Pillar #4. Model

Model self-care, take care of you.

The old saying, “do as I say, not as I do” is dead- actions really do speak louder than words. Our children learn through our example- we are the role models. They pick up on everything and they need us to be stable, grounded forces they can rely upon. When we live with intention and take care of ourselves, our actions show that we value ourselves. This teaches our children to listen to their deepest needs. But true self-care is no easy task. We must do our own deep inner work and healing, and opening Pandora’s box involves confronting fears and looking at things we’d rather ignore. But it works. There are many areas we need to model self-care. Not surprisingly, they correspond to the 4 need areas from Pillar #1. Understand. 

Here are some areas:

  1. Relationships: Kids learn to interact with others through our examples. We have learned from the adults in our lives and many of the behaviors passed down to us were dysfunctional and damaging. It’s important that we model self-care through being introspective and reflective, through dealing with our own shortcomings with integrity and courage. When we practice healthy boundaries, we teach healthy boundaries.
  2. Nutrition: It is so convenient to eat unhealthy foods nowadays. We don’t cook as much nor do we spend as much time eating together and connecting meaningfully. This is a very challenging area to tackle, but showing consistent effort in eating better is very powerful.
  3. Exercise: When we care for our bodies through regular exercise, when it’s a part of our routine, kids see that we value our bodies. It’s then much easier for them to build routines for healthy movement as well.
  4. Sleep: Rest is one of the most important things we need to do to take care of ourselves, yet there are so many things that interfere with it nowadays. The bedroom is for sleep, not electronic,s tv, messes, bright lights, or anything else that interrupts this vital need.
  5. Emotional well-being: Do we react or respond to life? We tend to avoid and deny our feelings in this culture. Many of us have spent years learning to get in touch, and it’s no easy task. Reacting to life is more of a victim mentality that keeps us imprisoned by fears and old emotional programming. Sometimes we need to update the emotional “software.” Responding to life implies that we have tools to manage our emotions, that emotions don’t rule us, that we can make decisions based on clarity, integrity and authenticity.
  6. Mental: Do we take care of our minds, take time to stimulate our brains, to learn new things? Do we read and challenge ourselves with new information?
NONE of these things are easy. I know, I’ve struggled with all from time to time. But I can’t stress the importance of modeling self care enough. You absolutely do not have to be perfect. Forget about comparing yourself to other people-it’s futile. Modeling that you value yourself enough to work on it as a lifestyle is all you need to do.
 

Read Pillar 5. Re-imagine and re-vamp