Good morning, it’s me Seth with SethPerler.com and in this video, I’m going to tell you about planners. I know a lot of you hate planners. This video is for high schoolers, middle schoolers, I’m speaking directly to you. If you do not like planners or you hate planners, or you’re not great with planners, or whatever, I’m going to tell you about why you shouldn’t use the school planner and what you should do instead. So first thing middle schoolers and high schoolers is that the school planner, the planner that your school will give you, is about 80 or 90 pages thick. It’s overwhelming and it doesn’t make it something that you want to use because there are so many pages, it feels like a book.Number two, they had things in there that have nothing to do with planning. For example, the school handbook, who read that in the planner? Maybe one or two people in the school at the beginning of the year. Why are there 15 pages of the school handbook in your planner?Number three, it has things like the periodic table commonly, misspelled words, and pages for notes. Do you use that? If you use that leave it in there, but most people don’t use it. When you’re using a planner, you want to learn to become better at planning. Get rid of everything in that book that’s not a planner. So these school planners have these extra pages in it first of all. Second of all, they have extra visual clutter. So oftentimes the months are different colors like you might have an orange month, a blue month, and so on and so forth which just is confusing to the eye unless you’re an organized student. Then they often have famous quotes and little tips of the day and little cutesy things all over the planner. All you need is a planner. You don’t need all this stuff in the periphery. If you are a student who struggles with organization, time management, planning, homework, missing assignments, incomplete assignments, not studying for tests, stuff like that. You don’t need anything except for the bare minimum simple planner. So also these planners tend to have the monthly planner and the weekly planner, it’s overkill. It’s too many details. You don’t need to manage that many details. So I’m not a fan of the school planners for your type of brain, for highly organized students who cares, they’re good at it. They can use a daily planner, weekly planner, monthly planner, school planner, whatever they want because their execution, their executive function is strong enough that they can handle whatever. Yours, you have a creative mind, you’re a diversion thinker, you think differently, you processed differently. You don’t need any of that and you don’t want that, what you want is a simple planner.So there are a few things that I want you to get in your planner. Go to the office store and get a planner that is monthly only. Not monthly and weekly, not monthly and daily for sure. Just a monthly planner. You want it to be an academic planner, not the calendar year that starts in January, you want your planner to start July. You’re going to rip out July because it’s gone, September already. You want a planner with lines on it. I’ll show you that a minute. You want to get one without a spiral if you can find it just because a lot of people with executive function issues crush the spirals in their backpack over the year and then it and makes pages fall out and you just want to avoid that if you, can but if you have to get a spiral, get a spiral. You want to minimize your planner which means rip out all the pages that you don’t need anymore and you want to put your name on your planner front and back really clear just in case you lose it. Don’t just put it on the inside of the planner.This is one of the planners, this is a monthly planner. It’s not the academic year but at least it’s monthly and it has lines all over. So especially if you have messy handwriting get one with lines, and what you’re going to do is you’re going to go into it and you’re going to rip out everything that doesn’t matter and you want to highlight every day you have off. You want to use the note areas when you can, and you want it to have lines in there so that when you are writing, and you’re going to have to write in shorthand because you’re not going to have as much space in this planner, but when you’re writing your stuff you can fit it in there. So this is the planner that I recommend 90% of my students get. About 10% of my students I say, “Okay use the school planner. You’re using it fine.” If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. So don’t listen to any of my advice ever if what you’re doing is working. Okay, I’m talking about generalities for people that I work with which are people who start with organization, time management, missing, and incompletes, all that stuff I mentioned before. If that’s you then most likely this is best for you. But if you’re using a different planner and it’s working for you, if you’re using an online planner and it’s working for you, if you’re using your Google calendar and it’s working for you, if you use a notecard every day to track things and it’s working for you, I don’t really care what you use if it’s working. But I will say again, 90% of people I work with use this because I teach them how to use it and it works and it’s simple and it’s streamlined and easy to get to use so that you can track your homework, track your test, and track studying. Easily, you can see the entire month because you’re a big picture thinker you’re a global thinker, you’re not a detail-oriented person, so you can see the whole month at a time, and it’s much easier to track what you need to do so that you spend less time during the semester swimming upstream and trying to play catch-up and you spend more time having actual free time that you actually have because you’re on top of your schoolwork. so I hope that helps you, I hope you have a great day. I have a Jumpstart program starting, I hope you join us on Sunday, September 3rd the early bird pricing ends, but the cart will still be open. But you guys can still join us if you want until September 8th, we start on September 9th. Now I hope you have an awesome school year. I’ll see you soon.
Please CLICK above to share.
Here’s another vlog for teachers, based on an email I received form a High School Special Education Teacher named Cynthia.
Sometimes it’s isolating when you’re an outside-the-box teacher with alternative views. It can feel unsupportive.
Sometimes it’s lonely when you want to use non-traditional or unconventional methods of teaching and reaching kids.
This video explores these issues and offers insights, including how to do a temp check with students to reaffirm that you’re on the right track. Thank you, teachers, for every bit of time, energy, care, and concern you give our students. We need you!
Here’s to a great school year — Seth
Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Hey, what’s up? Everybody? This is tough. Fro.com. I hope you are having a great day coming to from another pintastic wall in Santa Monica. This is a email from Cynthia Cynthia said I am a special education teacher. I’m excited to have your resources to backup my suggestion for helping my high school students address their organization. Cynthia need me to help back up her idea because oftentimes when teachers are doing non-traditional approaches, they are not getting the support or acceptance that they need because oftentimes schools are very in the box and they often times have a lot of Staff who are we’re not pushing the needle we’re not doing things differently so they can often feel different. So anyhow, she think she appreciate that this helps it back up. As you know, traditional approaches. Don’t work for some students. Obviously, that’s why I do what I do. I wouldn’t be in. I wish I didn’t have a job because schools would have got these need but I am in business because traditional approaches don’t work for some students and I’m left alone when advocating for a different approach. So she feels lonely as a teacher when she’s trying to say. Hey, let’s do this. This isn’t working for the kids. Let’s try something different. I relate to that because I went through that a lot your resources will give me an ally in another source of evidence to support my students. My biggest challenge is working alone with little time and resources to support my awesome out-of-the-box Learners parents administrators and even students have often given up by the time they reach me in high school those who have not given up often resist efforts to try something different because often they’re very Jaded by that point. They’re very exhausted. They’ve been through the game so much that they know that they get beaten down. They put all this effort in nobody notices that we’re not enough people notice it and they really notice schools and teachers. Administrators really notice the things that aren’t going right in there so much focus on that these kids really they were often do resistant give up and they’re they’re very beaten down by the time by High School by the time thanks for your support. She says that she says that her biggest challenge is working alone. How do you overcome that feeling well, I think it’s very challenging. I went through the same thing and I think that has a teacher one of the most important things you need to do is listen to your gut. You are the professional. Of course, the the the career of the teaching career has been D professionalize you are not treated like a professional or you’re just not valued for being a human being people don’t understand that they don’t like you open the box and put you in a closet overnight open the box in the morning you pop out in your teacher that you actually go home and you have a life and you have a family and you take your work home with you at night on weekends that you’re working your butt off during the summer and over break through your student on people don’t see that and people often think of a teacher as they use the word d professionalized. They’re not seeing you then. They have no idea how much talent teachers have administrators parents even other teachers a even yourself lot of teachers. Don’t understand how awesome they are. So part of my advice is really listen to your gut and you are the professional, you know, your kids, you know your students. Okay, you know them differently than the parents do but you know them and you haven’t had the experience in the hours in the passion you do the research about kids about the brain and everything, you know what they need. So trust your gut if you have a hint that something will work for a kid. Try it out and do it anyway and it if it’s feeling lonely, I guess, you know get on Facebook group for Renegade teachers. I interact with me on my blog start your own blog start your own meet up some meetup.com get to know maybe you can get to know a core little group of people who are other disruptors who who you can really connect with. I’m not in a complaining way. I’m not talking about that like the complaint that you here in the teachers lounge or everybody is just whining I’m talking about like people who you’re having real dialogue with that healing for you and that’s positive in that Saloon. Turn based in focused on helping you support each others to do what you’re doing. We need you call Trini juice Society need you. We need you teacher so bad so bad and it’s often hard for outside the box teachers to to feel a sense of belonging even in your own School situation, but finding those few poor people in again, not in the complaining way, but in a supportive way, I’m connecting with people that can help you to feel less alone. That’s part of what you want to do. So I guess my advice is listen to your gut and try to find some other like-minded people that you can really connect with teaching is hard. You have a lot of paperwork to do a lot of time and energy a lot of emotional in the energy that suspended in it and these kids need you. So I guess my last piece of advice would be to ask Your kids your students what they need. So so here is a really cool tip that I use with a lot of student. So it’s called the temperature check. So I’ll talk to a student and I’ll say hey, what’s up? What’s your temperature with Miss Smith? What’s your temperature with math today? What’s your temperature with organization? What’s your temperature with your locker? What’s your temperature with with your social life with your friends and stuff and then they give an answer 1 through 10 so that they they say seven I say pull your social life is a 7y some follow-up is always why and then they say blah blah blah nice a cool and depending on what they say. I say then say what would make it an 8? So what would make your social life go from a 7 to an eight? It’s very manageable when they think from point to point where I say, you know if their organization is a v I might they will what would make it a sexy, you know, if I say, how is your day and they say it’s a one I might say what would make it to these sort of open-ended questions. Give me a lot of feedback with what I can do for the student. And then you’re sort of even though you’re not getting maybe support from other teachers administrators and people who don’t really get what you’re doing. You’re at least getting clear from The Source exactly what they really do need and you can refer them to us. Yeah. I’m on the right track. This is what this kid needs. It may not fit in the box of the system. It may not fit into what you know, the data that the system is asking me to collect and all the the red tape that the system is asked me to do in all the Hoops. I’m being asked to jump through the teacher but I know that I’m doing what is right for this kid in their future and I can rest tonight knowing that I’m doing that even though I’m getting pushed back or not getting congruence with other people in the system. So you got to remember that the system is old it’s outdated and this system or a business and their investors invest in the business and the result was supposed to be having a great future investors will not invest in it because the results are often not working kids are not ready to launch After High School in the fact that kids are not ready to launch means that education is not working at the whole point of edge. Stop get the laundry great future. So they need those tools we ever launched but we are so myopic and we’re so stuck in our ways and they’re they’re people who obviously are profiting off of Education testing companies textbook companies. These are big big big big big big business for example piercings in a billion dollar company. That’s one testing company. They don’t want you to want the status quo 2 Chainz. They don’t want you rocking the boat. They want people who are complaining or not going to question you were going to do the things that they’re told the way they’re told that your job is to serve kids not the de who deserve Pearson or other companies like this. So it’s definitely challenging for teachers to figure out how to navigate this whole world. Anyhow, I hope that helps you I appreciate you I appreciate teachers. We need you so bad. Please keep doing what you’re doing. Please keep your finding your gifts and your talents in your skills and your professionalism and your heart because teaching is in Art is not a sign that is not regurgitation of curriculum that’s been written by somebody somewhere that you never even meet. It is an art you are the artist you get to design curriculum to serve your students in design learning experience. That’s that’s going to serve them. So good luck to you and thank you for doing what you do. Take care.
