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Students, planting seeds for your LIFE

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Students, life is precious. Every moment is a moment when we are investing. Sometimes the investment is wise, sometimes it is foolish. Some people blindly waste opportunities for planting seeds that will help us in the long run. This video explores these issues fo you.

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To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth

Video transcript:

Whoa, stop student you want a bit stir-crazy. I am that man hits me Seth. Hope you’re having a good day decent day. I hope you are healthy. I hope you are safe. I hope you’re taking this stuff seriously. So anyhow, I think I need a bit of a haircut. I don’t think that’s going to happen for quite some time. I want to talk to you today about. Planting seeds doing so the number one most important thing. I think you should be doing that was planning sees I’m going to tell you exactly what I mean why it’s important. Hang in there cat listen. I forgot what I was going to say there two types of students. We got sort of these motivated student to get stuff done who are on time who brush your teeth when they need to do they make their bed. They put their dishes away when they need to they do the responsibilities when they have homework to go home. They want to get it done. They even start their homework, like right when the teacher handed out those start working on it right there in class, you know, they get things turned in on time. Then I got sort of these unmotivated students students like me who starred with this thing of executive function where they got a bunch of Lathe missings incomplete zeros or is doing test corrections their parents or he’s on the back and I like leave me alone. I got this is why don’t you trust me. I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it in 5 minutes. I don’t need to do it, you know. So anyhow, I have sort of these two types of students. I am the one who struggles of the executive functions off in if you’re watching this you probably are too now. The people who generally get stuff done. Like I’m not worried about them. Their parents are not worried about their getting the things done that need to get done. And the good thing is is that they’re going to be able to really create what they want to do in the future most of them. They’re going to be able to have goals and reach him the problem with you and I is that we start with this thing called executive function. This is no joke. Okay, we’re going through this pain damn thing. We’re going through this really scary time. It is really bizarre time. And the inclination is is for us to chill to take some time. We brought, you know, it’s the end of the school year. We really need time to decompress relax, enjoy the weather and all the stuff but we also need to take time to do the things I need to be to get done and what happens with us as we have so many excuses so that we don’t take action and then we put ourselves in a position where when we do take action we do the Least possible that we need to do. We are cutting Corners were just doing what we need to do to get our parents upper back or get the teachers off her back or be done with the class or get the thing done. And the quality is very diminished really challenged you here in this video is this student? This is a time to not do that. This is a time to plant seeds planting seeds mean this is an investment in your life and your future but not only is this an investment in your life in your future the more you plant seeds for yourself to have an awesome life. The more you build a great life yourself the more you’re going to be able to help all the people around you your communities the world whatever work you choose to do in this world the better position you will be able to be who you will be to do that stuff. So I love the metaphor of planting seeds because this is a time to plant seeds plant seeds and high quality work plan season overcoming your own resistance and procrastination and excuses plant seeds in challenging yourself plant seeds in setting up structured time for you to focus and study and plant seeds in terms of resisting the temptation to use Electronics when they’re just a distraction or keeping you from really growing into becoming the person you want to be and stuff like that planting seeds when we don’t plant seeds The Garden of our life just gets overrun with weeds and when weeds take hold metaphorically and literally when weeds take hold their very very very very difficult to eradicate and in your life. What weeds are is that when you become an adult if you don’t plant the right seeds in the weeds take over when you’re not at all. It will impact your relationships negatively. It will impact your career negatively. It will impact your finances. It will impact you being able to reach your dreams go for. Your goals it will impact every single area of your life negatively. If it gets overrun by weeds, the weeds are the problems in life and they will get exacerbated and bigger if you don’t plant seeds now, this is the opportunity now where you’re planting seeds in your life, you know, you have your Math Science Social Studies Reading Writing art creativity just stuff for yourself your own personal projects, whatever your own personal learning your own music and whatever when you plant seeds that means that you’re taking actions that’s helping you develop and grow a big life a good life a life where you have choices possibilities opportunities doing this video. I just want to encourage you you’re going to have that you had sort of like the angel and devil on your shoulders, you know, you sort of have that one is over. That’s why I know procrastinate blame everybody else blame your parents. They’re bugging you. They’re annoying blame the teacher for not being interesting enough blame this and we want To find excuses know I’ll do it later. I’ll do them five minute. We want to not take action. So that’s sort of the ones I then we have some of that angel side that’s going look you got this now. It’s not fun all the time. But you’re planting seeds. This is for your future and this is for you to be able to become the best version of yourself to help other people and other things in this world, you know, I do the right thing to do the say to the challenging thing do the stuff that you don’t feel like doing you no get it over with get it done early start early. I get prepared. I’m ask for help a blah blah blah, you know use your plan our usual organizer. Look at your portals communicate with your teacher always try to better yourself. So they’re sort of those two parts of us that are sort of the you know, this voice is really loud and then often times that sort of wizards telling you the right thing to do is really quiet. You know by the other boys play video games get on social media hang out with your friends. Probably about forget about the covid-19 restrictions. It’s okay. So you don’t have to social distance. Everything’s going to be that part about this is very loud. This is stupid. Why do I have to do that? But you know and that voice that’s our heart or God or Our Truth or deepest truth is often very quiet soften to whisper when the other thing is screaming so part of the art of adulting of becoming an adult to be up gain wisdom of being mature, you know, if we want to be treated like adults we want to be treated like a miniature we have to act like I’m part of that the key to doing that is learning how to listen to The Whisper and learning how to listen to our highest sell sandwiches. So with that just want to encourage students. My name is of Perler. I’m going to exact it from Checotah in Colorado. Now struggling students navigate this thing called education want to encourage you so that they can have a great future to plant seeds that you have a great future plants. Future plant seeds in your future plant seeds in your future have a fantastic day hyper a healthy safe and feel connected to that people that you care about thicker.

