I don’t talk about homeschooling often, but I think about it a lot and have a lot of blog followers who homeschool, so I’ve definitely got ideas for you. I recently received a great question from a homeschool mom:
“I just want to request that you more fully address a topic that I have not found on your site. Could you please address homeschooling? In homeschooling, it seems, executive functioning skills such as organization of papers, deadlines, turning in homework, etc are far less of a daily necessity. Yet, they are so important to the rest of life. I’m just wondering if you could suggest/do a blog/video on how to incorporate more executive functioning skill building into our homeschool. My children are only accountable to me so often there’s a lot of resistance and so little natural consequence to not following through. I know you’ve mentioned not using motivation or consequences, therefore, I am often left feeling like I’m powerless to help develop these skills. Homeschooling is a unique situation, not needing the backpack overhaul and such. Will you please address it? Thank you for what you do and for your time. Your work is extraordinary! I hope what I am requesting is clear.”
Here I go into the topic in one of my longest videos yet – I address some homeschool ideas in-depth for 35 minutes.
My intention was to give you a good idea of what you want to keep in the back of your head about executive function if you homeschool. I discuss:
How we want ALL kids happy successful launch, we’re all trying to do the same thing regardless of educational approach.
Why EF skills are so important for ANY career, and for all children.
The importance of planting seeds asap.
How to find the balance between freedom and structure.
About firm boundaries.
How to adapt the principles to your child.
The need for ownership and buy-in.
How students need “project management.”
Thoughts on homeschooling and planning, priorities, organization, color coding, inboxes, google docs, files for life, files for each project with checklists, routines (visual), set due dates, metacognition, routine times for responsibilities, catchalls, self-evaluation, homes for things, etc..
How to work with homeschool resistance, ask what consequence should be, what reward should be.
I hope this helps you!
Seth
ps- If you notice I’m somewhere new, I’m filming from my parent’s home in Indianapolis over Thanksgiving break. Hope you had a great holiday!
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Here’s an email I received:
I subscribed because I’m seriously lost as to help my child that STRUGGLES with executive functioning— every hour, every day in every situation! His output of schoolwork is far below his capabilities!
This is a great topic that many families experience! Here I dive into several key insights that will help. I discuss how it takes time, how it’s about skill-building NOT perfect output, about the role of emotional regulation, and in video 2 I discuss how you have to attack it from many different angles and why you’re looking for small wins and baby steps. Video 1/2:Video 2/2Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Part 1 — Video transcript:
What’s up? Are we having a great fall? This is Seth with Seth perler.com. And I have an email here from a mom. And it says the following I subscribed to your channel because I’m seriously lost is the help my child that struggles with executive function. Every hour every day in every situation is output of school work as far below is capabilities and that’s all she wrote and I want to respond to this because I hear the pain in her voice. I hear the fear in her voice parents are going through this they’re afraid that if child is not going to be able to launch a good future. They can see down the road and they can see that if their child does not figure this out. They will not be able to have the opportunities that they want their children have so I have some good news and bad news. I’m going to give you some insight that will help break this down a little bit. The bad news is that this stuff takes time. It takes patience. It takes persistence constant for assistance over and over and over and it’s going to feel like you’re not even getting anywhere but do not give up. Okay what you do matters what you say matters what you work with your child on matters. Do not give up. You’re going to get frustrated. You’re going to feel a shame that you’re not a good enough parent. I hear this a lot. I’m you might be hard on yourself, but just don’t stop just keep moving forward and you’ll see small breakthroughs. You’re not looking for giant epiphanies. You’re not looking for major change if there is a Magic Bullet it be sold out there for a million bucks. There is no magic bullet this stuff takes time. It takes time. It takes time. It takes patient patient patient. It takes persistence. It is the baby steps that matter it is the micro winds that matter. It is the small tiny little things that you can help your child succeed with it is helping them feel a sense of success. Your child probably feels really beaten down there. Probably not feeling engaged and they feel like their efforts are not paying off and putting all this effort into why even try this really big mindset in these these habits that are not working for them. So yeah, it takes time. I also wanted That this is skill building and so often when we’re talking about output. We are looking at are they getting the things done that need to be done? And are they getting done to the high in a koala and often if your child is here and you’re wanting them to be where they’re really getting all their homework done their double-checking everything. Everything’s right. It would take so many hours that they wouldn’t have any time for free time. So their attitude is why even try I’m not going to try to do out, but I want to avoid it. I want to procrastinate I’m not motivated to do this. So reversing that is really hard and part of the sheets that is really thinking that you are building executive function skills rather than where we get to as parents often is we get into the urgency game and the urgency game is a game where there’s something to do tomorrow. There’s something due next week. The teacher just said this was in complete. The teacher said it need to be redone there needs to be Corrections then and so we urgently trying to Swim upstream and play catch-up and help our child catch up and make sure that they stay ahead of the curve which doesn’t happen often with these kids. So they get behind him and there’s all this urgency round getting everything done. Okay, and what you you do want to get stuff done, but you want to get it done. Well enough OK and you don’t want to worry about perfection in perfect output and you want to worry about skill building building executive function skills. You want to worry about how do I help my child? Learn the skill of taking a baby step of pushing a little bit beyond their comfort zone if we push him too far beyond their comfort zone we lose them. So there’s this fine balance between this gray area between sort of you want to push them pass their comfort zone but not past the threshold you put some passes. I sure will you lose them. If you don’t push him past the comfort zone than theirs learned helplessness. So there’s this small gray Zone that you want to play in in terms of pushing them moving them for Getting them to develop the skill of grit and then there are other skills the skill of managing a backpack the skill of using a planner the skill of being honest and forthcoming the skill of self-advocacy sew-in but we’re still worried about how put oh my God. This is missing. Oh my God, this is and there’s all of this urgency going on that we sort of lose focus on we are trying to build these skills. We may have to let go of the outcome of how good the output is may have to be okay with Seasons. He’s in terms of the long game. The long game is the marathon. It’s not the Sprint. It’s the marathon we want to help them develop the skills to it to be able to go for their goals and dreams is an out because if they do not figure out how to execute They will not be able to execute one that matters to them when they are older and when they do want to watch a great future and they do have things that that they value and have goals that they can achieve because they can’t excuse so we need to build these girls. So like I said what you do matters and there’s also the whole emotional component that the resistance the procrastination the motivation that’s an emotional experience that and their body they’re feeling they’re feeling an emotion resistance is emotional. So you have to work with that as well. So anyhow, I’m going to leave you with this what you do matters parents it processed. Don’t stop keep moving forward and what works I’ve been doing this a long time. Trust me on this, please what works is baby steps microsteps small wins small successes. How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time a journey of a thousand? Miles begins with one step measuring your child next to the door frame if their growth in fractions of millimeters. Okay, you don’t even see it. But it matters and account. That is what you want to focus on small successes with the skills. Also the mind that’s also the habits but your building skills get out of the urgency game. You do need to play it sometimes I mean, it’s the reality of the of the most of the schools but don’t get stuck in that game and don’t lose sight of that. There is the other game and their the skill building game. All right. Good luck to you. Have a great.
