How long will it take for my child to change?

Hey, what’s up? In this video we’re going to talk about how you, the parent, get your child started on doing the things they need to do in terms of executive function when your child is highly resistant—when you know they are going to resist all of your attempts to help them do what they need to do.

My name is Seth Perler. I’m an executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado. I help struggling students navigate this thing called education.

I have an email here from a parent named Stacy.

Stacy says:

“Hi Seth, I’ve recently found your website and I have to say that I’m thrilled to have done so. You totally get these kids. I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle against my child, the school, and even my husband at times. But hearing you speak gives me hope and motivation to keep going. I have a question for you—well, many actually, but we’ll start with this one.

How long can I expect to get these systems up and running that you suggest? What I mean is, after going through your videos, I would like to implement much of what you suggest, but considering that my child is going to fight me the entire way, there’s no way I’m going to be able to get all these systems up and running at once: a planner that he actually uses, today’s plan sheets, a Sunday night overhaul, binder systems, a sacred study space, etc.

Let’s say we start with a planner. He’s not going to go to the store with me or pick one online. That alone will take days if I can even get him to agree. Then I need him to actually use it, which is another struggle. Then I need him to use it effectively—writing assignments, due dates, etc. As you can see, just implementing one system will take a while.

So my question is: how long am I looking at for just this one system? And at what point can I introduce another system?”

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Stacy, awesome question.

First of all, if you can find a good coach, that can help a lot. Even a tutor, or a college student your child relates to, can sometimes help implement systems because one of the most common things I hear from parents is: “My kid won’t listen to me.”

That’s very normal.

So yes—support helps. But more importantly, you need buy-in and ownership. Without that, nothing works.

You’re already seeing that clearly in your question.

You’re on the right track

You’re also right that none of these systems will be perfectly running at first. They will be works in progress.

But I don’t approach this as “finish one system, then move to the next.” I approach it differently.

Three phases of building executive function systems

When I work with students, I think in terms of three phases:

1. Foundations
2. Implementation
3. Maintenance

1. Foundations

First, we build foundations in three areas:

• Systems (tools like planners, folders, study spaces)

• Mindset (especially dealing with resistance)

• Routines and habits

If we don’t address resistance—“I don’t want to, I’ll do it later, this is stupid”—then no system will work.

This emotional resistance is central. Any program that ignores it will fail or barely work.

2. Implementation

Once foundations are in place, we start implementing systems in real life. This is where students begin actually using planners, organizing work, and practicing skills.

3. Maintenance

Finally, we refine and strengthen everything. This is “sharpening the sword”—getting better and more consistent over time.

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What success actually looks like

The goal is not perfection.

The goal is gradual progress—moving a student from a downward spiral to even a small upward trend. Even a 5% improvement is meaningful.

That shift often takes months.

In most cases, it takes at least a semester just to get systems started and functioning at a basic level. For many students, it takes multiple semesters to make things stable.

That’s normal.

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Important truth about planners

One big mistake parents and schools make is handing a student a planner and saying: “Use this.”

But using a planner is not a simple skill—it is a complex set of skills:

• time management

• prioritization

• organization

• memory

• task initiation

• consistency

We expect students to just “know how,” but many have never been taught how to actually use it.

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What you should expect

To answer your question directly:

• About one semester to build basic systems and get things moving

• Another semester (or more) to stabilize and strengthen them

• Progress is slow and non-linear

• Buy-in takes time

And yes—your child will resist. That is part of the process, not a sign you’re failing.

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Most important factor

Above all systems, the most important thing is the relationship.

If your child feels:

• seen

• heard

• understood

• safe

then change becomes possible.

If not, resistance will dominate.

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Final advice

Be patient. Layer systems slowly. Notice even very small wins. Celebrate progress that might seem tiny—because for these kids, it often is.

Even something like “you brought your planner” is progress.

And remember: you are not just building systems—you are building habits, skills, and confidence over time.