🍎Teachers, what parents say about you, Executive Function & 2e/Twice Exceptional, video #0/4

Hello teachers. I’m really glad you’re here.

My name is Seth Perler, and I’m an executive function coach based in Colorado. I help struggling students navigate this thing called education so that they can have a great life.

Thank you for signing up for my micro-course here.

Now, I created a micro-course with four videos, but you are actually watching video number five. The reason you’re watching video number five first is because, after I completed the whole course — which was a lot of work — I realized that I really wanted you to understand how parents feel before getting into the rest of the series.

The reason I think it’s important for you to understand how parents feel at the very beginning is because it sets the stage for the depth of this problem.

The problem is that many teachers don’t even know what executive function is, and even those who do often only know a little bit about it. You may not have had training on it. You may not have learned about it in college.

I was a teacher for 12 years, and I didn’t even hear about executive function until the end of my teaching career.

So there’s a lot of misinformation and a lot of missing information. Unfortunately, kids are suffering needlessly because this information exists, but it’s not reaching the people who need it.

I want to help you understand how some parents feel. I hear these things all the time, and this should set the stage for the rest of the series.

One thing I hear often is:
“The teacher doesn’t get my kid.”

Parents feel that the teacher doesn’t take the time to understand their child. They feel the teacher assumes the child simply “won’t” do the work rather than understanding that the child “can’t.”

In other words, the teacher thinks the child is being willful, lazy, unmotivated, or just needs to try harder. Parents hear messages like:

* “They need to care more.”
* “They need to put forth more effort.”
* “They need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.”
* “They just need to try harder.”

Parents feel like the teacher doesn’t truly understand their child.

Another thing parents often say is that their child is not being treated fairly.

Many parents feel their child is being asked to do things they are not yet capable of doing and is then judged unfairly for struggling.

For example, a parent might say:
“My child got a zero even though they completed the work because they forgot to put their name on it.”

Parents often feel that this is punitive — that the teacher is trying to “teach responsibility” through punishment.

This is especially common in sixth grade, where teachers often say they are trying to teach responsibility. But parents feel that their child doesn’t yet have the executive functioning skills needed to meet those expectations.

They’ll say:
“My child already struggles with motivation, and now they got a zero even though they did the work.”

Or:
“They turned it in late, lost 50% credit, and now they’re even less motivated.”

I hear stories like this all the time.

Sometimes parents say:
“The teacher said it was optional.”

And whenever something is labeled optional, their child immediately stops putting effort into it.

Another thing I hear is that students ask teachers for help, but instead of receiving support, they feel shamed.

A student might ask:
“Can you explain this to me?”
Or:
“Can you tell me what we’re supposed to do?”

And instead of getting help, the response may feel like:
“You should have been paying attention.”

That kind of response can make students less likely to ask for help again.

A lot of these students genuinely do not know what’s going on in class. They struggle deeply with executive functioning, but they don’t feel emotionally safe enough to ask questions.

So instead, they hide. They develop coping strategies that keep them stuck.

Parents also say they often don’t know what’s happening either.

They struggle with portals, grades, assignments, and communication systems. They don’t know:

* When grades are updated
* Which teachers update consistently
* Which portal to check
* When to check it

So parents say things like:
“How am I supposed to support my child if I can’t even reliably find the information?”

Another issue I hear about frequently is fear of retaliation.

Parents are often afraid to ask teachers for clarification because they worry the teacher might take it out on their child.

I hear this far more often than most teachers probably realize.

Sometimes parents describe teachers as rigid or inflexible.

Parents also complain about excessive busywork and feel that teachers often underestimate how long assignments take students with executive functioning difficulties.

When students struggle with attention and processing speed, tasks can take dramatically longer to complete.

Parents feel that teachers don’t always understand:

* How exhausting homework battles become
* How much stress this creates at home
* How these struggles affect family relationships

I’m not saying the assignments lack value. I’m saying that many parents feel unseen and misunderstood in what they are experiencing.

For students with executive function struggles, the pile of unfinished work keeps growing until it feels completely overwhelming.

It’s not as simple as:
“Just try harder.”

There’s much more going on beneath the surface.

Parents also often feel that teachers don’t fully understand the legitimacy of attentional, executive functioning, or processing difficulties.

I also hear from parents that teachers may not realize there are things happening in the child’s life that families cannot or do not share openly.

For example:

* Trauma
* Abuse
* Divorce
* Addiction
* Violence in the home

There may be serious challenges affecting the child’s ability to function, focus, and succeed.

Parents sometimes feel that teachers shame their child or speak to them in a contemptuous or condescending way.

They’ll say things like:
“My child thinks the teacher hates them.”

Or even:
“My child thinks all their teachers hate them.”

The last thing I want to mention is one of the saddest things I hear from parents.

Sometimes parents say:
“We’re just waiting for the school year to be over.”

That’s a sign they’ve given up. They feel defeated. They just want their child to escape the class and start fresh next year.

And it’s heartbreaking because it doesn’t have to be like that.

So teachers, these kids need you desperately.

The reason I made this course is to empower you.

This video is not meant to shame teachers, make you feel bad, or criticize the profession. But we do need to have honest conversations about what’s happening.

I wanted to honestly share what many parents are going through so that teachers who genuinely want to help can better understand these students and families.

These kids need teachers who want to be of service, who want to learn, and who want to understand executive function more deeply.

Because it does not have to be like this.

Again, this course — and the four videos coming up — are just a starting point.

You can continue learning through my work or through the work of others who teach about executive function.

A lot of teachers follow my work, and if you find this helpful, please follow me on YouTube, give the video a thumbs-up, and subscribe. That helps spread this message to more people.

Please also share this with other teachers.

Having said all that, welcome to video number one — which is technically video number two — in this series.

Thank you for being here.