Debbie Reber, TILT Podcast
Recently Debbie Reber interviewed me about Executive Function on her podcast, TILT Parenting. This is my favorite parenting podcast and I recommend subscribing.
Freebie: Here’s the free PDF assessment mentioned in the last show with Debbie: Executive Function Assessment. This assessment explores the most important aspects of your child’s executive function in an easy to understand format. It will give you clarity regarding your child’s executive function and how it affects them in school and life. It also has helpful tips.
About Debbie Reber & the TILT podcast
TiLT Parenting was founded in 2016 by author, speaker, coach, and most importantly, parent of an atypical kid, Debbie Reber as a podcast and online community aimed at helping parents raising differently-wired kids do so from a place of confidence, connection, and joy. Debbie is passionate about the idea that being differently-wired isn’t a deficit —it’s a difference. She hopes to change the way difference is perceived and experienced in the world so these exceptional kids, and the parents raising them, can thrive in their schools, in their families, and in their lives.
The TiLT Parenting Podcast is in the iTunes top 20 in Kids & Family, and regularly features high-profile parenting experts and educators, as well as insightful conversations between Debbie and her 13-year-old son Asher. Debbie’s book inspired by TiLT Parenting, DIFFERENTLY WIRED: Raising an Extraordinary Child in a Conventional World, comes out in Spring 2018. You can visit Debbie’s main homepage here (This particular link has info on her new book!)
THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS NEW EPISODE:
Seth’s definition of executive functioning framed so it helps people apply the principles to help kids
A step-by-step breakdown of exactly how Seth works with families
Why our relationship with our child is the number one thing to be preserved when doing this work
The importance of parents doing their own personal work / self-care during this process
Why kids “can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they can’t, not because they won’t,” so we need to back up and scaffold from where they’re at
The role of mindfulness, mindset, and motivation
Why symptoms are more important than labels
Why it’s critical to understand the role of emotional regulation in executive functioning
How we as parents can co-regulate our emotions with our child
Why we want to focus on 3 positives for every 1 negative
What “Frankenstudy” is, and how to know where to focus your energies so you can create a “domino effect” with your child’s fledgling executive functioning skills
How to best use “learning planners” to learn how to think / talk through their plan (and what we’re doing wrong)
The benefits of monthly planners versus daily or weekly planners
Helping kids identify the “MIT” – most important thing – each day
The importance of creating a sacred study space for a child
How to optimize an internet browser to make it easy with bookmark bars (and have tabs automatically open, including calendar, grade tab, email)
Why it’s important to get kids to start checking grades weekly (Seth recommends Sunday nights)
The importance of helping a child create clearly identified routines (for leaving house, doing daily plan, doing homework, etc.)
How getting visual with kids benefits them in developing their executive functioning skills
Why separate digital timers need to be a part of a child’s life so they can learn to calibrate time, as well as get started and do short bursts of work
Creating a weekly overhaul of systems
The important of kids “getting into the mode” for studying, etc: organize their space, make their plan, and executive
TILT Parenting Podcast, Debbie Reber
Recently Debbie Reber interviewed me about Executive Function on her podcast,TILT Parenting. This is my FAVORITE parenting podcast and I definitely recommend subscribing!
Freebie: Here’s the free PDF assessment mentioned in the show: Executive Function Assessment. This assessment explores the most important aspects of your child’s executive function in an easy to understand way. It will give you a ton of clarity regarding your child’s executive function and how it affects them in school and life. It also has several helpful tips.
About TILT
TiLT Parenting was founded in 2016 by author, speaker, coach, and most importantly, parent of an atypical kid, Debbie Reber as a podcast and online community aimed at helping parents raising differently-wired kids do so from a place of confidence, connection, and joy. Debbie is passionate about the idea that being differently-wired isn’t a deficit —it’s a difference. She hopes to change the way difference is perceived and experienced in the world so these exceptional kids, and the parents raising them, can thrive in their schools, in their families, and in their lives.
The TiLT Parenting Podcast is in the iTunes top 20 in Kids & Family, and regularly features high-profile parenting experts and educators, as well as insightful conversations between Debbie and her 13-year-old son Asher. Debbie’s book inspired by TiLT Parenting,DIFFERENTLY WIRED: Raising an Extraordinary Child in a Conventional World, comes out in Spring 2018.
I was recently interviewed on Jennie Friedman’s podcast, See in ADHD. In addition to producing a fantastic podcast, Jennie is an ADHD coach out of Long Island, NY who runs workshops and speaks.
In this podcast I go over 5 specific action steps to take regarding how to best help your ADHD child with their school.
Listen to the podcast on Jennie’s site here. (44 min)
There is also a great little bonus episode 243 that we did on decluttering. (6 min) You can also find it on the iTunes link below.
Listen to the See in ADHD ep242 on iTunes here. To support Jennie, you can also leave an iTunes review here!
See Jennie’s homepage here.Finally, you can download her free guide,“5 Mindset Coaching Strategies to Overcome Procrastination.”Note: If you like what I’m doing, please take a moment to *share* by clicking below. Thanks! -Seth
I created this article and PDF – Student Systems Assessment for teachers and parents, to accompany the podcast interview of me by Jennifer Gonzalez. We dove deep into some great tips that will help you help your struggling students. Jennifer’s education podcast is called The Cult of Pedagogy and it’s perfect for any teacher or parent who cares about diving deeper into the issues that face education. Check out her podcast, subscribe and give it a review. You’ll love it. This document will help break down the podcast concepts so you can apply them more effectively to help your child.
Download the free PDF Assessment here. Print it and try it! It’ll help.
