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Here’s a new vlog with Debbie Reber of the TILT Parenting Podcast.
This is not my typical vlog. Parents, this one is for teachers, BUT you will get a lot out of it. This was based on a parent question Debbie Reber and I get all the time, “HOW do we get teachers on board who don’t get it? Schools just don’t get neurodiverse kids!”
Teachers, we recorded this just for you to shed light on the situation, and we went in-depth for well over an hour. We hope you like it and share it. Debbie Reber is an AMAZING podcaster that brings so much to parents of neurodiverse children. She’s my favorite podcaster and you should definitely check out here site/podcast/subscribe!
CLICK HERE to find this convo on Debbie’s siteCLICK HERE to chime in on the Google form survey
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Parents, Anxiety for students can be DEBILITATING, so we want to do everything we can to help our kids. Some people have NEVER experienced “real” anxiety, hopefully, they can understand better through this video. Here’s a different take in this video so we can see how the Nervous System works and how we can use it to work through anxiety in powerful ways. I explain specifically what we adults “want” to be aware of so we can help. I discuss how anxiety can be invisible, and how we can attune & coregulate to help. I also tell a bit about my story with panic and anxiety.
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Parents, this one is for students. Check it out and share with your child if you think they’d benefit.
The time AFTER Thanksgiving and BEFORE winter break is critical because a lot of students who are not on top of it, fool themselves into thinking they can finish the semester well, yet they are not taking the action that will get results. So many end up finding out they failed a class AFTER it’s too late. This video breaks down my #1 key strategy for handling this.
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Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Branson teachers WhatsApp. This one is for middle high school and college students. I’m going to give you one tip students one tip today. That is my number one. Most important tip for what is called Hail Mary time. So if you are a student analyzed for college and you tend to be the type of kid who waits till the last minute you got exams you got papers. You got all the stuff at the end of the semester this video is for you. What’s up? My name is Seth with Seth perler.com executive function coach based out of Boulder Colorado and I help struggling students navigate this thing called education and at the end of the semester I call it hail Mary time and this is what’s going on right now the time between when Thanksgiving break ends and when your winter break begins that time right there is hail Mary time. And the reason I call it hail Mary time is because in football games Hail Marys the time when it’s the last seconds of a football game the very last second and your team is down there losing. Game and the the play begins and the receiver runs way out there and the quarterback throws of crazy pass and the receiver catches the crazy pass make the touchdown in wins the game in the last seconds when it seems like there’s no chance be on the chances they make it and that’s who he want here. When you have a lot of missing work and complete work late work Zero’s your grades are down. You’re not motivated. You’re exhausted. You just want winter breaks so badly. Just want this to be over with you’re just sick and tired of class. But not only do you have all the makeup work. You have your current work during the Salem area time after Thanksgiving break in before your winter break. Not only do you have your current work and your makeup work but during Hail Mary at time you have what I call Pepper papers exams projects and readings pepper pepper papers exams projects in meetings this problem is that these things or shoot. So you’re dealing with a mountain of makeup work. You’re trying to swim upstream and catch up. You’re trying to be like Mom Dad leave me alone. Get off my back I’ve got but you don’t because your grades continue to fall and not only that but you’re about to get hammered with these final things in these final things require a lot of time. So I have one number one best tip for you during this type of time so that you can win the game which means that you can pass your classes not have to retake your classes not have to go to summer school for classes not have to deal with The are all the stress around with my one tip for you my one main tip for you. Is this students? Be honest with yourself and understand that you like me. I’m someone who is a student. I struggled tremendously with executive function. So in order for me to be successful as a student when I was a student in order for you and order for the students. I work with now to be successful. I understand that your brain is going to be unrealistic about the amount of time and energy that is required. In order to do what you need to do to finish the semester. I’m going to say that again understand that your brain is going to be unrealistic about the amount of time and energy that is required for you to do what you need to do in order to finish the semester on a good note in order to win the game if we’re going to go with that metaphor, so How do you know if I introduce myself? My name is Seth. What’s up, bro. Calm. I’m an executive function coach peso to Boulder Colorado. It is super snowy today. We got almost two feet of snow the other day. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful. and anyhow the tip is if you are honest with yourself me like okay? Yeah, that’s me. I am to be honest. I am unrealistic about the amount of time and energy. It takes to do things. I wait till the last minute. I stress my parents out because the night before my giant semester-long project is due on like, oh no its 8 and I got a giant things. Okay. I’m honest with myself. Yes, I struggle with this. Okay School threat. This is who I am. Now that you’re honest with yourself about that the question is what to do about it. And here’s where the tip comes in what to do about it. Since you are unrealistic about amount of time and energy is to plan way more time and energy to do the things that need to be done. Then you think you should the tip is to plan way more of the time and energy that you think is needed the plan way more of it. So my general recommendation is playing anywhere from three to ten times more time than you think you need. So if you think a final project is going to take you two hours. Plan on 6 hours to 20 hours. If you think that studying for exams is going to take you 10 minutes tonight plan 30 minutes tonight. If you think is going to take you two nights plan six nights, etcetera that are you get the point way over plan block out large blocks of time. Look, it’s a merry time. It’s the any at hill-murray time in real game, you put everything into it and those last moments. The team is putting a hundred and 10% everything. They got in more into it, and I know it’s not motivating. You’re tired. You want the semester to be over? You’re so ready for break, but put that last pulse of energy in. Are you going to work 3 to 10 times more than now reality is you’re not going to put in 3 to 10 times more but you’re going to plan it and know that you’re not going to reach that goal. But at least they’re going to do way better than you would have done if you’re being realistic with yourself. And you’re going to put yourself in a much better position to be able to pass your classes and do well on these things an end the semester on a strong note and win the game again, if you will if we are using the the Hail Mary metaphor here. So with that many, what’s up stuff Pro. Com. I hope you have a fantastic fantastic winter break where you can relax know that you’ve done your best be free. Take a deep breath for a couple weeks. And have a great day. I will see you soon.
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Parents, here’s how to help your student finish fall semester strong. (NOTE- In-depth, free webinar coming soon on my site to help you help your child at end of semester.)
If your child is struggling at this point in the semester, it WILL NOT FIX SELF. Don’t give up, and pick your battles wisely. Here are some quick notes:
Know it’s EF: they want to do well but don’t know how. Compassionate support.
RELATIONSHIP: 3:1, fun, connect first, encourage them, know when to let things go. Realistic expectations of your kid, not A’s but about the actions that get good grades: org, planning, asking for help, buy-in.
MINDSET: discuss resistance openly, show understanding.
CLARITY: email teachers now, look at portals, syllabi.
OVERHAULS: SSS, Locker, backpack, take your time, fun.
HABITS: routines, plan day, sleep, the more stable the better.
OTHER PEOPLE HELPING: tutor, proactive, email teachers for office hours, friends, you.
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To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you -Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Hey, what’s up, parents? It’s the end of the semester. It’s Fall 2019, and this is what I call ‘Hail Mary time.’ Basically after Thanksgiving break and before Winter break is Hail Mary time. The reason that I call it that is because a lot of students this time of year struggle with executive function are going to fail classes at Hail Mary time if they don’t do what they need to do. What do they need to do? Well these are kids with missing, incompletes, late works, zero’s, test corrections, they have all this stuff going on and they don’t know how to manage the workload. They’ve got their current work, they’ve got their makeup work, and now the end of the semester during Hail Mary time in particular, they tend to have finals and final projects, final large reading assignments, some final large papers to write, and they don’t understand that they can’t just do it the night before at 8 pm on a Sunday night with something that’s due on a Monday or study for an exam the night before and that does it. They haven’t wrapped their head around this. If your child struggles with executive function, these sort of things, in this video I’m going to tell you about how to finish strong during Hail Mary time, how to help your child. I have seven ideas for how you can help your child, and then I’m going to do a webinar on this where I’ll go into depth and have some PDFs for you and stuff where I’m going to involve the kids so that you’re not the one telling them.