Pivots & Energy, how to help students with executive function now

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Parents, teachers and students are all pivoting a lot right now because of the pandemic. If we adults understand WHERE our energy goes, we can be more helpful to the kids we are trying to educate and help. Here I explain a fantastic model for helping you understand HOW to pivot while being mindful of WHERE our energy is being “spent”.

Check out my pandemic hub here for more COVID-19 resources.

To support my work, please CLICK below to share and please click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you -Seth

Students: How to GoogleCal your Life

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Students, here I show you a quick idea of how you can organize your life easily and have a great WEEKLY printable calendar to help you visualize your weeks better. Also, this will help you have less stress, get more out of your education, have more free time and more fun.

Check out my pandemic hub here for more COVID-19 resources.

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To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Students what’s up? This is me Seth. And in this video. I’m going to show you how to make your life easier by creating a Google Calendar. Now, if you are student who tends to struggle with executive function meaning if you are feeling resisting like I don’t want to do this. I don’t need to do this. My teacher always sends me the updates or it’s always in my email or I’ll do it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do them 5 minutes, whatever you procrastinate and resistant give excuses nethuns b r m o I really want to strongly encourage you to think about this this way. For any girl you have in life have a fantastic like you you have to have good methods of planning. And what I’m going to show you right now is going to make your life easier on multiple levels. I’m going to show you how to setup a Google Calendar to make your life easier. It’s going to give you more time for fun and free time less stressed that’s going to help you get your school work and stuff done it more efficiently and ultimately it will say you have to be to have a better life, right? That’s the whole point here. So what I’m going to do here cuz I’m going to show you this Google Calendar and I’m going to walk you through several steps. I want you to pause my video anytime you want and do take the action that I just took to get yourself set up. Here we go. So first of all, what I want you to do is go to your Gmail account. Just any regular old gmail account and click on calendar right here and that will open up a calendar for you. However, your calendar is going to look different than mine. It will probably be on the week few in this pain right here. Will probably be open but I want you to do is go up in your calendar in the first thing I want you to do is set up five different categories of types of things that you’re going to do. The first one is going to be called school. I like to use all caps in it and when you go into it to change it when you click into the settings here to change the name of it because that first that it’s going to say your name, you’re going to see your Gmail account name. That’s what you’re going to change to school the next one. I want you to call fun the next when I want you to call it important the next one. I want you to call Wellness. I want you to make school some shade of red you could change it to the shade or any shade of red. There’s a reason for that that I’ll show you in a bit and then make fun whatever color you think. It’s fine important whatever color you think is important, but I think that you should make these colors so that they look very different from each other. Now, what I’m going to do is I’m going to go into the settings here. And I’m going to show you how to add the only calendar that I have left off of this so far. So I want you to add a calendar by clicking right here to add calendar and then create new calendar and then call this one family. Family and friends or whatever you want. But I think it’s really important. You know, a lot of times we get on each others nerves as family members and it can be hard sometimes but it’s so important to develop and devote time to family and the people that are really important to really spend time with them where you’re not doing things like electronics and stuff like that. Anyhow, this one is for holidays. There are other calendars you can adding even for your favorite sports team. I’m going to turn the holidays off and just a moment when we are all done. Your calendar is going to look like this and if I open if I turn off the holidays it’s going to look like that and this particular month. It happens to have it just vanished. So let’s go ahead and open this up. I’m going to back it up to March. And what I want you to do is take your schedule and start adding things into the schedule. For example on Mondays if at 9 a.m. You have Spanish class. When you do that put a hyphen after it. I like the all-caps. I have a say School disses 9 a.m. Spanish – the reason I put a hyphen there is because that’s where you can write in what you have to do the day permit. So maybe you had to read page 46. I’m going to save this and you will see that it looks like this. I want you to still in your whole schedule. I’ll show you what it’s going to look like in the moment for everything. You need to be responsible for now when you are done with Spanish, you can simply right click on that event and change it to Green. So I’m very big on using red and green red light red means stop writing means alert and green means go green means it’s all good. So this is a a lot of my students have a lot of missing and complete zeros late work. They’re always doing test corrections. There are always late in general there tend to be struggling with organization there often unprepared for class. Stop it takes them a long time to get out the door in the morning. And so all these sorts of things are what my students struggle with and this helps