Please CLICK above to share.
In this video, I discuss:
What Emotional Regulation is
How “safety” is a key message
The stress kids deal with nowadays
What teachers are expected to do
How to help these kids
What’s going on with the brain and nervous system
Fight, flight, freeze, faint
The amygdala
Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in! – Seth
Video transcript:
Hey, what’s up teachers? This is toughest up pro.com and I’m here to talk to you today about something called emotional regulation something that I wish that they did better training for teachers on. So I I have a picture here of the head in the heart the heart in the brain because we’re not just dealing with the brain these kids, but we’re dealing with a heart to so emotional regulation. How do kids regulate emotion? So the first thing I’m going to tell you is that a lot of kids in school as you well know are stressed out kids dealing with school nowadays are dealing with a tremendous amount of input the amount of details that they are required to manage is astounding so you guys are teachers off and get caught in the middle of it because you guys have to cram as much in and cover as much content as you can and get there is all kinds of work that is being piled upon these kids and sometimes you guys don’t have a lot of choice over how much you have to deliver while these kids are overwhelmed. No kids some kids with strong executive function deal with it very, well. Of course, a lot of the kids used to have great executive function end up being overachievers perfectionistic and end up suffering in adulthood because they have complied too much and have not learned enough about self-care, but those aren’t generally kids that I’m working with. I’m working with the kids that are struggling. I’m working with the kids with executive function problems. I’m working with the kids with ADD autism ass was dyslexia sensory integration disorder bipolar all kinds of things like that in these kids as far as executive functions concern. The details are coming at them. It’s like drinking from the firehose. They cannot manage all the details. They start falling behind about a third of the way through the semester becomes very apparent that they’re swimming Upstream the whole rest of the semester they buy middle school, they’re off and really frustrated by High School lot of them have given up on trying or figure out just how to navigate as best they can and you know, these kids are stopping. So emotional regulation though has to do with the emotions. So when they’re overwhelmed that is in emotional experience. So what happens when a kid is overwhelmed will first while sometimes visible sometimes is not a big kid is outwardly stress and you can look at them until or they’re acting out or something and you can tell that there’s a lot of stress wild and that’s fairly easy to at least identify although a lot of Kids are punished rather than supported at this time, but you can tell when kids are hourly stressed that a lot of these kids hold it in and they withdraw and they don’t have a poker face and you can’t tell that something’s going on with them, even though they’re emotionally dysregulated quite often. So what happens with emotional dysregulation is best is that the nervous system has a lot of purposes but one of the the purposes of the nervous system is to determine when there is an unsafe situation and when kids are overwhelmed by all the details there they feel unsafe even though there’s no tiger chasing them. There’s nothing unsafe going on that part of their brain doesn’t know that and I’ll explain how this works. So it’s emotional regulation. There’s a message in the brain that says, oh my gosh. We are not safe something bad’s going to happen. So what happens is this little part of the brain called the amygdala and amygdala means almond in Latin and it’s about that big. It’s a little part of the brain. Pretty small they’re about the size of an almond. And here’s the brain here are the eyeballs. Here’s the ear in the amygdala. Is this little area in the brain that they found and what they found is that the amygdala it gets a message. So here safety. We are safe. And all of a sudden the brain the senses some house and or the thought somehow since we are not safe now that could be stressed because there’s a test coming up in 5 minutes that could be stressed because there’s so much I’m working. They’re falling behind their just frustrated. They’re constantly running hot or any number of things but somehow a message is in their mind that oh my gosh. We are not safe for the nervous system needs to be able to deal with this effectively and what we do in order to deal with the lack of safety as we check with the prefrontal cortex to see if it’s realistic and of course as we know the story and a lot of kids heads and you is an adult and he is an adult we blow things out of proportion sometimes so sometimes these kids are feeling less safe than they need to be because their head is making a huge story out of it, but the brain goes in a text with usually prefrontal cortexes are we really safe? And of course in a lot of situations does no, we are not. So what happened. It sends a message to the amygdala the amygdala then says, holy crap. Something bad is going on. We need to protect ourselves know what happens is is that that part of the brain then tells the body that we need to go into fight flight freeze or faint and how does it do that? While the amygdala sends a message to the adrenal glands? What you’re located on top of the kidneys the adrenal gland send adrenalynn to the heart and the hearts then that adrenaline to the muscular system at the bicep with a fist. Okay, you like my drawing I’ve been practicing his drawing for a long time. It’s getting better. Huh. So the amygdala says the brain says, we’re not safe. Okay, cool. I got this. All right, I’ll send a message to the adrenals. The adrenal say, oh, we’re not safe. Okay, we’ll send adrenaline to the heart. The heart is all we’re not say poke will send them into the muscular system. That way we can fight flight freeze or faint in order to ensure our safety, but the child is sitting in a classroom and they are perfectly safe. They’re having Emotional experience they are now emotionally dysregulated. Do you think they’re going to be able to focus and concentrate in class? They’re emotionally dysregulated if they got screamed at by their parents in the morning or they had a great experience with their parents in the morning and then they got into class and they got yelled at by teacher or they perceive they got yelled at or their bullied or they’re just sad and depressed and lonely or they’re angry or anxious. Who knows what’s going on. But either way if they are in a classroom and they are emotionally dysregulated their prefrontal cortex is not in a learning mode. They’re going to try to be learning in in class as much as they can. But if you imagine that it’s like a whole bunch of filters in Den not lot of learning is getting through those filters then that it because they’re emotionally dysregulated that is obviously interfering now. What can you do to help kids who are emotionally dysregulated, how can you help kids to regulate emotion while breathwork meditation something called co-regulation where use the adults? Model your own regulation help them just by modeling it and and then any number of ways, but I’m not going to get into too much of that on this video, but I will say this this is my opinion. But the number one most important thing schools going to be starting a couple weeks to do in any classroom is to get kids to know that they are emotionally safe and to me it takes four to six weeks our kids to really get to know, you know that they’re emotionally safe so that building of emotional safety in the beginning of school. So critical and some teachers do it some teachers don’t do it some teachers feel a lot of pressure to dive straight into curriculum cuz you just got out of training then you have so much to cover your so overwhelmed and some teachers really really focus on spending that time building that emotional regulation building. Safe environment in the classroom to me is the number one biggest priority at the beginning of the year because that will set the tone for the whole rest of the year the safer they feel in your class the more Going to be able to learn throughout the year, and he had just want to do a quick video on that. I hope you like it. Please comment below and tell me what you think teachers. Tell me what videos you want. Tell me what you think of this. Tell me what you need to know about emotional regulation. How can I help you? All right. I hope you have a great school year take.
Please CLICK above to share.
It’s that time of year again, back to school shopping. K-College, your child needs supplies.
But what do they really need to buy? What goes to waste and what’s most beneficial? Sometimes it’s best to take supply lists with a grain of salt in favor of getting items that are best aligned with your child’s learning needs.
This video will help you know what to buy, what not to buy, and how to choose.
Love my work and want to give? Click here!
To support me, please CLICK at the bottom to share. Click here to visit my official YouTube Channel & subscribe if you want! Thank you — Seth
Reading the transcript? Great! We’re currently uploading hundreds of transcripts so you can read them asap, but they are NOT all edited yet. This is a big process. If you notice anything wrong and want to help us, feel free to click this Google Form to share it. Thanks so much for pitching in!
Video transcript:
What’s up, it’s me, Seth, with SethPerler.com. I hope you’re having a fantastic day. Today, I’m going to talk to you about the supply list that you guys are going to be getting very soon. So if your kid is in elementary school, middle school, high school, or even if you have a college student, your kid is going to need supplies. A lot of schools will have a supply list that’s available at their office or supply stores. Usually, go see a little spinny thing in there, and there’ll be all different schools with different grades and even down to the detail of different teachers that’ll have their own pages of what they want you to get for their class. I want you to take this with a grain of salt because if you’re watching my videos, your child is not a traditional learner and they don’t need the same things that everybody else needs. Not only that, but a lot of the things that you will get will also go to waste and will sit in the locker the whole year and often even be thrown away at the end of the year before the package has even been opened. I’ve seen this many times because I taught for 12 years and it happens more than you care to believe because it’s just a complete waste of your money, your time, and the resources that you bought.
