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I often get emails like the following, asking for how to find a coach:
I need an Executive Skills Coach for my child who is resistant to any help, but starting to realize that she needs it as she is about to start high school… Any recs would be much appreciated. Keep up the good work.
- How to help a child who is resistant
- How to pick the right coach
- Ways to find a coach in the first place
- Exactly how to search the internet for a coach
- How to interview a potential coach to make sure it’s a fit
- What NOT to do when hiring a coach
- My 2 best tips for getting a coach
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Hey, good morning. This Is Us episode perler.com. Hope your doing good. I’m going to make a little video here for you on a new topic. I have an email from somebody in it says this I had a quick question since it appears to no longer here in Boulder. Now. I’m in Santa Monica. Now. I need an executive skills coach or an executive function coach for my child who is resistant to any help. But starting to realize that she needs it as she’s about to start high school. So any recommendations would be appreciated. Keep up the good work. So how do we do this? So what I did is I I made some notes here to give you some ideas of this question. So one thing is that I do get a lot of emails about this. I get a lot of people from all over asking me I see, you know an executive function coach in in Alaska or in Florida or in Nick it usually will give me like a specific City and I get such interesting email from all over places that I have no idea where anybody is so I’ve answered this question. Because I’ll email them back and I’ll say well here is what I would do to look and there’s some key Concepts I wrote down some key Concepts and terms of how you can find an ADHD coach Ward executive function coach in your area. So first thing I’m going to do is I’m going to dress the resistant child syndrome. Okay, all kids who come to me a recent, so I want to talk about why they’re resistant. So there are four main reasons that I have why kids are resistant to getting the sort of help. First thing before even tell you one of these reasons is that I can’t help a kid who’s totally resistant out. It’s just a waste of time. And if your child is there with somebody that they’re working with it’s a waste of your time at the way through energy. It’s a waste of your money. Obviously, you want to help your child. But how are you going to get them to receive the help if they’re resistant? So first of all, if they’re completely resistant your it’s not going to work so you have to find somebody who they will work with or you have to get the door cracked just that much and I’ll explain a little bit about how to do that. So now what happens with me as I get a lot of parents who will contact me and let’s say we want to go ahead and work with you or we want to explore working with you. I’m we want to set up the meeting. So what I do is the coach’s I do something called a 30-minute usually last 45 minutes to an hour, but it’s basically a time when I get to meet the family, so I get to meet the parents and child and the child gets to know me personally and when the parents as well what if Kid won’t even come to the meet and greet here is what I always say. So I’ll also if you’re a coach or therapist or tutor watching us feel free to steal this idea because it’s really important that the child feel emotionally safe to come meet me. So what I do it when the parent says well what my kid doesn’t even want to meet you. What I say is luck. Tell them that it’s 5 minutes literally 5 minutes after 5 minutes after they meet me there if they hate me tell him they can go and I mean that when I say that’s parents like if they really don’t resonate with me fine, but they need to feel that the child needs to feel like there’s an escape. They need to feel emotionally safe. They don’t know me. They don’t know a tutor. They don’t know what therapist they don’t know. What doctor they don’t know psychiatrist. This is scary when they’re told when the child feels like something is wrong with me and I’m going to this person to be fixed and I’m broken like that’s not the case, but that’s often how the child will feel so they need to feel emotionally safe that they can escape the city. So use the parent needs they look let’s just meet him. Whoever that whoever the person you’re looking at is let’s just meet this person for 5 minutes. If you don’t like them, I promise you we will leave but you as a parent have to actually leave if it’s not resonating and you’ll be able to tell right away like if it’s resonating or not. So I do a meet-and-greet which allows is so first of all, the resistance comes because they don’t want to admit to something that feels bad to them. So another reason in that that is another of the reasons why they are resistant is because they have had a lot of bad associations. So they have had associations with tutors therapist pullout programs school programs things where they felt bad about who they are that about that they can’t fit in the box that they’re supposed to change you there. They are that they can’t do it. Well enough that they can’t do it fast enough. So they had to have these associations and seven Association in their head that they’re different. They don’t want to be pulled out of class. They don’t want to look different to their friends in front of their friends. They don’t want to look different by being the dumb kid or the kid that goes to the tutor and they’re not but they they don’t they’re all their focus on if they don’t want to feel different. They they don’t want to feel like they stand out like something’s wrong with him. Okay, so And then the next one is the next reason that the resistant is because often it’s abstract them. So when I do the meet-and-greet with that allows me to do is look at it didn’t say here’s how it works. Here’s what we would do here. Here’s exactly how many days is how many hours here is what it would feel like meanwhile they get to know what it’s going to feel like because they’re interacting with me and it and I do not make my kids feel stressed. I really work on focusing on their strength and what’s going right with them and who and what I see and then I give them a lot of ownership and see how do you want to improve what are your goals? So that ownership help. So with the resistance there are four key points the resistance if they are resistant to getting help one. I can’t help someone who’s 100% resistant to the meet and greet really helps and telling them that just giving it just give it five minutes and see how it feels 3, they