them a lot to really track if they’ve completed something. I suggest that when you do this, you don’t turn it green until it’s submitted or turned in green doesn’t mean you just finished the homework. It means it’s in it’s out of your hands and in the teachers hands weather that’s digitally or analog an actual piece of paper assignment rabbit. So now I’m going to show you how I set up an entire set of these. So what’s really cool about this, is that what you can do but they hear in Spanish when I’m going to go back to the Spanish when I’m going to click edit and I’m going to click repeats and let’s say that you had Spanish every Monday Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. And let’s say that it was at the same time and I clicked on and watch what happens it auto-populates every day on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 9 a.m. It shows that I have Spanish now, I don’t want that in there anymore because it’s going to mess up what I’m about to show you. So this is how you would delete it. And do I want to delete this been. Okay. Well what if I want to delete all of them while then you go like this and you click all events in that will delete every single thing that I put in the series and now they are all gone. Now what’s going to happen is we’re going to go ahead and you’re going to put in whatever you’re going to do your morning routine might start at 8. And this case I have a note where I’m going to do breathwork and meditation and gave you that following might know that I do breathwork that helps you focus helps you feel more big rated said, maybe then you shower maybe then you eat a healthy breakfast and maybe that’s your morning routine and you can put it here in the notes. So if you ever want to edit right here in the nose, You can add in all sorts of notes. Are you can change the colors here. There’s all sorts of customization not going to go into all the customization because you can do that on your own. So let’s say that I wanted a morning routine at 8 a.m. Had it replicate daily for 5 days a week. I had math on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays at 9 a.m. History at 10 a.m. On Mondays. Wednesdays Fridays Etc. Maybe I want to focus and study at 11 a.m. And do any of my extra remaining work that I need to finish up on maybe I have electives at 2 and maybe I have free time at 3:30 family time at 6:30 why I want to be present and have no electronics during that time cuz I think it’s really important for me to be present for the people in my life. And then maybe I have a shutdown routines at night the house with wine down. Maybe I want to get to bed by 10 or 10:30. So I set my shutdown routine at 9. However you want to do it. It doesn’t matter now. This is kind of hard to see because there are three more Not it’s not in there really well, so I like to go to the settings and change the density and I like my density to be compact because I feel like it’s easier for me to see everything. So now that it’s compact that I have two more. It just allows me to put more on my calendar here. Sorry. I’m talking so fast. I just want to get through this as I get down to business and get this setup yourself any hard replicated all of these things for the entire week and I have free time on Sunday. I have free time on Saturday at work out all the things that I need in here. But and then here is the calendars that I had before school Family Fun important and wellness. You can make whatever one’s you want. But check this out. This is where it gets really good. What happens is that my students don’t have a good sense of time and there’s actually a thing called time blindness time blindness. This is a real thing. So some of my students who start with time blindness. This is an amazing way to really know what is going on in your life. So check this out. What I want you to do is switch it to the week view. And this is what it looks like on the week. You take a week. And haven’t completely filled in pretty much every minute. I don’t have any I should put free Heroes. Let me do that. Free I’m going to make that in fun and I’m going to say that and I’m going to move that up a little bit. Don’t fit them properly now now I have free time. I can replicate that for the day. But basically I want you to have this sort of a calendar and then I want you to go to print this calendar. When you go to print this calendar what’s going to happen is it’s going to give you several options. If you have a black and white printer, you can print it in black-and-white you can choose this landscape or portrait, but I want you to have a template of what your week looks like. I want you to put it up on the wall in your bedroom. I want you to put it up on the wall in your bathroom up on the wall in your kitchen it up on the refrigerator. I want it all over the place because I want your life to be easier and simpler less stressful more freedom more fun more focus is going to give you more freedom and more if I know I like how that sounds more focus is going to give you more freedom and more fun. So the more you’re able to compact your times and really focus on which means you at the time that you need you and not procrastinate and not string things out that should take 20 minutes that take 2 hours, you know the mall Are you work on these skills the better off you’re going to be the more Freeman more fun you’re going to have in life and the more you will be able to create the future that you want to have. So just wanted to walk through the basics. You can get into all the details and all kinds of cool things with alerts and with color coding and all the stuff. But at the very least what I recommend you do is that you take your entire semester right now the entire rest of your semester plug in a block for every minute of time you have printed on the weekly View and then keep it on the monthly View and use this all the time so that you can have less stress more focus better results in school more education from school and more freedom and more fun in life. And I’m Seth I hope that was helpful to you. I will see you in the next one.