I’m going to break this down for you. I’m going to share a little note on advocacy. If you’re worried that your teacher is inflexible or that the school is inflexible, and that they’re going to really demand that you get certain supplies, making it clear they’re going to give your child a hard time for not having certain things. I want you to write them an email, an advocacy email, send it to a couple of the people who relevant on that list. Might be an administrator, a school counselor and it might be a teacher or two, and go ahead and send them an email and say, “Hey, look I’m doing things a little bit different for my kid. If you really have a problem with this and you really need us to get the supply, and you’re going to support my child learn how to use it, then fine. I don’t have a problem with that. But if you’re not going to support my child and really hold their hand through learning how to master using this particular supply, then we’re doing a different system and we’re working really hard to help our child. Please support us in that and let us know what you need. But please understand that we’re just trying to really support a child that’s struggling with executive function. So we’ve chosen to do some different things.”You’re going to get the supply list, it’s going to have all kinds of stuff on it. Sometimes you have to get stuff to share with the class. That’s pretty normal, you know, sometimes they ask for tissue boxes. They get the tissue boxes from 30 different families and they have tissues for the whole school year. That’s pretty normal stuff. What’s going to happen is you’re going to see a list of ‘get this and that and this and that and this and that.’ You’re going to have a lot of parents really trying to do the right thing. Is this the right type of pencil? Are these the right type of highlighters? And all that. Don’t worry too much about that. You can always get it after school starts. Don’t purchase if you think that your child isn’t even going to use it. Anyway, keep it at home and see if the teacher even cares because sometimes they really don’t need it and you can return it and save the money from that. Oh, by the way, I want to know that you can also often find the school supply list by checking your teacher websites. Now at the beginning of August teachers are already going to be updating their personal websites with things like the supply list. There a few key things that I really want to mention. One is, kids who struggle with executive function often do horribly with binders. If your child does well with binders, I don’t care and if the teacher supports them to consistently use the binder how the teacher expects them to that’s fine, but often binders are overkill. In middle school and high school teachers will have them get binders and get all these dividers and have a divider for class and have a divider for homework, etc. These kids are struggling executive function have no interest in maintaining things to that level of detail. Their brain doesn’t work like that. They need to bring power for other things. So if you know that that’s your kid, don’t get the three-ring binder. What I recommend is either in accordion, or what I prefer in do with most students, is get a simple folder system. Color-coding is very important. I get cheap folders and I will recommend the families get two or three of the same folder. Let’s say that your child says, “I want a green folder for science because it reminds me of plant some plants or science or biology.” Fine, green is Sciences. I recommend that you get three of these cheap paper folders. I don’t recommend getting slick folders because kids with executive function issues are often the kids at toss the folder places, and if it’s a slick plastic folder, stuff flies everywhere and good luck getting it back in there to the detail that they need to. I recommend cheap paper folders with huge labels. If it’s science, write: “SCI, John Smith” on the front of that folder and write it on the back of the folder. Put their name on the front of the folder and the back because these are the kids who lose their folders all the time. So have everything very clearly labeled all over the place. Don’t worry, you are not overdoing it. Do this, even if they’re in high school, even if they’re in college, so go ahead and grab different colors. Green, blue, red, yellow, whatever, go ahead and label them. Get two or three of the folders because they will wear out and just when they wear out just get rid of him and replace them.Okay, I am very green. I don’t like to waste stuff. But in this case, when the folders warrant out for the purposes of this, get a new folder. Again if they have to use 3-ring binders, get them. But if the school is flexible, and it’s a more progressive school, then go ahead and get what you need. If it’s a more traditional school and they’re more rigid, then you might have to advocate for them. And again, if the teachers will support them, fine.Now you also have things like compasses and protractors and calculators. These are generally for math. Again, the labels are very important. Sharpie it all over the place. Sharpie your child’s name all over the place on those compasses, protractors, rulers, and calculators because they will misplace them and lose them and you might want to have an extra set if your kid loses stuff all the time or doesn’t bring stuff home. Just buy a set for home and buy a set for school. So you’re going to buy two rulers, two compasses, two protractors, two calculators, or whatever, and just keep it simple so that they have everything they needed at school and they have everything at home. That goes for pens and pencils as well. Honestly, I really like them to choose the ones. They like the labels lot times, put stickers around them with their name on it. I’ll write with a sharpie directly on the pen or pencil if you can so you want to do that because if they lose it, it’s more likely to come back to them if their names on it bold. So write their name even on pens, pencils, highlighters, markers, crayons. And then as far as what not to get – don’t get anything that you don’t feel good about getting.A lot of times teachers will have multiples of these things in the classroom. And if you know your kids going to lose scissors, or that they never use something like colored pencils and that’s not their thing or whatever, listen to your God and don’t get it and just email you to be sure. There’s nothing wrong with it doing that. You’re not bugging them. Just say, “Hey, real quick. I just want to make sure do we really need this.“And then finally planners. I’m going to talk about a couple of different things with planners. One thing with planners is to get the big wall calendar planner. First of all, without planners, there are things like sticky notes and notecards. I’m a huge fan of using things like this for daily plans for kids, just things that you can write down to list of what’s going on today real quick. Real easy keep it simple. So I use these tools for planning a lot. Even though those are not planners in your mind, I want you to be thinking that that is part of the planning process. Okay. Now, I personally as far as the planner goes, a lot of schools will give out planners and if you watch my stuff, you know, I do not like those for kids with executive function because there’s too much going on with the periodic table, all the colors, all the famous quotes, and also the primary fact that they’re weekly rather the monthly. These kids need to learn how to plan, they don’t need a big complicated 90-page planner. It’s overwhelming to their brain, believe it or not. You want a large 8.5″ x 11″ monthly planner. Rip out every page that has nothing to do with the school year. Leave in August, September, October, November, December, leave those pages in the planner, and teach them how to write shorthand. It’s big picture. They can see the whole month. It’s way better for their brain because they’re not good at managing time and they can really see things better with the monthly planner. So I do recommend those over the school planner or over weekly planners. If you’re a detail-oriented person, you think I’ll get my kid one with a daily planner to help them cuz it’s one day at a time. No, that is too detail-oriented for them. You want them to be able to see the big picture, in my opinion, anything I say, by the way, don’t listen to me if your kid uses another system successfully ignore everything I say about that particular system.So you have your planner, you have your note cards and stuff. But you also want a desk calendar. The big giant desk calendars. I’ll put up on the wall for my student and we get it planned out for the entire school year. We highlight all the days off and the only thing you write on those planners are important things, like practice, appointments, past papers, and projects. So that’s not a detail one, but that’s a big picture one that they can keep on the wall because with these kids, out of sight out of mind if they don’t see it. It’s not in their mind and you need to help them start to building systems where they can visually see what’s coming up and anticipate the big things that are coming up because these are the kids that wait till the night before and they tell you at 8 pm that night, “I have an 8-page paper due tomorrow. I haven’t even started,” and you do not want to experience that for any reason because it’s really hard and stressful on you and your child, so this is one great way to prevent that.That’s what I wanted to go over. I hope that helps you as you are entering the office supply stores this year to get your child their supplies. Advocate your kid gets what they really need to create a system that they’re going to use. Involve them in the process as much as possible. They should be there the store with you. You shouldn’t just be doing it for them. Their supplies build responsibility, the more investment they take in the process, the more effectively they’re going to use these things. Anyway, if you have any questions go ahead and work, go ahead and comment below. I hope you have an awesome 2017.
As you know, I work with all sorts of students; middle school, high school, and college students, boys and girls both. To date, I’ve literally worked with hundreds of students, and I’ve noticed some pretty cool patterns.As I get to know my clients they begin to tell me about their lives, and I want to share one very interesting pattern that I’ve seen over and over: Across the board, kids want much more Dad time. They often tell me that they feel like their fathers don’t have enough time for them. Even teenagers who act like they don’t want to have anything to do with their fathers end up telling me that they want more dad time.
Dad time is valuable, influential and essential.
What is “Dad time”?
What is Dad time you ask? Dad time is simply quality 1:1 time with you. It’s not complicated, your kids just want to be with you. I ask these kids, “what sorts of things do you want to do with your dad?” It’s pretty straight forward, they’ll tell me:
“I like it when we go fishing”
“I like to go to movies with him”
“I like to cook with him”
“I like to play games with him”
“I like when we joke around”
“I like to do art with him”
“I like when we hike”
“I like to just hang out with him”
“I like to go to sporting events with him”
“I like to go to concerts with him”
There’s no better time than the present
Since it’s summertime, this is a great opportunity to capitalize on this absolutely precious investment. Here’s how:
Ask your child if they want more dad time.
Ask your child what they like to do with you. Listen extra carefully.
Plan it. Plan specific times now for this summer, because it’s going to fly by in the blink of an eye.
Execute. Go do the things you planned. Keep it light, fun, laughter filled. Tell them your life stories. Have fun. Bond.
The most important thing you can ever do is invest in your relationship with your child. Good luck and have an awesome summer!Seth
On a personal note, I absolutely love working with 2e, twice-exceptional kids. I often say, “the more complex the kid, the better”, because 2e kids are truly the most interesting people I know. They tend to be intellectually deep, incredibly creative, emotionally intense, quirky, and when they get their educational needs met, they do really cool things as adults. Many of the people who “change the world” were twice-exceptional kids. They’re just super cool people, and too many of them fall through the cracks because they are misunderstood.