Anyhow, my name is Seth with SethPerler.com right here. Go ahead and check out my website to sign-up for the freebies that I have for parents and kids to help your student navigate school. So, I’m an executive function coach. I focus on helping struggling students day in and day out. This is what I do. This time of the year is really important for me with my clients to do things right, and for me to know and for me to convey to my students and families that this will not fix itself. To convey to them, do NOT give up. And for me, with the students that I’m working with to pick our battles wisely. Where are we going to put our energy? Because they’re not going to get straight A’s most likely, we’re not going for that. We’re going for the things, the actions, the behaviors, the actions to take that produce good grades. That’s what we’re really looking for, that’s what really matters. Who cares about the results? We’re worried about the process, worried about the habits that we want our kids to build so that they apply skills. So here are the seven things that you can do.
Number 1: Parents, know that this an executive function issue. It’s not a matter of willfulness, it’s not a matter of they don’t care. Your kid wants to do well, they just don’t know how. So compassionately approaching them with that sort of an attitude, “Look, I know that you just don’t know what to do or where to start, I’m here to help you.” I know that every parent watching this, you all have different dynamics in your family. Some of you have homework battles all the time, some of you do not. Some of you are pushing, pushing, pushing. Some of you are really laid back and watching. There’s the whole gamut of parenting styles and relationship styles. That doesn’t matter, you need to know that no matter who you are, that it has to do with legitimate executive function struggles, brain development, and that your child wants to do well but they don’t know how and don’t have the tools yet to do this.
Number 2: The most important thing is the relationship, that you’re building happy and healthy relationships. Your kid is everything in your life, you know, you want to have a great relationship with them. If you want to get buy-in from your kid to allow you to help them, to listen to the suggestions or advice that you have, to work with them on their projects or what they’re studying, things like that, if you want to be able to help them with those things, you have to have the relationship. Be there, where your kid feels emotionally safe enough to come to you to tell you these things. So one thing I talk about is the 3:1 rule, where you give your kid three positives to every one perceived negative. Can you give your kid three positives to every one negative. Can you do 1:1, to some families this is a stretch. That is a good thing, that is forward motion. So does your kid feel like, “Oh you never notice what I do right, blah blah blah,” if they feel like that, then you want to reverse that feeling where they really feel seen, okay. So they relationship. Connect with them first. If you want to help them with stuff, help them get reorganized, work on homework, connect first. Don’t go straight into it. Connect with them, have fun with them. Remember they’re your kid and enjoy them. Encourage them. And know when to let things go, a lot of times might be like, “Oh you got an 89%, why didn’t you get a 90%?” Or, “Oh you cleaned up your room, but you left that sock on the floor.” Know when to let things go and to see all the effort that they’ve put into certain things and have realistic expectations. If your child has D, getting a C is a success. It’s growth, it’s progress. You know, not worrying about all A’s and everything perfect, and every problem perfect. What is good enough? Know when to let it go, have realistic expectations. These kids feel a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure. It doesn’t motivate them, it doesn’t make them want to try harder because they’re feeling so much pressure, especially at this time of year. So really compassionately building the relationship and try to get by and trying to help them get to want you to help them. Relationship is key.
Number 3: Mindsets. You, them, we all have to have mindsets. So your kid has the resistance mindset. The resistance mindset is, “ah, I don’t want to do this, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll do it later, I’ll do it in the morning, I’ll do it in five minutes, this is stupid, why do I have to do this, when am I ever going to use this. I don’t wanna. I don’t feel like it.” These are all resistance mindsets. The mindset that we want to have is, “okay, I can do this, I can figure this out,” and I want you to have a realistic with your kid about mindset too. What’s your mindset about this? I want you to hear them. Don’t try to change them. Don’t say, “oh well you should feel this way, oh you shouldn’t feel that way.” Instead be like, “oh that’s an interesting mindset, tell me more about that. I really want to understand.” And then you can say, “my experiences, I try to have this type of mindset when I have big things to accomplish like that.” You’re not trying to convince them to have your mindset, but you’re trying to tell them what you do. I don’t try to convince my kids, okay, I do try to encourage them and tell them what I think and what I see. But I really want them to feel heard. The power of just feeling heard is so big and when my kids can feel like, “oh, Seth just heard me, he understands, he gets it.” Then I can get moving into a, “okay, now let’s get to work,” on whatever the schoolwork is.
Number 4: Clarity. You need clarity, number 4 is clarity. How are you, the parent, going to get clarity if you can’t rely on your kid to be clear about what’s expected. If you can’t rely on the portals or teacher communications, or you can’t rely on looking in the backpack to figure it out, or you can’t rely on looking at your kids planner to figure it out. How are you going to get clarity regarding what needs to get done realistically? Well, email the teachers, now, today. Look at the portals, look at the syllabi, those are the three main things you’re going to do to get clarity. Connect with the teachers, look at the portal thoroughly, and look at the syllabi if they even exist thoroughly. That’s how you’re going to get clarity. So just hit up the teachers, be like “hey what’s up, I need some clarity. We have three weeks until winter break, I need to know what’s coming up. Are there any exams, are there any big papers or are there any projects I should be aware of. What do I need to know?” Don’t wait on it. Your kids going to tell you, “Don’t email my teachers, teachers hate it when you email them, they don’t like it.” I hear the same stories over and over and over and over and over and over. Okay, look. You’re not stepping on your kids’ toes even though they’re at an age when they’re going to say anything to get you to not email them. But, you need clarity. You don’t even need to tell them you’re going to email the teachers. You can also tell them, “Look, I love you. I love you enough to figure out what’s going on so I can help you, even if you don’t like it.”
Number 5: Overhauls. If your kid is going to figure out what they need to do in the next few weeks, they need to first get a clean slate. They need to do some overhauls. They need to overhaul maybe their locker, their secret study space or their study area, their backpack. There are three main things. The backpack includes the folders and papers and everything like that. So you need to overhaul their lockers, their study environment, and their backpack so that they can sort of get to reset because they have so much clutter and stuff in their lockers, on their desks, and in their backpacks right now that they don’t even know where to start, they’ve lost track of things. If your kid is one of the kids like I work with who struggle with executive function, you have to start with a clean slate. So go ahead and do an overhaul, clean slate of some things.
Number 6: Habits. Habits and routines. One of the most important habits your kid should have, this I can talk about more in-depth during the webinar, is a daily plan. If I had one thing that was the biggest game-changer of all, and I’ve worked with hundreds and hundreds of students, the number one biggest game-changer is when the kid really understands habit. Chunk down and make a daily plan. They need habits and routines for sleep. The more stables their habits and routines for sleep, exercise, nutrition, getting up, getting out the door in the morning, doing their homework, planning their day using their planner, checking their planners, the more that they have habits and routines the more stable they are, the better off they’re going to be.