What do parents really want? (executive function & 2e Twice-exceptional)

Please CLICK above to share Parents, there is one particular sentence I’ve heard more than any other in over 20 years of working with families. This sentence is so insightful that it should drive a lot of our decisions. In this video, I completely unpack it for you in a useful and practical way so you can use these ideas to help your child. To support my work, please CLICK below to share and please click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you -Seth

What if???

Please CLICK above to share. Students, ANXIETY is a common problem nowadays and it’s particularly tricky to overcome. It takes time, persistence, and tools. We do NOT need to be ruled by anxiety. This video dives deep into a specific strategy that can be a giant part of the solution.

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

I think college students. What’s up? Have a lot of students who struggle with anxiety and anxiety. It can be really debilitating thing. It can be an invisible thing that you students are experiencing that nobody knows about it’s a very misunderstood thing lot of people don’t even know that they’re having anxiety. They don’t know what to call it. They just think life feels that way. It feels very stressful very overwhelming very anxious. So I want to talk about one little aspect of anxiety if you think you have anxiety or you know, you have anxiety and you are a student. I want to tell you a little bit about what you can do about that. There are many things you can do about it, but I want to break down this one concept for you. My name is a Perler. I’m executive function coach in Colorado and help struggling students navigate this thing called education so you can have a great life so that you can get done the things that you need to get done so that you can really achieve your goals and dreams the things that really matter to And anxiety as a sad can really interfere with your life. It can really be a very painful experience. That doesn’t just go away like that. It’s some but it is something that we can work within the reason that it is something that you can work with his because your nervous system if you feel anxiety, whether it’s every single day some of you feel it all day everyday you wake up anxious to go to bed anxious. It’s just like sort of a low-level level anxiety and then you have spikes work. It’s horrible sometimes and some of you just have it occasionally you might have it a couple times a week a couple times a month a couple times a day, but it’s not it’s not all the time. So there’s the whole gamut and anxiety can be good can be good because it can be a signal to you that something is wrong and you need to look at something in your environment or in your life or in your thoughts or whatever. But either way I want to give you the stool today that can help you with anxiety. I want to give you one way. Look at it that will be very helpful that you can apply to any situation whether you’re anxious about test with your anxious about social situations whether anxious about losing something that matters to you whether you’re anxious about not getting something that’s important to you whether you’re anxious about that. You feel like you’re not good enough for something is wrong with you or something like that these things IDs this pressure this horrible feeling here’s the thing that I’m going to break down food. anxiety always always has to do with one question one question if you can understand what I’m about to tell you you can use this to help look at things that are making you anxious and you can Journal about it or talk to your counselor about every therapist or friends or you can start to break it down. So it doesn’t have such a grip on you. Okay, you can get some freedom from anxiety anxiety always has to do with one question in that question is what if always what is this bad thing happens? What if these people hate me? What is that person hates me? What if I fail? What if I succeed what if they start expecting something of me? Because I succeed what if I somewhat 60, but it’s not good enough. What if I’m not good enough. What if I’m worthless what if nobody cares about me? What if I can’t make anything out of my life? What if I don’t do well on this assignment? What if I forget to do what if the teacher embarrasses me in front of people what if that kid embarrasses me in front of people. What if I lose it if I lose this assignment? What if I get a c what if I get an A minus? what if what if what if I sometimes it can be a good what if You’re walking down the street in your neighborhood and some crazed dog comes running at you. Like it wants to attack you your what if in that anxious moment should be what if that thing gets catches up with me and bites me. And that anxiety will go straight into your body. Your brain notices the story that there’s possibly threatening dog. It sends a message to your middle of a small part of the brain is the amygdala means almond the amygdala in your brain is about the size of an element. There are two of them. The brain sends a signal to the amygdala the amygdala sends a signal to your adrenals your adrenal glands on top of your kidneys send adrenaline to your heart your heart sends adrenaline to your muscular system so that you are ready to fight flight or freeze so that you can protect yourself in that dog. In an instant that happens. So that what if it’s very good what if this dog catches up with me that would be bad. So I’m going to get my body prepared for that. My body knows I’m not say if I’m being threatened. I may possibly be threatened. I’m going to prepare for that with my pleasure, please. That’s great. That’s a what if that you want to operate properly you want to feel anxiety in that moment. You want to be prepared to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself to stay safe. That’s good. That’s a good what if but when we are about to take a test that we studied pretty hard for and we are in our mind going what if I fail. What if I don’t get everything right? What if what if the teacher thinks I’m cheating even though I never cheat what you know, and you think all these what if thoughts would I call it is looping. We Loop these what ifs May Loop me cause you to be anxious that anxiety that it’s still sending a message to the amygdala that you are not safe even though it’s just a test. It’s still sending a message and your body is preparing. And guess what when that message goes there in your body is preparing for that. How well do you think the parts of your brain that help you succeed on the test that help you show what you’ve learned in your setting how well do you think those parts of your brain work? Not very well because your body is not is now no longer in that sort of brainwave mode that allows you to access those things. So your stress in the moment is in your anxiety. I should keep using that word your anxiety in the moment is going to not Be helping you in that sort of a moment. So I’m going to wrap this video up like this anything that you want to explore that you have anxiety about and it’s an anxiety that you feel like is not useful to you that’s holding you back that is blocking you from having the type of life that you want that interfering with your freedom in your finding your peace of mind any of those sorts of anxieties that you are experiencing pull out a journal. And look at what are the what if questions that your brain is subconsciously going to what are those what if questions what is this? What is this bad thing happens? What if that bad thing happens? What is this? Good thing doesn’t happen. What if that good thing doesn’t what are the wettest really Journal about explored and then really question do I want to keep having this story? And then finally what you want to do in this is the key you want to start practicing the opposite what if you want to start practicing the opposite what if So if it’s what if I fail this test, you’re going to start seeing yourself. What if I what if I get 105% get extra credit? What if I get a B+ and it’s actually okay. What if I do fail at but I can retake it what if I do fail at but I tell the teacher I was super anxious and I actually studied in the teacher says I will I’ll let you retake it and if you need to do it verbally or something we can have an alternate way for you to do it. What if those kids don’t hate me? What if they actually like me? What if I actually become best friends with them and make one of them one of my lifelong friend for the rest of my life there one of the coolest people ever. What if they’re really not as judgmental as I’m perceiving them to be? What if I don’t like them? What if I don’t want them in my life? What if I find out that they’re not somebody who represents the type of integrity and dignity that I want people in my life to have. What if it doesn’t matter? What if I didn’t have the same Thai tea? So the point is is there’s no like set formula to this but the anxiety always has to do with a what if question him. What if this Dad thing happen and you want to get in the practice of of of wiring your brain to start saying what if he’s good things happen. What is this? Good thing happens? What if this good thing happens what this good thing happens your biggest barrier to that is your yourself. You’re Your Own Worst Enemy with this of me to we all are so your biggest barrier to this is that you’re going to stay to yourself. That wouldn’t work for me. That’s another what if what if I’m Different? What if I’m special on this stuff doesn’t work for me. You know, you you’re Your Own Worst Enemy. The reason that you’re going to think this isn’t going to work for you is because it’s the resistance we we we don’t practice a new way of thinking means that we have to start taking responsibility. We can’t stay as a victim of our own thoughts and and of our own catastrophizing of things, So we are going to have resistance. We’re going to be like well sat II can’t change my thinking because but you know, but we are all human we can all do this. We all have these amazing plastic neuroplasticity plastic brains that can change and we can start having two different. What s. I really hope that if you are experiencing anxiety, whether it’s on a regular basis or it’s just once in awhile, I really hope that you use looking at the what-if to help you have more. Peace more freedom more fun in your life. My name is up for give this a thumbs up, like it. Subscribe whatevs. Have a great day and I’ll see you soon.

My child isn’t taking ownership

Please CLICK above to share. Parents of students who struggle with executive function have a difficult time trying to decipher how to empower their child to take ownership. They try to help, but is the help actually holding your child back? When does a parent need to detach and let go in a healthy way? How do parents set healthy boundaries? When is a parent enabling and doing too much? This video explores HOW to transfer ownership from a parent so a child can take more ownership of her own life in the best ways possible.

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth

Video transcript:

Catch ’em being good, supporting executive function

Please CLICK above to share. Often our kids feel like they aren’t noticed for what they do “right”. They feel scrutinized, which can get exhausting and can be demotivating. The saying “catch em’ being good” is a powerful idea that I explore in this week’s video.

