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“I’m at my WITS’ END”

Please CLICK above to share. Awesome email that opens up a big can of worms in this video:

I have a 2nd-grade son who may be 2e based on uneven scores in a WISC-V. I’m having issues with his charter school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged, or lazy. It is a “no unnecessary homework” school yet they’re keeping him after school once/week for up to 70 mins while he struggles in frustration doing 15 mins worth of homework (mostly hand-writing drills and a single word sort activity that he has refused to do for months on end now b/c he says it’s dumb and not teaching him anything). I say it is a power-struggle over authority and non-significant work, and they say he has to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some “grit,” and that I’m interfering. I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve tried to advocate for my kiddo and now I’m basically banned from the class. Thanks!

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth

Video transcript:

Hey, what’s up, parents? And teachers? This is me. Step. Kroger.com. And I’m glad you’re here. Happy 2018 at the beginning of a new school year and I have an email here. I’m going to go over talking about this is a parent who says she is at her with that now, this is an older email but this is a great way to start off the year because what you want to be able to do parents as you want to be able to advocate for your child and not feel like you’re crazier. There’s something wrong with your your Miss receiving something you want to be grounded. And when you thinks I’m going to go over this email on this will help you to determine perhaps what to say this email send. I’m going to stop here at Aquia long this email and break down some of the thoughts on here for some going to read it through. I have a second grade son who may be to me based on uneven scores in a wisc V. I’m having issues with his charter school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged or lazy. It’s a quote and no unnecessary homework school. Yeah, they’re keeping him after school once a week for up to 70 minutes. Play struggled and frustration doing 15 minutes where the homework mostly handwriting drills in single word sort activity, which has refused to do for months on end now because he says it’s dumb and not teaching them anything. I say it’s a power struggle over Authority in nonsignificant work and they say yes to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some quote grit and that I’m interfering. I’m at my Wit’s End I tried to advocate for my kiddo. And now I’m basically banned from the class. So awesome email. Let me go through some of the so I am an executive functioning to eat coach education coach. I specifically work with students who don’t fit in the Box I wear it. So if you imagine the bell curve, I work with students who are outliers by Nature all the students that work with are outliers. People. Don’t hire me. If a child is in the middle part of the bell curve. Now, you have your two week at her. She said, I have a second grade Sunday, maybe 3 based on uneven scores and a wisc v So the uneven score is so you have this discrepancy ever really high highs and really low lows and whether or not the label of 2e is appropriate the discrepancies none the last create a lot of misunderstandings in at in the minds of adults who do not understand these get so I’m having issues with this charter school. So I want to mention that just because a student is in a charter school doesn’t mean that that Charter School knows what’s going on. So Charter Schools just like any school are filled with human beings the adults who work there are human and they often do not have the the expertise to do what needs to be done. They may not have the time to do need to be down the resources to support. So just because it’s a charter school doesn’t mean that they’re magically perfect and gray de at dealing with kids, even though people who send their kids are charter schools are hoping That their child will be going to a place that is more aligned with weather child needs now. Also just because it’s a charter school doesn’t mean it’s a bad school. I love charter schools. And sometimes they get a bad name because there have been Charter Schools who have been caught in corruption and things like that. So have plenty of an on charter schools. And so it doesn’t matter people get to stuck on those issues. So I just want to mention that real quick doesn’t matter. What kind of school it is. They are staffed by human beings and human beings are flawed and hopefully you have a staff of people who are mentally healthy individuals who really have the kids best interest in mine and who really know how to sift through the red tape to do with kids need above all that doesn’t always happen regardless of the type of school. Anyhow back to the topic. Many issues with the start of school, which is battling me over whether my kiddo is challenged or lazy. If you’ve been following me for any. Of time, you know that I am not a fan of the word that lazy in general lot of times at all to don’t understand kids are going to ended do not understand executive function are going to say the student is lazy. They’re not trying hard enough. They must not care about school enough. They’re just not disciplined enough. They’re just unmotivated and we have these labels. They’re not going to say. Oh maybe we are not engaging the students enough. Maybe we are not understanding your child well enough maybe we are not resourcing are teachers well enough to be able to be of service to your student in the way. They need maybe we are not giving our teachers enough time to have a life and enough support to do their job and they’re not going to say that they’re going to blame it on the kid two kids just lazy. It’s not us must be the kid. He’s just lazy. I think that’s not cool. This is a no unnecessary homework school. Well, you know a lot of time schools say one thing or their website says one thing or they look great on paper, but I cannot tell you how many students at work with that win student finally gets in school that they think is going to be the the magic school that this schools often or even treatment centers or things like that. They often have challenges behind the scenes that come out later. So it’s supposed to be a no on this their home or school yet. They’re keeping them after school once a week from 7 to 70 minutes. So the issue is is this keeping my preschool necessary or not. Their perspective is it is the parent’s perspective it in. The child’s perspective is that it’s not for up to 70 minutes while he struggled and frustration doing 15 minutes worth of homework. Mostly handwriting drills and single word sort activity that has he has refused to do for months now because he says it’s dumb and not teach him anything. I don’t know that the activities are dumb or not teaching him anything more that they’re valueless. However, the emotional experiences child is having having to stay after school. And with that with whoever he’s working with is is the child is having an emotional experience turn on the prefrontal cortex. They’re in there make the leather and fight flight or freeze that the child is not having fun. They’re not engaged and not finding value in this and you listening right now you as an adult how would you like it to be sitting in the room where somebody is dictating to you what you need to be doing and they’re not being kind about it or you feel some sort of condescension or pressure from them. How would you feel if they’re making you do something that you’re not finding value in now that person treated you with kindness and love and compassion and joy and happiness and smiles. And helped you and scaffold heard you and help you feel successful it be a totally different story. But if they didn’t how would you feel about that? So they’re wanting him to conform from what I can see and the I don’t know these people. I don’t know what the school I don’t know the story but I have heard the story so many times they the parents as I say, it’s a power struggle of authority and nonsignificant work and they say he has to learn to do what everyone else has to do and learn some grip all that stuff makes me sick. Why does he have to learn what everyone else have to do? I have heard this argument before that. Everybody has to do same thing. We can’t do it differently for your child. Then we have to do it differently from everybody. You know, there’s a saying that best practice for special best practice for everyone and then there is another saying that came later that’s practicing gifted at his best practice for everyone. What does that mean while the best practice in these cases is referring to And she Asian seeing students as individual individuals personalizing instruction individualizing instruction tailoring instruction, but who wants to Taylor instruction if that’s not easy it takes skill. It takes artard Artistry on a teacher if we have it takes resources. It takes time and takes money in the school district in a school. It takes not having gigantic classes. It takes a lot to meet the needs of kids if you’re going to differentiate for kids and see them as individuals. We want to standardize that we want to them to fit in the Box you want everybody to do the same thing. Do you want to do the same thing as all your friends? You had all listening right? Now know you you have friends who have very different lives from you. If you don’t all have to do things the same you don’t all have to go to the same grocery store eat the same food do the same fitness plan blah blah blah. We all have our individuals. Yeah, we want it sent it. Sorry. I’m ranting a little bit here. But so he has to learn some now, I will say That learning grip learning resilient learning persistent learning to execute when you don’t feel like executing is an incredibly important thing that these kids need to do. They do need to learn bit. But my question is is this teaching the child grit, that’s a binary question. Yes or no the teaching regret this case. It does not seem evident that there is a great being caught it seems like they’re really I’m teaching him to not like school to resist challenging himself with these activities. That is what this child seems to be learning. Okay, so and that I’m interfering well does sound like you’re interfering and I don’t know you and I don’t know the situation, but from what I can tell I would encourage you to interfere. I would encourage you to be advocating, you know your child. You know, they’re there was a time when when parents do get overly concerned. We are human and when emotions get involved and we lose sight of the big picture of watery advocating for in this does not sound like one of those situations this is not sound like you’re interfering. It sounds like your gut is saying something’s off here and parents is something and teachers if something feels off you really need to tune in and listen to that and say is this me or is this a situation but don’t just say, oh must be me and take it all on yourself really think is it you if it’s not you you have to Advocate your your child at whether your teacher or parent. So teachers you to have his child children are not getting what they need omigosh be the squeaky wheel as much as you can so I try to have to pay for my kiddo and now I’m basically banned from the class. Thanks. I am really sorry you’re experiencing this and I know you’re at your Wit’s End and all I can say is Advocate Advocate Advocate and when you can’t when it’s falling on deaf ears and you’re just not getting anywhere just keep trying to connect with people. You’re going to happy. Sometimes you need to take it any it becomes a legal issue. I hate to see it go to that point for the school or for the family because it just doesn’t seem that complicated for somebody to be compassionate with this child to really break it down to take time to help the child feel successful and to work with a parent in such a way that you feel heard and seen and understood and taken seriously just doesn’t it takes so much less energy for a school to take the time to help you feel that way and try to underneath and they’re not going to be able to honor your needs. They’re not resource them out. They don’t have enough. Money or resources or time or whatever but it’s to help you feel heard and seen and understood and appreciated isn’t that hard? So I don’t know if this was helpful or not. But all I can say is it’s the beginning of a new school year. You’re going to have a lot of you families with kids who are on the outside of the bell curve your outliers and your 2E kids your super outliers. You are going to have these situations where your child is not understood where they say while I know your child can do it. I can see that they’re capable of it. So why aren’t they doing it? They must be lazy. They must be motivated and you’ll you’ll have these experiences unfortunately, but just Advocate Advocate Advocate listen to your gut your got probably is not wrong and try to be very in your advocacy letter. Should it be very bulleted in short? I have some blogs about how to Advocate and letters and stuff like that. Anyhow, I do hope this was helpful at the beginning of the school year. You want to start off your year. Strong and communicating with the teachers and staff and saying here my kids needs and don’t expect them to remember it teachers are very busy. They have 30 kids. They have 90 kids middle and high school teachers. They might have over a hundred kids in a day or week. They don’t even know your kid’s name until November if they have that many kids sometimes in the kids are running in and out of class Navi. This is the second grade family, but I just know it’s the beginning of the year and the teachers aren’t just going to remember everything you tell them so you want to resend the email that talk about your kids need multiple times at the beginning of the school year and say, hey just wondering mind you. I know you’re busy just take a look at this and delete it when you can but here are three things you should know about my kid. Just want to keep this in your mind for the first few weeks of school. You know, I appreciate what you do and just frame it really positively but keep telling them because they just can’t read. It doesn’t always click. Just because they eat, you know, they may have several IEPs in the class. They are reading through all this paperwork all these type of force that teachers are doing so much to get to know these kids and it’s just a whole lot of details for them to remember and it takes time for them to get to know your child on a personal basis and also to know the backstory. So anyhow, I do hope you have a great school year and that your challenges are minimum and that your joy, and the growth that you see is enormous, and if you haven’t played it for my blog, check me out at Seth perler.com sign up by the Student Success tool. Can I send families and there’s tons of great resources for helping these kids. Have a great year.