have a lot of bad associations with how they feel bad about themselves or how they feel different with it experiences that they’ve had so they’re applying They’re protecting those experiences on to whoever you’re trying to get them to work with in neck that it’s abstract. They don’t know what help me and so they need concrete. They need to know what help me and that’s again where mean Greek can help. But if the person who you’re seeing doesn’t do meet and greet you can look at their site and figure out more concrete ways in terms of how they work where you can do a call with them to find out next. How do you pick a coach? So I have a few different ways to how you pick a coach three main ways who you going to ask to find the coach locally? How are you going to search for a coach? And if you’re searching on Google and how do you interview coach so these are all about how do you pick a couch? So if you’re looking for a coach who you going to ask Wonder people called Educational Consultants and they will help you often know how fine treatment centers boarding school, but they can also help you to find local coaches. There are often very connected their fingers on the pulse of what’s going on in your area. To Facebook groups in your area that have to do with education or there a lot of massive like ADHD group. So a lot of times you can find executive functioning coaches through an ADHD group in an Autism group and you can even if it’s not in your area you can find Facebook groups that are that can help help you get directed to the place. You’re trying to go 3 ask your friends ask people that you know who you know, because you might find you might find a real gem just through asking friends who’s not called an executive function coach or whatever you’re so typically looking forward to ask your friends three ask your doctor for ask therapists local therapist or therapist that you know, or therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist, but also neuro Sykes neuropsych testing, so they do a lot of people out so you might get a nurse. Ask for your child’s dessert can cost to $3,000 for a thorough extensive testing if that’s needed. But narrow Sykes are very connected with coaches in your area and they refer out a lot. So those are who you’re going to have to try and fix a cupped Nest. How are you going to search for a coach online while you’re going to search for you can search for executive function coach, although there aren’t a lot you can search for I’m in educational therapist. They may be good for what your child’s going through. You can search for an ATD coach or you can search for an ADHD coach. So do both Google searches ADHD coach in your city and ATV coat in your city. You can search for tutors. Now, there are some people who are tutors who are exceptional with organizational and study skill stuff. So I have a 1 in Colorado Jena B, and she’s not called it. She doesn’t call herself. Tutor and sat CO2 really anything but she is an incredibly gifted and talented person working with these kids. So I refer to her line parents don’t even necessarily know what to call her because she doesn’t have a title like that but she’s amazing. So don’t worry too much about the title. But back to what you’re going to search for search for the word tutors in your area and you can also search for an online coach. So some kid. I do Skype coaching with some of my students now that comes back to the resistance question. If a kid is really resisting online is not good. But if they are the doors open, then you can find an online now, there’s one that I know of that somebody recently mentioned to me you her name is Gretchen Wagner and I think she’s the anti boring coaches what she calls herself. I don’t know her some not referring everybody looked at her side recently. I think she’s doing some. So somebody like her you can check her out. Gretchen High, I don’t know if you’re watching this but shout out to Gretchen to whoever that is because she’s been some interesting stuff and she does a lot of online stuff so that can be a good one for you. Okay is how do you search to find the person more less Google search. So first I talk about picking a coach who to ask to search in next. How do you interview coach? Okay. So basically what I do is win meet and greet and I wish more coaches doctors therapist would do a meet-and-greet because it really allowed there’s no commitment. They can just get to know you so I do a free meet-and-greet, but basically you want to interview them to see if it’s a match. Okay number one most important thing. Number one when your child is working with someone is to see if there’s Rapport if the person who your child is working with knows how to develop good rapport with your child and your child feels like they’re having a good relationship with them. Like I feel good around them like a joke around together and Stuff like that that’s number ones me because if your child trust the person and has fun with a person feels good about himself with the coach that you’re going to set them up with. Turn that coach can help them sore. Okay, if your child is resistant because they don’t resonate with that person. I’m going to tell you most likely unless the person could build that relationship most likely it’s going to be a waste of your time energy and money. So number one when you interview someone is see if there’s rapport with your kids. You want your kid to meet them. Don’t just do the interview yourself. You want your kid to get on the phone or get on Skype with them or in person with the mean green, which I think is the best way because it’s in person, but you want to see if there’s were for their You also want to make sure that the coach that you’re working with is very honest. So for example, if I’m working with the family and it’s not working I will tell them or if they get not resonating with the kid. I will tell them don’t use me go to such-and-such. I refer out like crazy. I am not the person for everybody and I don’t want to be I want to work with people who I really resonate with for myself to like I like to work with people who are wrestling with I don’t like to work with kids, but I don’t resonate with so you want to a coach is going to be honest with you and who’s going to tell you. I’m not the person for you. Okay, if that’s the case and that’s in that’s not just about getting more clients but a coach that’s about getting you the help you need. So you want to look for that when your interview coach you want to get that vibe from them that they’re not just about the money that they’re about helping you first and foremost and you want someone who offers what you need now. I do a very robust offering