Number 7: Finally, connection with others. So if you want your kid to succeed during Hail Mary time, there are three suggestions that I have, technically four, in terms of connecting with others. What do I mean by others? Well, one, you, the parent. You helping your kid through the Hail Mary time, you connect with them in a way where they will actually listen to you. Now I know a lot of you have homework battles and again, some don’t. But you may have to back up and slow down, really create a safe place so they can receive your help first. Anyhow, connecting with you to get through Hail Mary time. Getting a tutor proactively at Hail Mary time. If you get a tutor a few times before Hail Mary time and spend the money on it, but that saves your kid a whole other semester where they’d have to have retaken it if they failed it, that can be well worth it. So proactively getting a tutor, proactively emailing the teachers, finding out when their office hours are with clarity. Can your kid go in before school, after school, during office hours, or during some other special time to see the teachers so that you actually know from the horse’s mouth when your kid can get help and support from the teacher. So getting your kid to go to the teacher to connect with the teacher so that they can get help during this time. And finally, friends. Friends where they can together to study, to work on their homework, have study parties, have their friends come over on the weekend to work on their projects or papers, or things like that. Even though you may feel like they get off task, if they’re generally on task it’s totally fine, if they get off the task, if they’re working on it, they’re gonna get more out of it and enjoy it more, resent it last, things like that. So others, get others involved with your kid through the Hail Mary time so that they can successfully go through it. Get a tutor, you work with them, email the teachers, see how they can work with them, and friends working with them.
Anyhow, again, my name is Seth with SethPerler.com. If you haven’t signed up for my freebies and weekly updates, check it out on my website, SethPerler.com. I put something out for families every single week. This is what my life is dedicated to, to serving kids, to helping kids who struggle with executive function have a better life. And I will do a webinar soon, probably next week. A free webinar going in-depth where you can really sit down and give you some great strategies for getting through this. Be well, take care. Oh, and if you want to give it a thumbs up, leave a comment, tell me what you do to help you get through the UGYG or Hail Mary time.
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Students, “Hail Mary” time is the time at the end of the semester when SO MUCH WORK is piled up that you don’t even know where to start. A lot of students procrastinate at this overwhelming point and end up failing classes as a result. THIS video gives you 5 big tips to help you get through it with MORE FUN & FREEDOM and less stress.
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🙏 Thanks! — Seth
Video transcript:
Parents and teachers, what’s up? In this video I’m going to talk about procrastination and by the end of this video you’re going to have two things one. (1) You’re going to understand how executive function and procrastination go together, how they’re related, how procrastination fits into executive function now that impact students. (2) You’re going to know my number one key strategy for working with students who struggle with procrastination and why I use that strategy, and I’ll break that down for you.So my name is Seth Perler, I’m an executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado and I help struggling students navigate this thing called education. I’m going to start off by telling you that procrastination you can think of as an aspect of executive function, or poor executive function. Here’s what I mean. You can look at many experts out there who talk about executive function, you’ll find that different experts breakdown executive function into different aspects. Some experts may say there are three aspects to executive function, there can be five, there are eight, etc… When I’m doing speaking presentations, I have anywhere between fifteen and twenty. I do not fit in the box and don’t really care to have the exact number. I do not care to give you a perfect recipe for how things are done. I care to communicate things in a meaningful and useful way so that you can better help kids. When I look at the aspects, there are different ways to look at it. Now, I will tell you what you will often see in terms of procrastination as an aspect of executive function. So basically, first of all, let me explain the many aspects to executive function. Some of the common ones that you might see would be: focus, attention, concentration, organization time management, planning, prioritization, etc…Aspects of executive function are any of the things the brain needs to do in order to execute a complex task. So for example, when I painted this room and put all the posters up that required planning, that required time management, that required task initiation, that required task persistence in order to complete this project which took me a day or two. It required a lot of executive function. I had to execute, I had to do different things. My brain had to do different things to make the goal and to accomplish the goal. So I wanted to mention the aspects really quick because what I’m going to tell you now is specifically looking at procrastination as an aspect or a part of an aspect of executive function. How do we do that? Alright, so we have procrastination. Procrastination is basically two sides of the same coin. So when you are thinking, if you are listening to somebody speak about executive function and they’re speaking about the other side of this procrastination coin, what they are going to say in clinical speak is they’re going to the term ‘task initiation.’ Task initiation is to initiate a task. Well, that just means self-starting, it just means getting started, it just means getting the train rolling. So one side of the coin, one aspect of executive function on one side that is task initiation, self-starting or getting the train going, or starting your work, or starting your homework; we’re getting started. Getting started in and of itself is a difficult thing when you don’t want to do it, when it is a non-preferred activity. Obviously your kids don’t procrastinate when it comes to doing something that they’re interested in, something they care about, something that matters to them, something that’s fun for them. But if it comes to something that is a non-preferred activity task initiation, self-starting, getting train going, getting started on your work is not easy for them.So what’s the other side of the coin? The other side of the coin of self-starting or task initiation is not initiating the task, and we use the word procrastination to describe the many ways that we avoid starting. Procrastination is not starting. People will often use other words interchangeably with procrastination and sort of lumping them under these different categories, not really interested in that part of executive function, which doesn’t help the kid. For example, an adult might say, “Oh, yeah, the kid is just unmotivated,” or “the kid is just not motivated,” or “the kid just needed to get motivated,” or “this student is not disciplined. This student needs more disciplined. This student just needs to work harder, the student just needs to care more.” But essentially we have the words lumped together: procrastination, unmotivated, undisciplined, and stuck. So those are sort of the common ones that we see. So on the one side of the coin, we have task initiation and self-starting. On the other side of the coin, we have a lack of motivation or we have procrastination. Either way, whatever way you look at it, the problem that adults, teachers, and parents often encounter is that the way that they approach this does not work. It may work in the short-term through shaming the kid or putting a lot of pressure on a kid, but it doesn’t work in the long term to help the kid learn what they need to learn. So, what is the right way to do this? The right way to help a child overcome procrastination, so to speak, or lack of motivation or lack of discipline or however you phrase it. The right way to really look at this in my opinion and I work with a lot of kids who struggle with this stuff and I have for many years, the right way to approach this isn’t to use those terms, but is to say, “Hey kid, how do we help you learn skills to help you self start, even when it’s a non-preferred task.” Obviously, I wouldn’t use those words with the student, but the essence of this is how do we empower you, the student, to have skills, to have tips, tricks, strategies? How do we help you have a way to self-start on a task that is an important task for you to get done for your life. Homework, responsibilities, things that lead to a bigger goal. Even though the big goal is fun, the steps to