🚫 When nothing works! Parents who tried everything with few results, Executive Function

So what do you do when nothing works? Nothing helps? You’ve tried a bunch of things, and it doesn’t seem to be working?

Great question.

I have this question here from Burgundy:

“No matter the strategy, list, chart, routine, song, consequence, reward system, on and on, I can’t get my son to follow through with adaptive skills. He’s seven, in second grade, ADHD, SBD.”

At first, I didn’t fully understand the question, but then I saw all the comments underneath it and realized what people were really asking:

What do you do when you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to help?

So I want to give you some thoughts about that.

One of the last comments in the thread really stood out to me. Somebody said:

“This thread makes me so sad and depressed. I was hoping each year got better.”

And somebody else replied:

“Our stories may be outliers. Don’t give up hope.”

Now, your stories are not outliers—but also, don’t give up hope.

Because one thing all the experts on TEFOS talk about—and I even asked one of them this directly—is:

“Is there any reason for hope?”

Of course there is.

That’s what all of us do. We help families create change.

So yes, yes, yes—there is hope.

When nothing works right now, it doesn’t mean nothing *will* work.

One thing you’re going to hear over and over again throughout this summit is this:

This stuff takes time, patience, and persistence.

Time. Patience. Persistence.

I’m in the business of helping create change. That’s what all these experts do, and I’ve been doing this for a long time.

We do see change in families and in kids.

But I also think we live in such a quick-fix society that people naturally want immediate results. Parents get advice from schools, programs, books, videos, or experts. They try strategies and tips, and then they feel discouraged when those things don’t work right away.

Meanwhile, another family with equally complicated challenges tries something, and it does work.

So what’s the difference?

A lot of the time, it’s persistence.

And one of the really valuable things about the summit is that it helps people stop focusing only on the strategy, tip, or trick and instead understand:

 What’s behind the strategy?
 Why does it work?
 What’s actually going on underneath the behavior?

I say this all the time:

 Baby steps are everything.

If you hear nothing else from this talk, hear that.

Baby steps are everything in this game.

Sometimes there are big breakthroughs or huge shifts, but honestly, that’s rare. Usually those breakthroughs happen because of a million tiny baby steps over time.

And I promise you this:

If you stay persistent, keep trying, and keep adapting, there will come a day when you look back and realize:

 “Whoa… we’re not there anymore.”

But when you’re in the middle of it, it can feel endless. You can’t always see where the path leads.

Still, you will get there.

This stuff works. The brain changes.

Now, I still struggle with executive function every single day of my life. Absolutely. One hundred percent.

It’s not “gone.”

But I’ve learned:

– how to work with my resistance
– what strategies help me
– how to personalize systems for myself
– the principles behind execution

That’s what I teach with what I call “Frankenstudy”—tailoring systems to fit the individual.

People often ask me:

 “What’s the best planner?”

But honestly, that’s the wrong question.

There is no universally “best” planner.

What matters is understanding the principles of planning. Once you understand those principles, you can help somebody choose a planner that works better for their brain. And later, they can adjust or change it because they understand how planning works.

That’s why this process isn’t quick or easy.

It’s not just about tips and tricks. We need to understand the principles behind the tools.

So please—do not give up.

What you are doing matters.

Even if it doesn’t seem like it, your effort is impacting your child. They feel your love, concern, and care. Even if they can’t consciously articulate it, they sense it.

And that matters tremendously.

I think one of the hardest things for parents is feeling like they’re spinning their wheels—trying multiple things without knowing whether anything is helping.

Nobody wants that.

But sometimes you have to spin your wheels a little in order to discover what doesn’t work before you find what does.

Still, we don’t want to stay stuck there forever. We want traction.

That’s part of why this summit matters so much to me. It goes deeper than just strategies so that families can really understand what’s happening underneath all of this.

I’ll finish with one final thought.

There’s a kind of “bait and switch” that happens with this summit and with a lot of this work.

People usually come because of:

– behavior issues
– failing grades
– slipping grades
– overwhelm
– school struggles
– challenges they don’t know how to handle

But what often ends up happening is that we realize so much of this work is actually about:

– relationship
– nervous system regulation
– secure attachment
– emotional safety

And often, a huge part of the work is the parent’s work—not instead of helping the child, but alongside helping the child.

That’s the “bait and switch,” and honestly, I love that concept because it makes this work more human and more accessible.

So don’t give up.

You are in the right place.

You are asking questions. People are responding. You are not alone.

This is not rare. It’s actually incredibly common.

We have outdated systems—especially school systems—that were not designed for these kinds of brains.

Helping these kids is complicated.

It’s not a quick fix.

But hang in there.

Go connect with your child. And if you haven’t registered for TEFOS yet, the link will be in the chat.

If you appreciate what we’re doing, please share it with someone. We’ve put a lot of heart into this work.

Take care, and go connect with your kiddo.