of services. So I do School visits RTI 504 IEP meetings, I email teachers personally. I help kids make their own advocacy emails. I have parents learn how to write advocacy email so that they can email teachers an effective way that’s going to get a response that they need in order to out their kids. I will contact school counselors administrators. I do want ones with my kids IQ groups with kids. I do parent sessions. I do parent coaching. So I do I charge by the semester and I do a bit. So basically I say give me this much money for the semester and I’ll take care of anything and everything that possibly come now, that’s how I work. Now, whoever you work with you. Just want to make sure that they’re going to cover the bases that you need. If you have a freak out on a Saturday morning and you really need to talk to that coach and get some tips on your child. And you know that that happens sometimes you want to go to as that kind of flexibility that they can get back with you in some coaches are 50 minutes once a week to me that absolutely doesn’t work. I I text my kids I call my kids I email my kids. I’m in contact with them. Some of them need tons of support like that some don’t the idea that they’re going to need less and less and less and less of pork butt when you go to somebody who just has a very fix time and it’s very rigid that doesn’t work for a lot about that. But if they feel like they offer what you need trust that so I’m to find a good coach interview them just make sure that they are meeting the needs I got the things again that I would be saying is do they do one-on-one do they do group my group is very powerful the kids feel like they’re part of something and they don’t feel like outcasts in this group because everybody is struggling in the group. That’s fun. They do wonder when do they do group do they do home visits? I do home visits which I think are very important because I have to see where they’re studying and make sure that that environment is conducive to them being over focused. Are they doing home visits? Are they doing in school visits when you need it available when you’re having times when you really need to contact them and need help so just see about those things. So some of the things not to do when you’re finding a coach is do not believe that any system will work just because of coached as I do the XYZ system. This is my this is my thing and here’s how it work. If you’re got doesn’t resonate with that system. You better trust your got so that goes so number one is don’t just believe any system works just because it’s a pretty fancy system wrapped. You should be skeptical to Listen to your gut if your gut feeling says I’m not sure about this person. Don’t hire them three professionalism don’t look for as I like. This is what I’m wearing today when I’m working with my kids. Like I try to look cool so that I can relate to the kids now, that’s me. I’m not saying that people who dress in suits and dress really quote professionally aren’t going to help your kid. If I don’t pick them because of that ultimately you want on who can build that rapport with your child. So and if you walk into an office and it looks really pretty and really sterile and really perfect. Imagine how your child’s going to feel it feels very clinical my office has skateboards and games and posters and rock and roll and stuff that I want. I want my kids to feel comfortable in my face again. I’m not saying that the other type is wrong by beware. Don’t don’t just look on the surface really look beyond that. So if you find a coach and they look like they’re ATD and there are they going to help your kid, but Relate to your kid and they can help your kid move forward. That’s all you care about you. Do not need to worry about how it looks on the outside. Okay don’t judge a book by it’s cover. So really look for it again again that were for and then next don’t get some of that your kid hates. So if you think they’re amazing, but your kid doesn’t like him don’t do it. It’s not going to work. Next is the cost cost is very weird and it’s whole industry. So and you got to look do they charge for an hour do they charge by semester? Do they charge by a program that the longer whatever it’s jumping don’t judge it too much by the cost what you want to do if you want to walk out of there saying to yourself Is this going to help my child’s future and that’s what the cost is really covering. If you believe that it’s going to help and it doesn’t matter how much it cost. If you don’t believe it’s going to help they don’t pay for it by the cops are going to be weird people pick cotton different ways. So you don’t get in the person who you’re working with has put a lot of intention behind design. They’re caught and they’re trying to cover their ass for the business and make a living and help you so don’t get too skeptical about it. You can definitely question them on it. And I want to be clear on what does it include and you don’t really want to be absolute or feel like anything weird is going on, but you want to come out of feeling like okay, I believe I’m going to pay this much money and this should help my kid get a better life and if that’s the case then whatever cost to pay it because it will also save you money in the future because you won’t be doing as many tutors and you won’t be doing blah blah blah. I don’t say do emotions all kind of things. So if the person resonates in its go I want to come back and I want to review the two biggest tips from this whole I don’t even know how long I’ve been talking 18 minutes on how to take a Coach K to bestest number one if that person can build rapport with your child. That’s the most important thing in the world. They can build rapport with your child and push your child passed their comfort zone. So what I try to do is push my child up my pastor comfort zone but not pass the threshold so they will not grow I can put your pastor comfort zone just like when you’re working out you have to get past your comfort zone. But if you push it past the threshold when you’re working out too much, you’re not going to be able to work out at all for the next several days. So there’s a fine balance there, but you want someone who can build rapport with your child and who can push them. I’ll be on their comfort zone but not hot the froeschle. That’s one of the two most important tips and the second most important if I think this whole thing is if your child resistant telling cool you can be resistant to just give him five minutes. Okay, just give the person 5 minutes. That’s all I ask if you hate him pool Eve, I promise and then you got to keep that promise. All right. I hope you have an awesome day.