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Video transcript:

This one is for you parents out there. What’s up parents and teachers. My name is Seth. What’s up, bro., And executive function coach based out of Colorado have struggling students that would get this thing called education so they can have a fantastic life, but when kids start up the executive function it gets in the way of their opportunities and possibilities and choices in life. Literally and how parents I want to tell you about a saying, And the teacher world and the teacher World there is a sang a quote. Hachim being good. Catch em being good. When the world does that mean catch him being good. And the reason that the saying in the teacher world is because when we catch kids being good when we catch them doing the right thing when we catch them I’m doing the things that we want them to keep doing the behaviors that are healthy and that helped them have a great life that help plant seeds for the future when we catch him being good what we’re doing as Educators this teachers what we’re really doing. Is called building healthy insecurely attached relationships. The teacher the educator is building healthy secure relating with the Chow. How how does that happen? Because the child the student now care of it though Mentor middle school high school college when we catch somebody because so often what we do is we notice what’s not right? We noticed what they did wrong. So to speak I hate to use that word that language but cuz right and wrong is very subjective. But essentially what we often do is notice the things we don’t like in point that out to our kids the negative things, right? So the way that this is healthy and secure attachment though. Is that when we catch them being good? We see them they feel or hopefully a human being will feel seen. The feel like the person understands them that they get them at least either effort that they see that they’re trying their noticed their validated is very powerful. And again what we so often do is focus on the negative. I’m going to talk about a couple of ideas that might help you with this. In order to catch and being good parents in order to catch a child be good a verbally notice what you want them to continue. So when they do something even if it’s tiny when they do something that you appreciate that you noticed that they’ve done well done Rider. How are you frame it? Verbally, tell him I was really cool. You’re just nice to your sister. I appreciate that. Hey, you just put your stuff away without MBA appreciate that hey, I noticed you brush your teeth on your own. Thanks. You know just it and I I called them Pebbles of positivity have another video on that somewhere, but you’re just like tossing out these Pebbles of positivity. Verbally notice what you want them to continue in any realm? And don’t point out what we don’t like as often as I like if it’s really necessary. That’s one thing but really ask yourself is this one necessary to say is this one necessary to see how would I feel if somebody was saying this many things that they don’t like about me? Next thing I have for you is closely related is called the 3-2-1 rule with parents. And this is why I suggest that you use three positives to everyone perceived negative. Three positives to everyone perceive negative every negative thing you say to your child. You have to say three positives for many of you. Just getting to a one-to-one ratio is an improvement. So I don’t really care if it’s one or two or three or four or what. but just focus on the 3-2-1 rule How can I Make my kid feel like there’s been a really big proportion of positive comment back to them. Next one be on a FANUC about it and don’t overdo it. So you don’t want that you’re not you’re you’re saying things that are real real compliments real authentic things. You’re really noticing things that you want to continue you. It’s not flop. It’s real. You’re actually even if it’s small doesn’t matter. I sometimes literally will be like you put your name on your paper cool. Like it can be such a small is that but it has to be real. And then the final one. Catch them being good the final one. How do you catch em be good? In this one, you don’t even talk about anything bad or negative ever. In this one. Plan fun with your child play with your child. Enjoy being with a child. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun. Just go do something. Fun. You’re going to eat you might have this huge urge when you notice something that’s off to say. Oh you got to do that. You got to do that. Don’t breathe for a while while you’re having fun with them. Don’t say any of it. Let it all go unless it’s a danger or safety issue. Really try to let it go and when you’re having fun be present fully for connecting with your child in front of me. So I got for you. My name is Seth. What’s up photo companies that get a bunch of Colorado have a struggling students navigate this thing called school, education so that they can have great life, Iowa.

3 reasons I failed out of college with Executive Function challenges

I have always had executive functioning struggles, and they caught up with me when I attempted to go to college. I was not ready, but I didn’t know that. I wanted the benefits of college without having to do the work, I thought I could somehow take the quick elevator to success. This video tells my ADHD and executive function college story. I hope you find it insightful and that it helps you get some great ideas and clarity because failing college is not fun.

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Video Transcript

What’s up, students? My name is Seth with SethPerler.com. I’m an executive function coach and I help struggling students navigate this thing called school. And in this video, I’m talking to students who are going into college or who’s in college. I’m going to tell you three reasons I failed out of college. And I’m telling you this because I do not want you to fail out of college. I want you to do what’s right for you and have a fantastic life. And failing out of college is not a necessary step in life.

The first thing I want to tell you is that when I work with college students, most of the college students that I work with, are sophomores or second-year college students. Why do you think that is? It’s because they failed their first year. Or they more or less failed the first year. So they didn’t make it to be a sophomore and they are a second-year freshman, or they are a sophomore and they barely got to be a sophomore. And they struggled a lot and they’re finally ready for help. Asking for help is a very hard thing to do. So anyhow. Why did I fail out of college?

So I failed out of college, went to Ball State University, and I failed so I went to summer school on probation to start, because I almost failed out of high school. I didn’t fail out of high school, I had skated by. And then I had to go, I wanted to go to college really because I wanted to get away from my parents. And I went to college on probation in summer school. So I didn’t even have a summer break after my senior year of high school. I didn’t even have summer break, went straight to college on probation. I had to take three probationary classes. When I was in trouble, I often did well, so I was in trouble because I was on probation to start college. So I did well, I got an A and 2 C’s, true story. One of the classes that I got an A in, the class I got an A in was a study skills class. True story. I got an A in study skills. And 2 C’s and now I could go and fall. So I go fall semester. Failed. I go spring semester. Failed. After spring semester is over get a letter in the mail that says, “Seth do not come back you failed out of Ball State University. Thanks for your money. Good luck.” So I went to another college and I dropped out before I failed out. That college was on quarters, it went fall quarter, winter quarter, I didn’t go spring quarter because I dropped out because I had failed those two quarters before. How did I do it? Here are the three steps of how I did it.