Introduction
When it comes to building the systems needed to manage school, most students with strong Executive Function somehow just “figure it out”. On the other hand, struggling students don’t figure it out on their own because they aren’t wired that way. They are rarely given the guidance needed to build effective systems for managing school and life. Unfortunately, the students who struggle are often misunderstood and tend to get three negative messages:
“You’re lazy”
“You must not care enough about school”
“You just need try hard harder”
These kids often internalize these well-intended but shortsighted messages, and end up feeling feeling like they are stupid, lazy or failures. They eventually become disillusioned by school and begin to give up since their efforts rarely seem to be good enough.For some reason, our schools do not teach how to learn, how to execute, or how to “do” school. This document breaks down some of the most important systems that need to be taught directly in order for these kids to learn to successfully navigate school.
One of the key concepts I teach is called Franken-study. I use this term to refer to how there is no “one size fits all” system, and that we serve our students best by guiding them to build and refine their own reliable systems. It’s not a quick fix or a magic bullet, it requires that parents and teachers compassionately and patiently spend a great deal of energy working with these students over a long period of time. Therefore, as you read through this document, don’t try to do everything exactly as I suggest. Instead, use these concepts as a starting point for reliable systems that work well for most, not all, of these students. In other words, your child is going through a process of building her own uniquely tailored Franken-study habits and systems.
Teachers
A special thank you to teachers. We NEED you! Keep plugging away, helping our kids, and challenging the educational status quo to improve education.
The Problems
Before we look at systems, let’s look at some of the underlying problems.
“Outside-the-box learners” who struggle in school: What does that mean exactly?
The most important thing to know is that “Executive Function” challenges are the common characteristic of students who struggle. Regardless of “labels” (adhd, aspergers, dyslexic, TBI, etc), they all struggle with various aspects of EF. Therefore, when you address EF properly, you’re on the right track. Sadly, teachers are rarely given adequate training in EF. [See my “EF in Depth” article].
It’s critical to note that it’s also an emotional issue. These kids are often avoidant and resistant to things that feel emotionally “unsafe” for them. Therefore, the more an adult helps students to regulate emotion, the safer the students will feel, and the better they will be able to learn and develop their EF. Again, teachers are rarely given adequate training in emotional regulation, somatic approaches, coregulation, etc..
Misunderstandings – Three myths adults often believe that get in the way of helping these kids.
This kid is lazy
Isn’t trying hard enough
Doesn’t care about school
Lack systems – Finally, these kids don’t have “systems” to manage school and life. Your stereotypical “good students” are often “linear thinkers” who learn how to “do school” almost through osmosis. As far as school is concerned, they “get it”, they understand how to “execute” school related tasks. They are “on top of their schoolwork.” However, kids who struggle need a great deal of direct guidance in developing systems that match their needs, yet we don’t teach this!
A Bit About The Systems Students Need
Paper Management System – Systems for organization of papers. Usually binders, accordions or folders. Teachers and parents often get this wrong by insisting on binders, which are usually the worst thing for these kids. They require too much attention to detail. Instead, try simple, clearly labeled, color coded folders with matching notebooks.
Backpack management system – How to keep backpack under control? There should be a “home” for everything, and it needs to be overhauled regularly. Note- Many students do not use their lockers at all and put EVERYTHING into their backpack. Although this may seem silly, it’s actually not a bad compensatory strategy for many kids, because they know that at least they have it somewhere in there. One of the biggest problems is that as the school year goes on, it gets fuller and more difficult to manage because it becomes so full.
Planner system – I recommend minimalist monthly planners (not weekly). These need to be updated daily. Planning is a huge skill – see my Toolkit Videos for in-depth ideas.
Grade Monitoring system – Students should have their online grade programs bookmarked for easy reference. They sould be looking at grades 2-3 times a week. THey should NOT rely on just the “grade” but should be looking at the detailed list of assignments. Print these for easy reference.
Self advocacy – Self advocacy muscles must be utilized in order to grow. Kids often say they will talk to the teacher but don’t. Emailing their teachers helps with accountability. But they have to go in person to ask for help. It’s really hard at first, but once they try this a few times, it becomes one of the easiest systems to apply.
SSS – Students need a Sacred Study Space at home but they are rarely guided through the process of creating it. It needs to be optimized for focus and distractions need to be eliminated.
Weekly Overhaul – Maintainers vs. overhaulers. This overhaul is absolutely critical. If you don’t help your students learn to do consistent overhauls, none of this matters. It’s absolutely, positively not enough to just show them what to do, we have to help them buildhabits, and there is no quick fix or magic bullet. It takes time, effort and compassionate patience.
Important: For more help on these systems, my free Student Success Toolkit is available when you subscribe to my blog. I send you a mini-course of fantastic, in-depth videos that walk you through the most important things you need in order to help a struggling student.
It’s already that time of year again, Thanksgiving break is upon us.
At this point in the semester, many of the students I work with struggle with a very definite and predictablepattern:
Swimming upstream – These kids are in “swimming upstream” mode. They are “behind” and are often getting “extensions” on late work. This is never good and only adds to the overwhelm and confusion regarding where to even begin. Naturally, they avoid making any real traction, full of excuses.
Fantasy land – They imagine they’ll “catch up” on a bunch of work over fall break. Unfortunately, they haven’t developed the executive function skills to be realistic about the amount of time and energy required to “catch up.”
Blink of an eye – Before you know it, break is over, and despite good intentions, most of these kids didn’t get “caught up.”
Snowball effect – After break, things snowball very quickly. There are only a couple of short weeks before winter break. Suddenly, in addition to the makeup work, it’s also time to write big papers, work on big projects and study for big final exams. There isn’t enough time in the day to make meaningful progress. Overwhelm is in full force and these kids generally take one of two extreme overwhelm styles: 1. Visibly stressed and freaking out 2. Like an ostrich with it’s head in the sand, complete denial and avoidance.
Disillusioned surrender of the parent – Before you know it, winter break is here, the semester is over, report cards come in and grades don’t look good. As a parent, you say to yourself, “I give up, the semester is over, I have to focus on the holiday chaos now. I want to reflect on what happened with my child, but we’re both tired. Honestly, there’s no time to think about school right now because I have to think about travel, holiday gift shopping, cooking for family and friends, holiday parties. Not to mention the usual bills, responsibilities, work, chores, etc.. We’ll do better next semester.”
Pattern repetition – Spring semester begins in early January, and hopefully you get off to a better start, but the reality is that old habits die hard. It’s all too easy to fall right back into old patterns.
What to do?
