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Parents beware, THIS is important! You know how I talk about the DIP pattern? Well, the final phase of it is PARENTAL AMNESIA and it’s a problem many people aren’t even aware of. This problem happens right AFTER the semester ends, and parents make some common mistakes that I dissect here. I’ll tell you EXACTLY what to do to help your child during this amnesia time.
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Who you see that that’s a real life snowball. It is for Real winter break are what’s up? Everybody in my name is stuff. What’s up? Bro. Come it is winter here in Colorado winter break here for the students. They are gone, but I am here at the office making you a video and this video parents today is about a big problem that happens over winter break going to tell you exactly what parents do and don’t do over winter break that they should do what you can do. I’m going to give you seven specific tips. I’m going to give you a printable PDF an amazing piece of paper. You can print wow. So here’s the problem. This is actually really important parents. So it’s winter break right now and I talked about the dip pattern the pattern is where if you have a student struggles with executive function, I don’t care. They’re in 5th grade are there in college you have a kid who struggles with executive function? Here’s what happens with the dip pattern. They start off the semester seems to be going. Well, then things start to dip six to eight weeks very predictable into a typical semester everything falls apart suddenly realized that all the grades of just faded and everything has gotten really bad really fast. So then that dip has happened and then your child spends the rest of this mess. We’re trying to dig themselves out of holes trying to swim upstream trying to deal with the missing link employees late work all this stuff with the dip stuff right then the last 3 weeks of the semester is what I call Hail Mary time. That’s when not only are they dealing with all this makeup work and all the stuff but they also have final exams. They have final project that final papers. They have large reading assignments all four of those long. Term things often get put off to the last minute if they are done it all and then the semester is over now. We are at the point of winter break, which is where we’re at now and parents. This is what I want you to listen to this is what often happens with the families that I work with during winter break. You start winter break. You don’t have the grades yet. The grades come out finally and you see the grades in your kid is gone through the dip in the grades were not what you expected and you’re like what in the world happened? You told me you study for finals. You told me you turn in your final project Bubba Bubba blah. And why do you have three F’s? What happened here and parents are baffled and students really start with executive function really didn’t have the tools to navigate all this really weren’t effectively tracking all of the things or taking the effort needed to do all of the things to really actually study for a final exam to really actually write a well-written essay based on a novel I read or whatever the case may be. So what happens is oftentimes parents will use a few things that don’t work very well or they may work in the moment, but they’re not actual Solutions the proud one of those is the rewards so, you know, a lot of times parents will say okay will high reward them for what they did. Well, you know, if I say, I’ll pay you money phrase or whatever and you know that they’ll try to use rewards but in this case it’s often punishments. And lectures. So in this case, you got a kiddo who just the semester didn’t end well and you set him down you lecture him you talk about it, you know, it’s winter break. You have the big sit down here. You’re disappointed. You’re like what happened? You try to lecture try to rationalize try to convince them try to get some information from them that is going to make you feel like in Spring. It’s going to be different and then the final part of the dip pattern happens that I talk about. What is the final part not Hail Mary? It’s right now during break and it is called parental amnesia. What happens with parental Amnesia is parents forget how bad it was your child is going to tell you know, I got just leave me alone. I swear I’ll do it differently. Everything will be perfect this coming semester. Everything’s going to be different in the parent forgets how bad it was. And parent thinks that it’s going to come out all the stuff and then real significant action is not taken. So I’m going to tell you what to do right now. That’s not going to fix everything not the way I roll not reality but it will help here at 7 things you want to do. So rather than just lecture your kid punish them and hope that things are going to magically change. There are seven things you can do. These are real things parents. This is what I do day in and day out his work with these kids. This will help you if you do this. Never won its break relax and connect with your kid. You got holidays. You got family in town. You’re going out of town to see family. You got connect with the kid. It’s the most important thing the world don’t talk about school the whole break take sometimes to talk about a short, but don’t string it in all over the place. Enjoy your kid. Enjoy your relationship with that. It’s the most important number one thing in the world. So number one is relaxed and connect with your child connect number to print the grade details imprint this PDF that I have included with this video, which we’ll have these seven tips for you know how but being a checklist for for you but print those two things from the PDF for this imprint the great details. So a lot of my students will look at the gray the black all I got is 76.88. I’m like, I don’t care that you got to 76 .8. I want to see the gray details. Why did you get the 76 are there missing