Number one: I didn’t go for me. I went because I was told all my life I was supposed to go to college. I didn’t know there were other alternatives. I just thought that’s what you do. There’s no buy-in or ownership that I wanted to go for me to learn, to get an education, to better myself, to develop who I was, to get exposed to lots of new educational ideas, to get exposed to lots of new people and new ways of looking at the world, to have a great experience, to build a career. I didn’t have any of that. I went because I thought that’s what you were supposed to do and I didn’t want to live at home anymore. I wanted to move out of my house and be independent and be on my own even though I was not capable of being independent. I did not have the executive function skills necessary to be an adult or to be on my own or to be independent, but I thought I did and I want to get away from my parents. They were bugging me, or at least that’s how I perceived it. I regret the way that I was very hard on my parents. I have a fantastic relationship with them now, but I was not the easiest child. The number one way that I failed out of college is by not going for myself. Not going because I really wanted to go for good reasons.

Number two: The way that I failed out of college was by not having the executive function skills to navigate college. I was emotionally dysregulated, meaning I was depressed, I was anxious, I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable with who I was, I was not confident in who I was. I lived with a lot of fear that I wasn’t good enough in multiple ways. So I didn’t have the executive function, what’s called emotional regulation, like ways to work with my own fears and emotions and discomfort and stuff like that. Part of my dysregulation had to do that I was eating horrible food. I was not eating food that was nourishing my body. I was on a diet of processed foods, Doritos, some pop, and whatever. I was not sleeping well. I was up late, I was up all night. It was just horrible sleep. I didn’t prioritize myself. Well, I didn’t exercise hardly. I mean I never did like real exercise at that time. So, and I didn’t have just other executive function skills, like planning and organizing, and knowing how to study, and knowing how to prioritize, and knowing how to do all of these executive function things.

Number three: So number one was I didn’t go for myself, I went for my parents because I thought it was supposed to. Number two was I didn’t have the executive function skills I needed. Number three was I didn’t know how to ask for help. You may think that sounds silly. Let me tell you, it’s one of those important things I’ve ever learned in my entire life is that ask for help. I didn’t know how to ask my teachers for help, did know how to ask my parents for help, didn’t know how to ask tutors for help, for coaches to help, I didn’t know how to ask other students for help. I didn’t know how to ask anybody for help. I did not have humility. I had such a big ego. I could not show you that I had any weaknesses, therefore I could never ask you for help and admit that I didn’t have it figured out. So I thought that that would mean that there is something wrong with me. I thought that that would mean if I ask for help that I’m admitting that I’m broken and that I don’t want you to see that, that would terrify me.

There is a quote by Zig Ziglar, “There is no elevator to success. You got to climb the stairs,” and I wanted the elevator to success. I want to go up, I want a quick fix, I want everything to be easy. I did not want to climb the stairs to success. I didn’t want to put in the work. I didn’t want to ask for help. I didn’t want to build the executive function skills. And I wasn’t doing it for me, so that my friends, is how I failed out of college.

I hope you high schoolers or college students don’t ever go through what I went through. College isn’t right for everyone and it’s not right for everyone at the time when society expects it to be right for you. You got to do what’s right for you when it’s right for you, when you have the skills, when you have the motivation, when you have the buy-in, and when you have the ownership. You have to know how to ask for help and know that there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, asking for help is a sign of maturity. It’s what real adults do, it’s what we all need to do. We all need help. Nobody does it alone. No successful people, no successful people do it alone. We all need each other.

So my name is Seth with SethPerler.com. I’m an executive function coach in Colorado. I hope you have a fantastic day. I hope you have a fantastic life and I hope this video helps you. If it did, go ahead and give it a thumbs up or comment or like or share with somebody, or something like that. I’ll see you the next time. Take care.

Beware of the PARENTAL PENDULUM

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Pendulum swings, parents enable, help too much, reminders, nagging, then I won’t help at all response-ability
Seek balance with pre-convo then heart to heart about pendulum and ask THEM so there is buy-in and so you are prepared next time. The goal is to HEAR each other (secure convo). Write it down and post it so you remember.

Love my work and want to give? Click here! To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you -Seth

Video transcript:

Hey, what is up parents and teachers? I am going to talk to parents today about the parental pendulum. I’ll tell you what I mean by that. What I’ve noticed over many years of doing this is that there is oftentimes a parental pendulum that will swing, and I’m going to describe to you exactly how that works. I’m going to tell you my take on what you want to do about it and how the pendulum works. Oh, by the way, my name is Seth. I’m an executive function coach out of Colorado and I help struggling students navigate this thing called school so they can have a great life because when your kids struggle with executive function, they can’t get done the important things that need to be done. They limit their choices, possibilities, opportunities in life quite literally. This is no joke. I do this because I want my kids to have an awesome future and great life. If they can figure out how to execute massive problems. If they can’t figure out how to organize and manage time, or follow through the commitments, prioritize things properly, etcetera. So what happens with the parental pendulum is that the pendulum swings and often times the pendulum swings one direction were a parent will be enabling. I do not mean that in a positive way. I mean the negative form of enabling, they’re doing too much. They’re helping too much and they’re micromanaging too much. They’re on top of everything. The parent is the executive function for that kid. They’re giving reminders, they’re nagging, they’re bugging. And what happens is is that pendulum is going, it’s going, it’s going, it’s going, higher and higher and gaining all this momentum. The parent gets very frustrated one day. There will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The parent gets so frustrated over that straw. That they will say: “Fine, you be an adult, you do it that. Yeah, I’m not going to bug you about anything. You’ve got this, you suffer the consequences.” They let go completely. And I understand that frustration when you’re at your wit’s end, you’ve been doing so much. I have to appreciate it has been noticed and nothing has changed. It hasn’t actually helped, but you’ve expended all this energy. You know, it’s like you go into somewhere and you pay a bunch of money to keep paying, paying, paying, like going to a vending machine and keep putting money, money, money. And the thing doesn’t come out and you just you would never keep putting money in there. But you keep investing, and investing, and investing, and hoping something is going to change. Your kids going to receive your help and they’re going to appreciate it. You’ll hope they’re going to take it and they’re going to learn from it, and they’re going to feel supported and they’re going to have tools so that they can better navigate next time. Blah blah. It doesn’t happen. You’re so frustrated. What happens is the pendulum swings the other way. You do all that and then everything falls apart for them big-time. They get missing or late work, they miss the bus, everything falls apart. They don’t get to school on time. Blah blah blah. What’s your inclination? “I want to go in there and rescue. I want to fix this. I want to talk to them. I want to help them just see, you know, it will be so much easier if you just did this.” Why am I telling you all this? What I’m suggesting to you is that you seek more balance so the pendulum doesn’t swing as far to either side, but you have self-compassion. You know that you’re probably going to keep doing this, but you want to do it less frequently. And when you do, when you want to swing less intensely, and less frequently, so that you can have more balance. What are a couple of tips? One is what I call a pre-conversation. This is a conversation where you tell your kid that a conversation is coming. This isn’t even the conversation, it’s a conversation about the conversation. Why would you do that? The reason you do pre-conversation is so that your child knows that’s not coming out of the left field and your child has some understanding of what’s coming down the pike. You’re going to make the conversation concrete by telling them what it’s going to be about and what the constraints are. So you’re going to say, “Hey, we need to talk. We’ll talk Wednesday night at 7 for about a half-hour. As long as your forthcoming with me we’ll be done talking by then.” You can say what it’s about. You don’t get deep at this time, but they may want you to give them enough information so that they’re clear on what’s coming. “Hey, I want you to think about what you want to talk to me about and I’m going to really listen and I’m going to be there for you and I want you to try to hear me, but we’re going to have a good talk about some things. I’m doing too much for you and it’s not okay. It doesn’t feel good to me and it probably doesn’t feel good to you.” You better follow through with that and be there at that time you say, “Alright, we’re going to talk in 5 minutes. See you in a minute. Sit down and turn off the phones, close the technology.” All that stuff to give each other attention and you say, “Hey, we’re going to have this heart to heart.” And ask them how they feel, ask them what would help them, ask them what they need. Why is it supportive to ask them? If it’s off-putting, ask them if it’s suffocating now. I know so many parents are thinking right now, ‘Yeah, but if I ask them they’re just going to tell me to back off, and then they’re not going to do anything and everything is going to fall apart. Okay, I understand that concern you are probably right. You know the script, you know the pattern. How are you going to break it? Now you’re having the real heart-to-heart conversation. Oh, and I also want you to ask during this heart-to-heart the next time this happens and things start falling apart, or you’re forgetting things. Like, “Have you missed the bus? So you’re not doing your homework or you get zeros? How do you want me to help?” You need buy-in from them. How should I support you? They’ll say, “Don’t worry. I got it.” No, that’s not going to work. Respond, “How should I support you? Give me something concrete. What do you want me to do?” Open that dialogue and see what is the best way for you to be supportive and see what they say? Then write that down because they’re going to forget they said that. When that happens, it’s on the fridge. And but you are going to feel more positive as a parent when that happens. You’re going to have the evidence in writing on the fridge or in the drawer and you’re going to be able to say, “Look, the last time we talked you told me here’s what you wanted me to do for you. So that’s what we’re doing.” You’re expending all this energy, it’s causing a rift in the relationship and is not fixing things. So the goal of this conversation isn’t the end-all-be-all answer. It may sound counter-intuitive. So I’m going to reiterate this. Have a heart-to-heart, you’re going to look for solutions, but the goal isn’t those solutions. They may not even work, or they may take a long time to work. If you’re a very rigid person and you’re looking for solutions and resolution, the goal isn’t the solution, the goal of that heart-to-heart conversation is hearing each other. The goal is connection. The goal of building a relationship even though your kid may not feel it doesn’t matter? Your child’s feelings might hurt. Maybe they didn’t get what they want. But they were at least legitimately heard you hurt them. You really try to understand them and you took the time to really understand. “Hey, how do you want me to be supporting you?” And you agreed or didn’t agree to whatever things you guys came up with. But your goal is not so much about those things that you came up with. It’s about just hearing each others experiences. It’s investing into your relationship. Sometimes it’s challenging trying to really hear each other. Melody Beaty says in this quote: “We cannot simultaneously set the boundary and take care of another person’s feelings.” So in this pendulum, parents, you need to set your boundaries. You need healthy, good, reasonable boundaries where the kids’ boundaries are and push them. They want to know that they’re there although they will never tell you that. So their job is to push the boundaries and find out what they are, why they exist (to learn them to become a good adult to become an adult with a good life who has good boundaries themselves). They want them, and it’s really hard for parents to be like, “Here are my boundaries for you to make a decision.” You may have to change them. Sometimes that’s okay, this stuff is messy. But again, I love this quote: “We can’t simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings.” They may not like the boundary. They don’t have to like the boundary. Once we’re doing what’s in the best long-term interest is progress. When the pendulum swings really far oftentimes, we’re not doing what’s in the best long-term interest, or, we’re in urgent mode trying to put out fires. So anyhow, that’s all I got. My name is Seth, and executive function coach in Boulder, Colorado. I help struggling students navigate this thing called education so they can have great lives. If you haven’t subscribed to my site, I send out a Sunday update with new content every week for helping parents, teachers, and kids. If you like this you can leave a comment below the video on YouTube and give the video a thumbs up. How does the pendulum show up in your life?