Adults don’t always understand their strengths and/or challenges. In fact, strengths and challenges often mask each other. Consequently, rather than figuring out what these kids need to thrive, they are often shamed with ignorant messages like, “you’re lazy”, “you don’t try hard enough”, “you don’t care enough about school”, “you just need to be more disciplined and motivated”. These shame comments don’t help, they hurt, and many of these kids internalize the messages and begin to feel like they are not enough, that they are stupid, that they are failures, or that they are broken.
I happen to see these kids as the most important game-changers for creatively solving the world’s future problems, and it’s particularly important to society as a whole that these kids get the education they need. Now let’s dive in…
(btw- you can get the 2e assessment freebie here or you can sign up for my Blog and Student Success Toolkit here)Click to watch video
What is 2e or Twice Exceptional?
Generally speaking, twice exceptional, or 2e students, are bothintellectuallygifted & talentedandlearning disabled. In the education world, giftedness and learning disabilities are both considered “exceptionalities”, so the term “twice-exceptional” refers to a student with exceptionalities on both sides of the proverbial bell curve. In a nutshell, if you have a child who you know is smart/bright, but who struggles to show it, they may be 2e. About 5% of kids are 2e.The ‘2e’ abbreviation – People use the abbreviation “2e” for simplicity. It’s used interchangeably with the term “twice-exceptional”.Multi-exceptional – Many professionals, myself included, prefer the term “multi-exceptional” because of how complex these kids are. Labels like 2e can be misleading because there is often a lot more that needs to be considered when planning to meet the complex educational needs of these kids. For example, it’s not uncommon to have an intellectually gifted child who has also been diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, processing disorders, and an emotional disorder. Unfortunately, teachers rarely know the full story, and even if they do, they are not always given the time, training or resources they need in order to meet the needs of these kids.
Asynchrony – The #1 key concept to help understand 2e learners is asynchrony, aka dyssynchrony. 2E kids tend to develop quite “asynchronously”. They are “all over the place” in terms of grade level ability or age appropriate development. For example, you might have a 6th grader who reads at the 12th-grade level, has the fine-motor handwriting of a 1st grader, writes papers like a 3rd grader, understands math concepts at an 9th-grade level, calculates math facts at a 4th-grade level, can hold remarkably deep conversations with adults, and has temper tantrums like a 3-year-old. You get the picture, the developmental levels of 2e kids aren’t “in sync”. The discrepancies between “potential” and “output” causes many problems.
I read a lot of neuropsychologist reports and it’s not at all uncommon to see a 2e child in the superior range for some metrics and in impaired range for others. For example, a 2e child may be at the 98th %ile for verbal ability, but the 2nd %ile for processing speed. As you can imagine, these discrepancies cause a lot of misunderstandings.
I like to think of asynchrony like an old stereo EQ (see below). Imagine that each slider represents one developmental area. Perhaps one slider represents math, writing, reading, social, emotional, visual-spatial (of course you could break it down into smaller sub-skills if you wanted to). Sliding it up indicates greater ability and down indicates less ability as compared to most peers of a similar age. The image below could describe someone who was “on grade level” since the different domains are all at the same level, they are in sync. Standardized tests for such a child would show average grade level scores (they might be labeled “proficient” on tests). Now imagine an eq for a 2e child where the sliders were all over the place, some average, some very high, some very low. This would represent asynchronous development.
Asynchronous development would have an EQ with levels “all over the map”Neuro-typical – When discussing 2e kids, it’s good to be familiar with the term “neurotypical” (a word commonly used in ASD circles, originally used to refer to non-ASD people). This word refers to kids who experience “neurologically typical” development cognitively, socially, emotionally. For example, it might be considered neurotypical to learn multiplication tables in 3rd grade or to be able to write a good research paper by high school. Some would argue that neurotypicals compose 80% of kids in the “middle” of the bell curve. 2e kids are, by their very nature, not neurotypical. I sometimes use the term neuroatypical to refer to 2e kids or other kids who are outside-the-box learners.
Bell curve – Bell curves can be useful when used properly, but the metaphor of the bell curve can cause a lot of misunderstanding. I want to clarify how I think of it so you can have a better understanding to help your kids. The bell curve below is called the “normal bell curve” and the world normally carries a lot of baggage. The problem is that if there are “normal” people than there are “abnormal” people, and that frame can carry a lot of hurtful judgment. I have seen way too many kids who feel like they are broken, who feel like there is something wrong with them, and those feelings can cause a lot of trauma. I wanted to mention this because it’s important that we are careful about the messages we send.
“Normal” Bell Curve3-d Bell Curve – I think of the normal bell curve as being limited and one-dimensional. In other words, it doesn’t give me nearly enough information about the complexities that make up students. These are human beings with incredibly complex and rich personalities and learning needs. Therefore, I like to think of these metrics as parts of 3-d bells, with countless interrelated qualities. Imagine that you could look at this bell from hundreds of angles to get perspective on various relevant aspects of these kids. It’s so much more interesting and useful.
3D bell curve
Identification: How do I know if my child is 2E or Twice Exceptional?
It’s critical for parents and teachers to have clarity regarding their Twice Exceptional students because a failure to understand them can have devastating effects. Also, as stated above, adults who don’t understand 2e often use shaming words that are damaging, sending misinformed messages that these kids are lazy, don’t care about school or don’t try hard enough.
Testing for intelligence and learning disabilities – 2e students are “smart but struggling”, so if this describes your child, you should explore this until you feel clear about what’s going on. Generally, parents have a gut feeling about this sort of thing, but many families find clarity through getting professional testing done by a neuropsychologist or other diagnostician who tests for giftedness and learning problems. Schools may also provide testing in order to see if they will offer services.
When parents ask me to refer to someone for testing, the most important factor I consider is how well the diagnostician consults with a family after testing. For example, my favorite neuoropsychologist in Colorado spends a great deal of time with families afterwards so they leave with all of their questions thoroughly answered. I’ve seen too many families come to me with an overwhelming 10-page report that they don’t even know how to read. What good is paying for testing when you don’t understand the results?
Common tests you can research – WISC IV, WAIS III, Stanford Binet, Woodcock-Johnson, DAS, UNIT, Ravens Progressive Matrices, NNAT, K-TEA/NU.
Discrepancies – The difference between what a child should be able to do and their actual execution causes a great deal of problems for these kids. Adults often say things like, “he’s got so much potential, I don’t know why he doesn’t try harder?!?!”. These kids are trying, but it’s often masked. These kids are working very hard using their strengths, abstract reasoning abilities, and intelligence to compensate for their weaknesses, so they are often misunderstood. Unfortunately, the opposite is often true, their challenges can mask their gifts.
Common Learning Disabilities, Differences or Challenges
Don’t let the stigma of the word “disabled” (dis-able) scare you, because what’s most important is that you know the truth about your child’s abilities and needs. Even when there is no formal diagnosis, parents often have an intuition about their child’s “gifts” and “disabilities.” Here are some common differences to look out for:
Asks unusually deep questions, High-level thinking
Intuitive or spiritual, “indigo kids”
Unusually observant in strength areas, learns very quickly in strength areas
Can communicate in a very mature way (sometimes being incredibly immature at other times)
Enjoys intellectual challenge
Advanced sense of humor
Remembers a lot of details easily
Crave learning and intellectual stimulation
What are common challenges facing 2e learners
Here’s a list of common problems these leaners face. It is by no means a comprehensive list, but should adequately shed some light on the issue.
They fall through the cracks, don’t get their needs met, waste years of their adult lives “finding themselves”
People who don’t understand 2E learners often use ignorant statements like this: “He’s just being lazy”, “She’s not trying her best”, “He doesn’t care enough about school”, “What a shame, she’s got so much potential”, “He needs to be more motivated and disciplined.”
Compensatory strategies that these kids use can mask the gifts or the legitimate learning differences/disabilities (“masking” can even lead to NOT being diagnosed)
Discrepancies between strengths and challenge areas can negatively affect how these kids are perceived
Low grades can mask true ability
Misperceived as not “gifted enough” for GT services and not “struggling enough” for SPED services, therefore do not get the support they need
Spend a ton of time and energy to process and do work as compared with peers and often get lower grades regardless of effort
Schools don’t keep up with the research on 2e and don’t train teachers adequately to serve them
These kids are often bored, they learn fast and when a school doesn’t accelerate curriculum, these kids disengage
They can be sick of things that feel like pointless busywork and refuse to do homework
They often thrive with different aged peers but are kept with same-age peers because of “grade level”
Can’t take advanced class because they are “underachieving”, causing more boredom and resistance
Pull out programs may not be adequate
Pullouts may make them feel different since they are being pulled out of class (middle schoolers hate to look different)
Sometimes kids in pullout programs still have to make up “missed” work
Sometimes there are no accommodations whatsoever, often when there has been no identification or while they are going through an RTI process that drags out
Processing information at incredibly fast speeds but output ability is incredibly slow
Not using accommodations
Accommodations not articulated meaningfully to make a difference for the student
Teachers unaware of accommodations or disregard them
Teachers not adequately trained to differentiate for all learners
2e learners feeling broken or like something is wrong with them
2e learners NOT having opportunities to build upon their strengths / too much emphasis on weaknesses (strength-based education)
Never tested at all
Overexcitabilities, sensory, emotional (see Dabrowski)
Have to “do what everyone else does” even though it isn’t working for them
Deficits can shadow gifts: often, there is a lot of emphasis on how they are NOT performing, they can’t shine,
Diagnosis – as you can imagine, these kids can be difficult to diagnose. When kids take tests, many factors can influence the results in both directions, including processing, compensation, intuition. Under-diagnosis, over-diagnosis, misdiagnosis, no diagnosis
They can learn to resent school and learning particularly after middle school begins.