Look, there are no magic bullets that fix everything overnight. Instead, you want to look for things that will move your child in the right direction and that will help build healthy habits for life. This is about the marathon, not the sprint. It’s about persistent growth in baby steps, not giant leaps. Here are some ideas to get you moving:
Clarify – Most schools now have online grades. Go to the pages which list specific assignments. Print the relevant pages. Sit with your child and use these print-outs to make a strategic plan to “get caught up.” They don’t have to do every single assignment necessarily, that’s too overwhelming. Help them choose assignments that will give the best bang for the buck. Perhaps print a master list of the assignments they plan to do. Cross things off as they are accomplished.
Advocate – Email teachers and ask for clarification. Most of my parents are unclear about what really needs to be done and they can’t rely on their children to relay the details accurately. So email the teachers to ask what needs to happen. Make the emails short and friendly. But be persistent because you need clarityNOW.
Heart to heart – Have heart to heart conversations with your child. No distractions, no drama. Just you and your child, active listening, compassion, peace and understanding. Talk from the heart about your concerns and hopes for them. Try to stay out of “reaction” mode where you get emotional. Instead, stay in “response” mode, where you are calm, cool, listening deeply. Just focus on having a great conversation with your child, not on changing them, lecturing them or convincing them of anything.
Coregulate – If you “freak out” about your child’s performance, they reflect this stress right back to you. Instead, get your own nervous system regulated before approaching your child. Take your own deep breaths, approach your child when you are thoroughly regulated, and they will mirror your regulation. This is called coregulating. Try it, cultivate this skill.
Ask – Ask your child how you can be helpful. Do they want you to “nag” at certain times? How about gentle reminders? Written reminders? Help set a schedule or routine? Help with homework? Test them? Give space? Ask them, “seriously, what can I do that would be helpful? How will we know if it’s working?” Put it on them to come up with the solution.
Boundaries – You are the parent, you get to draw the line when it needs to be drawn. This is no easy task. You get to say, “I know you don’t want me to interfere, but I love you enough to do so when you’re not showing results. Period.” Do NOT say these things with a charge of emotion, say them in a detached, matter of fact way. This is incredibly difficult for most parents, but the long term benefits far outweigh the pain of biting your tongue. Be firm, loving, consistent with your boundaries. Trust your gut.
Catch em’ being good – Perhaps most important and most powerful way to help your child is to really notice what they are doing right! “I see you’re trying hard when you…” I noticed that you got yourself organized when you…” I love how you creatively approached this problem when you…” Don’t BS your kid, but try the 3:1 rule, and tell them 3 sincere positives for every perceived negative. Be encouraging. Just keep trying this.
Plan fun – You have to literally plan fun activities with your child, times when you connect with them and there is literally no discussion of school. Just have fun. Movies, mini golf, cooking, camping, whatever you like to do together. Put it in the schedule weekly and do it!
Routine – Help your child build routines around responsibilities and homework. The more consistent the routine, the easier it will be for your child to learn good skills. Print and post the routines to help keep them in mind.
Out of sight, out of mind – Make sure that the assignments your child plans to do over break are easily visible! They should be in sight! Create a clean, clear, bright, study space. Organize the space in a way that is inviting and simple. Get rid of clutter and distractions.
Try this…
Print this article, post it where you can see it, and try a couple of these solutions every day for the next 14 days. If you’re persistent and patient, you’ll notice an improvement in grades, less overwhelm, and a more positive relationship with your child.
Good luck,
Seth
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The students I work with are notoriously “bad” with systems, which has a lot to do with why they struggle so much.
Actually that’s not exactly true, because when a system matters to the student, or when they’ve had enough practice with implementation, they can be great with systems. For example, I have one student who is obsessed with the game Magic the Gathering. He has extensive systems to manage how he plays this complex game.
Anyhow, the point is, when it comes to systems for managing time, homework, studying, cleaning the bedroom, organizing the study space, remembering important details, etc., these kids struggle.
Below I have a “Systems Check” for you. It’s a list of some questions you can use to help build these systems out, particularly at the beginning of the semester.
Click here if you want a free printable pdf version of this System.checklist
If you like this, pleaseshare my work on facebook or something. Thanks!
Systems Check
Directions for Students and Parents :
Every week or two, you should “overhaul” your systems until they become habit . The process can take a couple of hours, but will save you a ton of time and energy in the end. Let your parents help you, especially at the beginning of a semester, halfway through a semester and 2 weeks before the end of a semester. Here are the types of questions to examine. Be honest with yourself, take your time to be thorough , and this will pay off BIG TIME.
Backpack System Overhaul (10 minutes)
Basic backpack philosophy – regularly get rid of stuff you don’t need, go through stuff with a fine toothed comb so you don’t miss anything, have homes for everything, overhaul it weekly.
-Take everything out of every single pocket. Parents, I always ask, “is there anything personal that you don’t want me to see?” If there is, I give them a moment to deal with that privately.
-Go through every item, 1 by 1. If it’s trash, put it in a trash pile. If it’s recyclable, put it in a recycle pile. If it should go in a folder, put it in. If it needs to be dealt with, put it in a “deal with” pile (homework that needs to be done or turned in, checks to turn in, etc). -Make sure your name is on everything. Just do it.
-Go through every paper in every folder, even if you think you have everything in the right place. Even if you think you need everything in there.
-Put supplies, that you actually use, back into the backpack in it’s “home”. Where is the best place for that thing?
-Put folders and books back in a logical order/place.
Planner System Frontload (30 minutes)
I recommend using a monthly planner.
-Tear out every single page that you will never use. This will leave you with a monthly planner that has about 11 pages in it.
-Now frontload the planner.
-Take a printout of your school’s yearlong calendar, read it carefully and get everything relevant into your planner.
-With a hi-liter, box out every single day you do not have school.
-Ask your parents about important recurring appointments, practices, birthdays, travel or anything else that a mature person would have in a planner.
-Look at your syllabi and teacher’s websites to enter all relevant dates. These often include dates for papers, projects, finals, etc..
-What short-term planning do you need to do? What is coming up today or this week?
Check Grades (5 minutes)
-Bookmark your grade program
-Check it a few times a week
-Make a list of every missing, late, incomplete or low score that needs to be addressed -Address it. Finish and turn it in, email teacher to communicate about it, etc. Be proactive. NEVER say, “the teacher won’t give me credit” or anything similar, just finish it and get it into their mailbox asap. Trust me.
Computer Optimization (10 minutes)
-Set up browser to open all relevant pages automatically: Grade program, Calendar, Email program, Google Docs, etc.
-Bookmark all teacher sites and check regularly
-Check and respond to email regularly. Get to inbox 0 weekly. Unsubscribe from junk.