getting there may not be as fun. For example, you may want to go to college but doing a college application is a massive, massive job. Just doing a college application takes a lot of executive function. So if you want to go to college you have to do a lot of things get there. If a student wants a car and they want to buy a car, well all of the work that it takes to get the car, there’s a lot of work to that, or even just getting a driver’s license, there’s a lot of executive function that’s required the one big goal. So basically the question is how do we empower these students? I’m going to say this again, to have some strategies to help them self-start even when they don’t feel like it? So I’m not trying to motivate my students as a coach. I don’t tell my students, “I want you to be motivated.” I tell them, “How do we trick you? How do you learn to trick yourself into starting even if you don’t feel motivated?,” because if I’m looking to help them figure out how to feel motivated, that is a losing game as far as I am concerned. I want to give them practical tools and tips and strategies on how to self-start. I told you in this video that I would help you understand how I do that. Before I do that I wanted to talk about the impacts and consequences of procrastination. I have 5 impacts and consequences of procrastination to share.Number 1: The obvious is that their grades suffer. They have lot of missings, incompletes, late work, zeros, and a lot of test corrections. So their grades are suffering from procrastination.Number 2: The relationships. Often times the relationships your child has with you the parents, there’s a breakdown. There’re homework battles, there’s a problem, they might be lying, there might be challenges in the relationship because of procrastination and trying to get them to do what needs to be done and to their relationship with their teacher. Their teachers may perceive them as somebody who doesn’t care even though they do, or somebody who isn’t trying hard enough or isn’t is undisciplined or motivated in, and they get an image of the student that may or may not be accurate. But often that doesn’t take into consideration the legitimacy of executive function challenges. So that’s grades and relationships.Number 3: There is overwhelm. Often times the students get overwhelmed emotionally and that leads to avoidance. Procrastination impacts them because they put things off and they get overwhelmed and they either deal with that really stressed or they pretend it’s not going on. So it affects them emotionally.Number 4: Procrastination also affects mindset, and often times these students who procrastinate, they start saying, “You know what I give up. This is stupid. Why try anyhow. I don’t need to do this. I’ll do it later.” They start to get a lot of mindsets that help them not take action and avoid, which is the emotional that I mentioned before.Number 5: Finally, energy depletion. Procrastination really takes a lot of energy for them to procrastinate. For them, it sort of lingers in the brain that there’s something that’s undone. Even if they’re not conscious of what it is, they have the sense that something’s undone and it can really take energy away from them. So procrastination can really deplete your energy directly and indirectly.Now for the strategy. How do we do this? How do we help? I like, as a coach and a human being, I’m a very big picture person. I like to get things as simple as possible. So I’m going to tell you essentially how I help students I work with, I’m not going to say overcome, how I help them work with and work through procrastination. How I help them to self-start and how I help them to trick themselves into taking action. I’m going to give you one concept that I think encapsulates a lot of how I approach doing this. That word, that concept is ‘chunking.’ I help students by learning to chunk. So in other words what happens is that when a student has action to take and it’s a non-preferred action and they don’t feel like doing it, what happens is it’s often abstract. We have abstract and concrete. If it feels abstract it feels big, it feels overwhelming. They say, “Oh I have homework to do tonight and I don’t even know where to start because it’s abstract. I got a bunch of stuff to do. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know exactly what I have to do. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I don’t know where I’m going to do it. I don’t know how I’m going to get this done.” That’s abstract. What do you think abstraction does to emotionally? It feels overwhelming. Abstract is overwhelming.Then we go to concrete. The more concrete we get, the less overwhelming it is and the more attainable it is. So how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. We work with baby-steps. We break it down into small chunks. When a student can chunk it down they can contemplate, “I can get that thing done, I got this.” or “I can get part of that. I can at least get started. I can’t task initiate and I can get the momentum going.” So how do we chunk? Two ways. One word is chunking and there two ways to chunk. There are plenty of other theorists out there or strategist or coaches or tutors or novelist or whatever. There are plenty of people out there with other good ideas. Use them if they worked for you, I don’t really care. I’m going to tell you how I break it down for kids and why. I break it down into two ways of something. (1) is by time (2) is by task. What do I mean by time? I swear I use these timers so often with kids because this is concrete. It’s concrete because it’s auditory, it’s concrete because it’s visual and you can see it, it’s concrete because it’s kinesthetic and you can touch it. This is a thing. I can contemplate doing 3 minutes and 3 seconds of starting my homework. “Hey, I can get the ball rolling with it. I can work for 10 minutes or 20 minutes with this,” is concrete that helps people get started to self to focus and get their attention. I’ve stayed away from the abstract and back to the concrete so that we can concretely work on a non-preferred pass for X amount of minutes. For X amount of time. So we chunk by time. Again, the kid says, “Oh, I have all this work to do all the time,” it’s abstract. Cool. Ask them, “Can you focus for 5 minutes? Can you plan for 3 minutes? Can you focus for 30 minutes?” If you watched my video last week when I talked about the 3-30-3 method that can help you figure out how to do that. But can you do it for a smaller chunk of time? That makes it concrete. We want to get it within the threshold so that they can go, “Okay, I can do that. Yes, I can work for math on math for 5 minutes” and maybe they have an hour or two hours to work, but we need to get the momentum going. Number (2) we chunk by task. If they have a paper to write, a task for the paper is to get your materials out. A task for the paper is to read over the rubric. A task for the paper is to make an outline. A task for the paper is to draft. A task for the paper is to edit to, revise, to talk with someone about your idea and talk it out. These are all tasks that you can break down. So you can chunk it by task. A task for math might be doing one problem, it might be checking your work, it might be doing 5 problems, it might be doing the front page, it might be putting your name on the top of the math paper, it might be reading the instructions. So we can chunk these things down by task and by time. It is outside the scope of this video to go into extraordinary depth on how to do that, but that’s what I wanted to talk about. We want to get it from abstract world to concrete world. We do that by chunking by task and by time. When you do that, you want to ideally write out your plan whether you’re using notecards or whatever, but write out a plan, a concrete plan. This is concrete. You want to have a concrete plan in your hand of the tasks that need to happen. So go snag one of these timers. Anyhow, that’s all I got for you today. Again, my name is Seth with SethPerler.com. If you haven’t signed up for my blog on my site, I send out a new video at least every week and I do a lot of things to help support people struggling with executive function. This was a video where I wanted you to understand exactly how procrastination fits into executive function and how it impacts students, and know my number one key strategy for dealing with that. So, please share this, give it a thumbs up on YouTube. If you’re watching me on YouTube feel free to tell me what you think and what works for you for the students that you are working with. I’m going to get out of here. I hope you have a fantastic day. I will see you soon.
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Procrastination is a massive problem for my students who struggle with executive function. Unfortunately, these students have all sorts of consequences as a result, including late work, missing work, incomplete work, zeroes, falling grades, homework battles, overwhelm, stress, etc.. This video teaches students how I use my 3-30-3 study sprint method to break through procrastination and get stuff done.