May not “look” gifted
Standardized test problems
The can internalize shame and feel bad about themselves
They don’t know the value of their strengths
They don’t develop gifts/talents/strengths
They don’t feel capable
Don’t know how to advocate for themselves, how to articulate what they need
How can parents and teachers support and empower 2e learners
Use education (and life experiences) to build upon their strengths, gifts, talents, interests, passions
Don’t put too much emphasis working on weaknesses. There’s a time and a place to do this, but it should be done mindfully.
Create project based lessons based on interests, that give students ownership and choice in their learning
Use experiential learning experiences
Use authentic forms of assessment
Get rid of assessments that do not measure what we are looking for
Get rid of pointless busywork
Rethink homework all together and only give homework when there is a real purpose
Understand what the research says about the value of homework (hint: it’s not nearly as valuable as you might think and interferes with much needed family, social and play time)
Alternate product possibilities based on student choice, don’t just do tests and papers for assessment
Provide alternate options for how kids process knowledge
Support social and emotional needs
Coach EF skills, like how to chunk studying, how to use a planner, organize, etc..
Teach HOW to learn, not just what to learn
Build independence
Differentiate: Scaffold the curriculum. Accelerate curriculum to keep pace with learning. Compress curriculum,
Teach self-care
Catch em’ being good, celebrate even small successes
Provide kids with great role models, older peers who can guide them
Make sure that documented accommodations actually work! They should be carefully and thoughtfully articulated so they effectively communicate to teachers what is needed. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen accommodations that are unclear and thus meaningless. Also, the older kids get, the less their teachers know about their accommodations, so advocacy is critical.
Expose them to a diverse range of experiences to expose them to many areas where passions may develop
Plan experiences that allow them to explore their curiosities
Allow them to use their imaginations regularly to explore learning
Dynamic assessment, performance assessment
Ideas for teachers and parents they can post
Use adequate wait time. Be patient and let them process their thoughts instead of expecting quick responses.
Give honest compliments and praise… Often.
Actively listen to your children: Ask “what do you think? Why, why, why?” Really listen.
Make learning RELEVANT, meaningful, make it matter, give them experiences they care about.
Make clear expectations, in writing so it’s concrete and not abstract.
Learn to coregulate emotionally
Challenging work
Don’t focus too much on memorizing facts, worry about teaching how to think
Reconsider what “achievement” means
Educating teachers and parents about 2e
Advocacy, stick up for these kids (and all kids of course)
Do your own deep, inner work. The more you take care of you, the more you can support your child
Know your legal rights, make sure your child is properly identified and that they have effective documentation to support their needs. This may include ALPs ILPs IEPs RTI 504 Documentation (see IDEA)
Avoidance & Resistance
Another giant issue to consider is avoidance, and it deserves it’s own section here. It’s can be very difficult to help children when they seem unmotivated, when they avoid, when they are overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, withdrawn, push you away, and when they resist help. Their emotional overwhelm is so great that they have created many tools designed to avoid the perceived stress of dealing with these issues.
Be sensitive to these issues and consider a good coach or therapist to help deal with the underlying emotions so your child can learn to break through this avoidance and start to have more successes.
Executive Function
As you might have guessed, 2e kids often struggle with Executive Function. Often times, because they have trouble with “execution”, their grades do not reflect their abilities. Problems with EF/execution include problems with organization, time management, planning, prioritizing, focus, reflective thinking, emotional regulation, and more.
Processing Disorders
In my experience, processing issues cause seem to cause most of the misunderstandings. In other words, adults seem to confuse processing issues with some sort of willfulness, and this causes a lot of damage to students. When a student has trouble processing information, but the adult doesn’t know that this is going on under the surface, it can look like the student is not trying, isn’t paying attention, is being lazy, isn’t motivated, etc..
Final thoughts
When giftedness is noticed and learning differences are not, adults often blame problems on laziness, not trying, low self-esteem, unmotivated rather than noticing how the disability affects the learner. When the disability is acknowledged without noticing the giftedness, adults tend to focus on weaknesses rather than strengths.When unidentified, this is the grey area. Perhaps worst scenario of all, the most misunderstood of the 2e kids, they compensate “too well”, and the “two exceptionalities” hide one another.
Ideally, there is clarity regarding gifts and challenges so that we may design learning experiences that are appropriately challenging and supportive. Our educational culture is usually looking for easy ways to teach and measure, but kids are complex, and 2e kids are extraordinarily complex. We simply cannot rely on cookie-cutter curriculum to meet the diverse needs of these learners. There is no quick fix or magic bullet. Educating these kids requires a real investment in time and energy to creating engaging and meaningful learning experiences.
2e Newsletter is a great website/blog with tons of excellent free articles. It’s probably the best resource out there and I definitely recommend subscribing.
Parents and teachers, what’s up? I’m here to answer an important question for you. What is 2E? What is 2e? What is twice-exceptional? What is a twice-exceptional student? What is a twice-exceptional learner? What is a twice-exceptional kid? Let me start off by telling you that I am biased because my favorite students work with are twice-exceptional students. I just think they’re amazing and I think that their potential is absolutely incredible. And what I mean by that is that these are students that have some of the quirkiest, most creative, most interesting brains I’ve ever seen. I’m also biased because I happen to think that these are the kids that are going to make the most important impacts in terms of solving the world’s current and upcoming problems as they as they grow up. One of the problems that we have with kids is that they can slip through the cracks, which means that these kids with incredible potential, not only for them being able to contribute to their friends, families, and communities, but for them to be able to contribute on a global level. If these kids don’t get their needs met, if they are not seen for their strengths, if they fall through the cracks, they will not achieve their potential. Not only does that hurt them, but it quite literally affects the entire planet, in my opinion.So anyway, what is 2E or twice-exceptional. A 2e student, or a 2e learner, or a 2e kid is somebody who has two exceptionalities. In the education world, giftedness is considered an exceptionality as are learning disabilities. So a 2e student is somebody who is, on the one hand, gifted and talented and on the other hand, has some sort of learning disability or learning challenged. So you put them together and you got two exceptionalities. Now, you’re probably thinking what if there are three exceptionalities, or 4 or 5, and that is a very valid question and that is called multi exceptionality and I prefer that word because human beings are extremely complex. Anyhow, and twice-exceptional kids are even more complex. I’ll get into that in just a minute. Real quick, the terms 2e and twice-exceptional are interchangeable. They both mean the exact same thing. Maybe 3 to 5% of all students are twice-exceptional.The number one most important concept to understand when thinking about 2e or twice-exceptional kids is this concept called asynchrony. Our world, in this world of standardization and standardized tests, in the education world that so dependent on highly manufactured curriculum, in a world that’s so obsessed with collecting data in order to understand students. People don’t talk about asynchrony because we think of students as being these standardized beings that ‘should’ perform at certain levels depending on their age or grade. Don’t get me wrong, there are developmental tendencies. Most students tend to be at a certain level in Reading, Writing, Math, Science, Social Studies, Speech, Language. etc at certain grade levels. So we tend to think of students as learning and developing synchronously at predictable developmental levels. However, many students and don’t develop synchronously. They don’t meet the standards at the exact same times. They’re either above or below grade level. Very few students are at grade level in all subjects. So really most students are fairly asynchronous anyway, but one of the characteristics of gifted and talented students, I’m not talking about 2e students yet, I’m just talking about your typical gifted and talented students. One of their characteristics is that they tend to develop asynchronously, anyhow, meaning that they’re not following the standards. So if you were to look at different metrics like Math, Science, Social Studies, Reading, Writing, you can even look at metrics like social skills, emotional skills metacognitive ability, musical talents, physical talent, you can look at any metrics you choose but gifted kids tend to be more all over the place. But your typical gifted student will be above grade average in most things typically.Now, there’s a lot of nuance around types of gifted and talented students. In fact, George Betts talks about six different types, I’m not getting into that here, but typically you can think of your gifted students as being strong in multiple subject areas. Now, 2e student is what I would call ‘super asynchronous.’ They are very all over the place. They develop very asynchronously. They may be an 8th grader who is reading at college-level, writing at 3rd-grade level, maybe they’re in 10th-grade level in math, maybe there at the 6th-grade level for science. Maybe they’re extremely immature when it becomes too emotional handling things that don’t go their way, but extremely mature when it comes to having very very high-level conversations with adults about certain topics. Maybe these kids are extraordinarily off the charts talented in certain areas and their other areas were you just baffled and you’re saying “I don’t understand why this child is struggling so much in this particular thing.” So asynchrony is a key, key, key when understanding twice-exceptional kids. These kids are super asynchronous, they’re all over the place. There’s a term called neurotypical, a neurotypical is what you would consider your general typical learners. These kids that learn asynchronously, these twice-exceptional kids are neuroatypical, they don’t learn and think and feel typically, they’re all over the place. So if you’re to look at a bell curve in terms of different domains again, in terms of math science, social, emotional, etc and you were to look at it a bell curve in terms of any domain you wanted to examine, you would see that there are people in the middle of the bell curve. The outliers are where 2e kids fit. Be the very definition 2e kids are outliers or they are super outliers. They’re outliers in many different domains. How do you know if a student is twice-exceptional or not? The most important thing to know is that there’s a lot of misunderstanding around this. There’s a lot of over-diagnosis, underdiagnosis, misdiagnosis, misunderstanding, and misinterpretation. So you have to be really careful when you’re looking at these things having said, that testing is a great way to do it. You can test for various learning disabilities, you can test for giftedness, etc. A neuropsych is someone who does a wide range of testing, so neuropsychologists do really deep intense tests so that they can get a really deep understanding of all the various aspects of a student. You can also try to figure out if your student is to 2e by listing to your gut. A lot of times parents and teachers know in their gut. “Hey, there’s something going on with this kid. I think they might be twice-exceptional.” So a lot of times that’s a great way to know. You probably