New TILT Podcast – Resistance

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Hi all, Here are 2 AMAZING new podcasts with Debbie Reber from TiLT Parenting Podcast:

Episode #123 – Here’s a NEW episode of Debbie’s podcast with Debbie’s son Asher, where we decided to do a unique episode FOR KIDS. Here I have a conversation with Asher about how students can work with resistance. Yes, you heard right, we did this FOR KIDS. I’m excited about it because it was really fun to do this ep with Asher! Episode #124 -You will absolutely want to listen to these as you begin the semester. This is an awesome ep all about RESISTANCE, but this ep is for PARENTS. Debbie and I dove deep for a full 90 minutes discussing all about how to help your child with one of the most challenging problems of all, resistance. THINGS YOU’LL LEARN:

Why our kids resist in the first place
The connection between executive functioning and resistance
The relationship between non-preferred activities and preferred outcomes
Ways in which resistance can sometimes be beneficial, including signaling a need for self-care
The way that resistance typically shows up in our kids, and why their “inner critic” might show up
Seth’s top tips for dealing with resistance

ps- if you like this, please SHARE it by clicking below

Attachment Theory and How to Help Your Child Feel Safe

Like this? Please CLICK above to share. Thanks! Seth This video is about ATTACHMENT THEORY. Great for parents and teachers wanting to help children/teens (or students) move through difficult emotions and feel more secure. Like this? Please CLICK below to share. Thanks! Seth

Summer Reading Blues

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Parents, while this a video about summer reading, DON’T BE FOOLED, it’s applicable to so much more. You’ll like it. Below are the bullets for what I went into in this video.

Be proactive: start early, use routine.
“I hate”: don’t convince them you don’t hate it, hold space, ask what they like, use stories from your life, use parables, draw pictures.
Somatic: hate is a feeling in the body, body awareness, bring into the body.
Narrative: reframe, what do you like about school?
Do not answer for them, wait time.
Read with them: make it fun, make it a thing, get ownership and buy-in.
Read alongside them: model value.
Ask: “What would it take.”
Chunk time and task.
“I’m so frustrated.”: self-regulate.
Executive decisions: pick battles, change book? Reread book? Watch movie first? Read magazines?
MOST IMPORTANT: relationship with reading, benefits of it, opens doors, have that talk with them.

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you -Seth

Video transcript:

Hey, what’s up parents? Kid have the summer reading Blues. I know that was cheesy. But whatever. I’m kind of cheesy sometimes the summer reading Blues. This is very serious topic. I got a very serious email and I’ve had emails like this before this one is from Kate Kate. Thank you for your email. I appreciate it Kate you asked me you said do I have any block poster discussions about navigating of the cluster known as summer reading? First of all, I think I actually did do something and if so, I will link it in the blog post on my actual blogs are watching this on YouTube. Click the blog link and unlink it in this blog post. You said we had a great summer and now there are tears in quote. I hate school and craziness related to summer reading. I’m so frustrated help! I’m going to talk to you a little bit about the summer reading Blues. I have 12 things that are going to I’m going to talk about number 12 is the most important one and I’ll get that after the first 11 number one Kate and parents who are going through some of the things with summer reading cake. So I take issue with some of the summer homework in summer reading things not because I don’t think it’s valuable because I do think reading is one was viable things in the world, but because they’re forcing them to do this stuff on their break and you’ve got some Dynamics I mean if you have the kid who loves reading it’s no problem. But if you have a resistant reader, it’s a completely different story and it kind of loses track of the point of reading which is to enjoy it and find Value in it. So I’ll talk more about that. Number one though. If you are dealing with an issue about this is be proactive start early in the summer dealing with this and use a routine now, obviously this doesn’t help you now Kate. This is too late for this issue. But you want to a next summer you want to start early start to begin this summer get buying and ownership from your child make a reading schedule in start a routine. Are they going to follow it all the time? Of course not you’re going to have trips coming up you’re going to have days when there they just don’t feel like it you’re going to have arguments about it’s just not worth the fight. Either way. Try your best to set up a routine and post it out of sight out of mind get a routine posted on the wall be proactive and get started like that. Do you want to start with a routine? So there’s no decision. No, are you going to read today? They made the decision and may I’m going to read on these and these days for this long or this many chapters in this place and you’ve already thought it through so that the decision doesn’t have to be made. It’s just it’s Wednesday. It’s 10 a.m. We read from 10 to 11. And that’s how it is or whatever next your child said I hate I hate and parents don’t want their child to feel that if your child says I hate something that’s that’s a strong word. They’re having emotional experience. So what I’m going to suggest you is don’t try to convince them or logic them or tell them to be rational about that hatred. So don’t try to convince them to not hate that but hold space for them and say, Tell me about that. Let’s unpack that what do you mean? You hate it and find out what that hate is all about and really help your child to feel hurt and listen to and seen and understood around this really try to understand them about when find out what that’s about. Now. You don’t want them to stay stuck in that head obviously, but I’m going to advise you not to give them advice not to tell them how to feel or how not to feel but rather try to get them to reframe it on their own and you might do that by saying well, what do you like about school and explore that tell them stories from your life stories are so powerful for you and being so tell them stories about how you hated something and found out that it really wasn’t that wasn’t the whole picture that was just a small part of it that you were focusing on or whatever true stories from your life irrelevant use Parables or store. It’s like that like there’s the one about feeding the tools you can talk about the story about feeding. The two wolves. Go ahead and look it up on Google and you can adapt it into are you going to feed the wolf of hating these things are look at what you like and what you love you can draw pictures for them like a picture of the glass half-full and half-empty and do something Visual and creative with them to help them reframe it. So anyhow, number two was really about not convincing them but how to hold space so that they can reframe it. Number three again, as a feel hate is a somatic experience that they feeling in the body when they say that that’s cuz something is going on inside of them. Maybe their stomach tense is maybe their shoulder since May their jaw grips, maybe their hands get sweaty and tight. We all have different biomarkers different ways that we experience stress, but they’re feeling of hate is something that’s actually going on into the body. So learning more about body wearing his learning more about somatic therapies, even if you don’t even if you’re not in somatic therapy learning as a parent about cymatics somatic therapy somatic experiencing is experiencing EMDR brainspotting on things like this can help you help your child have greater body Wellness now in our culture, we do not send that very good. Body Awareness Week will say I hate but if I said, where do you hate in your body? You would say I don’t know but if I got to know you and spend some time with you we could try to break down. Oh, well, my stomach gets tight. My jaw gets tight when I feel this thing called hate and so on and so forth, but try to learn about body wellness and bring your child into their body that separates them from the story in the narrative. That was number three number for I’m going to talk about the narrative. Okay, so you sort of have his bodily sensation, but why? Because you have a story in your head and the story is a story that feels threatening the story feels unsafe saying I hate reading really isn’t about reading it’s really about saying I’m associating reading with feeling bad about myself with with feeling bored with feeling forced to sit in the seat doing something that I’m not interested in with read it, you know, there’s more under the surface but what is their story their narrative that’s going on in there head there whatever the story is there feeling threatened in in their the story in their head is that they’re being threatened. Unsafe they feel emotionally unsafe parent you have to understand this. So when they’re having that story in their head that this isn’t safe for me, it’s not just I hate reading it. I feel unsafe doing this what that story about will the end that story is hitting the amygdala the amygdala is hearing. Oh my gosh. I’m going to take the amygdala small part in the brain doesn’t know that it’s a story. It just says, okay. We’re I’ve got this in the amygdala sends a signal to the adrenals or sends Dunnellon to the heart rate sensor General in the muscular system. So that kids are ready for fight flight or freeze and they’re now in anxiety. Okay, they’re nervous system is not saying we’re on safe and their brain now is reaffirming the story see this thing is bad. It’s unsafe. I hate this and it sort of the cycling Loop between the nervous system and the story nervous system in the story. And if you don’t change that story than they can get stuck in that and they can be someone who really struggles with anxiety and depression for years and years and years. So you really want to work on the narrative in the story and help them learn to listen to the story and reframe it and so look up reframing stories and refreshments are really what do you like about school? What are you grateful for? What do you appreciate? What do you think before? What is good? No, this is not easy parents. The nervous system is holding on to that story hard. These are no Pathways that they’ve been working on for a long time. They don’t just vanish but it’s a practice you have to start doing and this gets me to I’m going to skip one. I’m going to skip actually two one for modeling a you as a parent when you model that you are looking at the glass as half-empty and when you model for your kid drama and your own narratives and stories of anxiety and fear in any area of life, but your modeling that’s them they’re learning from that so it comes back to what are you modeling for them to and can you change your own frames on things? If you do that, but most of us human beings tend to do that the brain it’s really easy to go to that negative play. So anyhow, that was about refraining the narrative next number 5. Try not to answer for them use wait time and what that means is when they say I hate this our responses analysis. We don’t again, we don’t want them to feel that so we’re going to say oh you shouldn’t they hate their old don’t feel that way. We’re telling them how not to feel old. Just think of it positively out. You know, you’re not you want them to get ownership and buy a new but you want to unpack that. You don’t want to answer for them and just react and say oh will you shouldn’t feel that way or it’s like let them feel they’re feeling but what I want to tell you is use wait time. So when they say I hate school I hate reading or whatever wait time in pause. Don’t say the first thing that wants to come out of your mouth. Gibson awkward silence some space once they say that and you pause and you’ll give some space when you get a little Gap there. Then and wait for them to see what comes out of their mouth next you’re going to hear another level and often is at all. We don’t wait. We don’t use wait time for that next level but sometimes when we wait and open that space and we don’t say anything and we don’t interrupt and tell them what they should think or answer for them. Then they will say something that’s really insightful. If we wait long enough something that really gives us as adults an open door to really see what’s underneath it and to really find a better solution. So that next don’t answer for them. Use wait time number 6 read with them. And this goes definitely for dads to most of my followers are moms. I actually just heard yesterday from somebody who’s saying how dad’s oftentimes don’t get involved in this tough enough dad’s read with your kids. You’re going to model for them that it’s important to buy parents. Either way mom’s and dad’s read the story with them even if their middle or high school, you can sit down and read it with them to get the ball rolling to get them into the story often time to talk about the first three chapters of a book and how a lot when did rushes into the first three chapters? They’re not soaking it in and it’s so important to do that early reading and a very slow intentional way to really grasp what’s going on in the book. So if you have a reader who’s not a strong reader there off and going to skim through that and they’re not reading they’re just looking at words on a page of the difference between reading and looking at words on a page. They’re not soaking it in but read with them naked fun. Make it a thing have food around to talk about it get excited about it get them to have ownership in buying in the process find a special place in the house a cozy Place ask them. Where do you want to read? What do you want to be doing when you read okay, I get ownership from by and you want to have should we get you know some sparkling water or some orange juice or cookies or what, you know eat again, even if its eyes were like make it a thing get some ownership in Buy and read with them. Now next one number seven is read along side them. So you’re reading your own thing while they’re reading their thing. So if you’re alongside them, you’re showing them that you value reading if you’re saying you got to read and make them sit down and read and you go do your own thing. There’s not out there that you’re not modeling that you value reading now. They see you reading all the time like And that’s something that you do and enjoy for fun. Anyway than your modeling that you value that makes yet, but these you want to think about that you want to model it for them that you find Value in it. And so do it alongside them was number 7 number 8 asked what would it take? So say that you hate reading you don’t want to do it. What would it take for you to like it? What would it take for you to start this chapter? What would it take for you to get to not feel so much anger towards reading what would it take for you to not feel like you hate school you hate reading what would it take so that you can use that question starter with many different forms. What would it take number 9? chunk it down. Part of why somebody would say I hate reading as because they’re overwhelmed and it’s feel so big. They’re holding a book. It’s a 200-page book that just feels huge. It feels overwhelming. It feels like it’s going to take a lot of time that overwhelm again comes into the human body the nervous system. The body is feeling something cinematically. They’re feeling the resistance. They’re feeling gripping and their their body the muscular system is ready for fight flight or freeze. Okay, how do you get the nervous system to feel more comfortable with that? Like it just feels so big and overwhelming. Well, you make it feel less overwhelming by shrinking it down. You junk it down you jump into Ways by timing by task. Okay. I can’t read this whole book. It’s cool. Can you read a chapter? No, that’s too much cool. Can you read a page? No, that’s too much school. Can you read a paragraph? No can read a word. No. Can you read a letter? Yes start that that’s kind of a joke, but I see the last start where you have to start chunk it down a small as you need to so that it doesn’t feel overwhelming anymore. Okay, you need to read for an hour. No, that’s too much weed rapper. No 50 minutes. No 5 minutes. No 3 minutes. No one minute. Yes. Let’s start there. You have to understand this is about the nervous system that they have a story that’s making him feel and they’re nervous system go crazy. Like this is a threat you have to shrink that so that it doesn’t feel so overwhelming help them chunk. That was number nine. Chunk it down by time or by task. 10 mom Kate you said? I’m so frustrated. I know you are and I do take that very seriously, and I I know that you’re trying to help your child do what they need to do try and help them execute this executive function, but they are not initiating. They’re not executing. They’re not doing the tasks that they need to do that in their own best interest because it’s their assignment. One thing there is a you parents also is you’re so frustrated make sure that you are self-regulating that you have self care that you’re taking care of your own nervous system that you’re regulated that you’re not activated when that’s nervous system talking too nervous system. Not a rational person talking to a rational person or rational person talking to an irrational person the stronger nervous systems going to win both of your nervous systems are dysregulated. You’re not going to get very far with your child. So make sure your nervous system is regulated work on yourself with your journaling your meditation yourself calming techniques your Fitness making sure you’re getting good sleep yourself care, whatever you need to do to self regulate yourself. That was number 10 number 11 executive decisions know that sometimes as a parent you get to make the executive decision. You have to pick your battles. So you’re going to you’re in a situation where the school said your child has two. Read this book or these Pages or these books or choose from these books. You have to pick your battles. You might change the book. You might your child might maybe there are supposed to read a new book, but you know that they have a book that they love you might have them really read an old but even though that’s not what the assignment says. You have to make an executive decision if they look like in will actually practice reading with this bug that they already know they like or this book just isn’t working my kid hates it we’re going to read another one that’s similar in some way that they’ll accept buying for over the executive decision. Watch the movie first or watch some YouTube reviews to get them more interested or drop the book all together and get internet articles for magazines that they will read so they won’t read the book, but at least you can get them reading and finally number 12. most important of all This is really about your child’s relationship to the act of reading. This is about your child’s relationship to reading the most important thing in my opinion that we can do when it comes to a child with reading this help them fall in love with reading or at least like it and find Value in reading that is a relationship the relationship your relation your child’s relationship at this point with reading is I hate reading imagine somebody saying I hate this human being okay and that relationship between them and this other human being is intense. They don’t want to be with that person. That’s what they’re having with reading. I hate reading I don’t want to be with reading about the relationship with reading So you want your child to have a good healthy relationship with reading you want them to find Value in reading and you want them to enjoy being off and we’re having them read and weighs where they’re not finding value in there not enjoying it. And then you have a situation where a child says I hate reading. How do we get to that point the first place while often because they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing and they’re doing what the teachers telling them to do and sometimes teachers don’t see it or teachers lose sight of it or whatever but teachers were saying you were supposed to do this. This is the assignment do what I tell you and they lose sight of hey, this is about enjoyment if your child find Value in reading and enjoys reading they will get the skills and often times teachers are too focused on these skills take the skills will come it’s more important that they enjoy it in the skills will eventually come they enjoy it and find Value in it. I don’t care how slow they read. I don’t care how perfectly they read it will get better. But if they grow up and they have value in it then they are able to read anything with skill for the rest of their life, which means that the doors open for them reading a such an important tool for human beings in terms of being able to learn something we read to learn and to grow and when that doors open for us when we find out you went and we enjoyed it. We can learn anything in the world that we want to learn because the secrets to the world earn bucks the careers to everything. So again, There’s so many benefits to reading have that talk with them about why is this important? Because it opens doors for you reading is one of the most important skills you can have in life. Okay. So talk to them about this have this discussion with them. I want you to have a good relationship with reading. What’s it going to take to have a better relationship with reading? How can we do? How can I support you? How can I help you tap a better relationship with reading? Again parents the most important thing is that your child has a good relationship with reading where they value and appreciate reading and where they like, it’s okay. So now if your kid is saying, I hate it that the huge change that’s the real thing that you’re trying to change is that relationship and I left that for last because there’s no way it’s the hardest the most overwhelming all of the other things are great tips, but how you get them to actually like it? How do you get them to read things that they find Value in? So I hope that helps with the summer reading Blues. I went into a lot of death on that. I just thought of those 12 things and put them out there for you Kate and parents and teachers. I know a lot of you were reading the watching this as well. Sorry, my brain is kind of right today, but I hope that helps you and I hope that has the school year starts you’re able to manage reading in such a way where they can have those experiences that build the happy healthy secure relationship with reading so that they can have that tool as a lifelong tool. All right guys. Have a great day.