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To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Austin teachers, what’s up? This is a video for your child for your students a student’s. What’s up? My name is Seth. What’s up, bro., man, executive function coach based out of Boulder Colorado. And today I’m going to teach you about how to do a study Sprint and this is the 333 study Sprint store 333 study Sprint. So here’s the problem got a lot of homework to do. It’s overwhelming. You don’t even know where to start and when you don’t know where to start in your overwhelming and it’s very abstract. That’s what you got to do. You want to procrastinate you don’t feel motivated. You don’t feel like doing it. I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. Get off my back. Leave me alone, Mom and Dad. I’ve got this. Why don’t you just trust me? I’m going to do it in a few minutes meanwhile in your head. It’s like where do I even start and when we are overwhelmed and we don’t know where to start would we do we procrastinate we push it back? We push it back. We avoid we avoid to avoid and we either get it done later on or we don’t get it done at all. And what often happens when people do this a lot is that the end up with a lot of missing Zane complete slate work zeros. These are people have a lot of tests correction. And these are people who really their grades are suffering in there not learning as much because because they don’t even know where to start. So the 333 method is a so what I call a study Sprint and I work with students all the time. My name is Seth program executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado. I am struggling students navigate this thing called education and I work with my students here in Colorado and it’s really hard for them to even know where to start. So here is how this method Works. Basically you’re going to set a timer for 3 minutes like this. I love timers I use them with my students all the time because they are concrete they are auditory. They are at the kinesthetic you can touch them you can see them there. Visual so I use these timers a lot and using this timer is going to help you because it makes it more real and makes more concrete makes it easier to get your stuff that they’re going to set it for 3 minutes. We’re gone 15 seconds already on the street minutes and during that 3 minutes are going to prep and plan. What does that mean? It means you set it for 3 minutes and you’re going to prep him plan. You’re going to pull out what you need. Maybe you need a highlighter. Maybe you need a pen. Maybe you need your planner. Maybe need a book. Maybe you need a worksheet. Whatever you need for this little tiny study Sprint 30 minute session. You get it out. He grab what you need from your backpack you clean off your desk you clean off your study area. You get rid of clutter you get prepped you prep. Your area and you plan for what you’re going to do. So meanwhile during this 3 minutes. I’m also going to plan so my plan may be. Okay. Well, I’m going to work on this Mass shooter. I’m going to write this draft did the taper. I’m going to read a few chapters of this book or whatever. So you prep now. Let’s say the timer goes off early. It doesn’t matter when the timer goes off. Just hit stop and keep if you’re still prepping. Just keep prepping until you’re done prepping and plan. So if it takes you 5 minutes, but if it takes you 7 Minutes who cares, but what’s just happened is you have just tricked yourself into taking action. You have just tricked yourself into overcoming the procrastination. You still may not feel motivated to do it, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t tell people that they should feel motivated what I tell you what I tell my students is that it doesn’t matter if we feel motivated or not. If we want to be successful in life. We have to figure out how to get stuff done that needs to get done. No matter how we feel whether or not we feel motivated doesn’t matter. It’s got to get done. If we don’t figure this out we start with executive function. We don’t figure out how to get stuff done and we are going to struggle in life as adults in a big way and I do not want that to happen to your eye when you have a great life. Filled with possibilities Freedom fun joy connection engagement meaningful activities in your life. Okay. So in order to be able to have the freedom you want your life, we do have to be able to get stuff done. So the 3 minutes is going on at you get you prep and plan in the three minutes. What do you do? You prep your area and you plan what you’re going to do then once you’re 3 minutes or 5 minutes or whatever takes it doesn’t matter, but you’ve just started taking action and getting ready next you’re going to get into the phase of execution where you’re going to start to execute whatever you planned to do now so much of what I teach my students is just a mental game. It’s tricking the Mind into getting things done that needed that was the timer out Salinas in a minute. So it’s tricking the mind. So you just trick your mind into getting started now we got to get the momentum. Okay. You got a little bit started you planned what you got to do. You pulled some stuff out you at least got over the hump for 3 minutes 3 minutes is very easy for the mind to digest. Yes. I can do three minutes of getting ready. But now we need to get the train moving so trained it is standstill is very hard to get moving now. We need to get some momentum with the train. So now we’re going to do is we’re going to go Backed our timer here and we’re going to set it from 3 minutes, and we’re going to set it for 30 minutes total 30 minutes. Now you can set up for 35 you can set up for 20 can set up for 15. You can set up for 50. I do not care, but with A333 method we’re just going to use 30 to be simple to at least get started you’re going to press your timer. And now you are going to start 30 focused minutes of whatever you’re doing. If you get done early let the F Matt and you get done in 20 minutes, then you’re done. Let’s say you get done in 10 minutes, then you’re dying. But whatever you’re going to set up for 30 minutes and you’re going to get the train moving. You’re going to get momentum. This is very important. Now what if you are going in the Beeper goes off at 30 minutes, but you still have more to do and you have momentum. What do you think you should do if you have good momentum. You should continue your someone who struggles with motivation and you procrastinate a lot and you’ve got some momentum go with it. Trust me. I work with students like this all the time. If you are if you’re already going to be for goes off, but you could keep going keep going. Some people will say. Oh no, you should stop and take a break. Well what happens when my students take a break as they get the railed. They think they’re going to take a five-minute break and they end up taking a 5 day break. They may never get back to the assignment or maybe very painful or their homework arguments or they take us 23 minute break instead of a 5-minute break and then they’re up too late and then they’re tired in the morning, you know, so just if you have momentum keep it going but after this 30 minutes is done if you’re ready for a little break or you’re ready to stop then you go to the next three so we had three minutes of what planning and prepping then we have 30 minutes of what of focus And then we have three minutes of reflection. So here’s what that means you finish your 30 minutes. Let’s say we’re going to stop here instead of for 3 minutes again. And now the three minutes is gone again. And this is reflection. What does that mean? It means you look at your plan. You look at what you did and you say okay. I was going to work on math and focus. How focused was I did I get done what I needed to get done. What do I need to do? Next? Should I stay working on this assignment? Should I shift to another assignment? So the final 3 minutes is a time for reflection to just sort of stop and say what in the world is going on. I’ve been trying to focus for 30 minutes. How’s it going? Where do we go from here? So to recap here’s the problem students get overwhelmed. It’s your abstract. They don’t know where to start when they don’t know where to start and it feels overwhelming. What do we do? We procrastinate which causes a lot of problems. So what are we trying to do? We’re trying to get over the procrastination so that we can get some momentum and get some stuff done. How do we do that? Number one? We take 3 minutes and we plan and prep number to we take 30 minutes. Lee Focus number 3 we take 3 minutes and we reflect and figure out what in the world is going on and where we need to go from here. So try this map it out and try it out a lot. Try it out 5 or 10 times consistently and see if it helps your life. Again. The specifics don’t matter may be planning a prepping is 2 minutes. Maybe it’s 10 minutes. Maybe the execution phase is 30 minutes, maybe 10. Maybe it’s an hour at these things don’t matter but it’s a great framework to get you started getting some better habits and bus through that grass Nation so you can get your stuff done in a reasonable amount of time so that you can have more freedom and more fun in your life all together. Not only now but also in your future. All right, my name is Seth. What’s up, bro., Executive function coach here in Boulder, Colorado. I have a starving students them get this thing called education you like this give it a thumbs up or subscribe or leave a comment. What do you think what methods do you use that help you take action and bust through procrastination. What ideas do you have that you can share with all of us? I will see you soon take
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This video is based on the following parent email: “I subscribed to your blog last week. I found you in my efforts to find resources to help my 17-year old daughter. Based on what I have read, she is asynchronously developed, and has executive function challenges-deal with. She has been difficult and defiant since she was 15. She won’t take instructions from me and my husband. Can you provide some advice on how to get a teenager like her to recognize/accept she has challenges and be more receptive to the help her parents are trying to give her?”
Here I explain the 3 elements needed for change, how students are resistant, how the nervous system is involved in this issue, why the relationship is key and HOW to rebuild the relationship so your child will be able to grow through this more effectively.
