Is child really READY for COLLEGE??

Hey everybody, what’s up?

I recently received an email asking some questions about college. The person was asking how to evaluate support programs for executive function and ADHD at a university when you’re exploring different schools.

I actually created a vlog on that—you can check out my channel to find it. But after that, I received a lot of follow-up questions asking: How do you know if someone is ready to go to college?

So that’s what I’m going to address today.

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What’s up, everybody? My name is Seth, from sethperler.com and the Executive Function Online Summit, which is August 5th, 6th, and 7th this year, 2022. We’re about to start, and I’m super excited about that.

This video is mainly for parents, but teachers and therapists may find it helpful as well. And there may also be some students asking this question themselves, so I’m speaking to all of you.

I have some notes to help guide this conversation.

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The core question we’re looking at is this:

How do you know if a student is ready for college, or if a gap year—or not going to college right now—is the better option?

Get ready to take notes, because I’m going to walk you through seven key areas to help you think this through.

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Before I begin, I want to mention something important.

As I’ve been recording the Executive Function Summit, I’ve been talking with about 30 experts on a wide range of topics. One recurring theme that keeps coming up—especially in conversations about college—is how important it is for parents to do their own inner work.

For example, many parents have always believed that college is the best path for their child. But is that actually true? Is that belief serving you?

Another big theme is over-parenting. If you’re familiar with Julie Lythcott-Haims, she speaks very eloquently about this.

These are important ideas to reflect on as you consider this decision.

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This is a tough question. So here are my thoughts.

Number one out of seven:
If you’re asking the question, the child is probably not ready.

Now, that’s not a definitive answer—but it’s something to consider. If you’re truly questioning it, your gut may already be telling you something.

That said, sometimes students don’t *look* ready, but they step up. In my opinion, that often comes down to buy-in and ownership.

Does the student genuinely want to go to college—for themselves? Not for their friends, parents, or societal expectations—but for their own reasons?

If there’s real buy-in, that changes everything.

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Number two:
Have heart-to-heart conversations.

And when I say that, I mean real conversations—where the parent does about 90% listening and 10% talking.

Be open, curious, and non-judgmental. Really listen.

You can ask questions like:

* “How do you know you’re ready?”
* “Why do you want to go to college?”
* “What are your other options?”

If they say, “I’ll just do this and this,” you can follow up with:

* “Okay, how are you going to approach that?”

Even if you’re skeptical, stay curious and collaborative.

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Number three:
Let me describe some common patterns I see.

Most college students I work with are either “second-year freshmen” or sophomores who barely made it through.

Why? Because many of them struggled significantly in their first year.

Here are five common issues I see:

1. They say things like, “I want to be in college because my friends are there,” or “I want to graduate on time.”
But wanting those things doesn’t mean they have the skills to succeed.

2. They take too many classes and aren’t prepared for the workload.
I usually recommend starting as simply as possible.

3. They don’t use available support—professors, TAs, tutors, writing centers—or they wait until it’s too late.

4. They struggle with time management.
College doesn’t provide structure—they have to create it themselves. This leads to procrastination and unrealistic expectations about how long work takes.

5. They’re overconfident.
“I’ve got this. Just trust me.”
They genuinely believe they can handle it, but often aren’t prepared.

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Number four:
The proof is in the pudding.

Look at what they’re already doing.

Do they have realistic self-efficacy? It’s important to believe in yourself—but is that belief grounded in reality?

Ask yourself:

* Are they independently using executive function skills, or are you doing it for them?
* Do they reliably use planners, calendars, or systems to manage their time—even in the summer?
* Are they generally on time and dependable?
* Do they put effort into organization—both physical and digital?
* Do they ask for help when they need it?
* Do they seek accountability systems on their own?

These are strong indicators of readiness.

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Number five:
Have a conversation about *what happens if it doesn’t work out*.

What’s the plan?

Listen to their thoughts, and then share your own boundaries and expectations.

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Number six:
Remember—they are their own person.

You’ve raised them from infancy toward becoming an independent (or interdependent) adult.

This is their journey.

One of the best things you can do is shift from a top-down parenting style to a collaborative partnership.

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That transition—especially during the “empty nest” phase—can be very challenging. But it’s important.

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Those are my thoughts. I hope this is helpful.

If you like what I’m doing, feel free to share this video or my website. Leave a comment below—did I miss anything? What are your thoughts on college readiness versus a gap year?

Also, the Executive Function Online Summit is coming up—it’s free, and it’s amazing. You can check it out at executivefunctionsummit.com.

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I want to wish you peace of mind, joy, and most of all, connection—with your child, your friends, and the people you care about.

Take care.