What students “SHOULD” do after the 1st DAY of school

Please CLICK above to share. Here’s a video I made for students to help you know how to kick off the school year right. This night will help SET THE TONE. I recommend parents watching it. I also recommend that students watch it BEFORE the first day if possible, then after school on the first day. Do it for YOU. I have some great tips that will help make life easier for you. Here’s a super short summary:

Purpose of education, YOUR future
What not to do
Share an honest hi-lo with parents
Decompress
Eat
Organize backpack thoroughly, every-single-thing. Overhaul it.
Get hw done
Get a good night’s sleep
Walk into school tomorrow ready to rock-n-roll

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Middle school and high school students at the stuff of Southborough., Hope you’re having a great day. This video is for you. If this is day one of school. Most of you Middletown High School students will probably watch this video before day one, but it what I really want to encourage you to do is watch this video when you get home from school after your first day of school. So if you’re watching this video your middle schooler a high schooler and you’re not exactly the most organized student, it’s okay. It’s cool because that’s what I was that’s what I did that may be what when your parents is like chances are you’ve got teachers that might be like that too. But to be very honest with you, the purpose of education is so that you can have a great future and you want to do well in school even if you don’t want to do on so you do want to do well in school so that you can build the tools so that you can create a great future you do not want to have a future where you have limited choices you How to have a future red great choices unlimited possibilities work you really do what’s important to do something that matters to you when you get older so this education is going to help set you up for that even though there may be problems with education or teachers that you don’t particularly like or classwork that you don’t particularly care for it is extraordinary really important that you learn how to manage life and manage these things stop. This video is about day 1 of school when you get home from school on day one, here’s what I think it should look like for you and if you do what I’m suggesting this will help set you up for the rest of the school year to make it an easier school year the first day that you get home from school. It’s very important to do these things. This is setting atone for you for the rest of the year. Now before I tell you what to do. I’m going to tell you what you’re inclined to do what most people with a lot of students are inclined to do who aren’t naturally organized. Beings are naturally strong students. What they’re inclined to do is come home from school their parents going to say how school they’re going to say. It was fine. And then your parents are going to say will tell me about it. And you’re just going to say it was fine. I want to go hang out with my friends go play video games go outside whatever and what a lot of people will do is they’ll just do that. And now you’re legitimately going to be tired after the first day of school. Your brain is going to be tired. You just met a bunch of new people seen that tons of people you might be overwhelmed the teachers have thrown a million details that you you got your new Locker your new classroom looking around the new hallways. There’s a lot going on. Your brain is filled. So it’s normal that you’re going to want to just decompress and forget about everything. So what I want you to do when you get home from school with that though first thing I want you to do is be honest with your parents about it. Tell him some of the ups and downs of the day say hey ya school is great or wasn’t great. Here’s some of the good hear some of that like haven’t balanced perspective. Don’t be totally negative. If you even if you feel like that find some positive things and if you’re totally positive times a negative things not looking for negative things. But be honest about how the day was with them having good communication with your parents is really helpful. So just tell them here were some of the good things he was in the not-so-good things there was my day. So the first thing you’re going to want to do is tell him what happened. Next thing you’re going to want to do is you are going to want to decompress you’re going to want to forget about school. You want to throw your backpack down. Go outside move your body hang out with friends have some fun have some laughs hang out with your parents to do whatever you do for fun and chill out for a little bit, hopefully. Not go straight to video games or straight to TV. Hopefully do something active and something social and something fun and stimulating for you. So the first thing you are going to want to do is your Greeley you’re going to want to decompress you’re going to need to decompress then at some point you’re going to eat dinner, right? And I don’t know if you’re going to do this before or after dinner, but at some point you’re going to want to spend a good hour going through everything in your backpack. Hopefully, you didn’t shove everything in your locker. Hopefully you shoved it all in your backpack and you probably have a mess of stuff in your backpack and we are going to want to do is you’re going to want to turn off the computer you’re going to watch turn off the TV sit down on the floor at a big table chill out relax with one of your parents or with a cousin or an aunt or an uncle or some adult who you respect who has a pretty good life and you’re going to want to sit down with them. You’re going to want to start to go through all your stuff. Going to want to go through every single Paper you might have some trash already. Throw it away. You might have some homework already put it in the pile to address the homework. You going to want to reorganize your folders tighten everything up make sure everything is labeled. Make sure your names on everything. Look at your planner. Look at your school calendar if your teachers gave you syllabi or syllabus, you’re going to want to read through those pretty carefully highlight them get things into your planner and you’re going to want to take some time to really really really get organized. So number one, you’re going to want to talk to your parents about your Hi-Lo your temperature for the day. You’re going to tell me how your day went some good and some bad The Good the Bad the Ugly tell him how your day went. Be honest number to you’re going to want to decompress have some fun and get outside move your body. Get some exercise get some social time and number three you’re going to want to organize your stuff. You’re going to want to do a total overhaul. Look at every single thing in your backpack take an hour or so go through it with somebody. You trust go through with some at all when you Parents of something and really go through things carefully and get organized for the next day. The goal. Is that so you want to get your homework done that night. If you have any homework you want to reset your backpack so that everything is in a great place and when you walk out that door tomorrow morning, you want to have your backpack ready to rock and roll no organizing in the morning that should all be done the night before and you want to walk into that school with confidence that your backpack is set. You got everything you needed easy to find you are totally ready to rock and roll on Day 2. Just made this whole video. I just spoke for like 6 minutes talking about just what to do when you get home from day one and I just want to re-emphasize this to you. If you do this, this is going to set a tone for the whole rest of your year. This one night is going to help not going to make or break your your butt is going to help you have a better year significantly. You are setting the precedent. You are setting the Habit. You are setting the tone for the year right there on that night. So once you take an hour and do this for you not for your parents not for your teachers, not for anybody thought for you because the better you set a great tone for the year the better you’re going to set yourself up to have a fantastic future life, and that’s what I’d occasions really about is you having an awesome future with that. Good luck to you. I know you will have resistance meaning you will get stock you be sick of it. You won’t want to start your procrastinate that is normal resistance is the hardest thing that we face. Okay resisting start, so it’s okay if you have the resistance, but do it. Anyway. All right. Good luck to you. I hope you have a fantastic school year and I’ll see you soon.