other incompletes? Is there late work? What are the patterns of the patterns with tests are the patterns with homework Prince the great detail the details that show why your child got the grades that they got whether or not there is rest. Now, if you know me, you know, I don’t believe in grades as a moral issue, but they do Is that they are a necessary evil so friendly grade so that we can figure out the pattern that are going on number 3 do what I call a pre talk. That means that you’re not going to come out of nowhere and say your kid. Hey, we’re going to talk about school that feels very emotionally unsafe to people what you’re going to do if you’re never free talk. Free tacos like this. Hey, kiddo. What’s up? We need to have a talk this Friday about 4. We’re going to sit down. We’re going to talk about school work and talk for about a half hour to an hour. As long as your forthcoming with me. I am and you’re honest, then we’ll be done. And if not, he may take longer, but you’re not in trouble. I love you. I care about you. And I’m going to do everything I can do to help you and part of that is having this conversation. So we’re going to have a talk on Friday. It’s going to last about this long. We’re going to be sitting here. You’re going to during a free talk Howell them with coming. So that is not out of left field because that again it feels very much man takes to tell him what’s coming. We’re going to talk about how long it’s going to last now. They may want to talk about it right then but don’t do it. Keep your boundaries say no it’s okay. You’re not in trouble. We’re going to talk about it there, but they may have legitimate question cuz they may really feel like they’re in trouble depending on your Dynamic with your child. So obviously you want to help with that but set up a time and actually talk have a real talk. No cell phones on no computers. with no TV on you’re actually communicating face-to-face for Have a talk at the have the heart to heart talk now during this heart-to-heart talk. There are two four six seven things. I want you to talk about during this talk. This is on the PDF. So you don’t have to remember this. Number one. The most important thing is notice what your kid did write last semester when you have this heart-to-heart be like, look, I’m so proud of you. You’re so compassionate. You’re so creative. I noticed when you do this, I noticed when you do that, I noticed how you how you are with people. I noticed your strength. I noticed your interest. I noticed your passions. I noticed your gifts like really focus on what they did right really see them for their effort and where they did try oven time of the kids feel like nobody sees what I’m trying to do. Nobody sees how hard I try? Well, that’s because nobody really does see that make a big deal out of it make as big a deal out of that as you do the other stuff d Asked I asked so I asked this to my students all the time in different forms, but the question is basically this if you could turn back the clock, what would you do differently? So at the beginning of last semester if you could change things if you go back and do things differently, what would you do? It’s a great question. Now, you’re kidding me not tell you because you may not have a relationship where your kid even trust that you’re actually listen to them. So that’s a whole nother issue invite. You want to try to build it with holding space for them. It is so important to reflect so important to reflect so I will often ask kids. What would you do differently? If you could turn back the clock to the beginning of this semester last semester what what might you do differently in it’s amazing what they come up with. Next ask how they might take that action this coming semester. They don’t have to have the right answers parents don’t have to watch it. Then we don’t have to rationalize then you don’t have to figure everything out. You don’t have to have a conversation to the right now. Just get them thinking about it. Okay, how much you apply those actions this coming semester? That’s what you want. No next ask. How can I be helpful? How can I help you? Do that and listen to them now again, depending on your Dynamic of your child. You may not have it said relationship for your child feel safe or comfortable or like they’re even going to be heard by you if they tell you these things but ask the question anyway and hold space for them really try to listen really ask them. How can I be helpful? What would help you and really listen they say will don’t help me and that’s what would help me. Then you can say don’t be offended. Say what do you mean tell me more about that? How do I not help you? How how does that work? When that to me? I want to understand really try to hear what they’re trying to say. Next ask OK look next semester when I’m trying to help you in your resistance to my help and you don’t want it. What should I do or what? Should I say when I see that you really legitimately need help but you don’t want in your life back off. Leave me alone. I got this but you really don’t what do you want me to do and say so that’s an amazing question for parents asked to see what they think and how how you can open the door. I’m really try to hear them. And then as I said before take the printed grade details now you take your printout of your grade details and you say all right. Look here’s the grades from last semester hear the details. Let’s find the patterns. What patterns do you notice always try to get by in an ownership try to get them to say. Oh, yeah. I noticed since in this class. I have this pattern or not turning in homework in this class. I have a pattern of not doing well on papers or nothing protest try to get the buying and ownership from them as much as possible. But discuss patterns and try to discuss Solutions again. You’re not don’t be too dead horse. Don’t try to convince them or logic them. Just have dialogue. How is your goal is more to have a conversation that feels good to both of you rather