SSS Optimization (Sacred Study Space) (30 minutes)
Basic philosophy is that optimization will empower you to study smarter not harder. -Find the best place possible for you to focus on schoolwork this year. This is your Sacred Study Space.
-Remove all distractions
-Enhance the area with optimal lighting, sound, etc.
-Have relevant supplies within reach (in other words, you should not have to get up to find a stapler in the middle of study time because it is an unnecessary interruption to your flow. You should always have one in your area)
Work flow/routine
Design a routine for your workflow. Print it, post it, use it. Ex:
Clean SSS.
Check planner and grades.
Make a prioritized list for tonight.
Begin focus time. Do top priority first.
Stress
What are my top sources of stress?
What can I do to minimize their impact?
What helps me have less stress and more peace of mind? How can I maximize that?
What can I reframe?
Breathe, meditate.
Family and friends – What would help me have healthier relationships? What needs to be addressed?
Beliefs
What beliefs hold me back? How can I change my beliefs so they help me reach my goals more effectively?
Self-care
How well am I taking care of myself? Exercise? Sleep? Nutrition? What action plans would help?
A Printable Systems QuickCheck
Here’s a Printable Quick-Checkyou can use to do a “quick” check. I use these all the time with students, and it covers the bases. It can be often be done in 15 min once a week.
Quick Systems checklist:
Backpack? Overhaul, papers, folders
Planner? Update long and short term
Grades? Online?
Computer optimization? Tabs, pins, calendar, tasks SSS?
Study routine/work flow? Tight? Manageable? Stress & overwhelm sources? Minimize, reframe, breathe
Family, friends? Relationships
Selfcare? Nutrition, sleep, exercise, other
Beliefs? Limiting? Abundance? Growth or fixed mindset. Selftalk, defaults, reframe.
Here is a set of 3 videos based upon the following email I received from a reader:
Hello Seth,
I have an 11-year old son in 6th grade, a 2E-type boy (in a “GT” program since 3rd grade and also on a 504), who is not motivated by much of anything. When he wants to, he can do great work, but only when he wants. And, it’s never clear what motivates this uptick in more attention to his work. Sometimes, it’s the subject matter, as he definitely has his passions. He’s very much an out-of-the-box thinker. He’s been this way since he was a toddler — not even motivated by potty-training stickers or treats… 🙂 How can I help to “light his fire” without grand bargains? At this point, I sound like a broken record… “Have a great day! Remember, neat and complete!” Part of the problem surely rests with my ability to handle the issue. Argh! Help! BTW, his twin sister is highly self-motivated, gets straight A’s because of her strong work ethic and did not qualify for the GT program (which is fine by us). We have never and will never compare the two. They have very different learning styles and outlooks. We also do not put a premium on letter grades, but on doing the best that they can. It just comes out differently for each them. So crazy!
If I could wave a magic wand, I’d make my son’s work output and motivation reflect the visions he has articulated for himself in the future: he’s in love with the Air Force Academy and, at this point, wants to be an engineer or a pilot. He’s got big dreams, and of course, as a parent, I just want him to be happy pursuing something he loves.
Thank you!
Videos 1 & 2 are for parents and will help you understand my unconventional perspective on motivation and students. These should give you some great insights. I made video 3 for middle and high schoolers, to give them some of my most important advice on the matter.
Video #1: Unmotivated Students: The Reason WHY (For PARENTS)
Video #2: Unmotivated Students: How to Help (For PARENTS)
Video #3: How to “get motivated” (For STUDENTS)
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Video Transcripts:
Video #3 for STUDENTS – How to “get motivated”Hey, what’s up? This is Seth Perler. If you are a middle schooler, a high schooler, or a college student who struggles with motivation, this video is for you. I’m going to give you a couple of tips on how to motivate yourself to do stuff you don’t want to do. I know, I know, I know. Parents bug you, they try to motivate you, your teachers try to motivate you it gets annoying. Everybody’s trying to motivate you. You probably want to be doing certain things and be able to just sit down and do it, but you can’t motivate yourself to do it. You procrastinate, you avoid, you resist, you get in arguments about it, you make excuses. You just don’t want to do something that’s not fun, that seems meaningless, that seems to be a waste of your time. You’re asking yourself, “Why do I have to do this?” So, how do you get over that? Like, how do you motivate yourself? How do you actually get yourself to do these things if you want to be able to start to get in the habit where you’re able to do things you don’t necessarily want to do, but you know you need to do? Or if you know that regardless of what path your life takes you will have to do things you don’t want to do and you have to override that resistance in your brains. So how do you do that? I’m going to give you a quick tip that you can use. This you can use for studying, for homework, for whatever you have to do, for cleaning your bedroom, cleaning your backpack, whatever you have to do. I’m going to give you a quick tip on this.The tip is this. What you want to do is you want to chunk it down. My dad always says, “How do you eat an elephant? You eat an elephant one bite at a time.” You can’t do the whole thing. And what happens with you, is you feel overwhelmed because there are so many tasks nowadays that kids are required to manage. You have so many classes, so much homework, so many tests, so many papers to manage, so many things in your bedroom to manage, so many things to take care of. It is absolutely overwhelming. So what you have to do is you have to chunk it down so that it feels not overwhelming. Okay, there’s two ways to chunk, I’ll explain this to you.Number 1: One way to chunk is by tasks. Let’s say that you have a huge math assignment, you know it’s going to take you a long time and you’re procrastinating. You don’t even want to start on it. In order to chunk it down by task, you’re going to make it into very small pieces. For example, your task might be to do the first five problems only. Or your task might be that you’re only going to do the easiest ones first. Or your task might be that you’ll do half of the math assignment. If you’re writing a paper, your task might be that you’ll just write the outline, and then take a break. Your task might be that you just free-write. Your task might be that you just have a conversation with a friend in the class about the paper and talk through where you’re going to go with your paper. So you’re going to chunk it into tasks that feel manageable. You’re not going to say, “UGHH I have to write that paper. It’s going to take me forever. I don’t even want to start!” You’re going to say instead, “Okay, this paper is a big thing with a small task I can do that feels manageable.” If you have to clean your old bedroom, a task will be to just do the floor, just to do the clothes, just to organize the bookshelf, just to clean your desk. A task is a small thing that will feel manageable to you. You decide how big the task.Number 2: The other thing is time. You can chunk by time, so this is awesome. Let’s say that you have to clean your room. You can just set this timer for 3 minutes, or 5 minutes, or 10 minutes, whatever feels like a reasonable amount of time. It makes noise so it’s very audible, when it’s done it’s done. If you want to clean your room for 5 minutes. You set it and go for 5, when the timer is done, you can quit cleaning your room, or you can keep cleaning your room. A lot of time doing this will just help you trick yourself into actually getting the ball rolling. Same with this, by the way (number 1). The object with both of these is to trick yourself into keeping the train moving. We’re just trying to get through the overwhelm of self-starting, of getting started. A lot of times that’s the biggest problem is just starting it. So you want to chunk it down so you don’t feel overwhelmed. But set the timer for an amount of time that feels manageable. You’re writing a paper? Set it for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, a half-hour, whatever you want. But a manageable amount of time that you can devote to the paper. If you have to work on the math assignment, set it for 5 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever, it doesn’t matter. But you want to junk it down to an amount of time that feels comfortable.So again, you chunk by task or time. Task is breaking it into micro-tasks, one big task into many micro-tasks. Pick a micro-task to get the ball rolling. You’ll probably trick yourself into continuing. Same thing with time. Just pick an amount of time that you want to work on something. Set it, and when it’s done, you can keep going or you can stop. But you need to learn to trick yourself. It’s not like the motivation fairy is going to come and give you some motivation fairy dust and you’re going to be like, “Oh, yeah, this is exciting. Now I’m ready to do my homework.” Don’t fool yourself. I’ve heard a lot of students say, “I’m just waiting till I’m ready. Until I feel ready.” You’re not going to feel ready. That’s not reality. They don’t wait for that. Look for strategies that you can trick yourself into getting started and doing things piece-by-piece. Slowly you’ll build your threshold where you can be more focused for longer periods of time, have less distractions, and be a more serious student so that you can create whatever future you want. So that you can follow your dreams and your passions. If you don’t get this down, you’re going to have a lot of trouble following your dreams. Okay, you need to figure out how to do the things that you’re responsible for. All right. I hope that helped you, go try it out.