I also mention:
The Executive Function Online Summit for parents: https://executivefunctionsummit.com/
Stuart Shanker’s upcoming, amazing program (he was one of our awesome TEFOS speakers) https://self-reg.ca/
The book The Self-Driven Child by Stixrud and Johnson, 2 of our TEFOS speakers http://www.theselfdrivenchild.com/
My programs that may help https://sethperler.com/offerings-2/
Check it out on my blog here: https://sethperler.com/blog/
Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
You are a parent of a student who struggles with executive functioning your child is resistant to your help and you’re trying to help them and give them advice and help him have a better life and they don’t want it this video. My name is Dad. For what I, I’m an executive function coach beiste Boulder Colorado and I have to start working soon as navigate this thing called school and I have the email here from one of my subscribers here. It says I subscribe to your blog last week. I found you in my efforts to find resources to help my 17 year old daughter based on what I have read on your site. She is asynchronously developed as executive function challenges. She’s been difficult and defiant since she was fifteen. She won’t take instructions from me and my husband. Can you provide some advice on how to get a teenager like her to recognize / except that she has challenges and be more receptive to the helper pay Friends are trying to give her so that is a great great email that a lot of families are struggling with the same sort of thing. So I’m going to unpack this for you right here. I’m going to go over the email and I’m packed some key terms in the in this parents thinking and then I’m going to give you some solutions and inside so that you guys can better help your your kids. If you are in the sort of a situation first of all, she mentioned that her daughter is asynchronously developed. If you haven’t heard that term what that means is that we we like to imagine that most kids are developed or developing at it within developmental Norms. So for example, a 5th grader would be at 5th grade level in math and science in reading and writing but also in terms of maturity and social personality social characteristics and things like that. So anyhow, we like to imagine that there at Bass lines at different levels, but asynchrony means that kids develop very differently. So you may I have a student for example, who is in fifth grade who is doing High School level math, but whose handwriting is like a second grader because of fine motor issues or what-have-you or you might have a student who is in fifth grade who can have super high level deep adult conversations with you about certain topics particularly topics within their interest areas, for example, if they’re interested in animals and and they really are or whatever they’re interested in music whatever that thing is super high level stuff, but when it comes to them for them not getting their way, they’re so immature so their 5th grader, but their maturity level in certain areas is really low. So any means that they’re not synchronously developing their variates synchronously developing and some kids develop very asynchronously. They were really high highs really low lows things in the middle. They’re all over the place. So it makes it very difficult to work. And especially if you know, we are in a an outdated school system Paradigm where we think that we can just run kids through certain grade certain curriculum at certain levels in if they were to do that thing than they should be at the next level on just stuff that doesn’t work when it comes down to reality for most kids. The next thing this person says that she has executive function challenges. That means that she’s struggling to manage time to stay organized to get things turned and she has a lot of missing is incomplete slate work. Doesn’t know how to study or doesn’t study. So anyhow, anything that’s related to this kid executing on the tasks that need to be done for their life. They’re starting to ask you to get the things done that need to get done and then it says she’s been difficult in defiance and she was fifteen and we’ll talk about the Defiance just in a very actually I say that out the I mention that a moment and she won’t take instructions from me and my husband are most of the kids that I work with it. I want to hear advice or instructions from their parents. First of all, and the other thing is is when we think about us is that also do you take instructions from your husband does your husband take instruction from you? Do we have that always like to take instructions from other people to be like to be told what to do or directed or told you you need to be doing something this way and with the only time we do for example in this email you said can you provide some advice you’re asking me for help if I go to a doctor and I asked the doctor for help then I’m I’m more likely to take their advice if I go to my parents and ask them for help if I go to somebody guitar teacher and ask them for help in learning how to play better or something like I’m asking for it. So I have ownership and I have buying in that process. So but if somebody just tells me hey, you should do things this way and that way then I don’t want that most of us, I think don’t or we only do if it’s somebody that we really have that sort of a relationship with so I will explain why that matters in just a moment and then I love how you say to get her advice on how to get a teenager like her to recognize and accept that she has challenges. That’s a really good question. That’s a really good question. And that’s where that’s how I’ll dress that and be more receptive to help her parents. I like how you frame that to be more receptive to you and your husband helping her. She doesn’t have to be fully receptive. But can we get the ball rolling in a different direction where she’s willing to accept something and go from there? That’s what I like your frame that shows me that you understand that this is a process. It’s not just an overnight, you know quick fix thing and I’m really glad to hear that you framed it that way. Anyhow, so here we go. The first thing we want understand we’re trying to help the kid like this is that Thursday and the bee the a is that we are a parent or teacher or could even be a student but there is a usually for the adults in this kid’s life. There is a sense of worry and anxiety and concern that this It doesn’t figure these things out the kids not going to be okay. They’re not going to be able to have these choices in life and the possibilities in the opportunities to in their future life to be able to create a fantastic future that they’re really going to struggle with things like career things like relationships things like paying bills and financial stability. And this is that there are very very very real consequences. If we have the kid doesn’t figure out how to ask you how to regulate emotion how to overcome their own resistance to doing things that need to get done. So and point B is the point where the teacher of the coach for the therapist or the parents can breathe a sigh of relief and go but we feel like this kids going to be okay, they’ve got enough tools so they have a good enough excitement. You’re not perfect but it’s good enough my kids going to be okay. So that’s where we’re trying to get you from point A to point B in the kid. Ideally is wanting the other two that they are at a point where they’re not they want to be independent from you from the parent. They want to have a good life and want to have a good future. They want to have opportunities. They may not be able to articulate that but they do want to have a good life and point B is where the kids like, you know what my life’s not perfect but I got this I can accomplish my goals in life. I can do what I want to do. I can go for a things. I can challenge myself. I can go through things that are difficult and hard and I can overcome them and work through them and Ingrosso is a person. You know what that’s what’s so that’s where they were there a way to be as you know, at one point they’re kind of chaotic and they they don’t really have much Direction and that point be there like, you know what I mean not know exactly what I want to do, but I have a toolbox build a tool that I know how to use to get me there to accomplish my goals in life. So that’s the a to be at 1 to talk about Parent when I am taking a student that I’m working with from A to B, and I’m working with him as a coach. There are three elements to creating that transformative experience for your child. So when I do the coach you do as parents we do is Teacher’s Week we do is it so this is how I break it down to me. There are three elements that you need one. Your child needs systems systems for planting systems for organization systems for checking their portal for advocating. It needs systems to they need mines that mindset that say, you know what my parents May frustrate me sometimes but I can relate to them and I can work with them and I can learn from them and and you know, we have a good relationship. I know they’re there for me I bug them they bug me but it’s good. It’s the way of mind, you know school is hard, but I can figure it out. I can get help I can learn I can grow, you know, but we tend to have a disease resistance Minds SSA. I can’t this is stupid. Why do I have to do this? I don’t want to this isn’t fun. I give up. I hate this my teachers hate me. The kids had me on this is too hard. So those sorts of resistance mindsets and then that’s what creates procrastination and putting things off. Often lack of motivation and think and in that it impedes executive function that impedes execution that prevent us from being unable to execute on things that where we are planting seeds for our own future well-being if we are resistant and we can’t do those things then then that it interferes with them so fat that systems with that mindset that are positive and we have to have habits and routines. I won’t have it then routine together, but we have had half that study habits sleep habits exercise habits habits that help us to live optimally and to get things done. So I’m taking some ready to be those are the three elements that I’m trying to help with know what I want to mention next. It is with the mind that one in particular your child’s mindset is I don’t want help from my parents. My parents over want me they bug me. They won’t leave me alone. They’re always on my back and this isn’t what you said in the email, but this is I hear over and over so I know that this is probably the type of things that parents are going through this or hearing they hear it so much