than to give them to see the light. Next last thing in this conversation in this heart-to-heart asked what would help these pattern that would just found on your printout of your grades. What would help these get 1% better 1% better. I just want a small solution from a kid. I just want them thinking I don’t want them thinking. How do I turn my ass in two days? I want them thinking. How do I turn my D’s into a c minus? I want it very attainable. I want a very not overwhelming that may sound counterproductive to some of you parents especially parents who are very very very detail-oriented highly driven and stuff like that that may not sound right to you. But trust me what you are trying to get his momentum. Okay, you’re not trying to get perfection in a lot of parents who push for that Perfection it backfires on you and then you repeat the same pattern Spencer after semester number for have the heart to heart number five later on in the break you do overhauls. So the break Saint Anselm, what you want to do is you want to overhaul everything with your child. You got it over all their backpack. You got over all their folders. You got to get rid of all the old papers a lot of families don’t do this and I have a kid that comes in here into the office and they have the all the same papers that they had from a semester that’s over just filled in their backpack. Nobody’s taking the time with this kid to go through all this stuff in question. Why are you even keeping this? And do you have the systems in place for next Messer? So later on in the brake not the day that you have the heart to hurt later on in the break before you guys go back we go back January 7th here, which is a Tuesday. So maybe on the Sunday or Monday before you go back. If you live here in this District overhaul the backpack in the folders overhaul the planner make a new desk calendar, which I’ll show you in a second and overall the study space and email the teachers to let me show you the desk calendar. This is one of mine from this is one of mine from last semester that we had. So you want to start a brand new one where you make a big giant fight. These are five bucks for this big desk calendar. The important thing you can do this for your kids are with your cat. I make them bright really clear really easy to see we don’t put everything on it, but they stop like test exam papers projects things like that. Those are really helpful. Anyhow, at the point is over all the systems are all the folder the planners all that stuff email the teacher say hey, what’s up teachers, you know my kiddos in your language arts class and we are looking for clarity and usually in that. I have a bunch of things about the advocacy letters. But basically you’re saying TJ, what’s up? We want to have a successful semester. What do we need to know? That’s essentially super short email. What do we need to know about the semester to support our kit? Thanks for everything. You do. I always dream a real positively. Number 6 after you do these overhauls patiently and persistently take baby steps patiently and persistently help your child take baby steps throughout the semester patiently and persistently help your child take baby steps. Micro success is a journey of a Thousand Miles begins with one step. How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time the way that your child is going to grow and become successful in school. And in life is through millimeters. Microsoft’s baby stuff small steps. Look, maybe you lock out and get an epiphany in a giant change every once in awhile, but that’s not what I’m what working for the kids cuz I was executive function we’re looking for how can we take another small step forward? So that’s number six and then finally, SNL Sunday night over all the semester is now started its January 8th February the most important thing that you can do is a towel pure kid. Do a Sunday what I call Sunday night overall. You can look on my side for once a week. You’re helping them update their systems update their planner update their backpack reorganize their stuff clean off their desk area where they study at home check the portals and stuff like that. So there’s a lot of nuance around that but essentially that’s one of the most important things that you can do that’s actually going to get you some traction. So connected to the number one princess details of the grades and print this PDF that I have right here number 3 do the pre talk. Tell your kid. Hey, we’re going to have a talk number for have the talk number 5 do the overalls number 6 page only persistently take baby steps and get your semester started number 7 do the Sunday night overalls. My name is Seth Berlin executive function coach Bayside Boulder Colorado. If you like this video give the thumbs-up subscribe to you. Whatever you want to do. I put a lot of hard into this I sure would appreciate your support and they’re sharing your subscribing and stuff like that. I do have a group program called you g y g upgrade your grades which starts mid-January this is a group program of my online program. I worked really hard to over all this and make this amazing if you’re interested in joining us. I am literally officially closing the doors tomorrow Monday December 30th at 8 p.m. And then the people who have chosen to be in that group. I’ve got you for the whole semester and I’m going to take care of you and I’m going to help you through this mess for you and your child to have a better semester if you are ready for Change and you’re willing to take action and you don’t think it’s just going to fix itself and you want to do something about it. Feel free to check it out. Check out Eugene. Join us if you want. If not, that’s cool to the things that I’m telling you. Things on my blog will help you but you have to take action. It will not fix itself start taking baby steps today. Remember the relationships the most important things to go. Have fun with your child. Enjoy this break with them be well. I will see you soon. Take care.