Junior says, “I’m no longer satisfied with “not being smart enough””

Please *CLICK* above to share if you liked this. Thanks! Seth This summer I received this email from a high schooler who is going into her senior year:

I’ve struggled in school since before I can even remember. Now going into my senior year, I still have so many unanswered questions. How was it that I was able to teach myself to be proficient in 3 different instruments but I have trouble utilizing basic math skills? I was tested for ADD in 7th grade. The test results clearly showed that my ADD consists of issues with execution, basic math skills, and processing ability. However, my comprehension skills were in the high 90th percentile (not sure of the exact number). I approached the person who tested me with the idea that I might fall under the 2E category. She told me that my comprehension skills would’ve placed me into that category, but I missed it by a few points. Is it worth getting retested? I’m no longer satisfied with “not being smart enough. I can give you additional reasons why I believe I’m 2E. I mapped it out in a notebook. Thank you — Ayla

Wow – it’s rare for a high schooler to be this introspective! In this vlog I respond to Ayla, discussing all sorts of interrelated topics to consider:

Traumas
Dyscalculia
Attention/processing, working memory
The 2e discrepancy
Shame
Gap years
Learning over grades
What matters?
Metacognition
Asking for help
Humility
Personal growth
and play

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

This amazing email from a student. That contains a lot of Christopher lot of guts. I got this email from Ala and ala is a junior in high school in a list says I struggled in school since before I can even remember. I know what that feels like. Now going into my senior year. I still have so many unanswered questions. How was it that I was able to teach myself to be proficient in three different instruments, but I have trouble utilizing basic map skills. She asks, I was tested for ADD and 7th grade the test results clearly show that My ATT consist of issues with execution basic math skills and processing ability. I wear my comprehension skills were in the 90th percentile. Not sure the exact number. I approached the person who tested me with the idea that I might fall under the Tuohy category and she told me that my comprehension skills would have placed me into that category, but that I missed it by a few points. Is it worth getting retested? I’m no longer satisfied with quotes not being smart enough. I can give you additional reasons why I believe I’m too we I mapped it out a Notebook. Thank you ala ala wrote me this letter ala thank you. You rock that takes a lot of guts to write me not many students write me and it says a lot about you and I’m going to talk about that in a moment too. So I want to go over this letter a little bit. I struggled since before I can remember now, you’re going your senior year. You have a lot of unanswered questions ala the fact that you’re even asking these questions right now at this point in your life. You’re a Junior shows that you are an extremely deep human being you’re a deep thinker your deep feel or you’re intelligent human being who really cares about yourself and figuring yourself out because stuff matters to you like matters to you want to figure this out the fact that you’re questioning this is rare and it says a lot about you says, you’re really amazing human being and you’ve got a lot to give The world out of me to put pressure on you, but I think that’s pretty cool. How was it that I could teach myself to be proficient three instruments and have trouble using utilizing basic math skills while I’m going to tell you ways that people have trouble using basic math skills. One reason, some people have trouble utilizing basic math skills is because they hadn’t experienced earlier in life. And in math class when there was trauma, it could have been from another student and could have been shame from the teacher could have been something going on inside of you. But as you were trying to develop his math skills, you may have had some sort of trauma some sort of extraordinary stressful situation going on where your mind kind of shut down and that created a bunch of holes in math. I’ll talk more about that in the moment. It could also be that you have a legitimate map disability called dyscalculia, which many people have and don’t even know that they have it. So that’s a possibility. You mentioned processing and processing an intention go hand-in-hand. If you were having trouble processing and the teacher is going a million miles an hour and you’re like whoa. Whoa, you’re going way farther than I’m ready to go right now, especially if you’re stressed anyway, or have experienced during stressful trauma type things in your in this class and they’re just going ahead and you’re like, whoa, that can that could cause a lot of holes or gaps in what was going on with learning math and some of my students are really good at math concepts, but they’re just not good at calculation so they can do the concepts fine, but they’re not good at working memory which means keeping track of these things in mind and one of the things that happens a lot with middle schoolers is a lot of times middle schoolers in particular when it comes to math. They’ve been able to do all the math in their head and suddenly the teacher said show you work and they don’t feel like showing their work, but the complexity of the work is getting too difficult for them to track all the Details in their heads, but they are resistance showing their work. And so they start feeling like they’re not good at math when in fact they are but they’re not willing to show their work so that there is a bunch of reasons why you might have struggles with the mask will let her know if any of those resonate I would love to hear if any of them do resonate. I don’t know you well enough to know from this letter and you go on to say you’re tested for add it show that you had trouble with the execution basic math skills and processing ability. However, my comprehension skills were in the 90th percentile. so If you’re Touhy and the label in a way, it doesn’t matter. However, the discrepancies that 2E kids have caused a lot of problems. So if your way high in something, for example, you say comprehension and way low and something with a processing then you get into a very difficult situation and here is how the situation looks a lot of times your parents or teachers will say something like this. We know you can do it. We know you’re smart enough. We know you’re smart in there while meaning I’m not trying to be cynical, but they know that you can do it and they’re baffled so their mind why can’t you do it? Well, it must be that she’s either lazy or she’s not trying hard enough for she’s not doing her best or she doesn’t care and these messages are shaming and they are not taking into account what is going on in the brain and that there might be something else going on. So they attributed to those things mistakenly. I’m not trying to blame them or make them look bad or feel bad, but That same story can go really deep with you and it might and because of another sentence that you said, I suspect it probably does. Anyhow, you said that that you approach the person who tested me with the idea that you might be to each is that your comprehensive comprehension skills would have placed you there. But that you missed it by two points. Is it worth getting retested my questions you would be why why do you want to get retested? Are you going to get some kind of service or extra help or more understanding or something like that? I don’t know and I doubt it. I would say what’s going to happen is in this is your senior year you want to really hope to get the best teachers. You can great teachers. They it doesn’t matter what your paperwork says. They are able to read you and really connect with you in part of your responsibilities. Student is to connect with your teachers. Give them a chance to get to know them on a personal level the more you advocate for yourself and get to know them if they hate this isn’t working for me. I’m not don’t shame me. Don’t tell me I’m not trying hard. I’m trying I want to succeed in here. I want to get to know you and give you a fair chance. So you got to give me a fair chance. This isn’t working for me. How can we make this work for me? So if you’re going to advocate for yourself with teachers, that’s one of the best things that you can do. Maybe there’s a reason to get retested. I just am not sure why and if you email me and tell me why I might say yeah go ahead and get retested. But I would just really look out for having some great teachers connect with the great teachers learn as much as you can and but I do love your next sentence. You said I’m no longer satisfied with not being smart enough and that feels bad. That’s a feeling. You don’t feel smart enough Frank and that can feel horrible in that comes from we get internal validation and we get external validation and we are externally validated. That means that somebody is telling us. Oh, you’re good enough. You’re smart enough. You’re okay enough, you’re cool enough for whatever enough and that’s the outside telling us telling telling internal validation is when you say I’m good enough. I’m worth it. I don’t care what anybody says. I know. I’m smart. I know I’m talented. I know I’m good at these things this stuff matters to me. Going to listen to my own got no course people can get arrogant or cocky in that way and I’m not suggesting to do that because that pose as other problems that gets into ego and that gets into a verdict all these are obviously I’m not saying that but when you know that you’re good at something or you’re smart enough or you’re capable of something and it may not show on paper or your parents may not notice of the system and I noticed or stuff like that. Sometimes you really have to let that go cuz you’re going to experience that a lot in life and you want to build and build and build and build your internal validation. You want to strengthen. It’s like working a muscle really checking in with yourself and saying hey, can I listen to myself? What do I think and there are a lot of very strong powerful messages out there from the media from peer pressure from adults that will externally validate or invalidate you inappropriately and you want to really always check in with your own heart your own got your own internal validation system. Banks in that system over the next year over your senior year over the rest of the summer. That’s a great thing to do. So you said you can give me a digital reasons why you believe you’re too easily mapped it out in a notebook. You can give me those or not, but I don’t think you need to you probably know. Okay, you know that you got these strengths and you got these weaknesses and there’s a big discrepancy between them and it causes confusion and problems and you’re at getting to know yourself. So I’m going to go on with a few other Concepts that I think are relevant to this ala and I think that’s what you’ll find this helpful. My first thing that I want to share with you is what do you want ala what’s important you okay? What you want is you want to be happy and you want to feel successful in life. Okay. You want to feel smart enough as you said before, how are you going to be happy in life? How are you going to be in successful forget about grade forget about all this stuff forget about perfectionism forget about So you probably want them to really see you for who you are that may or may not happen. But we do we all we want to feel her we want to feel felt want to feel seen we want to be noticed you want to be appreciated and it doesn’t always happen. But ultimately you want to feel happy and successful in life. You want to feel smart enough you want to feel seen and the way that you’re going to feel seen and noticed and heard and understood and known in this lifetime is to do you and that’s hard because you have to sift through all of the the static all the noise in the world and you have to go into your heart and say, who am I what matters to me? What kind of Life do I want to create because I will tell you a lot you get to create whatever future you want. You can create a miserable future. You can create a hopeless future you can create in it. It’s an incredible future and exciting future is not none of them are easy, but you can create the future you want. You can create a great future. Enlarged great future in education is the key. So the first thing I wanted to say, is that what do you want figure out what you want start journaling about what you want don’t look for a two-word answer like a happy and successful like really what is happiness you what is success to you and you may write in your journal in a month. You may have a completely different definition. You may have a different definition in the day, but start exploring. What do you want? What is happiness and success to you? What would it be like to feel like you’re smart enough? What does it mean to do you what matters do you want to talk about this phase in your life, you get to explore again forget about grades and classes and and standardized test and how things look on paper then resumes and prepping for college and all the stuff. You’re in an exploratory time. You’re in a great time in your life. When you get to explore creativity are human beings types of people careers, you get to explore classes teachers subject areas, you get to be on like this amazing exploration life is like a giant Museum to you and you get to go explore it and I have a student right now that I’m starting with who just did a gap year and now starting their first year of college and I’m I was like, I don’t know why more people don’t do Gap years. I think they’re incredible and I said you have any regrets about doing the Gap here and she’s like, no absolutely not and I’m so Gap years can be really important and can be really great. You’re not going to be behind, you know, if you have a lot of misconceptions about Gap year, so you might want to look at a gap year and look at that Gap year as as more time to explore and it doesn’t have to be a year ago me whatever but you get to explore you could have been Explorer you can do really invested. Things and find out who you are and What You’re Made Of and what matters to you may not know all about that yet. It takes time. So next I want to talk about in this next year your senior year. I want you to focus on learning not grades. What can you learn go into this year and say hey, what can I get out of this year? What can I learn this? You’re not how can I make my resume to look good? How can I look good to colleges? How can I make my grades up? Those things will probably come a lot easier when you focus on what can I learn? What can I learn about me? What can I learn about other human beings? What can I learn about psychology? What can I learn about things that interest me? What can I learn about creativity in life? And what can I learn in my classes? What can I learn from this teacher this person who whether or not I that you know think they’re great teacher like they dedicated sometime in their life to teaching the same. Maybe I can learn something from them. So the focus on what you can learn right now. Next come back to what I had in question number one, but what matters to you what is Meaningful to you really focus on those questions is it animals is it plants is at the environment isn’t helping you and beings is it music is it heart creativity and start exploring? What are the things that matter to you? What matters to most and what kind of changes do you want to make in the future? Because you don’t have to grow up and just get a job you get to show up in the world. Anyway you want you can be a changemaker. You can be an influencer. You can do anything you want in this lifetime anything you want? Next question I have for you is why education? What is the purpose of Education? Why does it matter in the purpose of Education should be to launch you to give you the tools to be able to watch you say that you have a great future not the APUSH you so that after high school or college you flop? Okay, it should launch you and so just go back that. Why am I here? Why am I in school? Why am I doing a senior? You’re welcome. I want to watch I want to be able to launch my future my way for me not for anybody else not to be externally validated not to be told him doing it writers and doing a good enough or I am good enough for I’m valuable. But for me, I am getting my education. I am learning what I can for me so I can launch a great life. Now having said that I happen to believe that one of the secrets to launching a great life is service is giving back is creating a future where you are helping you’re not just trying to make a bunch of money or something like that, but you’re actually trying to do something. Matters to where you’re making a difference, that’s where the joy in life and a lot of the sweetness in life comes from so you’re doing it for you. But in a weird way you’re doing it for others as well. You’re developing who you are so that you can give it back the others. So why education was the next question? Why did it was the purpose of Education next thing that you have an opportunity to do in the senior year is to develop your metacognition your interest section your self-reflection learning about who you are who you are as a feeler who you are as The Thinker who you are as an intellectual being an emotional being a social being you get to develop metacognition introspection self-reflection self-awareness mindfulness Consciousness you they’re all basically the same thing. It’s an awareness of who you are. And what makes you tick and what matters to you. So if you consciously go into this senior year and I want to grow as a human being I want personal growth personal development. I want to do me I want to develop me. I want to grow me and I want to be more intersect at more reflective more metacognitive more conscious more self-aware more mindful the more mindful you live the better quality of life. You’re going to have the more you’re going to be able to live. Well, give well. So develop metacognition is the next one and the next one. I have two more. Is that ala? You’ve got Foot Spa. You’ve got guts. You’re going to do big things people don’t write me this. This is not normal. You are not normal what I say that in the best possible way. You are in a typical human being with an atypical brain. You are neural atypical things matter deeply to you a lot. The world needs you. We need people like you to develop who they are. You are the future you are one of the people that are going to make a difference in the world. We need lots of people like you but you are one of them people don’t ask lot of people don’t ask the questions that you’re asking you are going to do big things you’re destined for big things. You ask for help. Who does that not many people do that that’s called humility. People don’t ask for help often until things get horrible. So for somebody your age to be sending me an email and thing dude, help me a little bit. What do you got that’s humility. That’s personal growth. That’s someone who is interest bective who is the who has something offer and finally ala or anybody who’s watching parents teachers? Finally my final comment to you after all of this intensity after I’ve been going on and on for 18 minutes and 34 seconds. After all this is said and done the final thing. I need to say to you is play smile laugh. Have fun wear life like a loose jacket. Don’t take yourself too. Seriously. Don’t take things too. Seriously. Enjoy this life. Enjoy this day. This is the only day you got right here right now this moment. What is going on? Like, how can you lighten it up? How can you lighten the load? How can you lighten your shoulder? How can you take a deep breath and enjoy what is going on around you? Enjoy the weather enjoy the amazing people in your life. Enjoy the good that you have enjoyed how amazing you are how much heart you got appreciate the things that you can appreciate take time to be grateful. Take time to be happy. Joyful peaceful free from your own. Thoughts in your own worries about all of these things go out now. Have a great day and play a little bit. Go play Go smile. Go go play how see you guys soon. If you’re on YouTube go ahead and click subscribe to my YouTube channel. I’m almost to a thousand viewers. Thank you all and Jefferson subscribe to my blog acceptance other stuff perler.com explore topics like this all the time and check out my blog share it with someone leave a comment below if you want and Ayla again, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the hot spot in the cat that it’s the right. That’s your self play. Have a great day.