Executive Function advice to my younger self (parents on how to help their kids)

Please CLICK above to share Below is a post using your experience so we can help others based on this question. I have enjoyed reading your excellent responses and the honest vulnerability you shared. Thank you for taking the time! -Seth THE QUESTION FOR PARENTS: “Knowing what I now know about Executive Function, what key advice would I give to my younger self about how to support my child with executive function challenges?” (teachers, feel free to chime in here as well and adapt it to your situation) I’m very excited about this post! Below are responses from YOU to help other parents through learning about your experience. We have over 25,000 followers around the world, and to add your voice,click here to send me your response before March 1, 2020 and I will add it. You can be brief or detailed. For your anonymity, I will not use your name in the blog, but I will use the details you provide for context (for example, if you wrote “the dad of 7th grader with ADHD” etc..).

RESPONSES: “I would want to help the child to put their executive function in the context of all they are good at, and the struggles they face rather than feeling they are lazy or stupid. I’d work on my own self-regulation too.” “I have always had a tendency to do things for my oldest son who struggles with executive functioning skills. Knowing what I do now, I would have modeled the behavior more and done less for him starting at a younger age so that he would have had more time to practice the skills. He’s a successful college freshman today, but we talk a lot about what he should be doing to manage his time, prioritize his work and accomplish all that needs to be done in the course of a semester. He’s getting there but could have been further along had we started sooner and practiced much more often.” “(A) Being patient (B) Rather than fretting accept the issues, apply different strategies. You fail, do not give up. You try again and again (C) Do not judge, do not do things for them (D) Some days it works, some days things do not work. Reflect what worked and why… Never feel bad that why things are not working (E) Read and expand your knowledge (F) Work on their strengths.” “I would’ve advocated harder for quality over quantity for all school work and spent much more time building up my son’s self-esteem.” “Excellent question! I’m commenting so I get reminded to come back when my migraine goes away.” “I would tell my younger self to look in the mirror instead of my child. Through his pain and suffering, I realized that I suffered the same EF issues and would have worked on my own issues to model for him. Maybe he would have been spared of all the hurtful things I said because of my own ignorance. I would also tell myself that I don’t have to be perfect. Trying my best and admitting my mistakes and making an honest effort to be better was more meaningful to him than telling him what to do. I would be more forgiving of my mistakes so I can model resilience for him instead of disappointment in myself which he internalized. I should have also acted on my instinct when I saw something amiss when he was 10 and waited 3 years to do something about it. In spite of all these, I am thankful for these experiences as it helped him and I grow but I didn’t see it then.” “As a teacher and parent, I would say to start instilling EF strategies in the earlier years to make it a way of life. Once you understand what you need and it is in place to successfully get through each day then you can naturally integrate things into your life and support each other as a family…we all have different EF strengths and weaknesses and learning early on that this is not a fault but just who we are will create a more positive way of handling the day to day….” “When things get tough, let go of your agenda, and connect with your child. Listen to them to understand where they are at emotionally, without trying to fix things. Just provide a space for them to vent their frustrations, feel heard, and know that you are there for them.” “(1) Telling my earlier self that it is not going to get better but worse, don’t wait to see what happens (2) Don’t trust the school to do what he needs because they won’t, they may be the experts but it doesn’t mean they will do what it takes without your pushing.” “(1) I wish my younger self knew that there was nothing wrong with my child. I wish I knew differently wired kids were a gift in themselves and have a gift for the world and didn’t need to be fixed. I loved fiercely but in my heart, I felt like a failure and I was afraid for my child. I know I was the cause of his early setbacks. (2) I wish I knew about the amygdala and how to overcome the stress response through mindfulness. I wish I would have practiced mindfulness myself and with my child from the very start. I can only imagine how different today would be if these two things were true. Yet, I am so thankful for the journey that has finally brought me to this point today. We still have a long road ahead but he’ll be ok, we’ll both make it, I’m not afraid anymore and life is so sweet. Thanks for the opportunity to share.” “I definitely would have been a better model to my son and been more understanding of his deficits. However, sitting here really reflecting, I recognized his struggles I communicated my frustrations with teachers, professionals (doctors) but I got flimsy answers: a boy thing, boys do not mature as fast as girls.. spank him, take his electronics away.. so all this things I tried but clearly was not working .. as embarrassing as it is to say it only been about 1 1/2 year since I’ve discovered executive function deficiency in relationships to ADHD.. and once I connected it was such a relief that I could put a name to it.. but here is where you get into trouble by learning and wanting to implement everything at once and then getting overwhelmed.. because you want to play catch-up.. but once you realize you have to go slow, you see the slow transformation, and you see the rewards and benefits… it’s a wonderful feeling on both sides… sorry if that’s a little lengthy, but the role EF plays in ADHD is not really identified in my county.. so I feel I lost so much time… I wish I would have had the knowledge years ago…” “A teacher I respected suggested a specific EF coach for my son, so I took him to her when he was about eleven. She had him doing some useful things, like gathering ingredients and following the steps in recipes. But I felt that he needed more specific, focused help with organizational skills and study habits. It was a tough decision—general life skills or specific skills to help him survive school? When I told the EF coach we were leaving, she said in a voice that let me know how much she disapproved, “I hope you know what you’re doing,” and I replied with a heartfelt and shaky “So do I.” It was one of the best decisions I ever made for my son. He’s a junior now, and I don’t know how he would be getting by without the coach/tutor he has now. So listen up, younger self: trust your instincts, you know your child better than anyone.” “And I would have done a lot more research a lot earlier about the laws and my rights. I was asking in the wrong way for so many years and getting denied for an IEP. When you know what your rights are and understand the process they have a harder time saying no. And that there are endless resources for advocates, moderators, facilitators, etc. who you can call on for free to help you on your journey.” Please CLICK below to share