but so those sorts of things so there’s this resistance mindset and you if you’re in this type of a situation with your child, you have to deal with the mindset of resistance to allowing you into their life. Now, how do you deal with that mindset? It’s not easy. It’s not quick. It requires a lot on the part of the parents a lot of patience on the part of the parents because this is not an overnight matter. There is healing that has to be done in most cases and I’ll explain that in a moment. How do we build the relationship? How do we get your kid to trust you to allow? You doubt that me of this child you love and care about you mean the world to you and they won’t accept your help. How do we build how do we help their nervous system? Calm down. How do we help their mindset their minds that the resistance to change so that your relationship changes and you can help them. well the way that we do that is through the relationship. And through co-regulation and through the nervous system your child’s resistance to you helping them. What’s really happening forget about the story? What’s happening? Is that your child? When you’re trying to help them isn’t feeling in their body Ori can get help from this person. This is safe. They’re feeling their body. This is unsafe. Get away from you fight flight or freeze in this is hard. I think for parents to hear that your child’s nervous system is triggered by you your words and your nervous system. This is not the blame you this is to help I’m telling you this to help you understand what’s going on in the body so you can help your child. This isn’t about shaming you the parents are making you feel guilty or feeling like you’re not a good enough parent fact that parents asked these questions is awesome and it shows a parent who wants to learn and grow and be a better parent so, you know what to do. This is not to feel guilty or anything, but your child’s nervous system has triggers. So you say something. Hey, what’s up with this? Why’d you get a zero or we watch? Let me help you. Can I please help you? I can you know, I can and then Dubai their nervous system shutdown, they feel constriction. They feel fight flight or freeze. They feel get away from me. I don’t want your help. I want to be independent. I want to be an adult. I want you to trust me. So they’re feeling these feelings and even though you’re on their side, they’re not able to see it. The stuff so what use the parent want to do is deal with the relationship and it is a long slow journey and you have to change now you’ve had with 15:17. You have to change the nature of your relationship where your child’s nervous system isn’t triggered by the things that you say it takes a long time. You guys are going to heal you’re going to have to build trust again in certain areas. You’re going to have to learn to communicate differently. You’re going to have to learn to perceive your child differently. You’re going to have to learn to focus on their strength. If you look at my usual YG course are some of my videos on the 3 2 1 rule you had your child feels like all you do is notice the negative. They feel like they can’t win. They feel like they can’t do anything, right? They feel like you never see what they do. Well, they feel like you don’t see their efforts they fit it feels daunting. It feels overwhelming. Okay, so you have to understand what’s going on in your child’s body. They’re feeling in their body. You come to try to help them. They’re feeling I do not even want you near me right now is what they’re feeling and it’s not you it’s not that they don’t love you or anything like that. It’s that they’re nervous system feels unsafe. They’ve been trying to do the right thing the right way. They’ve been working really hard for years, but they don’t fit in the box and it’s getting really old for them. They put so much energy by this time to 17 to try to fit in the boxes and to try to be what everybody expects them to be and they just can’t live up to it. They’re just not perfect. So they’re grappling with identity their grappling with changing body. They’re grappling with social pressures and there but they’re grappling with the pressures from school from you and it feels very / 1 So your objective parents what you want to do it again. This is not going to change it overnight. And I think that’s one of the hardest things that this pain take time is you want to change the nature of your Communication in your relationship with your child so that your child feels emotionally safe to be vulnerable with you to accept your help. So we want your help and let me stop right here until your parents. This can change. I see it all the time. I see it with the families. I work with all the time. It’s not easy. It’s not overnight. It does take time. But what you your objective is to help them feel safe change the true relationship your objective is to get it from where it’s going now and it’s on a down slope to get it on nip slip even if it’s only going on a 2% grade upslope. That’s what you want. Okay, even if it feels like it’s two steps forward and 1.9 steps back. That’s what you want. You want to change the direction of where this relationship is going now. to the hard part the even harder part How do you do that? One thing you might want to do is get it out there get a coach get a tutor can a mentor get an older kid that your kid just likes to hang out with and get a teacher get somebody to get an aunt or an uncle or somebody that is not you the parent to help your child recognize that their challenges in that it’s okay and that we all have them but get somebody that’s not you first of all. second of all You if you want to change the nature of your relationship with a child and help your child nervous system, feel safe and understand that you’re on their team you the parent have to change you. I think that’s very hard for people to because the older we get the more set in her ways. We are and the more we really have very firm beliefs and and sometimes less flexible. We are one like I don’t need help. I don’t need a therapist. I don’t need a counselor. I don’t need to read books on self-development. I don’t need to go to, but that is what we need to do. So my challenge my Big John Studd you parents is change. You learn more about your nervous system learn more about your triggers learn more about your boundaries learn more about the messages that you got as a child that you don’t agree with or that you do agree with him. What you really believe in what you really think so often I think is that all that we just take for granted that things are the way they are and we forget that it’s In time for us to develop the police we have they didn’t just appear we were taught them or we were influenced by certain things that causes to bleed and now have to challenge. Our beliefs is what we believe true. Like I think about you know, for example who the person who wrote this letter, you know, you have this sweet little child, you know, you imagine what it’s going to be like to be a parent and now you’re like this is not what I signed up for being a parent, you know, I thought I was going to be more our white picket fence Happy Happy Joy Joy, but that that’s not real life for a lot of families in in the most important thing in a relationship. So Next thing I said is you got to do your own deep in her work get your own therapist. It is the best investment. You can ever make there’s nothing wrong with you. That’s a sign of strength. If you go to a therapist or counselor, you say I need some help go to a family therapist with your kid. Yes cost money. So what lots of things cost money to invest in this this is the most important thing in your life is your relationship with yourself in that people that are closest to you. So investing money and a specialist who helps people have better relationships and better quality of life is the best investment. You can never make it. So for those of you who think that therapy is for weak people or stuff like that that is not reality at all. So go ahead and get help. Why not? That’s weakness not getting help. Read books. Here’s one for you. This is the we had a exact function online Summit recently. I would link that about it just cuts off during trial. These were two of the Authors on the summit but this I got this book for all the families. I’m working with locally because it’s fantastic. So get some great books on the stuff in the post executive function online. Some of that we just said you can still purchase that Summit the replays and at all these bonuses with the summit but there was a lot of The Specialist and executive function on that Summit talks about the relationship in the nervous system. There’s so much great information on there like listen to all those And listen to podcast about parenting get into Facebook groups or local support groups or whatever. So and Stuart Shanker who is one of our speakers on TiVo the executive function on my stomach Stuart Shanker he He has a new program coming out in November that you might look into a link to that blows. Well, so anyhow, that was very in-depth and I hope that that helps you do not give up this stuff works your kid wants to do. Well, they just don’t have the tools to be able to know how to relate to you be to be able to navigate executive function. They feel a lot of pressure. Their body is feeling a lot of over while they’re nervous system is just trying to stay safe and they feel attacked. It’s not you it’s not your fault. It just is but learning all about that in building. The relationship is where it’s at. It’s going to take you awhile. I would guess it’s going to probably take you a good six weeks to two months to sort of really get a good hook hair and start to turn it around where it’s not going down anymore, but it’s going up your relationship in your communication. And everything but that’s where it starts and you cannot believe me. You can go look for other quick fixes or things like that. But I am telling you this is the roadmap. These are the things you need an online program you gyg that striped tells you all about a lot of these things in terms of how I coach kids, but we can check that out. There’s so many good resources out there. Anyhow, my name is Seth Perler. What’s up, bro. Com executive function coach based out of Boulder Colorado and I help struggling students navigate this thing called education. Go ahead if you like what I’m doing to me a thumbs-up And subscribe on YouTube and subscribe to my blog share my work if you like what I’m doing. I really want to help people all over the world understanding that can function more so that we can help these kids. Have a great life. Take care. I will see you soon.