6 Tools: How to help with ANXIETY that children experience

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Adolescents & Anxiety

Hi parents and teachers, Since it’s summer and most of my followers do not have to think about school, this is a great topic to address. I received this letter from one of my Aussie followers (for some reason I get a lot of great emails from Australians. Thanks!) In this video, I go into 6 solutions in-depth. This video is based on this:

I am a speech pathologist working in a child and youth mental health setting in Melbourne Australia. I heard about you from the TILT parenting podcast in interviews with Debbie Reber. I think we see many kids who are 2e and struggle with many of these executive functioning challenges so I was super keen to hear about your strategies and have recommended your website to many of the parents of kids we see. One of my challenges is trying to figure out how to support kids who also struggle with anxiety along with their many learning challenges. I would love any information about how to support young adults and teens about getting past this block as well. Thanks for your passion, your inspiration, and your work! Kind Regards — Suzanne

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

What is going on World of YouTube? Hopefully YouTube is not melting my face right now. I’ve been playing around with YouTube live lately and it’s been melting my face for the first few seconds away. That’s not happening. We’ll see if that arrow is text anybody has any tips on how to fix that or what’s going on with YouTube? Let me know. My name is Seth Perler. I’m an executive function coaching Boulder Colorado. How you doing with my slice up for.com today. I am going to talk about anxiety with kids and students and give you parents and teachers some tools to work with this. I’m going to read you an email that I received from someone in Australia, by the way Australians out there. Y’all are awesome people. I like Australians. I was just talking to an Australian friend of mine today and I was telling her I now have a lot of followers in Australia for some reason and she said maybe that’s because of her cuz she shows myself a lot. But I love getting letters from your Australians and your passion for Education helping kids. So I have six inside for you. If you are dealing with your own child who struggles with anxiety or if you are an educator a teacher or coach or a tutor or somebody else who works with students who struggle with anxiety and this is something that’s huge that I work with hear the things I’m going to go over this is something that’s really huge that I work with a lot with my students whether or not they even know I’m working with it. It’s something that’s really important because I do not believe That I can serve them without dealing with this a giant aspect of their life. Most of the kids that I work with are struggling with anxieties in some way or another some tremendously and some just a little bit but it is a very common big problem for a lot of my student. So here is the email that I received it it it says this I’m a speech pathologist working in a child and youth mental health setting in Melbourne Australia. I heard about you from the Tilt parenting podcast and interviews with Debbie Reber. I think we see many kids were to eat and start with many of the executive functioning challenge challenges. I was so I was super Keen to hear about your strategies in a recommended your website too many of the parents of kids. We see one of my challenges is trying to figure out how to support kids who also struggle with anxiety along with their many learning challenges. So she’s asking about figuring out how Support kids who also struggle with anxiety, so I’m going to talk about that. I would love any information about how to support young adults and teens about getting past this block as well. Thanks for your passion your inspiration for your were kind regards Suzanne. Well Suzanne, thank you very much for this letter. I have six things that I’m going to go over that should help you. The first thing is backing up and saying what is anxiety. We got understand what anxiety is. And what anxiety is is our nervous system responding to something that is at either a real or a perceived threat. Our nervous system is detecting that we may not be safe and the job of our nervous system is to make sure that we are safe and protected. So when we detect something that threatens our safety we have to figure out how to respond. One of the key word that I said or terms that I said was real or perceived the problem often comes parents and teachers and Educators. The problem often comes when there is a perceived threat to our safety that is not an actual threat. For example, if you are a parent and you bring up that your child has to do a chore and they get really angry that is not an appropriate response for what you’re probably talking about. They are experiencing anxiety, very experiencing something that they perceive is threatening their nervous system thinks that their safety is being threatened. Is there supposed to be being threatened. No, probably not but the story in their head is telling them that that that it is telling the nervous system that is unsafe. So we had there’s a small part of the brain called the amygdala if you were to First Act through the ear in the eye where they would intersect is where the to Amicalola or migdal I are located very small part of the brain in this is thought of as our fight flight or freeze or faint part of our brain. This is the part of our brain that gets the message from the store in the brain. So the brain creates a story I’m not faced my parents asking me to clean my room. This is not what I want to do. I’m going to get that one at whatever the story is or there could be a real threat to the safety. Oh my gosh, there was a bear it’s running at me. Okay, so that’s a good time for fight flight freeze or paint but not when we’re dealing with these perceived ones that aren’t but anyhow, the the story The Brain creates a story the story gets sent to the amygdala the amygdala says cool. Thanks. I don’t really care what the story is. All I care about is that we are being threatened. I’ve got this so then the amygdala sends a message to the adrenals located on top of the kidneys the adrenal glands of the heart the heart sends adrenaline. Muscular system fast so that your child is ready to fight flight run fries. Oh my gosh, what do I do or faint? So first thing we want to do is understand what anxiety is and understand that this is not a shame thing. There’s nothing wrong with anybody who’s experiencing anxiety. It’s not a moral thing. It’s not that they’re not trying hard enough. It’s not that they’re not good enough. It’s not that they’re not evolved enough. It’s not that they’re not anyting enough. It’s that they have a story that is telling their nervous system that there’s that something is unsafe. So that is number one having a decent understanding of what’s going on with anxiety in the first place. Number two in terms of how do you support them? Will you want to understand that there are stories that we practice and we practicing stories often time starting very early in childhood and the stories or these narratives that go on in our brain that can sometimes Loop and they can sometimes have a Snowball Effect and get bigger and bigger and get scarier and scarier and What happens sometimes is that we we have a story and we think that’s something feels threatening or feels unsafe or isn’t how we want it and we start to feel a little twinge of anxiety or a little tinge of fear that adrenaline that’s going through us and then often times that the story so we are brains her senses. So something must be wrong and we almost look for what’s wrong and then we can hyper focus on what’s wrong in the story can grow. So not only as they’re sort of this nervous system aspect you at that I described before but there’s always this there’s also this story aspect this narrative aspect to what’s going on and I want to make it very clear that we practice these stories. We work very hard at the stories you watching this as an adult you have many many many many stories that you’ve been practicing for many years that are not serving you and that are not that are based on perception and that are not Bullion realities was very difficult for us to sit through the stories to get to the truth of what’s going on. We work on the stories in again. A lot of it is so that we can protect ourselves but they often far exceed what they are supposed to do and they’re actually not protecting us. So when we practice these stories when I say practice there are literal Suzanne, there are literal neural Pathways Pathways in the brain that connects so imagine that That’s a neuron a brain cell and you start a little story here and then you practice the story and you use it over and over and over and imagine that you’re strengthening that halfway and what it connects to so we work very hard on these stories. So it’s not likely that you can work with a child and just tell them stop having that story and in the neural Pathways just the way we need to create a new story practice new neural Pathways and learn to work with these stories and learn to question. Is this the truth? Am I really being threatened or is this a perception and depending on the age of the kid you can dive into this and many many many many different ways, but ultimately that’s what we’re trying to do is help them to get clarity regarding how true the story is and if we should listen to it and if are anxious response is appropriate to the truth about the story so I want to mention something else about the stories the fear stories that we have in this is one of the best ways I can ever put it to you this fear stories that we have are always related to one question. In the reason. I’m set telling you this question is because this will help you figure out how to help the child to figure out what their question is. The question always is a what if question the question always is a what if question Anxiety is all about what if what if what if this happened? What if this doesn’t happen? What if I don’t get what I want? What if I do get what I want but it doesn’t work out. What if I experience pain. What if I stop over what if that’s what if that it’s always what if so if you can help that just I think can help you then at all to help them get to the bottom of the story. What’s the fear here? What things I do about what’s the what if there may be many what-ifs. What are these what ifs about so if you can get those what-ifs the beautiful thing about that is that you can start to switch the frame which the neural Pathways switch the story switch the narrative and do the opposite. What is so for example, if a child if they have a what if what if the kids laugh at me and hate me and that’s their what if what if the teacher hates me what if the teacher is going to be unfair to me and they have that what if you can switch it around helping switch the story and say what if it works out really? Well, what if you actually connect with the teacher more what if you actually make that are friends with them what if they ask Do except you what if you actually accept them or what if you actually have a good interaction. So anxiety always has to do the story all of the narrative always has to do with a what-if store in some way or another. It’s always a wet. If so next number 3, if you want to help students who are struggling whether you’re a parent or teacher with with anxiety, one of the best things you can do number three here is to understand co-regulation. So basically the strongest nervous system win if a child is