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Why is an article about Executive Function so critical?
If your child struggles with school (homework, trouble staying on-task, disorganized, problems with time management, avoidant, resistant, forgetful, overwhelmed, etc.), they probably struggle with Executive Function, and this article is literally the most important article I’ve written for you. You see, Executive Function is the #1 term parents and teachers must understand in order to help struggling students,but don’t. In fact, most parents and educators have never heard the term because schools don’t educate people about it.
In this article I seek to demystify EF for parents and educators. I want you to walk away from this article thinking, “Wow, I now have a pretty good grasp of Executive Functions, I have a better understanding of my child, and most importantly, I have a better understanding of how to help.”
I also created this printable PDF: Executive Function In-Depth– Your guide to why Executive Function is the most important concept we must understand in order to help struggling students succeed.
Outside-the-box learners need outside-the-box solutions rather than cookie-cutter approaches. They think, learn and process differently, and need strategies that are tailored to their unique personalities and idiosyncrasies. They tend to develop asynchronously within the various aspects of Executive Function, and when this is properly taken into consideration, we can empower these students with solutions that work.
The big problem for students who struggle with EF is that, by it’s very nature, these problems can literally prevent them from reaching their goals and therefore their potential as adults. However, with the right support, we can help our children manage, compensate for and get accommodations for EF challenges so they can have the tools needed to build a remarkable future.
If you like this, please share it to help more people!
Thanks,
Seth
What is Executive Function? Defining it in Plain English
In simplest terms, Executive Function means the ability to get stuff done (homework, writing a paper or cleaning a room, etc.).In other words, to “execute” complex tasks through to completion.
The brain must do a lot of things in order to accomplish a task or goal. However, adults sometimes take for granted how long it’s taken them to develop their own executive skills, and they can be baffled at how difficult it is for kids to execute. A good example is homework. It’s not uncommon for the parents I work with to say something like this, “I don’t understand why he doesn’t just do his homework and turn it in. It would make everything so much easier! What is going on?!” Because EF is still developing, the student literally doesn’t have the series of skills needed to execute the task to completion. Therefore, it’s not that they won’t, it’s that they can’t. Of course, as some kids get older and more burnt out with school, there can be more “won’t”.
Things that sound simple to an adult can require more Executive Function than some kids have. Think about the homework example again. Common problems with homework include not knowing or remembering that there is homework, remembering but putting it off, doing part of it and not finishing, doing it and forgetting to turn it in, losing it, forgetting to put a name on it. All of these situations have the same result: the students grades don’t reflect their ability. All of these can be EF issues and as stated above, are often a matter of can’t rather than won’t.
Does Executive Functioning impact my child or my students?
Students of all ages, elementary school through graduate school, have to learn many skills in order to navigate school. If they struggle with executive function, they might struggle with the following:
Homework – Not remembering what is for homework, not understanding homework requirements and details, forgetting to do homework, procrastinating, forgetting to turn it in, incomplete homework, missing or lost homework, not putting name on homework.
Planners – don’t use them effectively unless they are forced to, don’t understand long or short term planning strategies, don’t like planning.
Grades – Grades are surprising low and do not reflect potential or ability, missing and late assignments affect grades, ineffective studying results in low test scores, forgetting to study affects grades.
Organization – school materials, papers, folders, desk, locker, backpack, bedroom.
Time management – often late, unrealistic perception of how long something takes to accomplish, procrastination.
Details – not noticing important details about assignments, not hearing teacher expectations on school work, not reading directions carefully, not checking math work and getting wrong answers even when they know how to do the work.
Preparation – not being prepared for class, don’t have materials they need, forget pencils, homework, planner, books, not prepared to leave the house for school, sports, family activities.
Advocacy – don’t ask for help, don’t know what to ask for help with, don’t understand that a teacher is a resource, don’t raise their hand for clarification, don’t email teacher when they have questions, don’t go to office hours.
Overwhelm – they don’t even know where to start because they are so overwhelmed with details, stressed, avoidant, procrastinate because they are overwhelmed, homework fights, resists help from parents.
Focus – can’t pay attention to one thing at a time, incomplete work because they don’t follow through, distracted easily, trouble concentrating, can’t focus on reading a passage effectively.
Writing papers – trouble organizing writing, ideas go in countless directions, inability to edit effectively, trouble clarifying ideas, takes longer than it should, they may be able to verbally communicate ideas but can’t write them clearly.
Why most parents and teachers aren’t aware of Executive Function
Unfortunately, most of the literature on Executive Function is not in layman’s terms, thus making it challenging for parents and educators to learn about. For example, if you search the internet for Executive Function, here are some of the confusing definitions you’ll find:
“Executive functions (also known as cognitive control and supervisory attentional system) is an umbrella term for the management (regulation, control) of cognitive processes.”