just know. Now, you’re looking at gifts and you’re looking at challenges, and one of the biggest problems that 2e kids face is the discrepancies between their gifts and their challenges. If you have a student this often happens, where there have really incredible verbal ability. These are the kids who can have an adult conversation about a really deep topic in the adult is just going, “Holy cow, this kid is brilliant, and then they can’t turn in their homework week after week and they’re failing four out of six classes.” The discrepancy between executive function and verbal ability is so big that adults are often baffled. They’re saying, “I don’t understand why the student is failing. It doesn’t make sense to me. I know they’re smart. I know they’re bright. So why is this happening?” And then it gets very convoluted and then we tend to think, okay well this kid must not be trying hard enough. They must not be applying themselves, they must be lazy, they must not care about school, and all these different stories that are based on misunderstanding. So that’s one of the biggest challenges with 2e kids is the discrepancy. The discrepancy can be a challenge in another way to and then that is when the disabilities outshine the abilities or the gifts and gifts are not even noticed. This can happen too and then these kids are off and put into remedial classes that may not be appropriate and etc. etc. They’re all kinds of other problems that happen with this. But the point is is that a lot of problems with these kids are because of the discrepancies and the confusion that these discrepancies cause adults.Some common disabilities will be dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, ADHD, autism, Asperger’s, speech and language issues, attention issues, executive function issues, brain injury issues, concussions, emotional disorders, depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. Now some of the gifts that they can have is that they can having a high IQ, they can be artistically gifted, they can be athletically gifted, socially gifted, incredible verbal ability, visuospatial ability, mathematically gifted, great with abstract thinking, problem-solving, they ask ridiculously weird and deep and interesting questions, they’re incredibly observant in certain strength areas. They love an intellectual challenge in their strength area. They think can be really funny and have a really deep interesting sense of humor, a really unusual sense of humor. They can remember tons of detailed very easily in certain areas and they can just crave stimulation and learning.Now, as I said before, these kids face a lot of challenges. One of the biggest challenges is that these kids can fall through the cracks. Another challenge is that these kids are often misperceived as being lazy, not caring, not trying, not working hard enough and this can cause a lot of shame. Shame is very internally damaging. These kids can have low-grade which masks their ability. Other challenges that schools often have is that they don’t understand 2e, they’re not doing training for the teachers on 2e. So these teachers don’t even know that they have 2e students in their class, and if they do they really don’t know what to do with them or don’t know enough about it. The schools are not equipped to handle that. These kids are off and bored and this causes tons of other problems. Sometimes these kids are performing well enough that they can’t get the services that they want. They’re not struggling enough, even though they desperately need services and parents see it and teachers see it but they can’t make it happen because of the bureaucracy and hoops that schools have to jump through. Sometimes pull-out programs can make them feel different. Sometimes these kids are never tested at all and nobody ever finds out that they’re 2e.There’s a term called overexciteabilities, which means that these kids can be highly sensitive. They can be sensitive with their senses, smell, touch, taste, vision, hearing but they can also be sensitive emotionally and this can be a great strength, but it can also cause a lot of problems. Their deficits can often overshadow their strengths and their strengths can often overshadow their deficits. They can be difficult to diagnose properly and accurately. These kids often aren’t aware of their strengths and their strengths are often not built upon. Oftentimes their weaknesses are so focused on that they start to feel bad about themselves. Standardized tests often don’t tell the whole picture of what’s going on with kids and these kids off and don’t even know how to advocate for themselves. They really don’t know what to say. They’re not even aware that they’re 2e or that the term even exist a lot of times. But there is a lot that you can do as parents and teachers to help support these kids. One of the things that you can do is help build upon their gifts and their talents and their passions. These are the things that they’re going to create careers out of anyhow when they get older. So the more you can build on that whether a teacher or a parent the better. Beware of how much emphasis you put on the challenges are the weaknesses. While it’s important to address these things just make sure it’s in balance. Project-based lessons for teachers are a great way to allow them to have ownership in choice, in buy-in in the assignments that they’re doing so that they can really take it and run with it in a way that’s congruent with who they are and what their strengths are. This means that you’re going to have to let go of some of the more traditional curricula and find creative ways to build these things into your classroom. Using more experiential learning helps them and also using authentic forms of assessment rather than traditional scores and grades are very important. Authentic assessments are going to give you real feedback, a real understanding of the growth and learning that they’re making rather than just giving them a letter grade or a number grade. It’s going to give you actual feedback. Being very careful to get rid of pointless busywork, things that actually are not benefiting them, learning about compacting and acceleration in terms of teaching, rethinking homework altogether, and making sure that any homework that is given really has a real purpose, a meaningful purpose for these kids. And for all kids, of course. Give these kids and all kids alternate ways of process. There’s content process and product process, the product is how you show your learning, give them other ways of showing their learning than just the typical ones the typical ways of showing learning are tests, papers, and your old school projects. Make sure to support their social-emotional needs, coach them in executive function. The biggest problem that these kids have, the biggest problem that really affects their lives and impacts them negatively is that they struggle with executive function. All 2e kids who struggle in school struggle with executive function in some way shape or form, so learn about executive function and helping coach them with executive function stuff is critical for these kids. That’s probably the number one thing I have to say about how we can support them. Teach them how to learn, not just what to learn. Make sure to teach them self care and catch ’em being good. Use the 3-1 rule, find three positives to every one perceive negative you’re going to use with them. Really find the things they’re doing well and reinforce those over and over and over and over. Don’t focus too much on what they’re not doing right, focus mostly way mostly, on what they are doing right, on their effort, not the outcome but the effort. They desperately need that. Give them great role models, older kids that can help them, or teachers that take an interest in them, or relatives that take an interest in them. Parents and teachers, be sure to document interventions that are working, accommodations that work. Keep track of these so that you can communicate these easily from year to year from the new teachers’. Exposure. Give them exposure to a wide range of things that they can learn about of experiences that they can have so that they can really try on a lot of different things to develop their strengths and interests and passions and talents. Learn to co-regulate. So learn about your own emotional regulation so that you can co-regulate and help them when they’re nervous system is out of whack so that you’re more attuned to where they’re at in their nervous system is that you can help them to regulate when they start to become dysregulated. Advocate for these kids, be the squeaky wheel when there is a need don’t stop advocating for these kids. They really need you.Now, one of the other biggest problems that these students have, the 2w kids have is resistance and avoidance. Resistance, resistance, resistance. “I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it this is stupid. This is dumb. I don’t care. I’m a failure. I’m just lazy,” whatever the story is they resist, they have stories that help them to not take actions, to not execute, to not use executive function to do things they don’t want to do, whether it’s because they think it’s pointless busywork, whether they’re just exhausted emotionally, whatever. So resistance is a huge thing to deal with. It is outside the scope of this video but I just want you to know that resistance is a huge characteristic of to 2e kids and a huge issue that you have to contend with in order to help them be successful. You want to approach it in a really positive, honest, and open way. Finally, we really need, literally, I’m not trying to be cheesy here, the world needs 2e kids. We need them to develop their strengths. They have a very very very unique perspective and approach to life, to thinking, to problem-solving. We need them to develop their strengths and their talents and their passions and their interests. We need them to feel good about who they are, as a culture, as a world we need them. But also just for themselves to have a great quality of life. To be able to self-actualize, to be able to feel happy and successful. That’s what we really want for our kids. So, I hope this video helped you, if you like it please click thumbs-up subscribe to my YouTube channel. Share this with somebody and have a great day and take some positive action for the 2e kids you know. Take care.
Please CLICK below to share.
Yep.
Here’s the deal: If you’re reading my blog, your child struggles to navigate school. His or her executive function has not yet developed the skills necessary to manage the overwhelming number of tasks that schools require in order to be “successful” academically. So keeping them in practice with routines will help in the long run.
In other words, your child struggles with things like managing homework, details, planning, time management, priorities, procrastination, organization, etc.. In a nutshell, they struggle with systems. So yes, you should use systems this summer as much as is realistic. Routines are systems.
You should do anything you can think of to help them continue to develop systems and routines. Discuss routines throughout the summer so your child gets to practice using “system words”. This will help prime the brain for the fall.
You may be thinking, “Sure, but my kid needs summer. They need a break from routines.” You’re absolutely right! They do, and you might as well. So don’t worry about being rigid or perfect. Even if your child does not follow routines strictly, the fact that they are posted (which makes them concrete) and the fact that they sometimes do them is good. It counts and it will make a difference. Just systematize the things that make sense, like chores at predictable times, posting camp schedules, bedtime routine, etc..
Again, just do your best to discuss and use routines as much as is realistically possible. It’ll pay off in the fall.
Best,
Seth
Click here to watch a more recent video on this topic.
I often get emails like the following, asking for how to find a coach:
I need an Executive Skills Coach for my child who is resistant to any help, but starting to realize that she needs it as she is about to start high school… Any recs would be much appreciated. Keep up the good work.
Topics
In this in-depth video I go over the following topics:
How to help a child who is resistant
How to pick the right coach
Ways to find a coach in the first place
Exactly how to search the internet for a coach
How to interview a potential coach to make sure it’s a fit
What NOT to do when hiring a coach
My 2 best tips for getting a coach
Enjoy, and if you know someone who is looking for an executive function or ADHD coach, please share this with them. Best — Seth
🎦 YouTube: Visit my official YouTube channel here.Subscribe, like & comment to support my work.