struggling with someone something and you’re trying to help them through it, but your response to them is angry you like just do a what’s going on. Why can’t you just get started? Well that anger is telling their nervous system. Your nervous system is speaking to their nervous system. Your words are not speaking to them. They are not hearing your words when you get in and that type of emotional Doesn’t have to be anger, but when you’re nervous systems dysregulated or when you’re communicating with someone who’s nervous system is dysregulated, whether they’re depressed angry any sort of strong emotion that they’re going through even if it’s subtle but it’s strong. Even if on the outside they don’t look at but you can tell what their body language that is going on whether this is an adult or a child. We are always cold regulating our nervous systems are always bouncing off of each other and noticing each other even if you just go just go to the grocery store and have an interaction with the clerk your nervous systems are Arco regulating you might go to the grocery store and say hey, how’s your day going? Good? Good. How are you doing that you are correct Delaney or should I say what’s going on? Yeah, I’m fine. Whatever. My day is fine your Co regulate and we are always cold regulating you want to understand co-regulation because if you want to help a child learn to regulate their nervous system and they are dysregulated you want to regulate your nervous system first. This is very hard for parents, especially in the moment because you are going through your day-to-day life. So there is no shame in that. That’s not the point of this video. But the more you learn to regulate your own nervous system in the more you realize that you are bouncing and fighting off of each other you’re nervous systems are arriving off of each other the more you can come back to your own prefrontal cortex your own good part of your mind that they would have steaks. Well, let’s get back to regulating my nervous system in the redo this conversation in a moment or take a deep breath to help regulate the nervous system or change my story to regulate the nervous system understand. I’m safe take deep breath come down and then restart the conversation. So you can make it so number through with three was understand co-regulation and work on that number for if you are an addict who wants to help a child or teenager who is struggling with anxiety. One of the best things you can do as an adult is to work on your own crap deal with your stuff. There’s no shame in it. I’ve got it you got it. We’ve all got years and layers and layers of stuff to deal with. Okay, so deal with your stuff the more you deal with your stuff the more your nervous system will be regulated even if you don’t experience anxiety and you don’t consider yourself an anxious person. You’ve got. You got issues you got baggage we all do we are human beings. There is no shame in dealing with that and admitting it and owning it the better you deal with it the better you’ll be able to serve your children or your students are the kids you’re working with you will choose out. Of yourself this strength. This growth is personal growth is better regulation. This better the happier. You are the more you’re going to be able to regulate great Vibes for them. So, how are you going to do that? I have three ideas for you adults watching One get a therapist or counselor psycho therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist, whatever their people after that dedicate their lives to this go see one to meditate learn to really meditate. It helps regulate the nervous system. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced 3 Journal journaling helps with number to what I mentioned earlier, which is the stories The Narrative journaling helps regulate nervous system on many levels, but also helps change the story of the three things for you at all to deal with your stuff one by yourself counselor therapist or whatever work with them to learn to meditate meditate consistently 3 Journal. Number 5 hidden how to help a child who is struggling with anxiety teaching them about it. I would have even work with very young kids kindergarten 1st 2nd 3rd grade on emotional regulation learn about what’s going on in the nervous system learning about what’s going on in the brain the amygdala the prefrontal cortex teaching them about it. This is called metacognition are also to me it’s the same thing as introspection self-reflection self-awareness Consciousness being conscious of things mindfulness. All of these concepts are basically the same teach them about what’s going on with their thoughts with their nervous system with what’s going on with them teach them the tools teach them meditation teach them to journal teach them to process emotion heat them what’s going on in their brain teach them better metacognition better intersection better reflection. I’m basically saying the same thing with a lot of different words so you can grass this but number five is to teach them about it. Have a conversation with him about it. Even if you don’t know the right words that doesn’t matter you can tell them how you deal with anxiety and how you work with it. But get dialogue about it the more they’re able to talk about it the more they’re able to access the tools that they already have in may not even know they have hey what happens a lot of times with anxiety is kids and adults will start looping in it and get stuck in it and then it’s cycles and then they make bad decisions based on the fears rather than good decisions that will help with the long-term well-being. They’re making decisions that are designed in the short-term to alleviate some the anxiety about their often actually not doing that. So that is number five is teaching them about it and finally, Number six the number 6 way that if you want to help a student or a child or teenager who struggles with anxiety along with all these other things number 6 way to help them deal with it is to teach them to feel it. And also going back to you work on yourself to feel it yourself a lot of times. What happens is we are avoiding the sensation of anxiety or fear. We don’t want to feel it. So we are looking for something to escape it. Okay, there is a time and a place to escape there’s a time and a way to avoid can you don’t have to be stuck in anxiety all the time? I’m not saying that but we’re often running from these feelings and in feeling it meaning in going into the somatic bodily sense of what anxiety is exploring it and being able to articulate and say when somebody’s having anxiety say don’t tell you don’t answer that. They tell me why you have anxiety, but you can say to a child. Interesting, you’re having some fear around that you’re having some anxiety. You’re having whatever. Where do you notice it in your body or what’s going on in your body right now? And then it might save their stomach is tight often times when the amygdala goes on in the nervous system is looking for threats to safety the prefrontal cortex starts to shut down the digestive system starts to shut down. A lot of these kids have digestive issues as they’re dealing with anxiety, but that’s great to say. Wow. Cool. So you’re feeling in your stomach tell me more about that. We’re what’s it like explore what’s going on in the body sensation? Not necessarily is of the story at the time. But when you’re talking about the body all your chest feels tight. Oh your jaw is gripping. Oh, I noticed your hands are doing you can also do that with co-regulation mirroring mirroring. You can let their students like this. You can just say what you say. Oh, I noticed your arms are crossed. Oh, I noticed your neck. Your shoulders are up. All you say is I noticed this and see what they say back to you because they don’t Don’t even have to know that they’re doing this but they’re going to be describing the physical Sensations the somatic experience. Is there experiencing about their anxiety and when we can name the physical Sensations that are going on with the anxiety Suzanne or whoever is watching when we can just name and say oh, yeah, I’m feeling this. I’m noticing my chest doing this. My shoulder is doing this my job and we can explore that in this is not easy for kids who never done this before even for a doll. It’s hard to notice. What’s going on everybody cuz we just want to say oh, I feel like crap all I feel bad. I feel uncomfortable. I feel angry only feel mad all I feel depressed while I feel anxious. What does that mean that you feel anxious? So we want to explore that that is has taken me years to be able to articulate myself. So if you don’t even know where to start don’t worry about it just start feeling it. Now what I want to also mention in terms of feeling anxiety and noticing it in naming it and exploring at there’s nowhere to get to your just it’s an exploration. You’re getting metacognitive, you’re getting introspective. You’re getting reply to your getting mind. Out how your body responds to anxiety, which immediately takes the story that’s creating more anxiety and starts to shrink the story and start easy anxiety right there. And then but another way I wanted to put this to you is that it is learning the skills not overnight, but for adults and 4 Kids working with anxiety is learning the skill. I’m going to say this again because I want to really pound this into your head is learning the skill of becoming not overnight but over time becoming comfortable with what is uncomfortable. A lot of working with anxiety is learning to feel it and learning to be comfortable with the discomfort that you’re feeling anxiety feels uncomfortable. We do not want to feel it. We want to turn it off. We want to go watch TV want to go hang out with friends. Video games you want to do any number of things to escape from the physical discomfort that we experience but when that happens we are not learning to process that we are not dealing with it. So back the number to when I talk about stories, we’re really dealing with two things one is the story that our mind telling us that we are perceiving something that is a threat and that’s not the whole truth of the story. So one is working with story in our head to is working with body and feeling it and not just saying, oh I have an anxious feeling. Oh my gosh. What’s the story on my gosh something Bronx, but noticing the feeling anything. Oh, that’s how my body is responding to anxiety not going straight to the storage to becoming comfortable with the discomfort that is inherent in The Human Condition because we all feel anxious and anxiety all of us do at some point or another. I noticed a couple people are watching feel free to throw. Comment in the comment box, right this second. This is live right now. I will answer it right now and give you any clarification you want if you do not write anything in the comment box. I am going to end this livestream in just a moment’s having said that I want to thank you for watching and get my name is step to step forward. Comment second function coaching Boulder Colorado. I work with us struggling students who struggle with executive function to eat kids. And this is my passion. If you haven’t signed up for my blog I send out a great free course and I send you a weekly update and if you are on YouTube right now go ahead and subscribe to my channel. Give me a thumbs-up in the like if you want or a comment in the comment section, I reply to a lot of those I make a lot of videos for them. Anyhow, good luck to you. I’m not seeing any comments. I’m going to get off here, but good luck to you. I hope that helps you unpack this concept and be able to better serve your children. Have a fantastic day. I will see you soon.