“Executive function is a set of mental processes that helps connect past experience with present action.”
“Executive function refers to a set of mental skills that are coordinated in the brain’s frontal lobe. Executive functions work together to help a person achieve goals.”
So let’s keep it simple with one of the definitions I listed earlier: Executive Function means being able to get stuff done.
In order to get stuff done, you need to be able to do things like plan effectively, organize, focus, self-start, stay on task, avoid distractions, make good decisions, have a realistic perception of time, persist when you don’t feel like it, and do several other things in order to execute. These are some Executive Functions in plain English. You must be able to “regulate” your thoughts, emotions, and actions in order to accomplish these goals and in order to get your needs and wants met in the long term.
When speak about EF with language that relates directly to the problems these kids are experiencing, we can do a much better job of helping them.
EF in the brain
The prefrontal cortex is where EF takes place. This is a whopping ⅓ of your brain and is located behind your forehead. The brain develops from the back to the front, so for kids who struggle with EF, the prefrontal cortex is still developing. The good news here is that it continues to develop well into our 20s, and EF skills can get better with time, practice and proper guidance. Unfortunately, most schools don’t teach EF skills effectively, so the ones who struggle are often misunderstood and shamed.
The Pre-frontal Cortex, the center for Executive Function
The Aspects of EF
How do we help someone do what they need to do, in their own best interest, when they seem like they can’t or won’t do it? We don’t give up. Babysteps work. The brain DOES change. EF continues to develop well into your 20s. The following are my interpretation of the aspects of EF, aka the things your brain must do in order for you to “execute” complex tasks. (Note: Various experts break down EF differently. I choose my words in order to make the concepts more relatable to relevant problems your child may be having.)
Plan – The ability to have a realistic perception of the steps necessary to accomplish a goal or task.
Time management - The ability to manage time or to have a realistic perception of how long things take. Important in planning and scheduling too.
Organize – The ability to create systems of doing things or keeping track of things, that are organized enough so goals can be met effectively.
Prioritize - The ability to know and do what is most important at any given time.
Inhibit – This refers to one’s ability to hold back, to pause, to think before you act, to not be too impulsive, to have self-restraint. Inhibit thoughts, emotions, behaviors that are inappropriate or that go against long term goals and wellbeing. When we do not inhibit well we are thought to be impulsive or hyperactive.
Focus – The ability to manage and sustain attention, focus, concentrate, be “on task”, stick to it. Resisting temptation to shift when trying to focus, avoid distractions, redirect thoughts.
Task initiation - Self starting or activation. Getting the ball rolling, getting the train moving.
Task persistence – Continuing to try until finished, working to completion.
Transition – The ability to shift from activity to activity effectively.
Working memory – Verbal and visual strategies that help us keep things in mind as we work through things. It’s like juggling balls, being able to track the important details during a process. Includes self-talk and visual imagery.
Details – Remembering and managing important details.
Reflection - Reflection is all about self-awareness, consciousness, mindfulness, introspection. It refers to one’s ability to take a step back and reflect in order to problem solve. A lot of people with EF problems have trouble learning from their mistakes. They don’t connect the dots well and continue to repeat self-defeating behaviors. Reflection also involves to self-checking details schoolwork (think checking work in math for example or checking to see if your name is on the paper).
Emotional regulation – Having tools to truly regulate and work through challenging emotions.
Executive Function Lies
Unfortunately, kids with Executive Function problems often internalize these negative messages:
I’m dumb, stupid.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m lazy.
I don’t care about school.
I’m a failure.
I can’t do anything right, so why try?
Teachers and parents don’t intend for kids to get these messages, but nevertheless, many do. How can we help? The first step is to be very aware of the words we use and how they affect kids. We need to understand that these kids are struggling with legitimate Executive Function challenges. Therefore, beware of saying things like this:
You aren’t trying your best.
You have so much potential.
I know you’re smart, you just need to care more about school.
Motivate yourself.
You need to be more disciplined.
Just focus.
You’re making bad choices.
How do we change these harmful messages? This is a big topic, but generally speaking, we need to reframe the entire dialogue to take EF into consideration and build upon strengths. Of course this is very challenging when our kids are experiencing compulsory schooling which is dire need of massive reform and rethinking. Our schools tend to do very little to value their unique interests, curiosities, learning differences, strengths and idiosyncrasies. Instead, our systems have been designed to reward compliance rather than true critical thinking, personal growth and personal choice. We teach what to think rather than how to think. But I digress… here’s a video I made that will help with communication.
Finally, one practical tip I use with parents is to research “attachment theory” and “somatic therapies”. Understanding these will help you to understand how to create safe and healthy emotional attachments with your children as well as how our minds and bodies influence behaviors. Here are two books to get you started: Attached and The Body Keeps The Score.
A word about diagnosis
I work with a lot of families, and there is a lot of misunderstanding about having a diagnosis of some sort. There are several possibilities here:
Some students who struggle with Executive Function are not tested for anything
Misdiagnosis, or some are tested but with bias (example: a gifted child without adhd is tested for adhd by a family doctor who does not have much training about learning issues. The symptoms look like adhd, so the diagnosis is made, meds are prescribed, and it doesn’t work or causes harmful consequences, like anxiety problems.)
Underdiagnosis – some kids are never diagnosed, but there is something going on that needs to be diagnosed. If the correct diagnosis were made, it’d be a positive game-changer for this child.
Overdiagnosis – Child is diagnosed with more than is actually there.
While a diagnosis may be helpful, it’s not always necessary. What is necessary is that a student get the support they need – executive function strategies (coaching, tutors, books, my videos and blog), emotional support (therapists for kids who are dysregulated or when family dysfunction runs deep), physical support (restful sleep, healthy diet, substantial exercise and movement are critical)
Ways to help kids who struggle with Executive Functions
There are countless ways to support your child, and this is a list I made to give you a good starting point. Read through it and apply what you like. It should give you a few nuggets.
Foundations – Here’s the foundation of strong EF: Restful sleep, food that nourishes the body, adequate exercise.
Metacognition – Metacognitive understanding of emotional needs and implementation emotional regulation practices.
Systems – Personalized systems to effectively manage backpack, folders, planners, sacred study space, homework, etc.
Ownership – Ownership and buy-in are critical if your child is to be engaged. Too often we just tell kids what to do and don’t give them any say in the process.
Listen – Compassionate support.
