“He threw a fit this morning about the school day being so long”

Everybody, this is Seth from SethPerler.com. I hope you are doing well tonight.

This is an amazing question. I received an email that says:

“My eight-year-old is going through ‘the dip.’ He threw a fit this morning about the school day being so long. He did everything with tears and at a snail’s pace as he finished getting ready for school, which most likely made him late. While this doesn’t necessarily affect his grades, I know that it’s going to be a season of dragging him to school until Christmas break. What can I do to help improve his attitude toward the length of the school day? It takes everything he has to be somewhat happy at school, but when he gets home to me, he’s a mess.”

I have heard this pattern so many times.

I’m going to give you eight different ideas that will provide a lot of insight into this situation. This is not a simple issue with one simple answer. Instead, it’s something where you need to layer multiple solutions together to create an overall approach that helps.

The real question is:

How do we avoid making it a season of dragging a child to school until Christmas break?

Because that’s not good for anyone, including the child.

First, I want to mention that many children go through this. It is not uncommon. I’ve heard this from parents of children of all ages, not just eight-year-olds. This is a widespread challenge, so you’re definitely not alone.

Another thing to consider is what happens after school.

When children come home, they often have more homework to do. Think about that for a moment. They’ve already spent an entire day at school, and now we’re asking them to continue working.

Imagine if you went to work all day and then came home and had to keep working for several more hours. Most people wouldn’t enjoy that. Yet we often expect children to do exactly that.

They’re exhausted.

So that’s important to keep in mind as we begin.

Idea #1: Use This as an Opportunity for Metacognition

Metacognition means self-awareness.

The more self-aware your child becomes—the more conscious they are of their thoughts, feelings, and reactions—the better they’ll be able to manage those thoughts and feelings as they grow into adults.

Greater self-awareness often leads to greater emotional regulation, greater resilience, and ultimately more peace and happiness later in life.

This situation is actually an opportunity to help your child develop those skills.

One thing you can do is talk with your child about “the dip” before it happens, or when they’re calm and not emotional.

You might say:

“You know what? Around mid-October or early November, you tend to go through a difficult period. You get stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. This happens every year, and it’s okay. A lot of kids experience this. Let’s talk about what we can do when it happens.”

Having this conversation proactively helps build awareness.

Even if your child is already experiencing the dip, find a calm Saturday or Sunday when everyone is regulated and talk about it.

Explain that this pattern is normal and that many children experience it.

Then ask:

“What do you think would help when this happens?”

Another important conversation is about emotional overwhelm.

You don’t have to use terms like “emotional dysregulation” with an eight-year-old. Instead, you can say:

“Sometimes when things get really overwhelming, you feel upset, frustrated, or like you’re going to have a meltdown. That’s okay. Let’s think about what we can do when that happens.”

The goal is to help your child recognize these feelings before they completely take over.

When the difficult moment eventually arrives, a small part of their brain may remember:

“Oh yeah, we’ve talked about this before. I know what’s happening.”

That awareness alone can be incredibly powerful.

Idea #2: Understand the Circle of Energy

A therapist named Marlo introduced a concept that I think about often, called the “Circle of Energy.”

Imagine that every person starts the day with 100 points of energy.

Those points get spent in four areas:

• Social energy

• Emotional energy

• Physical energy

• Cognitive (thinking) energy

Once those 100 points are gone, you’re operating on reserves.

Ideally, when you’ve used up your energy, it’s time to rest and sleep. But many adults—and many children—continue pushing beyond their limits.

The question becomes:

Where is your child’s energy going?

Maybe they’re spending a huge amount of emotional energy managing anxiety.

Maybe school requires enormous cognitive effort.

Maybe they’re dealing with social challenges.

Maybe they’re physically exhausted.

Look at things such as:

• Sleep

• Nutrition

• Exercise

• Friendships

• Emotional stress

• Academic demands

Ask yourself:

“How can I help conserve my child’s energy?”

Understanding where their energy is being spent can reveal why they seem completely drained after school.

Idea #3: Ask Your Child What They Need

Sometimes the best source of information is your child.

Ask questions like:

“What would help you get through the school year more comfortably?”

“What would make afternoons easier?”

“What helps you feel better after school?”

You can also discuss motivation.

Some children respond well to rewards, while others don’t.

If rewards fit your family values and genuinely motivate your child, consider using them thoughtfully.

The key is involving your child in the problem-solving process rather than trying to solve everything for them.