👉 Share: To support me, please *CLICK* at the bottom to share on FB or Pinterest.
✏️ EF101: Here’s my jumpstart course for parents and teachers.
💚 Give: Love my work and want to donate?
🙏 Thanks! — Seth
Video transcript:
Hey, good morning. This is Seth with SethPerler.com. Hope you’re doing good. I’m going to make a little video here for you on a new topic. I have an email from somebody and it says this, “I had a quick question since it appears you’re no longer here in Boulder, and now I’m in Santa Monica. I need an executive skills coach or an executive function coach for my child who is resistant to any help, but starting to realize that she needs it as she’s about to start high school. So any recommendations would be appreciated. Keep up the good work.”So how do we do this? So what I did is I made some notes here to give you some ideas for this question. So one thing is, is that I do get a lot of emails about this. I get a lot of people from all over asking me, “Do you know an executive function coach in Alaska or in Florida,” or usually will give me like a specific city and I get such interesting emails from all over, places where I have no idea where anybody is. So I’ve answered this question a lot Because I’ll email them back and I’ll say, “Well here is what I would do to look.” And there are some key concepts I wrote down, some key concepts and terms of how you can find an ADHD coach or executive function coach in your area. So the first thing I’m going to do is I’m going to address the resistant child syndrome. Okay, all kids who come to me are resistant, so I want to talk about why they’re resistant. So there are four main reasons that I have on why kids are resistant to getting this sort of help.First thing, before even tell you one of these reasons, is that I can’t help a kid who’s totally resistant to help. It’s just a waste of time. And if your child is there with somebody that they’re working with, it’s a waste of your time, it’s a waste of your energy, it’s a waste of your money. Obviously, you want to help your child. But how are you going to get them to receive the help if they’re resistant? So first of all, if they’re completely resistant it’s not going to work. So you have to find somebody who they will work with, or you have to get the door cracked just that much and I’ll explain a little bit about how to do that. Now what happens with me is I get a lot of parents who will contact me and let’s say, We want to go ahead and work with you or we want to explore working with you, we want to set up the meet and greet.” So what I do is I do something called a 30-minute meet and greet, and usually last 45 minutes to an hour, but it’s basically a time when I get to meet the family, so I get to meet the parents and child and the child gets to know me personally. And when the parents says, “Well what if my kid won’t even come to the meet and greet ?” Here is what I always say. If you’re a coach or therapist or tutor watching this feel free to steal this idea because it’s really important that the child feels emotionally safe to come meet me. So what I do when the parent says “Well what my kid doesn’t even want to meet you.” What I say is “Look, tell them that it’s 5 minutes, literally 5 minutes. If after 5 minutes after they meet me if they hate me, tell them they can go. And I mean that when I say that to parents, like if they really don’t resonate with me fine, but the child needs to feel like there’s an escape. They need to feel emotionally safe. They don’t know me. They don’t know a tutor. They don’t know a therapist. They don’t know a doctor. They don’t know a psychiatrist. This is scary when they’re told, when the child feels like ‘something is wrong with me and I’m going to this person to be fixed and I’m broken,’ like that’s not the case, but that’s often how the child will feel. So they need to feel emotionally safe that they can escape the situation. So you as the parent needs to say, “Look let’s just meet him. (whoever the person you’re looking at is). Let’s just meet this person for 5 minutes. If you don’t like them, I promise you we will leave. But you as a parent have to actually leave if it’s not resonating. And you’ll be able to tell right away if it’s resonating or not. The resistance comes because they don’t want to commit to something that feels bad to them.
So another reason, and that that is another of the reasons why they are resistant, is because they have had a lot of bad associations. So they have had associations with tutors, therapists, pullout programs, school programs, things where they felt bad about who they are, about that they can’t fit in the box, that they’re supposed to change how they are, that they can’t do it well enough, that they can’t do it fast enough. So they had to have these associations and associations in their head that they’re different. They don’t want to be pulled out of class. They don’t want to look different to their friends, in front of their friends. They don’t want to look different by being the ‘dumb kid’ or the kid that goes to the tutor, and they’re not. But they don’t, all they focus on is they don’t want to feel different. They don’t want to feel like they stand out like something’s wrong with him.
Okay, so and then the next one is the next reason that their resistant is because oftentimes it’s abstract them. So when I do the meet-and-greet with that allows me to do is look at a kid and say, “Look, here’s how it works. Here’s what we would do. Here’s exactly how many days, here’s how many hours, here is what it would feel like.” Meanwhile, they get to know what it’s going to feel like because they’re interacting with me and it and I do not make my kids feel stressed. I really work on focusing on their strengths and what’s going right with them and what I see, and then I give them a lot of ownership and say, “How do you want to improve, what are your goals?” So that ownership helps a lot.
So with the resistance, there are four key points to the resistance. If they are resistant to getting help, (1) I can’t help someone who’s 100% resistant, (2) the meet and greet really helps and telling them just give it five minutes and see how it feels, (3) they have a lot of bad associations with how they feel bad about themselves or how they feel different with experiences that they’ve had so they’re projecting those experiences on to whoever you’re trying to get them to work with, (4) that it’s abstract. They don’t know what ‘help’ means and so they need concrete. They need to know what help means, and that’s again where a meet and greet can help. But if the person who you’re seeing doesn’t do a meet and greet, you can look at their site and figure out more concrete ways in terms of how they work or you can do a call with them to find out.
Next, how do you pick a coach? So I have a few different ways to how you pick a coach, three main ways: (1) Who are you going to ask to find the coach locally? (2) How are you going to search for a coach if you’re searching on Google? (3) And how do you interview the coach? So these are all about how do you pick a coach? So if you’re looking for a coach, who you going to ask.
One, there are people called Educational Consultants and they will help you often know how to find treatment centers, boarding schools, but they can also help you to find local coaches. There are often very connected, their fingers are on the pulse of what’s going on in your area.
Two, Facebook groups in your area that have to do with education, or there a lot of massive like ADHD groups. So a lot of times you can find executive function coaches through an ADHD group or an Autism group, and even if it’s not in your area you can find Facebook groups that can help you get directed to the place you’re trying to go.
Three, ask your friends, ask people that you know who you know, because you might find a real gem just through asking friends who are not called an ‘executive function coach’ or whatever you’re specifically looking for. So ask your friends. Three, ask your doctor. Four, ask therapists, local therapists or therapists that you know, or a therapist that you’re seeing or psychiatrist or psychologist, but also neuropsychs. Neuropsychs in particular do a really wide range of testing, so they do a lot of testing and then they refer people out. So you might get a neuropsych test for your child, those can cost $2,000 – $3,000 for thorough extensive testing if that’s needed. But neuropsychs are very connected with coaches in your area and they refer out a lot. So those are who you’re going to ask if you’re trying to find a good coach.
Next, how are you going to search for a coach online? Well you’re going to search for ‘executive function coach,’ although there isn’t a lot you can search for. You can search for an ‘educational therapist.’ They may be good for what your child’s going through. You can search for an ADD coach or you can search for an ADHD coach. So do both Google searches, ADHD coach in your city, and ADD coach in your city. You can search for tutors. Now, there are some people who are tutors who are exceptional with organizational and study skill stuff. So I have one in Colorado, Jenna Bee, and she doesn’t call herself a tutor or an SAT coach or really anything, but she is an incredibly gifted and talented person working when working with these kids. So I’ll refer to her a lot, but parents don’t even necessarily know what to call her because she doesn’t have a title like that, but she’s amazing. So don’t worry too much about the title. But back to what you’re going to search for, search for the word tutors in your area, and you can also search for an online coach. So some kids, I do Skype coaching with some of my students. Now that comes back to the resistance question. If a kid is really resistant, online is not good. But if the doors open, then you can find an online coach. Now, there’s one that I know of that somebody recently mentioned to me, her name is Gretchen Wegner and I think she’s the Anti-boring Coach is what she calls herself. I don’t know her so I’m not referring her, but I looked at her site recently. I think she’s doing some cool stuff. So somebody like her, you can check her out. Gretchen, hi, I don’t know if you’re watching this but shout out to Gretchen, whoever that is, because she’s done some interesting stuff and she does a lot of online stuff so that can be a good one for you.
Okay, that is how do you search to find the person. More or less Google search. So first I talk about picking a coach, who to ask, how to search. Next, how do you interview a coach? Okay. So basically what I do is a meet and greet, and I wish more coaches, doctors, therapists would do a meet-and-greet because there’s no commitment. They can just get to know you. So I do a free meet-and-greet, but basically you want to interview them to see if it’s a match. Okay, the number one most important thing. Number one, when your child is working with someone, is to see if there’s rapport. If the person who your child is working with knows how to develop good rapport with your child and your child feels like they’re having a good relationship with them, like they feel good around them, like they joke around together and stuff like that. That’s number one to me because if your child trusts the person and has fun with a person feels good about himself with the coach that you’re going to set them up with, then that coach can help them soar. Okay, if your child is resistant because they don’t resonate with that person, I’m going to tell you most likely unless the person could build that relationship, most likely it’s going to be a waste of your time, energy, and money. So number one when you interview someone is to see if there’s rapport with your kid. You want your kid to meet them. Don’t just do the interview yourself, you want your kid to get on the phone or get on Skype with them or in person with the meat and greet, which I think is the best way because it’s in person, but you want to see if there’s rapport there.