7 Summer School Tips

Please CLICK above to share. The old patterns HAVE NOT CHANGED. Still unrealistic with the time/energy needed to manage the work. Plus distractions of summer! Don’t believe the story, the nervous system is simply resistant, so what to do about it? Don’t enable, learned helplessness. Set firm, clear boundaries. The same principles work. Do this:

Frontload everything you can, it makes things easier.
Keep using the planners to track details, not your brain.
Block reasonable focus times. Not daily tiny blocks, they don’t work.
Ask the teacher for help/tips to success, be early, connect.
Reorganize regularly.
Check portal often, easy link.
Persist. 1%. Millimeters. Baby step. Bite-sized. It’s about telling the nervous system that there is no reason to be overwhelmed. It’s about quieting emotional resistance.

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Re7 summer school tips, if you’re a parent and you have middle school or high school or who is in summer school, you’re going to want to listen to this and if you are a student in summer school, pretty cool that you’re listening to this. All right, here is the first thing I am going to give you $0.07. But let me give you a little bit of background about this if your child is in summer school. Listen. The pattern has not changed parents don’t just believe that if the pattern has changed the pattern is going to be exactly the same if your child got behind during the school year if they spend a semester swimming Upstream because they’re behind on their work if they’re stressed out about their work or they avoid their work and if there tend to be unrealistic about the amount of time and energy that’s required in order to get them what needs to be done. This has not changed. Okay, just another in summer school just because they’re saying look Mom looked at I got it leave me alone. Get off my back. I’m doing my work. I promise you I swear I’m doing everything I need to be doing look that fact is there if they weren’t realistic during the school year what makes you think they’re going to be realistic now, so you students if you’re watching this what makes you think you’re going to be realistic now, this is not a put-down any any way shape or form its to say be realistic and get your stuff done get done with this class be done with it and do it. Well, okay. So this has not changed since it has not changed since the pattern is the same you have to work with a pattern. You have to live in the solution not live in the problem. So now one of the problems is that they’re just our summertime distractions. It is hard to be able to do anything during the summer because it is so nice outside people want to get outside and do stuff. So that’s something right there 2nd and with another thing to think about is that your child is living in a story and they’re going to tell you the stories know I got to leave me alone. I promise I swear I’m getting everything done. I’m on top of it. Just stop bugging me. Okay, all that is is it they’re nervous system feeling resistance. They don’t feel like doing what needs to be done. It’s not fun. It’s not a preferable activity so that the nervous system has that resistance and the Brain just sometimes can’t override the nervous system the part of the brain that has the truth. Story that says all I got a buckle down I got to spend time on the it’s just not coming through. So don’t trust that story. There’s no reason to believe it’s any different if that’s how it was during the school year again is not a put-down. You just got to be realistic if you want to be able to help your kid. So what you don’t want to do is you don’t want to enable your child and you don’t want to teach your child learned helplessness. You want to set firm clear boundaries and help them get through this thing for their own long-term well-being, even though in the short-term they want to be outside playing or playing video games or whatever it is. So here we got this is seven things. These are the seven things to do at the exact same principles that ate each during the school year. These are seven things you can do right now if your child is in summer school one front load everything your child from school take the syllabus sit down with your child. If you’re the student look at your syllabus front load everything into your planner or your online calendar or your agenda get it all out there go through and see what you have to do in. Is it in your calendar so that it’s there and you only get one from you can get a feel for what you have to do during the entire semester front load front load problem. Number one is to front load that is to get repaired. Now, you don’t only front load with the planner. You also front load by prepping your folders and it was summertime. You might think I don’t need folders. I don’t need as much organization. This is not true. Do not listen to your story. When you think that you absolutely positively need some level of organization during the summer. You need to stay good study places great place to study and that’s where it’s quiet or you can focus you need to organize folders is the number one wants to front load number two with the planner you’re going to front of the planner, but your child has to use a planner during the summer to or calendar or an agenda or some sort of system to remind them of what needs to be done. You do if you’re the student you do not want to depend on this to remember the details. There is no reason ever to depend on your brain to remember That’s what they’ve done is for. I know I know I know you resisted. You don’t feel like using calendar. You think you got it up here. You really don’t need it. You’re different know you’re not be honest with yourself. You got to use the plan or even during summer. You have to track these things. If you don’t get them done in the same pattern, it’s going to happen to me in the last week of summer school near me swimming Upstream trying to finish 17 assignments that you should have done a long time ago. Everybody’s going to be stressed out. So use the plan or even during the summer number three. I want you to block out time to study that are large blocks do not think that you were going to read one chapter a day. Do not think that you’re going to do one page of homework a day. It’s ridiculous. If you’re not that type of person during the school year what makes you think that you’re going to be the type of person during the summer is going to do a little bit everyday. What I suggest you do is go to your summer school classes and block out large blocks of time. So you’re going to block out anywhere from 1 to 3 hours then give me a chill time where your wheel a Sitting at the kitchen table. Ask whatever focusing on your work with no distractions. You want to block out large box Time often times people will tell you just do a little bit each day. Just read a chapter. They just do work no for you for the students. I work with for students who struggle with executive function. It does not work. You will be swimming Upstream at the end and you’ll be a very stressed out if you do it that way so large blocks every other day or whatever for a few days weeks and that’s when you’re going to focus on large quantities of work. That’s what works with my students have been doing this long time trusting number or connect with your teacher get to know that have a developer of a friendly relationship with them find out who they are and ask them hate each. What can I do to be successful in your class? What are your secrets? What tips you have? They will tell you you is one of the biggest things I teach my students. You just need to build this relationship and be early to class B on time. Stay late a couple minutes. Say hi to hey, thanks. Hope you’re having a great day. See you later. Connect a little bit helps that goes a long way number 5 reorganize your stuff regularly. Don’t just Jammin in your bag or your backpack or whatever reorganize all your papers and stuff right now to get rid of what you don’t need. You have to spend time doing this. It doesn’t happen. If the parents feel free to help your child with the organization. Let them worry about the learning during summer right now. If you want to help them for the organization of their papers on a daily or every other day basis that’s totally fine. You’re not enabling them. He’ll have them be focusing on the work. If you want to have some of the organization and planning that’s totally fine number 6 check the portal if your online class if your class has an online portal be checking it regularly why because people don’t check it and then they open up one day and they find out that there are 15 things missing there a bunch of incomplete there bunch of zeros. So if it has a portal Bookmark at make it very very very easy to find and check it. And finally number 7. Persist do the one percent right talk about the 1% rule just didn’t mind it gets resistant because it gets overwhelmed with and how I’m stract all the work. It’s okay. So you have to work with the mind. This is an emotional issue. You have to tell your emotional stuff. You have to tell your nervous system that you are safe believe it or not. This is what you’re contending with his is the nervous system the brain and a sense of safety. Okay. So you want to work with the emotion in the way that you do that you take this big giant massive stuff all I don’t feel like doing that homework. It feels too big and you have to shrink it down for 6% number seven is be persistent go 1% at a time. Not 50% about 100% just do one little percent more than you normally would have moved 1 mm for ra take the baby stuff makeup bite-sized a journey of a Thousand Miles begins with one step. How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time you the brain has to be able to construct. Flight the work and if you’re sitting there saying I’ll I don’t feel like doing this what you probably are. You have to make it not feel so daunting make it feel smaller. Okay, I can do three problems right now. Okay, I can work for 5 minutes right now. Maybe not an hour with me 5 minutes, even though you might intend to work an hour or 3 hours. You got to get started the brain have to perceive it as a small bites that may seem contradictory with what I said before about the Wang Chung. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m speaking specifically about getting started for sister. Sister said you will get off task. What do you do then? Get back on task restart when you get off it again restart again, when you get off track again restart again, millimeters, baby steps 1% bite-size very small steps is how you get started so that you’re not so wrong. You can get the train rolling. Once you get the train, will you go as far as you can then you’ll get off that then come back. This is the reality people if you were some of the struggles with executive function don’t expect to be someone who does Start with executive function executing is not easy when it’s a non-preferred tasks. So you’re going to have to start and restart and restart and you will get us and don’t worry about getting with the 1% rule to don’t worry about getting a worry about getting a c worry about getting done. Okay often times when you think of it that way it’s way easier to get in there be anyway so with that I hope you are having a great relaxing summer if you’re in summer school. I hope that you can block it out in such a way that you can have as much stress free relaxation and fun time as possible while blocking out your focus times and in doing those and getting done with them so you can get on to the fun time. All right guys. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

Does your child get STUCK?

Please CLICK above to share. Does your child get stuck, immobilized, procrastinate, lose motivation, lack discipline, resist? Adults often address these problems ineffectively. This video will break down a key concept that will help. Oh, and I’ve been recording on youtube live, and my face melts in the beginning – sorry about that – if you know how to fix this, please lmk!