Students with executive function challenges benefit from being taught directly about strategies for school and life success then implementing them for a looong time. After many years of working with these kids, there are definitely a handful of ESSENTIAL questions they SHOULD be asking themselves on a daily basis in order to effectively track the systems they need to be maintaining. When students DON’T learn to ask these questions, things fall apart, they become more disorganized, they end up with a bunch of missing and late work, grades fall and stress goes up for everyone. This video dives into some specific questions to ask and why they are so important. Very best, Seth
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Video transcript:
Hey parents, teachers, and students. What’s up? My name is Seth. I’m an executive function coach in Boulder, Colorado and I help struggling students navigate this thing called education. I’m going to talk a little bit today about this sheet that I use in my office quite a bit and I did an extensive video on this and why it’s so important.
So basically I created the sheet after years and years and years of asking students the exact same question. And the reason I created that sheet is that these are the questions that students need to be asking themselves. However, if your child, if you’re a teacher, if your students, who struggle with executive function, or if you are a student who is trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called school on your own, you want to be asking the right questions. These are the questions you are going to need to be asking yourself on a daily basis. Now with most successful students, this comes relatively easy to them again. Why? These students who are naturally organized naturally have relatively good executive functions. They ask these questions more or less automatically and they think through these things in order to make sure that no stone goes unturned, that they are really asking the right questions to make sure that they’re on top of what needs to happen. The students that I work with that struggle with executive function tend to have a lot of missing or incomplete work, zeros, test corrections, and things like that and they missed details and they might have homework that they just forgot to turn in that they actually did. They may have forgotten to turn it in with their name on and got no credit etcetera. Either way, they tend to miss details, but basically what does she does is it breaks down the questions that I want students to be asking on a regular basis.I’m only going to focus on one part of the sheet. Basically, when my kids first come in and they’re making a plan for the evening in an ideal situation, they’re going to think through it just like you and I do as adults, we think through our day, “What do I have to do today?” They get home from school. They should be thinking, “What do I have to do tonight?” Obviously kids are with executive function are not necessarily thinking what they have to do that night. Anyhow, I start off by asking, “What’s your number one priority?” This is a very good question asking to ask for these classes. Any makeup work? Then ask if they have any long-term things they should be working on. Then I have the ‘should’ section and that’s what I’m going to talk about right now. In this section you should say, “Hey, do you have any homework?” They’ll say, “I’m all done, finished it all in school. Nope. I’m sure I don’t have anything,” and they really believe they don’t have anything to do but they’re not understanding that there are other things that they should be doing on a regular basis that other students do naturally, but these students often don’t do it at all. What happens is they end up in the big ‘dip’ and they end up spending the rest of the semester trying to swim upstream and dig themselves out of holes. So what are the questions? I will put them on my blog so that you can cut and paste them and make a print out if you want. But basically, the questions that I ask my students all the time is this: “Hey, what do you have to do tonight?” They might say, “Just math, that’s it. Yep. That’s it. No, everything else good. Yep. Everything else. Good.“Respond with, “Okay, well should you check your portals tonight?” Oftentimes what schools do is this is a mess. I might have a student who has a portal called Infinite Campus, Google Classroom, and Schoology. For example, I might have kids with multiple portals, or they may have one teacher that has their own website where they post up. It is a mess, a logistical nightmare for kids who struggle with executive function. It is very difficult for them to know what they need to stay on top of it, to even know where to go. So I ask, “Should we check your portals tonight?” And when I do that, I thoroughly check them. For example, when we check the Grade Portal, my students are often looking at them, “I have an 82 in this class,” and I say, “I don’t care that you have an 82, let’s look at the details because that’s where it shows the missing and incomplete work, zeros, and the things that you need to know.” That’s where we see patterns. That’s where we can see, “Oh, this kid has an A, they’re getting all their homework turned in and that’s why they have the A. But all of their quizzes and tests are lower scores.” So we know it gives us the information we need to work on study skills, for example.Question 1. “Should we look at the portals tonight?”Question 2. “Should we deal with your inbox tonight?” A lot of times these students are not looking at their inbox, ever. They don’t reply to emails that legitimately require a reply. If they do reply to the email, they often do it in a short way where they’re not capitalizing, they’re not indenting, or they’re not showing that they know how to write a letter. They don’t have to be long, but they at least should be courteous. And should they should show that they know how to actually communicate via writing in a quick email. They often have a lot of spam. They often have a lot of like things that they’ve subscribed to where they have millions of things that never opened all these things. So should we deal with the inbox tonight?Question 3. Planner. “Should we deal with updating the planner?” In an ideal world, every day your child is crossing off for checking off each day and all of the things that they’ve done that day. So that by the end of the day you can look in a month, for example, and see a bunch of crossed tasks in the days because they are regularly checking it out. These kids don’t do that. So should we update your planner? And now it’s in your planner. It isn’t just getting it up to date for what you can cross off, but it’s also asking if you need to backwards plan. Do you have a project coming up where you need to backwards plan? And you need to be working on that and also getting in your planner give extracurricular activity. And upcoming homework. What you have to do tomorrow is that in the planner. So should use the update the planner question.Question 4. Should we reset your backpack? I do this every week or two with all of my students. We take everything out of the pack. We could reorganize all the folders. We organize all the pockets and we organize all the school supplies. We organize the entire backpack and what do you know because it starts with executive function. You know homework that was supposed to be done today, or that got lost in the backpack. Papers that are in the wrong folders, papers ready to be recycled, things like that. We need to reset the backpack.Question 5. Is there any makeup work? I know I mentioned this earlier in this video, but I will ask this question, should I work on makeup work because these, kids when you say, “Do you have any homework,” they’re thinking about “no, I don’t have anything to do today or these are the things I have to do today.” But if they have missing or makeup work that needs to be done, that’s often not on their radar, okay. “Do you have makeup work that you’re forgetting about?”Question 6. This is a very very powerful question. “Are you forgetting anything?” When I ask the student if they’re forgetting anything, my goal is that I see them take a moment and maybe look around thinking about it and seriously contemplate, “Am I forgetting anything?” This is a very powerful question and often times a student will say, “Oh, yeah. I’m forgetting blah blah blah.” They’re forgetting the thing. And so it’s a great question that helps capture the things that we have missed. So my goal when working with these students is to catch all the details and to help with executive function a lot of things.The questions I just mentioned are very related to Executive function directly or indirectly. So again, here are the questions you should ask. “Hey, what’s up Japanese homework tonight? Okay, you know we go through the the deal but should you check your portals tonight? Should you deal with your inboxes tonight? Should you deal with your planner tonight and update it thoroughly. Should you reset your backpack and reorganize yourself tonight? Do you have makeup work that you should be worth? And did you forget anything?” That’s all I have for you. Again, my name is Seth Perler, I’m an executive function coach based out of Boulder, Colorado. I hope you’re having a great day. And if you like my work, please share it with somebody today. And also if you are on YouTube, you can go ahead and give me a thumbs up and a comment if you want tell me what you think about this, if there are questions that I’m forgetting that I should be asking students. Should you be doing this tonight so that they are covering all the bases are there. Is there anything that I’m leaving out and what do you guys do to deal with us? All right. I will see you soon. Take care.
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Here’s a new vlog with Debbie Reber of the TILT Parenting Podcast.
This is not my typical vlog. Parents, this one is for teachers, BUT you will get a lot out of it. This was based on a parent question Debbie Reber and I get all the time, “HOW do we get teachers on board who don’t get it? Schools just don’t get neurodiverse kids!”
Teachers, we recorded this just for you to shed light on the situation, and we went in-depth for well over an hour. We hope you like it and share it. Debbie Reber is an AMAZING podcaster that brings so much to parents of neurodiverse children. She’s my favorite podcaster and you should definitely check out here site/podcast/subscribe!
CLICK HERE to find this convo on Debbie’s site
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