You also want to make sure that the coach that you’re working with is very honest. So for example, if I’m working with a family and it’s not working, I will tell them. Or if they’re not resonating with the kid, I will tell them, “Don’t use me, go to such-and-such.” I refer out like crazy. I am not the person for everybody and I don’t want to be. I want to work with people who I really resonate with, for myself too, like I like to work with people who I resonate with, I don’t like to work with kids who I don’t resonate with. So you want a coach who is going to be honest with you and who’s going to tell you, “I’m not the person for you.” Okay, if that’s the case, and that’s not just about getting more clients but a coach that’s about getting you the help you need. So you want to look for that when you interview coach, you want to get that vibe from them that they’re not just about the money, that they’re about helping you first and foremost.
And you want someone who offers what you need. Now, I do a very robust offering of services. So I do school visits, RTI, 504, IEP meetings, I email teachers personally. I help kids make their own advocacy emails. I have parents learn how to write advocacy email so that they can email teachers in an effective way that’s going to get a response. I will contact school counselors, administrators. I do one-to-ones with my kids, I do groups with kids, I do parent sessions, I do parent coaching. So I charge by the semester. So basically I say “give me this much money for the semester and I’ll take care of anything and everything that possibly comes up.” Now, that’s how I work. Now, whoever you work with you just want to make sure that they’re going to cover the bases that you need. If you have a freak out on a Saturday morning and you really need to talk to that coach and get some tips on your child. And you know that that happens sometimes, you want a coach that has that kind of flexibility that they can get back with you in a reasonable amount of time. Some coaches are 50 minutes once a week, to me that absolutely doesn’t work. I text my kids, I call my kids, I email my kids. I’m in contact with them. Some of them need tons of support like that, some don’t, the idea that they’re going to need less and less and less and less support. But when you go to somebody who just has a very fixed time and it’s very rigid, that doesn’t work for a lot of outside the box kids. But if they feel like they offer what you need, trust them
So to find a good coach interview them, just make sure that they are meeting the needs. I guess the things again that I would be saying is do they do one-on-one, do they do group (my group is very powerful, the kids feel like they’re part of something and they don’t feel like outcasts in this group because everybody is struggling in the group). And it’s fun. Do they do one-on-one, do they do group, do they do home visits? I do home visits which I think are very important because I have to see where they’re studying and make sure that that environment is conducive to them being able to focus. Are they doing home visits? Are they doing in school visits when you need it? Are they available when you’re having times when you really need to contact them and need help? So just see about those things.
Some of the things not to do when you’re finding a coach is, do not believe that any system will work. Just because the coach says I do the XYZ system, this is my thing, and here’s how it work. If your gut doesn’t resonate with that system, you better trust your gut. So number (1) Don’t just believe any system works just because it’s a pretty fancy system wrapped up in a nice package. You should be skeptical. (2) listen to your gut. If your gut feeling says “I’m not sure about this person,” don’t hire them. (3) Don’t look for professionalism. This is what I’m wearing today, when I’m working with my kids I try to look cool so that I can relate to the kids. Now, that’s me. I’m not saying that people who dress in suits and dress really quote professionally aren’t going to help your kid. But don’t pick them because of that. Ultimately you want someone who can build that rapport with your child. So and if you walk into an office and it looks really pretty and really sterile and really perfect, imagine how your child’s going to feel. It feels very clinical. My office has skateboards and games and posters and rock and roll and stuff that I want. I want my kids to feel comfortable in my space. Again, I’m not saying that the other type is wrong, but be aware. Don’t just look on the surface, really look beyond that. So if you find a coach and they look like they’re ADD and how are they going to help your kid, but they relate to your kid and they can help your kid move forward. That’s all you care about you. You do not need to worry about how it looks on the outside. Okay, don’t judge a book by its cover. So really look for it again that rapport.
And then next, don’t get someone that your kid hates. So if you think they’re amazing, but your kid doesn’t like them, don’t do it. It’s not going to work. Next is the cost. Cost is very weird in this whole industry. And you got to look, do they charge for an hour, do they charge by semester? Do they charge by a program that’s a month-long or whatever, don’t judge it too much by the cost. What you want to do is you want to walk out of there saying to yourself, “Is this going to help my child’s future” and that’s what the cost is really covering. If you believe that it’s going to help then it doesn’t matter how much it costs. If you don’t believe it’s going to help then don’t pay for it. But the costs are going to be weird, people pick costs in different ways. And the person who you’re working with has put a lot of intention behind designing their cost and they’re trying to cover their costs for the business and make a living and help you. So don’t get too skeptical about it. You can definitely question them on it. And you want to be clear on what does it include, and you don’t really want to be upsold or feel like anything weird is going on. But you want to come out of feeling like okay, “I believe I’m going to pay this much money and this should help my kid get a better life,” and if that’s the case then whatever cost, pay it because it will also save you money in the future because you won’t be doing as many tutors and you won’t be doing blah blah blah. It’ll save you emotions, all kinds of things. So if the person resonates then it’s good.
I want to come back and I want to review the two biggest tips from this whole, I don’t even know how long I’ve been talking, 18 minutes, on how to take a coach. Two best tips, number one (1) if that person can build rapport with your child. That’s the most important thing in the world. If they can build rapport with your child and push your child past their comfort zone. So what I try to do is push my kids past their comfort zone but not past their threshold. So they will not grow if I can’t push them past their comfort zone. Just like when you’re working out you have to get past your comfort zone. But if you push it past the threshold when you’re working out too much, you’re not going to be able to work out at all for the next several days. So there’s a fine balance there, but you want someone who can build rapport with your child and who can push them beyond their comfort zone but not past their threshold. That’s one of the two most important tips. And the second most important if I think this whole thing is (2) if your child is resistant, then tell them, “Cool you can be resistant as you want. Just give him five minutes. Okay, just give the person 5 minutes. That’s all I ask. If you hate him we’ll leave, I promise,” and then you got to keep that promise. Alright, I hope you have an awesome day.
Most of the struggling students I work with come to me with no realistic idea of how to “study”. They simply don’t spend enough time or energy on studying and the quality/type of studying is ineffective. For example, many of these kids think that studying means rereading notes a bunch of times, but this is usually unengaging, inefficient and unproductive.
One solution
Literally one of the very best ways to learn is to teach what you’re trying to master. Since it’s time for finals, this is the perfect time to use this strategy, and although it sounds simple, it’s probably my favorite and most powerful study tip of all.
Here’s how simple it can be
Student organizes a “study party”. Invite a few friends over, preferably some very strong students because they help the group stay more focused and bring lots of great study strategies to the table.
Tell everyone to bring food to share.
Plan to have a very large block of time, like 12pm-5pm on a Sunday. (Of course, planning multiple days is better). Since it’s a large block of time, there is plenty of time for getting off task, eating, joking around. This is meant to be a relaxed session, NOT intense. You might be surprised at how well studying works when kids have fun working together like this.
Definitely remove distractions, like noisy siblings, tv, games, etc..
At the beginning of the meeting, make a plan for this study session by asking the group, “So what should we do to get the most out of this? What’s the plan here?”
Start to study; test each other, discuss concepts, dive into the notes, look things up in the books, google it, etc.. That’s it! By doing these things you are teaching what you’re trying to master.
Why it works
It’s fun and emotionally engaging. We learn better when emotions are engaged.
It’s low stress. We learn better when our nervous systems are calm. This allows our PFCs, the part of our brain that is needed for complex thought, to function optimally.
These students get to learn alternative study strategies just by seeing how others study.
Students also get to see how others use strategies and tricks to stay focused.
Teaching each other forces students to articulate concepts more carefully, engages discussions to clarify thoughts, and helps us communicate metaphorically as we try to explain things. This is all high level thinking!
It allows for creative ideas for remembering and integrating course content.
Unfortunately
Getting students to implement this is another story. Many students have excuses for not trying. They say, “I don’t have anyone I know in that class”, “My friends wouldn’t want to do that”, etc.. Or they say, “Sure, that sounds good” but don’t have the executive function to carry it out. But when my students do try this, it’s a real game changer, and the further they go in their educational careers, the more powerful this strategy becomes. So if your child is resistant, just keep encouraging them to try it, try to help them chunk the planning down into manageable pieces, and try to give them ownership in the process so they have more buy-in.
Good luck!
Seth
Please share YOUR thoughts about the #1 study tip! Thanks, Seth
If you like this, please *CLICK* below to share on your FB! Thanks
If your child is struggling to finish the semester, here’s a simple and straightforward video for you. It’s based on how I am helping my clients right now, so it works.
How it works: It doesn’t matter if your child in in 5th grade or college, just watch the video, print this and use what feels right.
Tell your child that you’re going to have a heart to heart about school. Tell them what time you will have it. The point is to give them time to mentally prepare, so maybe something like this, “Hey, we need to talk. I’m not mad, but I need to be honest with you and need you to be honest with me. It’s 3:00 right now, and we’re going to talk at 4:30. I love you and care about you.” Whatever words you choose, keep it light and positive and smile a bit 🙂
Check the online grades, make a list of anything relevant, like missing assignments, upcoming projects, exams, papers, etc..
Start with a positive.
Ask, “What’s going on?”
Emotionally safety & wait time. Create an emotionally safe bubble where you are listening and coregulating a calm nervous system. 3 Long pauses or them to process.
Ownership: What do YOU want this semester?
More ownership: What do you need to do that?
Even more ownership: What gets in the way of that? What’s blocking you?
Buy-in: How can I help? Wait.
Tell me more? More wait time.
I have to be honest with you… NOW you can tell them your truth. Stay regulated.
I made you a list, do you want it? If no, say, “I’ll leave it in the kitchen if you want it”.
No matter what, I love you, care about you, support you, etc..
Good luck and let me know how it goes,
Seth
Like my work? Please *SHARE*