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Alright, what’s up? Everybody hated to stuff a step forward, I hope you are doing great and having great day. Sorry for the colors little off. You’ve been watching me for a while. If you can probably my channel. Subscribe to your subscribe to my blog you’ll notice that I’m in the new studio. So I have the officially moved back from Santa Monica to Boulder Colorado my old home and very glad to be here. It’s incredible being the breakdown so I’m super stoked and I’m here to give you the first blog or Vlog video of it in my new studio here. So let’s get to it. I’m going to talk about if your child gets stuck going to talk about a really important Corky concept that’s going to help you help your child get unstuck. So let me talk. I got my notes are I’m going to talk a little bit about what I mean by stuck if your child gets stuck your child can procrastinate they can appear unmotivated or they compare undisciplined. I can be really hard to get them to start on something that Be anything from homework to getting out the door in the morning to doing chores or whatever. The responsibilities are things that are non-preferred activities are things that they get stuck on and basically you can think of stuckness another word for stuckness is resistant. They’re resistant. They don’t feel like starting so they’re stuck. They can’t their immobilize they can’t get moving and we really have to understand is when it comes to this stuff missed. This is an emotional issue. Okay, this resistance you happen to stand is not just in your mind or not. Just being resistant or defiant. They are having an emotional reaction. They are having emotional overwhelm their overwhelmed by the idea of doing whatever it is they have to do it’s either not fun it either feels like it’s too much to do and I’m going to explain that in just a minute here and what you want to know parents and teachers and you Well, by the way in the US adults we get stuck we get resistant we go through the exact same process. What I’m about to explain to you also will be something that will help you with whatever you’re going through. So I’m going to give you two ways to help get unstuck, but basically Dee Dee’s kids with executive function issue. They have to process. The task that they have to do they have to mentally process it and it’s overwhelming. So that’s what creates is talking. So I’m going to talk about two big things right here. Stuckness is about abstraction and concrete send if that’s the word. I just made it up. So here’s what happened when something is abstract. Okay, when you say your tell you got to do your homework or you got to clean your room that is abstract. It feels big. It feels uncomfortable. Unless your child already is a pretty organized child somebody who can with their executive function. They can see the steps that are required to accomplish the task. It feels abstract things that feel abstract or uncomfortable. It is a mostly uncomfortable. We do not want to do things that you have. So in order to help your child get doing get unstuck and do the things that they need to do in there for their own future well-being. They have to go to concrete get to move from abstract to concrete. How do you move from abstract to concrete? How do you help your child get something that’s abstract and overwhelming that feels big in that they don’t feel like doing Get it concrete. So it’s something that they can imagine themselves doing so that they can get started so that they can actually do what they need to do for their own future will be the answer is very simple and it is chunking it things hafley chunk into bite-size pieces. How do you eat an elephant? That’s right one bite at a time a journey of a Thousand Miles begins with that’s right one step. These old sayings are saying for reason because there’s a lot of Truth in this stuff. There are two ways to jump to waste Chung parents two ways to chunk. I’m going to really break this down for you your child have to be able to conceptualize chunking things down either by time or Bypass or by both. Okay. So what I do when I’m teaching students how to plan these students who struggle with executive function have not learned how to plan planning is part of executive function. So they perceive it as one giant abstract past they have to learn to plan and it is a part of the process of planning is breaking down a task into smaller chunks so that it is bite-size so that you can take the Journey of a thousand miles and begin with a step not foresee the whole journey because that’s too overwhelming. You can proceed eating an elephant one bite at a time not receiving the whole thing because that is overwhelming. Okay, so you want to reduce the emotional overwhelmed by chunky by time and bypass. What the heck does that mean? Well, here’s what I mean chunking by time means that you take something. For example. I’m just going to use the two examples of a chore. For a homework assignment taking that and breaking it into a time. So if a student feel like I have to do this homework assignment or I have to do this chore that can feel very big and then you can say look let’s take a timer now parents. I’m telling you these little $10 timers people our parents are often resistant in buying them. And I don’t know why because it is one of the best investments you’ll ever make buy a bunch of these little timers. But to what you want to do is you want want to say okay cool. I understand your you don’t feel like doing can you clean your room for 5 minutes. Especially as you know your child I don’t care if they’re in elementary schools are there in high school doesn’t matter if you can develop a rapport with them and help them break that down. I know that it’s challenging the old are your kids get the better. There are humans getting all that stuff. But still you want to help get that. Can you clean a room for one minute? Can you clean your room for 3 minutes 5 minutes 10 minutes. It doesn’t really matter parents because what happens is once you even if you can get them to do it for one. What’s happened is this if you help them to change to reduce the emotional overwhelm, if you’ve helped reduce the address the emotional aspect of that resistance if you’re addressing that with him and you make it feel like it’s a bite-size Chuck and they can do that often times just getting started is enough to get a lot done. Now, we may not get the entire cast then and task completion is a whole different thing but to get them unstuck and get some momentum. You just want a little bit of momentum and you want to take that as far as you can go with. Okay. So always always always always always reward any tiny micro success, even if they just did it for a minute you want to reward that and build upon that but that counts a that is better than not doing anything. So anyhow, I said you want to junk my time and my text tell you what I mean by chunking by text, so that was an example of X by X. How long can you do it for him? And setting a timer and end in obviously pushing past the threshold past the comfort zone if you can the other thing is that you want to junk bypass. Some of that means is let’s take math example, but they that they have to do a math assignment unless it has 20 problems and that feels overwhelmed then they know it’s going to take them a long time. You might say, how many can you do? Can you do one? Can you do three? Can you do five? Can you do half of it? Can you do for the front side of this sheet? Can’t you what was so you want to jump by time and or buy task depending on the thing now another way I like to explain this to families is like that let them working with a student on writing and let’s say that we are writing but they’re five paragraph essay and I’m working with resistant writer. I might say them. All right. Can you can you write a five-paragraph essay know you write one paragraph? No. Can you write one sentence know you’re at home word know you’re my one letter. No, can you write one. Yes, and now that’s Obviously absurd but the point of this is that what I’m trying to illustrate here is reducing over while I have to get them to a point where they can conceptualize starting. I have to get them emotionally again, I’m going to say this so many times. This is an emotional issue. I have to get them emotionally comptable with a task at hand. So I need to junk it by time or beta take the big task chunk of into smaller chunks. Take the big task chunk get into smaller. I’m pieces. So I think that’s about all I have for this particular video if you like what I’m doing here on YouTube go ahead and subscribe by the way, we on YouTube live if you want to ask a question, right this second, you can type it in there if you want and I will answer by the second while I’m still on second if you like what I’m doing, please share this with the owner share my blog stuff perler.com with somebody right now and you can subscribe on my blog as well so that you get my updates every time I update and get all kinds of steps for hell. Executive function and finally, give me a comment below. Tell me your thoughts about this video. What works for you getting your child unstuck. What does your child gets stuck on, how can I help you even more? All right. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, and I will see you soon. Take care.

T-E-A-C-H-E-R-S Thank you! Summer break

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Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Hey, I wanted to make this blog for this weekend. And I really wanted to spend some time to say thank you to you teachers and I wanted to tell you why and just kind of go into this a little bit and take some time to really honor you. So one of the things I want to start off here with is that we know that you do a lot that goes unnoticed and unacknowledged and I want to really honor that and noticed you and acknowledge some things that I notice and appreciate you for so here goes first of all, I know that you have a well-deserved break coming up you you’re probably disappear. Now the end of the year is hard and I just hope you have an awesome break. You deserve it and next I want to say thank you for the time and energy you spend in and out of the classroom in and out of the school because I know how much you put into this. I know that you’re usually working 10 to 12 hours a day, 50 or 60 hours a week. You’re working nights and weekends are often there early many of you there stay late. You’re often spending a lot of time of your own time planning and Grading and on that note to I want to say thank you for all of the effort and energy that goes into the planning and Grading that you guys do. I also want to thank you for learning because I know that a lot of you teachers spend a lot of time doing your own research and learning on the content areas so that you can be better at what you are teaching. So thank you so much for the effort and energy that that takes but also thank you so much for learning new curriculum learning new text books and whatever the schools are having you guys learn so that you can teach I thank you for all the energy it puts in said that that you put into that stuff up to thank you for learning how to use the software that they have you learn. Thank you for updating your websites. Thank you for learning to work with new staff at you work with thank you for helping staff that you work with so that kids can be served better. And I thank you for working with difficult staff members. I know that I can be a part of your job for a lot of you two and four. I’m dealing with that in a positive way and keeping the focus on serving the students. I also wanted to thank you for the time and energy and money that you take to make food and treats and get gifts for the kids and all that goes into that and thank you for the coaching that you do with the kids to help them have better life. I also want to thank you for the frustrations. That you guys deal with in terms of getting the time in the resources in the training that you need in order to serve the all all the students all the different things that you have going going on with all these students. I really wanted to thank you for that. Etsy here. Just lost my I just lost my little message. I may have to resume this in a second. Where did it go? I had some notes are that I’m reading off of. therapist Great back to it o yeah, thank you for dealing with a b r e a bureaucratic barriers that you often have to deal with in order to do your job you want to be there at teaching and I know that you guys have to deal with a lot of this stuff, too. So thank you for that. Thank you for spending time helping parents with meetings with emails parking lot of conversations all the time and energy that you spend with parents to be helpful as well. Thank you for the money that you spend on your classroom materials in on your kids that comes out of your pocket. We know that you do that a lot and we acknowledge you and thank you so much for helping. Obviously, we want you to get paid more but thank you for you know, the heart that and what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to sacrifice for these kids. Thank you. Thank you for all the energy and effort and time that you put into staff development. I know many of them may not even benefit you but you have to go to them anyway, and many of them will give you valuable things. But thanks for all the effort that it takes to be there for us. Staff development. Thank you for showing up when you were sick and tired when you had your own personal life that was going on and really difficult things that we’re going on in your life, but you showed up you were there for those kids they needed you and you were there. Thank you so much. For doing that for our for our students. Thank you so much for the time you put into the grade cards that you had to do into being at the conference is prepping for the conference’s into doing all the standardized test app that you guys have to do. Thank you for that. Thank you for any of the BS that you had to put up with this year and for putting up with it in the honor of joining the getting back to the classroom and doing what the kids need. Thank you for the kindness that you share with our families in the students. Thank you for motivating kids and inspiring them and encouraging them and helping them positively. Thank you for being a role model for our kids and showing them a great way to live. Thank you for caring about our kids and for listening to them and hearing them deeply and helping them feel like they can have a better self-esteem helping them feel safe for creating an emotionally safe place for these kids. Thank you. They need this. Thank you for helping our children deal with emotional challenges in life challenges that they deal with you guys are so instrumental in helping them throughout the year and moving through people often don’t know how much you guys are doing with these things that these kids are going through. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for cleaning up after the kids in your classrooms or on the playground or in the hallways for all the stuff that you guys even do. Thank you for all the prep time that you put into our kids in school at home nights weekends whenever you guys are prepping. Thank you for all you put into it. Thank you for tutoring your kids off in your using your crap times or your lunch times are after school before school to tutor kids. Thank you so much for that time for correcting their papers and giving them input to help them. Thank you for the recess Duty that you do in the lunch duty that you doing the thankless stuff like that that you do. Thank you for putting up with short planning periods where you really might not have enough time to get the things done that need to be done. Thank you for putting putting up with that. I thank you for a creatively designing resources when you don’t have the resources that you need to meet the needs of all the kids for what you guys do creatively to design things. That kids need. Thank you for what that takes to do. Thank you for all the heart you put into teaching and thank you for the love that you bring to students and to your job and to the people around you. Thank you for the love because teaching is an art and a science and it comes from the heart and you have to be a loving person to be a great teacher and you put out a lot of love and a lot of energy in that way and I just really want to acknowledge that this isn’t just a job you are you are sharing love with the student that you work with your loving humanity and that means a lot to me and I appreciate that. I also one of the opinions that I have I was a teacher for 12 years is that teachers after the school year go through. Of grief, that’s not usually acknowledge and what I mean by that is you just sent. Animal testing Your Blood Sweat and Tears into helping these kids have better lies. Okay, and all the sudden boom school’s out for the summer. You need a break. They need a break and all that. But these are human beings that you cared about the last 10 months and invested so much into and that I think there’s a. Of grief that is not acknowledge that you go through. So thank you for that. And I hope that you’re able to process that this summer and really honor yourself and feel bad and go through the emotions that are very real that are around that. Teachers. We need you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for what you do for cat the communities and they the kids in the end the parents around the country around the world. Thank you for what you do. We need you you are rock stars. You are Kick-Ass human beings that go above and beyond and Beyond to be of service to humanity. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is one of the most important jobs on Earth my opinion. Thank you so much. In a lot of people think that you just have Summers off and you can just kind of chill and I know that many of you are working hard even during the Summers the prep for your Falls are some of you have other jobs that you have to do just to pay the bills. So you have to work through the Summers etcetera etcetera etcetera. So thank you for what you do during the Summers for kids to make sure that you’re in a place to be to be a service the kids and finally teachers take a break be good to yourself this summer, make sure that you get rejuvenated that you take personal time family time time for you to stop time for self-care honor yourself you show up for us in just thank you, and please be good to yourselves and have an incredible summer a restful summer rejuvenating summer and from the bottom of my heart from the bottom of my heart and from the bottom of the heart of the parents and and the people that follow my blog we sincerely thank you. Thank you. Thank you for showing up for us with that. Thank you for watching this video. You can check me out of that stuff Pro. Calm and sign up if you like this go ahead and give it a thumbs up, Sherrod. I appreciate you my audience, and I hope you are all off to an incredible summer. Take care. I will see you next Sunday. Take care.