100 points don’t necessarily get divided equally. It’s not always 25 points for each category.

Some days require more physical energy. Other days require more emotional or social energy.

There’s also another layer to this.

Sometimes spending energy actually helps you gain energy, while other times it depletes you even further.

For example, imagine spending an hour with someone who exhausts you—someone you don’t enjoy being around.

That social interaction might drain a tremendous amount of your energy.

Emotionally, it affects you too, which means you’re spending points in multiple categories at once.

On the other hand, imagine spending an hour with people who energize you—people who make you laugh, help you feel safe, and bring out the best in you.

That interaction may use some energy, but it can also build resilience and leave you feeling more refreshed than depleted.

The same principle applies to physical activity.

If you go to the gym and get a healthy workout, you’re using physical energy, but you’re investing in your health.

That kind of energy expenditure strengthens you.

However, if you overtrain or live a completely sedentary lifestyle, those extremes can become depleting.

So it’s not just about how much energy you’re spending—it’s also about how you’re spending it.

Let’s look at an example.

Imagine you’re running a marathon.

Maybe 50% of your energy that day goes toward your physical body. Running a marathon is incredibly demanding physically.

Let’s say another 25% goes toward emotional energy because marathons are emotionally intense.

You also need a lot of mental focus to keep yourself going mile after mile.

Meanwhile, social energy might be very low because you’re not spending much time talking or interacting with people.

The exact percentages aren’t important. The point is that different activities draw from different energy systems.

Now, if you actually ran a marathon, you’d almost certainly exceed your 100-point limit.

You’d be operating from your reserves.

But you’d be doing it consciously.

You’d know ahead of time that it’s going to be exhausting. You’d expect to need recovery afterward.

You’d rest, recover, and allow your body to bounce back.

Now think about what we often ask of our kids.

Imagine a typical school day.

Let’s say:

• They use 30 points physically because of sports or other activities.

• They use 30 points mentally because school requires sustained concentration.

• They use 30 points socially because school is full of interactions, relationships, and social challenges.

• They use 25 points emotionally because they’re navigating stress, expectations, friendships, and personal issues.

That’s 115 points.

They’re already 15 points beyond their healthy capacity.

Then they go home and stay up late playing video games, scrolling social media, or trying to finish homework.

They’re not getting the sleep they need.

They’re not recovering.

And then they repeat the process the next day.

And the next day.

And the next day.

Eventually, they’re living in a constant state of depletion.

When kids live in that state, we often see symptoms such as:

• Stress

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Emotional dysregulation

• Sleep problems

• Food and nutrition issues

• Burnout

That’s why I love this model.

It helps us ask an important question:

Where is all of their energy going?

And once we understand that, we can start making changes.

If we can help kids balance these four areas—mental, physical, emotional, and social—we can help them build resilience.

We can help them learn how to honor their minds, their bodies, their emotional needs, and their relationships.

We can help them meet their needs while still maintaining balance.

And we can help them get enough sleep so they can recover, regenerate, and stay healthy.

This isn’t just about surviving the school year.

It’s about creating a sustainable lifestyle.

Unfortunately, our culture often overwhelms kids.

We expect a tremendous amount from them.

As parents and teachers, it can be difficult to push back against those expectations.

Sometimes we need to say:

“This homework should not be taking three hours every night.”

“We need to advocate for our child.”

“This emotional issue needs support, and we’re going to find a great therapist.”

“We need to take nutrition seriously.”

“We need to prioritize sleep.”

“We need healthier systems.”

Those are important conversations.

I wanted to share this model because it drives a lot of the work I do with students and families.

When I’m coaching students, I’m not just helping them with time management, organization, or grades.

I’m asking questions about all four areas of their lives.

I want to know what’s draining them.

I want to know what’s energizing them.

And I want to help them create practical solutions that lead to a healthier, more balanced life.

There’s always more going on beneath the surface than simply managing assignments and schedules.

Anyway, I hope this perspective helps.

I have tons of resources for parents and teachers who are working with complex kids and trying to help them thrive.

Take care.