Hacks – Visual and auditory tips, tricks and tools.
Organizing papers – If binders don’t work for you, replace with simple color coded folder system.
Visuals – Flag books with stickies. Flag and label important papers so they stand out visually in backpack.
Labels – Outta sight, outta mind. Therefore, label everything BIG AND BRIGHT.
Alternative note-taking – Draw your notes. Great for visual kids. Use an audio recorder to study creatively.
Archive – Make an archive (see blog). Do not keep every paper in your folders and backpack. Only keep currently relevant items, archive the rest (the truth is that you probably will never need it anyhow).
Study groups – Study partners work wonders.
Chunk – Chunking assignments down into bitesize pieces. Chunk by time or by task.
Plan – Make a plan even when you don’t want to. These kids do not know how to plan, and it’s one of the most important skills.
Advocacy – Self advocacy and advocacy from supportive people (Know your rights. Start with IDEA.)
Microsuccesses – Look for all small successes and build upon them. Make goals reachable. It all counts.
Timers – Use timers and alarms to calibrate time management skills.
Mindfulness – The BEST tool ever: Mindfulness. Meditation works wonders. Period.
What makes Executive Functioning worse?
Processed foods.
Sleep problems, electronics interfering with sleep.
Useless busywork, meaningless assignments and misinformed adults.
Unclear expectations.
Shame.
Fear Resistance, avoidance, procrastination, unwillingness.
Inability to articulate systems. Lacking ownership and buyin with system development.
Systems Self-assessment Checklist – what systems do kids need?
I use this regularly with my students (see my free course for a complete breakdown of how to use this successfully). This serves as a guide to explore important areas to problem solve within. Feel free to cut this out and keep it handy:
Foundations – Sleep? Nutrition? Fitness?
Backpack – Overhaul completely once a week, folders, papers, etc.
Planner - How well is it working and being used? Update long term and short term. Need planner routine or it won’t work.
Routines - Is study routine/workflow optimal? Manageable? How to make it more focused and less distracted?
Grades - Check online grades at least once a week? Make a to do list of missings and incompletes.
Advocacy - Who do you need to communicate with? Be proactive not reactive when possible.
SSS - How effective is your Sacred Study Space? How well can you focus there?
Relationships - Family, friends, how’s it going? What do you need? How’s your relationship with yourself?
Stress - What are your biggest stresses lately? What is overwhelming or frustrating? Minimize? Reframe? Breathe. What are solutions?
Technology - Is computer optimized for school? Page blocker? Distraction free? Tabs/bookmarks for all relevant school links? Online calendar set up?
Executive Function Resources
Dr. Russell A. Barkley video, 12 min: The Five Executive Functions. I’m a huge fan of Dr. Barkley, and although his work might be highly academic, I strongly recommend diving into it.
Executive Functions: Here’s an in-depth manuscript by Adele Diamond on the US National Library of Medicine site. It includes a discussion of how EF can improve with practice.
Conclusion
The point of this article isn’t to teach you everything about the Executive Functions. My real hope is that you walk away from it thinking:
Wow, I now have a good grasp of Executive Function.
I have a much better understanding of my child.
Most importantly, I have a much better understanding of how to help my child.
Parents and teachers, this is Seth with SethPerler.com and I’m here in this video to give you the quick 3-minute version of “what is executive function?” I’m going to tell you the key things that you need to know here about executive function. So first of all, the thing that you need to know is if you have a student or a child who is struggling in school, they probably struggle with executive function. So basically, the student who has a lot of late work, missings, incompletes, and things like that and they’re struggling to navigate school and to stay on top of things. The wheels are coming off and then you say things like that, they’re probably struggling with executive function. So what’s happening is, is the brain is still developing. The brain develops from the back to forward, and the prefrontal cortex of the brain is the last part of the brain to develop. The front part of the brain is the part that helps us to execute tasks. For some people that part of the brain is developed a really well, they’re left brain, they’re linear, they’re structured, they’re very good at executing time. And the tasks that we’re concerned about here with your kids is usually getting homework done, studying, doing their chores, doing the responsibilities and things like that. So what is happening is that in order to execute on these tasks, the executive function, the word ‘execute,’ in order to execute on these important tasks that they need to get done, they need to do things like plan, organize, manage time, prioritize, self-start, follow-through things like that.So there are many things that describe executive function, but those are some of the aspects of executive function, and if they struggle with those things they’re struggling with executive function. So in order to learn how to work with executive function, have better executive function, one, we need to develop better executive function skills, develop better systems. But two, we also have to be able to deal with the number one problem with executive function, which is resistance. “I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it, I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. This is stupid. Why do I have to do this?” Excuses after excuses, anything the nervous system is resisting, we feel threatened, we don’t feel like doing it, it’s not fun, it’s not engaging, and we don’t want to do it for whatever reason. That’s a problem because when we are planting seeds to have a great future, we want our kids to have awesome futures. We don’t want them to have mediocre futures, we certainly don’t want to have a bad future. But in order for them to have a good future, they must learn to overcome their own resistance, to be able to execute on tasks, to get things done so that they can accomplish their own goals so that they can have more choices and freedom in possibilities in life. So that resistance has to be dealt with in a positive way.Now the number one problem for these students is the resistance, is not feeling like doing something and how do we learn to get over it and how do we build the skills to execute on top of that? But another problem that happens is that these kids are often shamed. They are often told, “you’re lazy, you’re unmotivated, you’re not trying hard enough, you just don’t care about school.” Teachers and parents and adults imply that this is a matter of willfulness and this is the most important thing to get through in this quick video here, is that this is not a matter of them just being willful, that is a shallow, ignorance, uneducated message that we often convey. Now, I don’t want to shame you adults if you convey that because many of us have, that’s how we grew up, but that does not take into account what is going on developmentally in the brain. Okay. This is brain development. This is not shame. This is not, “I’m going to punish this kid so that they do what they need to do.” Okay, so we need to really understand that if we want to empower kids to plant seeds, to have a great life now, and help them plant seeds so that they have a great future. We have to compassionately educate them and we have to really understand what’s going on with the executive function.I hope this video has helped you. Again, my name is Seth Perler. I send out a free blog every single week to help families who are struggling with this figure out how to help their children navigate this thing called education. Please sign up as described on my blog and you can subscribe to the YouTube channel as well and tell me what you think in the YouTube comments below. Does this resonate with you? What are your thoughts about this video? Please share this with somebody today, and I hope you have a fantastic day and I hope this helps you. See you soon.